hello i'm a fool

Ah yes. Hello.

Umm...

I've been drawing. I hate all of it. Yes. Art is frustrating.

For this 3 day weekend from school, I decided to just go and. Start watching a lot of shows.

And then on Tuesday, school will be back and I won't have as much time to watch all of the shows.

Ah. Logic.

Anyway. I'm bored. As always.

Yes.

Yesterday I was thinking of writing a new chapter of that story that's like what 2 years old now.

I found out I always wrote a chapter on MLK weekend. Wow, what a lame fact.

I kinda still want to.

But I don't at the same time.

Haha wow guys, Cutepups is so problematic.

Yes.

I've been listening to these same four songs for the past few days.

Hahahahaaaaaa. Heck.

I have plenty of ideas for poems to write. But I don't know how to put it into words. I'm afraid I'll ruin it like the rest of the art I've attempted to create so far this year. Which I find awful.

Well besides that, I find nothing interesting.

Life's just life now. Long stretch of school. Then a short break. Then another long stretch of school. Then there's summer. And yeah. Life is boring, I'm boring, sudden feelings of emptiness are quite dreadful.

I'm thinking of just changing the name of this blog. But, uh, to what? I don't know.

I also don't know why I opened up the Blogger app on my phone and started typing this bad post.

Oh, I figured something out. Ok lol please clap.

Call me Blue the Fool.

Bored
Lonely
Uninteresting
Evil

Huh, that actually came out.

Evil because I'm bored, lonely, and uninteresting and want attention and comments but I take forever to publish, read, and answer.

Haha. Yeah.

Feelings? That's wild.

Oh, that's right. I never rambled on about my trip.

Shh, I might have tripped over my pets. However, I mean the cruise I was on a few weeks ago that I miss a lot because it's the only place that has lots of fun things to do nearby and I still have dreams about it which sucks.

I'll list where I went because I don't care about myself as well as I should be.

*winks* ;^)

- FL, FL (yes true)
- Nassau (aka the Bahamas)
- St. Thomas
- St. Maarten / St. Martin
- St. Kitts
- Puerto Rico
- Haiti (well the cruise ship's island near there I guess)
- FL, FL (yes true again)

And then the summer-in-winter fantasy was over for Cutepups and her family.

At the end of the first week back, it already felt like winter break was over a month ago. Essays and tests piled onto the students' backs. Because school. Haha school. Everyone was miserable. The end.

Uh, this might be interesting? I dunno. Well, my dad wanted me to drive to this Russian grocery store today. Because there's apparently one near us now. So we went there. It was different. Nice. The only somewhat interesting thing that happened the whole day, not including how I started watching a few anime and shows on Netflix.

My life is boring and lonely lol.

But for real though. I'm thinking of changing the blog name, writing another chapter, and waiting for life to be enjoyable again.

:)

Now have this photo of Thelma sleeping on a bed.

:) :) :)

Friday the 13th

Is today.

Wow.

I'm lonely but too sad and scared to talk to anyone.

:/ :/ :/ :/

I feel like I'm ruining my life again. My grades are slipping. Man, I'm so stupid.

Such a fool.

I can't even write good essays this year.

Rotting is fine.

Freaking anxiety.

I'm thinking of going on Netflix or drawing some terrible art because I'm very bored and there's nothing better to do.

It never ends lol.

..........

my apologies

Hello. 

I just want to inform you all of some things. 

And, before I begin, yes. This is probably gonna be published at 8 something. And yes, I'm very tired right now. I'm always tired when I post something. 

So, um, sorry.

I removed the Daily Puppy gadget. It stopped updating. I don't want to keep a gadget called "Cute Pup of the Day" if a new puppy doesn't show up every day. It's pointless to keep it then. 

I found this other puppy gadget on Blogger, but I don't like how it looks. The picture of the puppies are smaller, they change the puppies too often, and it also comes with ads. Yeah, no thanks. 

Well, that was bad. The time I put the Daily Puppy back, it stops updating. Haha wow. 

There's another thing too. Sorry everyone.

If I'm only going to post positive things and no negativity (*cough* vents *cough*), then I won't be able to post daily. Then I will be making lots of small breaks on here.

It's bad to be negative. I'm sorry I can't stop. I'm so neurotic. I don't believe cute little positivity things I see on the internet that easily. I pretend to. It doesn't really work though. Websites help more though. 

This week has been so long. Tomorrow's Friday. Half day. No school on Monday. Field trip on Wednesday. Whatever.

I'm not happy right now. I don't know how to make a happy post when I'm not.

Here's a list of good things in life: 

- dogs

- puppies

- cats

- kittens

- baby animals

- stuffed animals

- sky during sunrise

- sky during sunset 

Yes, I'm such a child. Not at all like a normal stereotypical female teen. Better kill me now. 

Oh and dream update. They still suck. I hate them. They're good but I hate them.

They're way too realistic and deep. 

So many about school and school related things. I hate this.

I also had one about a family member I still miss a lot. Gee thanks brain. 

I bet my dreams just want to remind me about how stressed and lonely I am. Damn it.  

My mom and sister like to intentionally make me feel bad. I'm so annoyed at them. Then, bam, point out all my flaws and blame so much on me. 

My dad only talks to me about the SAT or college. 

I'm so lonely, but I never talk decently enough. 

I get scared and sad too easily. 

I'm not even doing the bare minimum in life. 

Support people? Who? Where? How? 

I can't even talk to them about my lack of friends. They already have blamed it on me. It's always my fault, right? 

Haha, I feel like crap again.

Oh and I love being ignored. So fun. Gotta love it. 

It's fun hearing someone say they treat any B grade (80-89) like a fail grade. So much fun. That person's smarter. Ok. Got it. Everyone I know is. Ok. Got it.

And it's fantastic hearing people laugh and excitedly say they're lonely and are gonna be forever alone. But, here's the catch, the people who say this are always around their friends. And they say they have nobody. Haha, oh man. Gotta love people. So much. Hate.

It's even more fun hearing them say they have anxiety attacks and cry themselves to sleep each night. And they say it all like a big joke. 

Mmhm. So much. Fun! I can't stand it! 

I constantly get told by my family that I won't have a good life and future because I have troubles socializing with people (including my own family, yes). 

Better die then? That's what I see them hinting at. 

There are good things in life. I know that. But if I can't even do the bare requirement of talking to other people, how the hell am I supposed to be able to do all those good things? Yeah, what then? 

I'm talking about when I'm an adult. Which is in less than 2 years.

Yeah. You're all probably better than most people I have to be around on a daily basis. 

Well, I don't know for sure. 

Sorry for breaking the positive streak. 

Bye.

changing

(I don't know what to title this, so. Thanks for clicking anyway.)

So. Hey guys (girls, nonbinary pals ;>). Welcome to this lovely little post.

I just realized that it's raining. Great, it's gonna be so wet out tomorrow morning. Ugh.

I registered to take the SAT for real. Man, were there a lot of steps.

So now that's over with. No more lecturing me about registering for the SAT. Yay, no more.

Now it's onto where to go to for summer vacation. Which states to visit for colleges. It's my turn now. Oh boy.

Yeah anyway.

Is the Daily Puppy not updating for anyone else? Or just me? The puppies aren't changing for me. I'm disappointed. I want more puppies to be the Cute Pup of the Day.

And now onto the title. Changing. Huh?

Well, I like to think that's what this blog is all about. It keeps on changing. From when I started to where I am now, the blog changed a lot. I changed a whole lot.

It's pretty wild. Looking at myself on this blog in 2014 is so weird. Like honestly I sometimes can't believe that used to me. I used to be that way.

Learning. Growing. Changing. That's what life is. Lifelong actions.

Well, a goal of mine for this new year of 2017 is, to be summarized in one word, progress.

The past is in the past. It can't be altered or removed. It happened, it happened. Reclaiming it back is impossible. Sometimes, especially for me, realizing that is painful. But staying in the past instead of moving forward gets to be more painful than moving on.

I like to think that as previous years. And right now, especially 2015 and 2016. Went down a lot in those years. Many bad times. Just plain awful, man. Do not recommend.

For 2017 instead of continuing the circle and going backward, my goal this year is to break free of that circle and go forward.

Hope. That's the only way I think I'll be able to start achieving that.

Negativity. Self-destructive mindset. Typing out things that only make me feel worse.

What's the point in that? I don't like hurting. It's hard to live that way.

I still definitely have ways to go. I still have high levels of neuroticism. Bad things are still there. I'm just trying to not make them directly on the surface anymore.

I want to try new posting ideas this year. Positivity. Be helpful. Be a bright and kind person.

It's already making me feel a little better.

Yeah. 2017. The year of self-improvement. How long will I stay true to my word? With all the stresses of 2017 for me, I'm not sure how it'll last.

I also just recently watched this mental health video. And it opened my eyes. Geez. I relate, unfortunately.

Dreaming, sleeping.. connected to that? Like yeah, I remember certain parts of my dreams last night throughout the entire day. I feel like my dreams are pretty long. I don't actually feel well-rested for the entire time I'm supposedly sleeping. I suddenly wake up at random times in the middle of the night. I'm not still. And that can actually mean something? That's wild.

I should probably try and sleep now.

Bye now. ☆

cold day

Hey. It's cold. Single digits. Cold.

Um. I'm typing this under my blankets. I feel warm now.

Anyway. Hope you're enjoying seeing the puppies. They're all cuties.

Um. Ok.

For 2017 I'm trying to be more positive and feel less toxic in my posts.

That's good, right?

But that doesn't mean I believe every positive thing is true. I don't know if they are. I'm hoping they're true.

I still can't stand myself.

I just. Why. Ever like. Why.

To people outside the family, I don't even talk anymore. I mean I do. But like. In a friend type of way. Not as much.

I hate having little to no social skills.
I want to talk to people again. But it's been a while. And I'm scared to now.

I miss talking to some people.

I hate how everyone irl is outgoing and hangs out with their friends at least once a week.

I hate how I'm different.

I want to. But I can't.

I'm so lonely compared to everyone else I know irl.

It sucks.

Staying home on weekends with no friends to go to.

Being insulted for not being social.

It all sucks.

I don't even trust people that much to allow myself to have another close friend again.

Same old story of things moving on and going away.

Life is so boring.

Same old, same old.

Every day is a slight variation of each other.

This is life, I guess.

Gotta deal with it.

Somehow.

Daily Pup has returned here

Hello.

I went on AJ, but I couldn't get the 2017 banner yet again.

Instead, have these items for Precious to showcase.

Thanks Precious.

Anyway, I put the Daily Pup gadget back on the blog. (If you don't know, I used to have it on in 2014 and 15.)

It's called Cute Pup of the Day now.

I won't be talking about the puppies officially in my posts. They'll just be on the gadget. You can just go to the side of the blog and look at them yourself.

Yay for puppies! :)

In other news, it's been snowing all day yesterday. Now there is snow. It is cold. Not as cold as other places. Still cold though.

Last week I was at beaches. And now look at this. There's snow. Wow.

My nose hurts and at times it's kinda hard to breathe.

Heck.

Bye for now. 

good music today, i love

Hello, it's Friday!

I went on AJ. I was bored now that the Jamaalidays are over. The New Year's party wasn't on. I wanted to get the 2017 banner but couldn't. Oh no, what a shame.

So I just took pictures of pets I created.

Gummybear the pet polar bear.

Mistyfrost the pet arctic fox.

Aww :3

Anyway, know what made my day? 

New songs came out today from two singers I really like. So that was cool. I keep on replaying the new songs. (Ed Sheeran and Starset)

2017 should be the year of good music. Please. That would be great.

Oh, almost forgot. Nonmembers can no longer create masterpieces. AJ, how dare you. It was just a December thing? Why?

Oh well.

Want to know something that made me shook (I'm shook is a saying, shh)? Well, my family and I were at an airport a few days ago to come back home to the actual winter season (it even snowed today). I walked into my house and saw the TV. The news was talking about a shooting that happened at the airport we were just at.

Oh wow. Oh my. 

Bye for now. <3