*A new chapter has arrived!*
*Warning: violence, body horror, abuses*
*I mean it this time. There is sensitive content in this chapter.*
*You have been warned. Hope you enjoy the first chapter of true pain. ... I mean Chapter 75!*
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TAUREL
There he is. We actually found him. It's the second Fierdan, the Duke Fierdan, in the flesh. He doesn't know it yet, but he is slowly surrendering himself over to me. He's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful boy! Come closer, Duke Fierdan. The hour of death is nigh.
Then he stops walking. He has to be less than ten feet away from me. This is perfect. Just seeing his face makes me crave broken skin and bones. But most of all, his blood. The Duke Fierdan's precious blood.
Suddenly, the silence my brain has imagined breaks. The sound of a foot stepping on a leaf on the ground can be so loud. It's the very sound of crushing the little life in something; changing the living into the dead. He was the one who stepped on the leaf. I'm not surprised. Fierdan was a killer, after all.
My lips curve upward. "Ah, we finally meet. I am Taurel, the One-Pawed Savior. I've wanted to meet you for a long time now, Duke."
The faint breeze makes it look like the ends of his hair are bouncing against his neck. I wasn't expecting his hair to look so much like Fierdan's. When I looked at Sparkle's photos of Duke, he had much shorter and lighter colored hair. But when I look at him now, his hair is completely dark brown and nearly reaches the bottom of his neck.
His eyes narrow. "I came here because I know exactly who you are. We met before, Taurel, don't you remember?" I watch his lips turn into a thin grin. "I was there too, you know. I saw Calliah beat you and your partner up. She's a pain, isn't she? My mother?"
The top row of my teeth grazes against the bottom row of teeth. The memory of that unfortunate day agitates me. It wasn't meant to end that way. This time, however, Calliah isn't here.
Before I can say anything out loud, I hear a girl's voice calling out his name.
Looks like we have company. This time is different though, Duke. Even if you have others at your side, nothing will keep you away from me. I've worked hard enough already, so I can't afford to lose you again. Duke Fierdan, you will be mine and fall under the control of a new righteous leader. And his name is Taurel, the One-Pawed Savior.
And to you, my father. I'm doing all of this for you. You've been researching Fierdan all your life till your last dying breath. I want answers just as much as you do.
I dedicate my work to you. I know this is what you would have wanted.
Fierdan killed your sister. She was just a little girl. She didn't deserve to die. She deserved to live.
I will avenge both of your deaths. I will right the wrong in this second generation of continued corruption.
I promise.
DAWN
I slow down my pace when I can assume that they are both able to see me. Before I can repeat his name, he looks me in the eye despite the amount of distance between us.
"Dawn," he breathes with leftover bitterness from before in his voice, "what are you doing here?"
I immediately let out an aggravated sigh. "What am I doing? I'm saving you from unnecessary trouble! Taurel is too dangerous for you to be around alone. I thought you knew that!"
Duke spits on the ground and looks at me angrily. "I don't need your stupid help. I'm fine on my own."
"Taurel wants to--" I start but get interrupted.
He isn't much taller than Duke, but he looks more muscular. His hair is also a dark brown, but in a shade that isn't as dark as Duke or Fierdan's. His eyes narrow as they meet mine. They're a deep dark blue. And of course, there is his left arm that ends at his wrist and is covered in bandages. This is none other than Taurel.
He stares at me and says thoughtfully, "You must be the Dawn I've heard about. You're such a gorgeous little thing. May I ask why you're here interrupting this fine conversation between Duke and me?"
I hesitate before saying, "That's right. I'm Dawn. Now excuse me, but this boy doesn't belong to you."
It takes me a few extra seconds to notice that Taurel yanked on part of Duke's shirt collar. I blink my eyes and see Taurel wrap his right arm around Duke's upper back.
Taurel shows his fangs. "I'm sorry, miss, but he's mine now. If you let me go easily, you won't have to pay any consequences."
While forming both my paws into fists, I growl, "Like hell I'd let you take him away so easily. He is too important for me to give up."
"So you want a fight? Oh, I'll give you a fight."
I smirk before Taurel can say another word. Concentrating on the area of land Taurel is standing on, I stare at it until my eyes flash green for a brief moment.
Then just like that, the land beneath his feet crumbles. When he moved out of the way in shock, his grip on Duke loosened. Duke's right fist smashes into the palm of his left paw.
"A fight it is then," he says. "Let's fight."
When Taurel tries to grab Duke, he stumbles as Duke exposes his orange flames in the shape of wings.
Duke's voice sounds scary. "I heard you wanted to save Jamaa from me. Clearly I'm the one destroying Jamaa, huh. Yet I hear of phantoms terrorizing ordinary citizens every day in central territory. Now I suggest you to get out of our way because we're the only ones who can destroy the phantoms. You call yourself a savior, Taurel? Oh please. Go burn in hell."
When Duke says "burn" I watch him as tiny orange flames erupt from various places on his body. His paws and forearms get covered in the flames. His eyes are the same color as his wings.
"Bring it on, reynard."
But when I hear Taurel speak, he sounds far scarier than Duke.
"Things could have gone peacefully. Don't blame me when I force you to pay the consequences. Don't say I didn't warn you. Oh and Duke, you will belong to me soon enough. Stop fighting against it, I am stronger than you'll ever be."
From above, Duke just smirks at Taurel.
Taurel stares up at him. "I knew you would make things harder for yourselves. I prepared for that. This time, it's my win and your loss."
Duke laughs. "The battle hardly begun. Who are you to say you won and I lost?"
That's when I see Duke's eyes return to normal. My eyes widen. We hear a girl's voice.
"I believe that would be me."
DUKE
Out of all the shocking things that happened in the past twenty-four hours, learning that she was also here was the most brutal blow. How long was she here? Does she work for Taurel? But why?
When school was still open, I considered Sparkle to be my friend alongside Finny. The three of us hung out between classes all the time. Many people believed that we were dating, but each of us had to inform whoever asked that we were cousins.
I was close to Sparkle while we were in school because she was the first person I knew. When I was younger and constantly hated on by my mother, I went to a different school. I was never good at making new friends. Finny was the only exception. Finny was open and accepting towards me. At least that's what I thought. Not until he started dating one of Sparkle's friends, Admiral. That changed the both of us.
Sparkle and I lived in the same house. On the rare times that I wasn't staying after school because of detention, we would walk home together. Home as in Sparkle's; their house wasn't my true home. That's a reason why I left their home and headed for the Tall Tower's roof. I could finally feel free for those precious few hours each day.
Even though Sparkle is my cousin on my father's side of the family, I saw her as my sister at times. We used to be that close.
"Duke!" I hear Dawn say, nudging me on the right side of my ribs. I must have gotten so distracted that I made my wings vanish.
I push her away from me. I look at my feet and sigh.
This can't be happening. Leave me alone, Soulless. Stop screwing me over.
I rub my eyes before looking up. When I do, I realize this can't possibly be a dream or hallucination. She really is here. Knowing that's the truth hurts the most.
Feeling like I'm still in some kind of daze, I look at her and whisper her name, "Sparkle."
She replies with my name. There's no hint of surprise in her voice. Was she expecting me? Did she know I would come here? I wish I knew.
"What are you doing here?" I ask her, staring at her red-pink hair.
I didn't expect Dawn to answer, but she still does. "Leave her. She believes that she can save you from your true identity."
"It's not his true identity!" Sparkle retorts. "He got contaminated! If you let Taurel and the rest of us take him, we can save him from Fier--"
Dawn laughs. "Save him? Save Duke from what? Himself? He is related to Fierdan."
I silently watch the conversation unfold around me. What could I possibly say? I bite my lip as I watch Sparkle's cheeks redden.
"Stop saying that!" Sparkle faces me, the look in her eyes drenching in desperation. "Go on, Duke. Tell her what she's saying isn't true. It can't be! Risak is wrong. I can save you. Taurel will help me save you. We'll wipe away the Fierdan contamination from you."
This time, Dawn doesn't immediately say something back. I embrace the silence before speaking up.
"You won't be able to save me from Fierdan. I'm sorry, Sparkle, but if you believe that, then you wouldn't ever stop torturing the supposed contamination from inside me."
"Torture? What are you talking about?"
Sparkle, you are so fake. I can see right through you. I should have known better. You never loved me as much as I loved you. You always hated me. And finding out about Fierdan was your tipping point.
"Calliah told me all about Taurel's plans. She told me about what he planned to do with me. About what he and Risak would do to me."
Sparkle tilts her head. "Your mother? You talked with her recently?"
I can sense the anger coming off her. I don't mind though, I sense my anger coming back to me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Taurel frown. He didn't know that I knew. I have an advantage here.
"Yes, I did. Are you bothered at the fact that I have phantom blood and was speaking with my mother who also has phantom blood?"
Sparkle and Taurel exchange looks. They look at each other grimly.
I throw my arms back and look up at the surrounding trees. I even start laughing. This is perfect, so freaking perfect.
"I find the fact that you chose the basement of the Tall Tower as your torture dungeon very hilarious. I wonder how you knew. I don't remember going out of my way to tell you that I spent nights on the Tall Tower roof with my one and only girlfriend, Twinkle."
"Hilarious?" Sparkle and Taurel say in unison.
Still looking at the tops of trees and the sky, I nod. "So freaking hilarious. The Tall Tower reminds me of that one night from a few months ago. I still can't believe it's been that long already. When I think about the Tall Tower, I think about its roof which was the place where I kissed Twinkle for the first time. Spending a night together up above the city is nice. Add in taking off clothes, creating fire, locked eyes and lips, and sleeping together, and it gets pretty hot."
I laugh harder. Sparkle must hate me. I must be right.
"You actually had it going on with a girl, huh Duke? I was starting to lose faith in you that you had the capability to do that. But going all the way there? You must have been saving your first real kiss for something really special."
That's right, unfortunately. "First real kiss." The first time I willingly kissed someone on the lips. Sparkle must have also been there when Admiral started kissing me out of nowhere in the school cafeteria. We weren't even a couple, but that didn't stop her from pressing her lips to mine. I should have brought it up back then to those people, but what could I have said? It doesn't really count as an act of harassment, right?
I look down at Sparkle and smirk. I'll let her interpret what I said in whatever way she likes. All those ordinary teens with their dirty minds.
When I bring my arms down at my sides, I feel the fire in my veins start to ebb away. I get interrupted by my train of thought because I hear Sparkle's voice again. This time, however, she is the one laughing.
Seeing her brown eyes stare at me only fuels my anger. It turns out that Sparkle's presence evolved my aggravation from embers to flames. She lit the spark.
Her last lines are the deal breaker. "Out of all the girls you could have chosen as your girlfriend, why did you choose her? I thought there was something wrong with you romantically for so long. For crying out loud, being gay would have been better than you dating Twinkle. Anything would have been better than dating that depressed, slit wrist freak."
I clench my fists; the claws digging into the center of my palms. The feeling of fire running in my veins had just disappeared, and it suddenly returns. The familiar warmth I feel up my spine and through my shoulderblades when my wings appear is now in my fists and travelling up my arms. I'm burning internally.
Months and months ago, Finny and Admiral were a couple. A short-lived couple, but still a couple nonetheless. I was stupid back then. All girls I noticed in school didn't interest me at all. Romance can be way too pointless and overrated. But I still wanted to be with someone who I knew wouldn't be judgmental. I craved intimacy, but unlike my classmates, I meant it both physically and emotionally. Even though I taught myself to grow up being repulsed over the purple and black flame that covers the top left of my chest, I wanted to open up completely to my potential lover. I wanted them to see me for who I really am. If I knew they wouldn't fully accept me, then I wouldn't even bother making the first step.
I thought Finny was the only person I could trust. Ever since I lived with Sparkle's family, I never opened up to anyone like him. I considered Finny to be my best friend. I wanted to be more than friends.
Our friendship changed for the worst when I let certain words spill out. I was so stupid. Clearly, he was normal like the rest of them. Clearly, I was the different one. Of course, Finny was only into girls. Meanwhile I wasn't sure about my feelings.
Ever since that day, I tried to extinguish any possible feelings I had for Finny. I locked those feelings deep inside myself for so long that I forgot I had them in the first place.
Not long after that day, Admiral broke up with Finny. She ended up dating him because I refused to date her. But that didn't matter. After their relationship ended, she came back to me. She wanted me so badly. We barely knew each other, so we both knew her feelings were due to lust.
Then Twinkle came along. Twinkle was a girl, and I was interested in her. I took her by the paw and ended up dragging her into my chaotic life. Now look at what happened to us.
"Who are you to dictate who I want to love?" I ask, my glaring eyes switching focus from Sparkle to Taurel. "Who are you to say that there's something wrong and hideous about Twinkle? Who are you to say that there's something wrong with being gay as if it's a low point?"
Feeling my arms get covered in flames again, I step closer to Sparkle. I've shut Dawn out.
I speak again when I see Sparkle starting to open her mouth. While raising my right paw in front of me, the palm facing me and my fingers separated from each other, flames from my fingertips create a kind of veil from my nose to chin. I can practically taste fire every time I open my mouth.
"You call Twinkle a freak, but here you are wanting to capture and later torture me because I'm the new Fierdan. Pay attention to your words more often, it's the reason why your writings suck."
I let Sparkle speak this time. "We're not going to torture you, Duke!"
"Lies, what a bunch of lies," I mutter and take a quick glance at Taurel. I can't fully distinguish what emotion is on his face.
Then I remember Dawn. Her warning directed at me is "Watch it!"
I couldn't care less about Dawn's words. This is between Sparkle and me. I'm getting tired of all this.
"And what do you know about writings? You don't even try in school!" says Sparkle.
"I'll let you in on a little secret," I say, lowering my voice. "Twinkle wrote poems."
She cuts me off. "I know that."
I lean closer towards her. "So did I. If you think Twinkle is a freak because she wrote things and damaged her wrists, then you better call me a freak as well. Because I did the same. If this has to do with ugliness, then I'll have you know that I'm far uglier than Twinkle will ever be. I'm Fierdan after all, right?"
I start lowering my right paw when I say, "I bet you didn't know that Fierdan was a writing prodigy. Before
he got contaminated."
Before I know what I'm doing, I have my right paw in a fist again. It's covered in orange flames.
Suddenly, the background falls apart and is replaced by an old and dimly lit room. Instead of seeing Sparkle or Taurel, I see Fierdan and Dawn.
Right after I watch Fierdan throw a ball of black fire, I reopen my eyes and find myself having just thrown a ball of orange fire. But instead of being like Fierdan who threw it at Dawn, I threw it at Sparkle.
Luckily, Sparkle dodges it just in time. Thanks to Dawn.
And then I hear the sound of slow claps. I turn away from Sparkle and look at Taurel. He is the one clapping. It confuses me how much it sounds like clapping paws since Taurel only has one paw.
"This is perfect. Things are going to plan," he says and then looks away from the rest of us. "Risak, you can come out now. They have the wolf pup, so bring the wolf with you."
Does he mean Ardere? What does Ardere have to do with anything?
"And while you're at it, bring out the guns. Unfortunately, Duke refuses to come with us without a fight. It seems that he is willing to pay the consequences of not obeying the Savior."
TWINKLE
It takes me a while for my eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness. Is this how Fauna felt while she was alive? For now, I just have to deal with a stranger guiding me through the twists and turns of an underground passageway. I'm walking blindly; I have to trust Jinx for now. I have no other choice, and besides, he told me he can bring me to my parents.
"I never knew there were tunnels in this part of territory," I say under my breath while following Jinx around a wide curve in the path.
I immediately check my jacket to see if the blue sword is still there when I hear Jinx's voice. I sigh in relief once my paws feel the shape of the sword.
"Well, I helped construct these tunnels. The complex routes should make phantoms wary of following us."
"And you thought of the idea to build tunnels? Is that the only way to prevent phantoms from coming?" I ask while skimming one of my paws over a tunnel wall. It feels cold and rough; I can't tell if it's stone or some strange form of dirt.
"Actually, it was someone else's idea. We aren't sure if it definitely will in all scenarios, but it was the best attempt at keeping them out so far."
Jinx and I continue walking for a few minutes, but then I see the slightest bit of light. I'm not completely sure if I'm imagining the guy running in our direction.
In the limited amount of light, I can still make out Jinx's worried expression when he faces me.
"Be right back," he tells me before running towards the other guy.
A minute passes before Jinx returns. The other guy is at his side.
I look up at him. He looks very similar to Jinx- same body structure, clothes, and light gray eyes. On a second glance, I realize he also has those strange tattoos on his eyelids and around his eyes. However, unlike with Jinx who only has black tattoos, some of the tattoos under his eyes are purple. Where Jinx has short and spiky silver hair, this guy has white hair with multiple streaks of black and purple.
Jinx clears his throat and says, "This is Jax. He is my--"
I swing my head from Jinx and Jax. "Brother?"
My face heats up a little when I hear Jax chuckle. "Not exactly brothers. No, we're, uh..."
Jinx picks up where he went off. "Actually, we are brothers. That'll be the simplest way to put it. Call us the Jainx Brothers."
"Jay... inks?" I tilt my head, trying to pronounce the word.
Jax looks away from Jinx and faces me. "The J duo for short."
I step closer towards them. "If you're not brothers, then who are you? Both of you look very much alike. I also have never seen you around the territory before, so who are you two?"
"We are related, I'll give you that. Jax and I are much closer than to be called mere siblings. That includes twins as well. About the fact that we haven't met each other before this terrible predicament, we haven't been out much. Both of us were scared to show our faces out in public because of our weird hair and names."
Jax snickers and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, of course that's the truth. We were always living here. We're definitely foxes."
Before Jax can say anything else, Jinx kicks the back of his ankle. "Shush!"
Suddenly suspicious, I take out the blue sword. I hold it up in front of me, which makes both of them take a step back.
My eyes are narrowed as I say, "What is that supposed to mean? Are you not foxes? Don't tell me you two are phantoms that I have to destroy."
"No, no! It's not like that at all, Twinkle," Jinx says with widened eyes.
I feel Jax's eyes stare right through me as he murmurs, "The star-named child, Stella. She's the one who can master both ice and fire. It has to be her. She can lead us to the rest."
"Stella? The rest? What do you mean?" I ask, beginning to lower the sword.
Jinx glares at Jax. "Shut up! Don't reveal everything about us and them to her yet. We have to go!"
The next thing I know is seeing Jinx grab Jax's right paw and them running further down the tunnel towards the light. Without a moment's hesitation, I run after them.
Before I can see what's up ahead, Jinx steps in front of me. "Remember what I told you before about how phantoms can't hurt me? Well, they can't hurt Jax either. We're immune to phantom shocks."
I look away from his face and down at my feet. Now that we're in the light, I can see everything clearly now. "Oh, you two are very lucky then."
Then I hear Jax's voice. "But since you have the ice-fire Elemental Power and that blue sword on you, perhaps you could help out without putting yourself in obvious life-threatening danger."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
But when Jinx steps to the side, I know exactly what they're referring to.
Of course this has to happen again. My path always crosses with the paths of phantoms. But this time is different. I'm stronger now. I've built myself anew, and I won't fall back down that easily.
There is this fairly large and empty room. Well, aside from the crowd of people trembling in one corner and the nine phantoms heading their way.
"Can you activate it?" Jax asks, glancing at my sword.
Even though I don't know what he means by "activate," I nod my head. I translate "activate" to mean bring out the cold blue flames. And so I do just that.
Veins are like a complex network of passageways hidden underneath a person's skin. When Duke is moments away from being covered in orange flames, I imagine a hot orange liquid running through his veins. For me, however, I imagine a cold blue liquid running through my veins. Where Duke feels the familiar warmth in his shoulderblades when his wings appear, I feel the familiar chill in mine.
It's obvious to the both of us that we are opposites to the same coin. Our life is a coin toss game; we always have to pick which side, heads or tails, each of us are on. After all, we are fire parallels. The only clear difference is determined by our opposite ends of the spectrum. The spectrum of hot and cold; the gradual change from heat to frost.
When I spread my blue wings out, I smile at Jinx and Jax. Feeling the tiny blue flames all over my face, hair, and body is so refreshing.
"Well, what about activating your sword?" Jax says, frowning at the sword.
"It has no on-off switch," I start.
"No, he means," Jinx says, "uh, can I see it?"
I give the sword to him and shrug.
"Hold it like this," he says while holding the sword sideways a few inches in front of the top of his rib cage. "Try to make the blade catch fire. Let your blue flames cover the sword. It'll make you all the more powerful against the phantoms."
I nod. "Okay, I'll give it a shot."
I tighten my grip on the hilt of the sword with my right paw. I concentrate on my fingers wrapped around it as I turn the sword horizontally like Jinx did. Then one little blue flame comes in contact with the tip of the blade. Immediately, many other flames follow.
It doesn't take long for the blade to be covered in cold blue flames.
"She has to be Stella. Look at her," I hear Jax whisper in Jinx's ear.
Jinx must have ignored his comment because he smiles at me. "Great job, Twinkle, you activated it."
My eyes turn entirely blue as I glance determinedly at the room in front of us. Holding my sword up, the tip of the blade at the same level as my eyes, I march into the room.
Jinx and Jax stop muttering among themselves and follow me.
From inside the room, the atmosphere of the place has changed completely. I start shivering from the unease that had been building up inside me ever since Jinx led me into the tunnels.
"The J duo is here," I hear a middle-aged male announce. "We're gonna live!"
I pause mid-step when Jinx laughs. "Oh no, Jax and I won't be doing a single thing to help you folks."
Panicked muttering breaks out among the crowd trapped in the corner.
"What do you mean? You're not gonna help us? But you're immune to phantoms! You two are the only ones keeping us safe!" a middle-aged lady cries out.
I can't help but shift my focus on the sudden cold sweat on the back of my neck.
Why would they do that? They're putting such a huge responsibility on me! Can I really do this? There are nine of them! In the past, one could nearly kill me.
Things will end differently this time. I'm not the same person I was back then. I can protect myself. I can fight back now.
I look up at the looming cloud of phantoms heading our way. With glaring eyes that are practically the equivalent to two shards of blue ice, I grin widely.
"Don't feel hopeless yet. This is not your end yet, and neither is it mine," I say and narrow my eyes. "I'll make sure phantoms will learn to fear me."
The muttering quiets down as I rise my left foot off the ground.
I give the phantoms the death glare as I lift my right foot off the ground. My wings cause me to fly closer and closer to the room's ceiling.
Baring my teeth, I growl at the phantoms. "Now, prepare to die."
Three. Two. One. Let's go!
FAUNA
Ever since Fierdan explained Night Crow, he has been pressuring me to come up with a way so the both of us can appear as physical beings in Jamaa. He won't seem to let it go. By now, I'm so frustrated that I wonder what's going on in his head.
I'm not sure if it's sweat, tears, or black goop on either side of my face. To be honest, I'm too tired to care. I try to steady my breathing as I wipe a side of my face with a paw.
I sigh deeply as I face Fierdan. "For the last time, I can't do this."
Even though the look in his eyes is harsher now, I can only think that he's not feeling that way towards me. No matter how many times I've attempted, his voice remains in that strange combination of gentle and firm.
"I brought you here because I know you have the ability to. There are reasons why you're here," Fierdan says.
The way he speaks is only leaving me more frustrated. "Why are you being so nice to me? You only really brought me here in order for me to turn you into a living person in Jamaa somehow. I know there isn't much time left. I also know you're relying on me to do this. But, I'm sorry, I can't do this."
Fierdan holds up his left paw and stares at it while he says, "What's wrong with me trying to change how people perceive me? I want to become a good person, starting with you. What's wrong with that?" His fingertips slowly curve in towards his palm. "Every single day, I'm burdened by the fact that I've done terrible things. I've never been the villain here. I'll keep on telling me that."
Oh great, now he's blaming his actions on Soulless again.
By now, his paw is in a fist. "You're an angel, right?"
I cross my arms. "That has nothing to do with anything. I still don't have the magic abilities that you and Dawn have."
He doesn't raise his voice, but his fist looks more forced. "Why don't you try again? You are an angel, after all."
"What if I don't want to? It's not like you would understand," I blurt out without thinking.
Fierdan raises his head and faces where a ceiling would be. He brings his right paw up to the back of his head for a quick moment before bringing it down again. A few seconds later, I see dark strands of hair fall down to his shoulders. The tone of his voice doesn't change, but I know he's struggling to keep it that way.
"When it comes to doing things I'm tired of doing and not wanting to do anymore, I totally understand. Perhaps too well," he says and then looks down at me. "What is it exactly that I have a lack of understanding in when it comes to this subject?"
As I look at his widened eyes and his tangled mess of hair, I immediately remember what he told me about our ages. If I perceive myself as being eleven years old and Twinkle and Duke as fourteen year olds despite the three year age gap between our ages in Jamaa and the human world, then I can only view this form of Fierdan as being sixteen. When I look at him now, I can only see that frightened child from long ago but now older.
"Do you remember that time when Soulless and I took over Duke's mind?"
It doesn't take me more than a few seconds to know what Fierdan is referring to. I ended up saving Twinkle from Duke for her safety.
I say, "Of course I remember. I also thought I tried to kill you."
Fierdan closes his eyes and sighs. His eyes are barely open when he says, "I believe that you and Twinkle assumed that it was Duke who cried out some phrases near the end of our encounter. Unfortunately, you assumed wrong. Duke himself didn't say most of them to me." His eyes are open now. "I did."
I look at Fierdan suspiciously. "Twinkle and I were there, and we knew what we heard. The voice was Duke's in opposition to what you were making him do."
"Have you forgotten what I told you, Fauna? Duke was a magical experiment I created; his very being is a fusion of Soulless and myself."
He raises his right paw and looks at it in the same way he did with his left one.
All of a sudden, I hear Fierdan laugh. "The Duke you thought you saw back then wasn't a part of it at all. I was crying in protest against Soulless's actions. Their full form as well as the Soulless part of Duke's identity."
I frown at him. "I don't believe you at all, Fierdan."
He responds by laughing harder. "Soulless only makes life a pure living hell."
I don't know exactly why, but I'm suddenly thinking back to that day.
Duke was standing in front of me. His breathing was a bit staggered, and he had a wicked look to his face.
Then I see Fierdan, his head lowered and his paws gripping his knees tightly. Tears stream down his face as he cries, "Leave me alone!"
Then a deeper and calmer voice answered him. "Oh, don't be so foolish."
I remember hearing those words from that day. But what I hear next sounds like someone's thoughts. Fierdan's thoughts out loud.
"Please don't do this, Soulless. Stop making me do these things." Those are the sentences I hear in a rushed whisper.
That's when I watch a much taller form than Fierdan become a mass of gray against the black. I immediately put a name to it- Soulless.
Soulless grins widely. "You never learned your purpose. How about you learn your lesson?"
Fierdan looks over his shoulder. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no--"
His pleads were abruptly cut off. When I look at Soulless, I see two whips producing blue electricity appear in what I assume are their paws.
And then I watch Soulless hitting Fierdan's back repeatedly with the whips. Even when I see bruises and blood, Soulless doesn't stop.
Fierdan has to pause between every word because the strikes that Soulless is giving him come at a set interval. His body flashes the color of the electricity on Soulless's whips whenever he is hit with them, which prevents his ability to speak.
Hearing Fierdan speak sends chills down my spine. "I... don't... want... to..."
Then Soulless grabs Fierdan from behind. Those last two words I hear Fierdan shriek are much louder. "HURT HER!"
"Finally, something we can agree on," says Soulless.
The next thing I see is Soulless slip inside Fierdan from his back. And then outside I see Duke standing right where he was before.
I shake my head and get distracted by noticing Fierdan's fingertips on both my shoulders. When I take a step back, I almost stumble.
"W-What did you do?" I stutter, feeling a rapid beating in my chest.
Fierdan looks up again. He asks a similar question from before.
"Do you believe in the Multiple Realities Theory?"
Puzzled, I tilt my head. "What?"
"Personally, I've been thinking about it a lot. I can't help but to think about a version of my life without Soulless being in it."
"A reality without Soulless?" I ask.
"Everything would have ended up differently if Soulless never existed. My life wouldn't have been as much of a hell then. Soulless and my father, they were the ones who made my existence nothing but pain. But it doesn't matter. In this reality, Soulless exists. If they didn't, I wouldn't have..."
Fierdan doesn't finish his sentence. Instead, he looks down again. This time, however, I see him smiling as tears fall from both his eyes.
Seeing Fierdan cry while smiling in front of me makes me wince. What possible game are you playing at?
I barely hear Fierdan say, "I'm such a coward."
What game, Fierdan, what game is this?
Only now do I hear any real emotion in his words. The way Fierdan stares at me is haunting.
"I should have let Soulless torture me until I couldn't be alive anymore. I should have never let Soulless manipulate me. I was a coward who was too scared to die, so other people died instead. It was all my fault. Everything would have ended up better if I killed myself earlier when I still had the chance. Then they wouldn't have died at my feet.
Soulless kept on hurting me both physically and psychologically. I kept on being the perfect vessel for Soulless to enter to possess me. Without Soulless, I know I wouldn't kill all those people."
I don't know how he did it, but somehow Fierdan looks even more scarier now than a few minutes ago.
"Soulless says I'm too attached. The only reason I'm attached to them is because of the endless guilt I have. I need them to hurt me. I deserve the pain.
One time, Soulless made me try to kill Dawn. I was such a coward that I would have allowed myself to kill the one person I cared about rather than myself. To throw black fire at her..."
Fierdan holds both his paws up at eye-level. Palms facing upward, fingers slightly trembling as if he's trying to grasp something.
What could I possibly say at a time like this?
"There will always be blood left on me. It won't go away. Do you know what it's like having the blood of people you killed drown you every time you sleep? Do you know what it's like to kill someone?" He pauses for a moment. "Fauna, do you know anything about humans?"
The last question leaves me off-guard. "Of course I don't," I reply.
No more tears fall from his eyes. He still smiles though. "Of course you don't."
"Why do you ask?"
Fierdan says, "Humans and what we call ourselves over here- foxes- have similar anatomy. Humans are said to have over 200 bones and over 70 organs in their bodies."
Even though I'm totally confused, I nod my head slowly. "Okay."
"It's from all the experiences of Soulless possessing and manipulating my physical body to kill people that I've learned about body anatomy. Killing made me learn up close and personal the breaking point of body parts. I know how to kill people by breaking a certain bone, muscle, organ. Thanks to Soulless, I have all that knowledge. I never asked for it, yet I still received it."
Fierdan starts walking away from me.
"I'm sorry for telling you this."
