. . .

I

have changed

and will continue 

to change

until you, and them,

and everyone

are unable to recognize me.

I am

unrecognizable,

a force of chaos,

instability,

mental anguish;

a spectrum of emotions and colors

too wide and complex to be

fully seen and comprehended

by any human eye and mind.

If you think you know me,

you are sadly mistaken;

I am no longer that person,

nor do I recognize that version of me,

no, not anymore.

A forcefield,

too much force,

too much impulsivity,

too much 

yet never enough

simultaneously.

Played tug of war

and I pulled too hard,

causing you to let go;

then I let go

with cruel hands that only know 

harm and errors,

with my deceitful fingers that only

spin lies as truth,

and I am caught up in the web

of my lost and forgotten identity.

I have

bled and bled,

vomited up my sickness,

got myself covered in bruises—

accidental? with intent?—

had my heart break and collapse and spasm

in this void in my chest;

self-destruction and self-sabotage,

those are my specialties,

my addiction that I want to quit

but I 

relapse time and time again.

I am unrecognizable

to you, to them,

to myself;

I am unknowable;

the key is that

I am going through my very own

metamorphosis. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That is a poem I just wrote on the spot. No plan, no thoughts; I just wrote it. Simple as that.

I couldn't bear looking at anything related to this blog or anything Blogger/Blogspot for a long time, but I knew I couldn't permanently leave this place. At least not with a proper goodbye. 

So I guess this to say I haven't forgotten this place. It still means a lot to me.

I am back.