Wow Spoopy Swag

swag

Like my swag spam, specific sweggsters? So lovely omg ikr.

So anywho, today's October 31st.. Halloween! >:3

My dad and I carved a pumpkin. We made a Jack-O-Lantern. Like an actual Jack-O-Lantern. We didn't do that in just about forever. But we made one today. We did it. Like it has them triangle eyes, square nose, and jagged mouth. Omg the nostalgia, man. Yes. :3

Haha, Thelma's sleeping in the fireplace. XD

So anywho, would you look at the time? Today is Halloween. Yeah, so my point is I had a terrifying dream last night. But no, it wasn't spooky Halloween scary. Oh no, it was scary like horror movie scary. Like that creepy man was even more creepy than Fierdan/Soulless/Zios combined.. even scarier than Queen's creepy man character. That means the creepy man in my nightmarish dream was REALLY creepy scary. I forgot most of what happened in the dream though. But I knew it was very scary. Very scary. I woke crying cold tears. Wow, that was some wacked up poo. I remember from the dream that I was walking in this strange spooky town (like it was abandoned), then I got kidnapped. Then this mysterious van came up. The road was so bumpy. Then he was so mean to me. Jk lol I totally forgot the dream. But it was scary, man, scary. Like I forgot if he wanted me to murder everyone in that doll hospital asylum he kidnapped me to, or if he wanted me to kill myself, or if he was being inappropriate with me, or if it was like an evil test. When he was about to slaughter me with his scythe, the rescue team showed up and rescued me. The dreams always end when dream me is about to get killed. And right before dream me dies, the dream ends and I wake up thinking, "wtf".

Oh and about my chemistry class yesterday lol it was so swag.

So he had these older students from his AP class come and dress up like him. Yes, like him.. the lab coat.. everything. And then he kept on saying "no" in a very high pitched voice. Then he repeatedly kept on saying "noice", "brah", "bruh", and "yas". Like this for example, "Haha, noice costume student.. oh my god pick electron, neutron, PROTON, or mestron, student.. yas, the answer to the quiz question is C Proton.. yas it is brah.. you all gonna get 15 outta 15, right bruh, yes brah.". (We took this quiz XD). My chem teacher is.. something. Different..? I honestly don't know, man. I think he is a real life mad scientist apart from his teaching jobs.. oh wait he told us that. X'D

Since you all unanimously (so far at least lol) voted "yes", I'll probably make a blog email. So you all can stalk me even more! All your dreams will come true! *o*

What the hell is my dad watching? Like he's watching this very old Halloween movie. And the TV screen was all black. Then these people's white heads zoomed into focus (just their floating heads) saying, "AHH" like "at". And then more and more heads showed up. O_O

Wow swag bye my baes  <3

~ Cutepups the Swag Blue Pup

Email Poll

Hi, I made a new poll. -->>

So I've been thinking about it for quite a while. So.. hmm.. What do you guys think? Should I make a blog email? (You know, an email where you can contact me about my blog/s, DeviantArt, and possible other sites we might get to know each other on?)

Before anyone asks, the email I used to create my Blogger account and DA (DeviantArt) account is my personal Gmail. So I can't really tell you all that email address due to personal reasons (it has my real name in it.. I don't want you all to know my real name.. maybe some of you are exceptions.. maybe).

So why did I suddenly bring this up? Because just about every blogger shows their viewers what their email is. So it would be easier to contact that person. 

Except me.

Well, now I'm thinking about making a public email where you guys can contact me with. Okay?

Pros:

We can talk (well, write messages to each other) in private. Like, idk, about stuff we don't want other viewers to see, or more "personal" stuff we don't feel comfortable posting about.. stuff like that? ??

It might also be easier for you guys to send me photos (like, idk, of fan-art or you telling me about your irl crud). So everything would be easier, I guess. ??

However, I, of course, would have to know your email. (And I'll make a post saying mine when I make it.). Please only contact me via email if you have your own blog/DA email. That's not your personal email (like if it has your personal info in it).

Now, unfortunately, the cons:

I have a few personal emails I check on a regular basis (2 or 3 daily I think..?). So I might not be able to reply to and/or simply view your emails on my blog email right away. So it might take some time. Especially if a lot of you decide to email me.. lol.

I'm also a little paranoid I might accidentally link something from one of my personal emails onto this public blog email. I don't want that to happen. o.o

And, as a no-brainer, definitely no spam and hate emails. Which you should all know by now. I don't really mind swearing though. Definitely no bullying/death threats of course!

So yeah, that's all I can think up of about this right now. Tell me what you think in the comments below. Thank you! ^.^

~ Cutepups 

Me and My Friends Talk About The Struggle

Hi friendlies from the magical online world. :3

I am back for another post.

Yes. c:

So mhmm, Queen, mhmmmmmm

I have good news for yer buddy! :v

Yeah. You other sweggsters can stalk I mean tune in on the rest of this post too. Mhmm ya.

So just today, me and a few of my friends were talking about writing poetry and storywriting.

Yeah, so the thing is...

The Struggle Is Real

Queen, it's real. Really real! :0

So you know how we struggle with a story's beginning, middle, plot, character development, and basically everything but the story's ending?

Well, my few artsy/writing friends have just about that same exact problem. Well, except one.. he's best at writing beginnings and not endings like the rest of us.

We all have The Writer's Struggle (well, ecxept him lol). Yesssss

So then we all complained about how storywriting is so difficult gosh darn it. Like, all our endings/ending ideas are like perfection. But the rest of our story is just plain crap.

We complained that for around 10 minutes. XD

So then we moved on to discuss poems. Like, how it's difficult to make poem stanzas rhyme and flow efficiently. And the poem to just sound good. Ya know?

So we did that. We all (including him lol.. those raps he wrote though were amazing) have the Poetry Struggle.

Being a writer that's actually good is so freaking hard, gosh darn it! >:0

Ok bye guys hope you all enjoyed this crap post. Luv ya. <3

~ ♡Cutepups♡ ~

Yay for Art Stuff

Hey guys! ^w^

Quick, not computer post unfortunately.. but I have some pretty good news! (Well, kind of. XD)

Quick because I still have to finish my history homework for tomorrow. Good news because.. because...

(Oh, that suspense though, bruh.)

I was working on a few drawings today. (If you know my DeviantArt) I'll be posting them very soon. Like, around this weekend or something. Don't worry, I'll also post some drawings on the blog too. Just not as many as on DA. ^-^

You might want to also expect more poems being posted on here and DA. In fact, I'm in a poetry club now. :) 

So yeah, it worked out in the end.

And yes, I really am not "faking it". I really am happy now. :D

Well, schoolwork is a whole other story of making me "happy". (It doesn't, haha.)

Anyway, peace!

~ ☆Cutepups☆ ~

Okay I'm Done (for now)

Hey.

Wow, I actually finished all my homework due tomorrow. :0

Wow, I'm actually typing this on my computer. :0 *hasn't made computer post for a while*

Wow, yesterday was really bad. (Not you.) :0

... uhm so anywho ...

Okay, I'm done. I'm done with all these serious/negative/vent/personal posts. Well, for now. (Yay! c:)

So anyway, I started playing this other online game. But it kinda actually has violence, and not really a game to blog about. Actually, I heard about it from another site some of you (like two XD) know me on (possibly you're that person :o).

Mhmm yeah. Started playing that. What game, you ask? A.. game. XD (idk if I should tell all you blogging peoples it o.o)

Ummina, what else..?

Oh! How about some puppy cuteness? :3

(The Cute Pup of the Day from DailyPuppy.com)

Oh.. wait. No, I didn't forget! :U

So basically the main reason I suddenly claimed "hiatus" a week ago was because I was just upset over (kinda) fighting/arguing with that "you" person. And stressful school assignments. But now we're okay now, and that paper is over with. I still have that cruddy online chem homework though *cri*. I also will most likely become more busy on Tuesdays as the school year progresses. Because of important stuff (wow am I specific or what?). Oh wait, that driver's ed test coming up pretty soon.. shoot. Also because I kinda vented about everything that's been bothering me for the past week on here. Actually, I probably just won't post daily sometimes due to them reasons I have.

So yeah. X3

Now here have some previews that I DID NOT even try on making decently. YES, I KNOW THE WRITING IS CRAP. DEAL WITH IT. >8U

(lol btw the ******* stuff is just the spoilers. no bobby, it does not mean anything inappropriate.)

Number 1

"You want me to ***********?"

"Yes, *********."

"How do I know where he is?"

He hands her suspicious stalker paper.

She looks apprensively at the paper. Then she looks up from staring at the paper to look up at the guy.

"Doesn't she work for them though?"

"Why yes."

"Okay."

She is about to leave.

He grins slyly.

She decides to attack him instead of leave. 

Two younger people come into scene and attack her.

. . .

Number 2

He stares at her, terrified and wide-eyed even though he just scared her. 

The girl stares back confused and blushing.

The guy thinks in his unstable head, I really hate you for doing this to me.

The girl does not understand what is wrong with this guy. She thinks in her head, Wow, he is so messed up. But, like, he is so swag though! What do I do?!?!?.

The guy suddenly runs away madly from her. 

The girl stares lovingly after him.

. . .

Number 3

That same guy suddenly stops running madly.

That same girl is far away from him now.

He sighs relieved.

He suddenly thinks, Crap, I forgot my clothes. Fuuuu----.

He explodes in spark(le)s.

Up... I have to get up. High... Higher... Higher...

Then those cliche wings appear as always.

I swear I'll kill both of you. One day...

They turn black again.

He sits on edge of cliff with them wings out. Is he a bird in disguise? No one shall ever know.

Why am I like this? What did I do to deserve this? Why...

You all have to pay! 

For making me like this!

I'm gonna freaking tear all of you apart!

I'm sorry.

. . .

Ha. Ha. Ha. I have writer's block. XD

Okie, see ya! ^w^

Have Another Personal Post

Hello. I really have to work on a paper, but this has been bothering me ever since I published the previous post. So.. yeah.. the truth..

Stuff.

So, just to be clear, I really am fine. Like, there really isn't anything wrong with me. Seriously.

But, you know, at times I'm not like someone who society defines as "normal". Let me explain. When I read anything guilty or upsetting, I react by feeling that way. Even if it's from someone who feels that way because they think they made ME feel upset. Then I start feeling negative and start apologizing even though they're the one apologizing to me.

Honestly, I find it difficult for me to find friends I can actually trust. And when people say certain things (about me), it makes me question my friendship with them.

Yes, I honestly do find almost all of you commenters annoying at times. Please don't take it personally, I find just about every person I know annoying at times. Which, yeah, is pretty often. Um, I'm just not a "people" person. But.. yeah.. that's just me. Oh well.

Sometimes, out of the blue, I just feel depressed. I know I'm not diagnosed as actually having depression or anxiety disorders, but.. I don't know how to describe it. It's just like the "happiness" I had earlier in my life is just gone. Like, life's just a drag. When I was younger, I thought I would change and grow to be "better" than how I was before. I actually think they've all become worse since then (except that eating disorder I had.. and those other ones too.. not anymore.. not explaining.. idk why I am typing this). But I probably think that because I'm older now. I don't know, I'm just "eh..".

And about anxiety or whatever, you probably know already that I share most of the symptoms of existential anxiety. I, for one, constantly feel like I'm being judged (which is just about always in a negative way), and I stress over not knowing where I "fit in" society. The future, just a few years down the line, scares the heck out of me. More than most people, anyways. But anyway, I also tend to over-think things in a negative way by coming to the worst conclusions possible for that situation. Like, I always become anxious over the smallest things. It's probably due to my overwhelming shyness and quietness, but doing certain things makes me anxious (social anxiety perhaps). Fear of messing something up and always stuttering when talking to a stranger on the phone (ordering delivery) makes me a bit uncomfortable. Trying something new makes me uncomfortable. Joining a new school club that recently started already makes me anxious (me right now lol).

And what I said about Duke/Fierdan being the characters I vent through is true. When I feel sad, mad, or whatever, I just write down that they're the ones with the pain and not me. Since I've been not as "happy" as before, I hurt them more often nowadays. What I meant by that sentence is that I sometimes feel like I'm gonna "break" like Duke/Fierdan. Not knowing how I'll be in the future, how I'll live my life, terrifies me. In really dark times, I can easily imagine myself as dead, or like I died, better than me in just a couple years from now. That just freaks the crap out of me. That fear of having a mental breakdown because the future, the world, is a mystery to me by not knowing anything about what I'm gonna do it and how, terrifies me. (Wow, I'm effed up..)

Oh and if any of my AJ buddies who also blog are reading this, I'm pretty sure I do read your blog posts. I just don't comment as often or anymore because I just don't have the strength to come up with what to say. But I still view it nonetheless.

Basically, I am just an overly sensitive person.

Oh, almost forgot. Where everyone around you your age talks about their crushes or boyfriends/girlfriends. When your friends ask you who your crush is. When you reply back saying you don't have one. When everyone around you talks about their love lives in general. When you question if you're just waiting for the "one", or not understanding this whole "love" thing in that way. When you make puns clearly saying how you label yourself, but your family never getting it even when it smacks them in the face. When your family doesn't know what it is you're making puns about. When they never heard of it before. When they assume you're straight, but you're not completely sure if you're those things or not, so you don't bother saying anything. When you don't know who you are. When these questions give you headaches. (Yeah, that's lamely strange me.)

Ugh, I just need a break on life. Haha, never gonna happen.

Or maybe just the internet.

I don't have the faintest clue why I constantly make these types of posts. Especially when over half of you don't fully understand what I'm saying (the points I'm trying to get across) and really care about what that is.

Let's face it. You probably find these posts very boring, and you begin to feel sorry for me. But please. I know they're probably very boring and uninteresting to you guys. You probably don't know what I'm talking about. I know you probably feel sorry for me, but please don't tell me that. There's no need for it. It actually makes things worst for me. I just have to let all these thoughts just, like, go. And thus, I blog about them. 

I'm turning this into more of a "life", or "personal", blog. So.. yeah.

I'll try to be more positive when Halloween comes. But who knows with me, haha!

Have anything to say? Connections? Relevant questions to this post? Want to take my quizzes tomorrow for me? Want to write my paper? (Haha, kidding.)

Bye.

~ ♡Cutepups♡ ~

Can I just go?

Um.. hey guys. Cutepups here with another post. Yeah... ;n;

The truth is ever since last night and today (typed this before midnight technically), I've never felt that happy in what feels like such a long time. In Real Life. On internet stuff (especially earlier today), not as great. So, um, the truth.

So, the "you" I kept on saying in my last post. Well, um, I was pinpointing one person in particular when I said that "you" hurt me. No, "you" did not comment on that post. Yes, I know "you" knew the hidden message I meant in that post. Yes, I saw what "you" posted on their site/s. Yes, I know I shouldn't feel guilty about this- I just do (me being an overly sensitive and emotional blue puppy). No, I won't explain the meaning of all this- I just can't (read the comment sections on some of my posts and you might understand). No, I'm not gonna tell you guys who "you" is (if you guys don't know already). If you guys know who "you" is, don't refer to their real internet name/s in the comments here. 

To be honest, I don't know exactly why I feel this way only specifically for "you". I mean other people used to/still do criticize my works. I mean I (used to) get hate messages. 

But, like I said, I really don't know anymore. Over the past month, some things "you" told me hurt me more than the harsh criticisms and messages I (used to) get. But I don't get it. "You" and I are close online friends, and I know "you" is just there to support me by trying to help me improve. I know "you" never bullied and threatened me. Maybe I feel more hurt due to what "you" said because we've been with each other for so long now (practically ever since I started this cruddy blog).

All in all, I really don't know why I'm like this. It's like I screw up everything I do. Or at least try to say. I try to make a post saying how I'm feeling better without blogging as often and without putting all you guys who are my friends (but in reality, still strangers to me) on my highest pedestal. But of course me being me, I screw every damn thing up.

"You", if you're even reading this, I could just say I was exaggerating when I said you hurt me. More than a harsh critic, more than a troll hater, more than my IRL friends who I thought secretly saw me as an invisible burden. But I would just be lying again. Because it did (and still does) hurt. I don't know what happened to you, to me, to us. I really don't. I don't know what happened to those days when we were both happy to read what each of us had to say. "You", you're right. Your depressing feelings have made me feel depressed (to an extent- it's not just you). You entwined me in your own sadness making me isolate me from the people I (used to) know always truly care about me. To me, it feels like part of our friendship faded to dust. I still question if it's worth believing you really are my friend (I want to believe, I really do), but I'm not completely sure anymore. It's as if you're either hurting me, or I'm hurting you. This cycle of pain seems to never end. 

I'm like my characters. I'm like Duke, like Fierdan. I feel like I'm gonna explode one day, and do.. do something really bad.. something I'll regret. I look calm and "normal" on the outside, but on the inside, I'm really not. I'm falling apart internally. I'm questioning every damn thing about me. I put my feelings of pain, of sufferings, into Duke and Fierdan. I hurt them so much because I bring my harmful feelings out through them. They display my pain that only I know about. That's why I connect to my characters so much, especially them. All the main characters in TEO display a certain part of my character as a person. I make their lives so painful because it distracts me from wanting to hurt myself. I exaggerate on their sufferings because it comforts me in comparison. It makes me seem not as effed up inside as them. When I hurt them, it's a way I vent. I don't write down how Duke and Fierdan are. How they're a part of me. I simply can't write it down in words. I can't speak about all this out loud. I just keep all of this trapped and locked deep inside of me. Okay, now do you get it? I post about Duke and Fierdan in the ways I do for my own sake. They make me feel like I'm not alone. They're that hidden part of me, that dark part of me. 

I can be totally fine sometimes, sometimes I can just be falling apart. But I know I'm okay, even when I'm not.

Another reason why I'm taking this hiatus. This is why. ^^

I eff up everything. I do IRL, I do online, every damn thing. I hurt either myself or you guys in the process. Most of the time without you even knowing. Either that, or I just allow you guys to hurt me. It's either or, there is no in-between. There is no mutual middle ground. I'm at a constant battle with myself, and "you" has recently joined it. I know this is all so pointless, but I just can't stop. I don't know how to. I always somehow screw up what I have to say. I can't seem to say anything completely right anymore. Anything that doesn't hurt me or you in the future. But I can't. Everything hurts either me or you now. Mostly me, sometimes you, sometimes the both of us. Especially "you" and I.

Please... Tell me... Please...

Can I just go? Far, far away from all this? This hell I created? 

Can I just go away from "you" and the rest of you guys?

Can I be truly happy online and IRL again?

Can I know who I am again?

Can I just go?

~ Cutepups 

Better Days

Um.. hi.

So, uh, today's Friday. No school tomorrow. 

Um.. no. Not necessarily "out of hiatus". Not exactly sure when. (Sorry.. ^n^)

Wow, my previous post has around 100 pageviews. Wow, a lot of you guys.. care about the blog, or.. me, or.. both? (Or not at all. *shrugs*). All of you guys mean a whole lot to me, you know that? <3

I'm pretty happy right now. I finally found my Kindle charger I lost over a year ago (yeah XD), baked brownies with my mom, and I'm going to volunteer at this Halloween party later today (yes, today XD). 

So, why did I suddenly decide to make this post? Well, to prove a point. I know it's been only 2 or 3 days, but it's been significant to me.

Like, ever since Wednesday, I've just been feeling better. Yeah, I know I sometimes have "bad days" and feel awful. (Wow, I sound so seriously dramatic in my last post..). 

Anyway, instead of being obsessed on checking Blogger a thousand times a day, I now view it way less. I still check it daily, just not as often (which was over 12 hours a day).

And without blogging being the top priority on my mind, I've realized more important things. Such as with my IRL friends. I realized that it was me who was "blind". I realized that I was the one who deliberately avoided them.. for you guys. I realized that they just about always care about me, and know I exist as a person- that they don't treat me as if I'm invisible. It was me being "blind". 

When I think about it, I think my only "friends" who have actually hurt me were just people I met over the years of me playing Animal Jam. The people who I thought I could trust. The people who I thought our "friendship" meant something. The people who I thought wouldn't just throw me away some day. The people who hurt me, and made me have to question people's trust.

Internet friends in general. Including, yes, you. I've realized that you have hurt me countless times more than any IRL friend. Even the ones who forgot about me. And treat me like crap now. Because, unlike my IRL friends, you caused me to become more stressed and feel depressed. And you, you made me blind to the fact that I still have IRL friends who care about me. It's as if my focus on blogging, my focus on entertaining you, has caused a wall between me and my IRL friends.

So that's what I realized these past 2 days. ^-^' 

So instead of blogging for you guys, I'm gonna take care of my more important priorities first. Which will make me both healthier and happier. 

I'll also restrict to taking care of blogging matters to the weekends if I have to.

Oh yeah. I also realized my IRL friends fan-girl over almost all the same things as me. And obsess over the same bands (which nowadays is 21 Pilots and Panic!AtTheDisco <3). Like, we just joyfully discuss them in school, haha. And then one of my friends is obsessed with this very weird song too (not gonna say it here due to reasons XD). 

Also got more sleep. Sleep is good. c: 

I also have some ideas for a new Twinkle's Story chapter. Which will probably be contradictory as always. But it's also pretty short too.

But now.. now..

I don't care. I don't care if my standards aren't as high as yours. I don't care if my writings don't please you by being perfect. If I enjoy it (which I still do.. you guys caused me to not enjoy it by losing my confidence in it), I'm not gonna quit doing one of the few things I really do love. And you can't stop me.

Just think about it. What's the point of me allowing strangers to hurt me, to make me feel like crap? 

Exactly. Because there really isn't a point. You guys mean a lot to me by sticking with me through thick and thin, but you don't control me. And you can't break me down unless I allow it.~

(Haha, that sounds kinda like a quote. "You don't control me, and you can't break me down unless I allow it." Cool. c:)

"Kitchen Sink" (21 Pilots). Omg. Yes. <3 

Goodbye.

~ *Cutepups* ~ 

<3 

Hiatus

For real this time. Don't guilt-trip in the comments please. Thanks.

(It's not your fault, by the way, *you know who you are*. Or any one person's fault.)

I mean it. This isn't just an hourly vent or something, I've been like this for weeks, months. So.. yeah.

If you've read my Addiction poem (http://blueblazingspirit.deviantart.com/art/Addiction-567040255), you might know what I mean by this. Well, barely.

Blogging, THIS, is my addiction. Being around communicating with you online, is my addiction. It. Is. My. Addiction.

For a really, REALLY long time, it has been great. I had fun, you had fun.. everything was just great.

Then more than just a few months ago, doing this started hurting me a lot. A LOT.

I spend way, WAY too many hours on the internet. For Blogger comments, DA comments, whenever you guys comment basically. Even when you don't. I've gone to such an extent that I barely get enough sleep anymore. My eyes hurt, my neck hurts, my fingers hurt.. it all just really hurts. First thing when I wake up, I check my phone and go see if there are any new comments on Blogger and DA. Last thing I do before falling asleep, I do the exact same thing. The only time I don't really do this is when I'm in school, or when I'm sleeping. I lay in my bed, but it takes me forever to fall asleep. I get around 6 hours a night, if I'm lucky, during the weekdays. More on the weekends, though.

I always finish my homework around 11 at night. Because I always put commenting to you guys before my academics. I said I wouldn't do this, but I am.

Guys, I can't.. I can't do this again. I'm 15 already, and I have so many other, more important things to worry about. Volunteer work, after-school help, a few other things, wanting to actually GET RECOMMENDED AND GO IN advanced level classes for the ones I know I exceed at. I even feel smarter than some to most of the students in the two classes I feel this way about.

Story-planning is just giving me tons of headaches, and can't just be straightforward about any of my characters. Sometimes I just really want to tear up all my story plans because they just hurt me so much.

Also because I've been feeling.. not mentally well lately. Like I said before, I sometimes feel like I have anxiety (especially due to my social awkwardness and hating how I don't know how I fit in within the world/how I label myself as a person), and I sometimes feel depressed for no actual reason behind it (which has become more often recently). Like today, I've had these depressing thoughts. Kinda paranoia thoughts.. I don't want to go too deep into them.

I hate how so many people irl assume things about me ("oh, that girl, she doesn't do anything", "she's so quiet".. more personal matters). It might just be me imagining it, though.

I hate how I don't know who I even AM anymore. Do I even have friends, or are they just all fake like the rest? What do I want to do in my life, in my future? What type of college/university will suit me best when that time comes in 3 years from now? Do I really believe in the same exact way as you do? Am I a burden to the family? Am I ace, or is it just a phase (I hate myself)? Do I really love ANYBODY? Am I just doing this for attention (oh I hope not)?

Like, I don't know ANYTHING. All my irl friends/people I know, they know exactly who they are, what they classify as.. while I'm here like, "Who the **** am I?".

Let me finish from last post. Stop assuming...

That I'm okay. That I know what I'm doing. That everything is totally fine.
Because, the truth is, I keep on seeing things at its worst. Like, what could go wrong, what's the worst thing that could happen?

I used to think more optimistically, but nowadays I think more peptimistically.

So now you know the truth. Please, keep me away from here.

~ Keep me away... it hurts too much. ~

I'll return to blogging as usual when I feel like it, and when I'm less of a wreck.

Don't you even dare try to make me stay.

I've had enough.

Goodbye.

~ ☆Cutepups☆ ~

*throws self in trash*

I'm lame.

*throws self in trash*

......

Now I'm trash! ;D

(Oh, oh! Like that scene in Noragami Aragoto!)

Yeah, I really am trash. XD

Now for that DA thing I feel like posting here. ;)

Mood: Tired, Anxious, Trashy, Lonely, Llama
Listening to: The loud air vent in my room
Reading: Catcher in the Rye (I'm in the middle of doing my LAL homework, gosh darn it Holden questions >:0)
Watching: My eyes burn (jk lol)
Playing: I'm not playing anything, I'm doing my gosh darn LAL homework >:U
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Nothing

Yes, yes. I'm a sad old Cutepuppy with blue fur that is never happy. It's all lies, man. Lies!

I'm also a llama according to DA.

Like, what emotion does llama even mean? Is it happy llama, sad llama, deranged llama..? ???

Ah, where was I again? Oh right.. why I'm trash! ;D

So anywho... no bull crap kthxbye.

I'm now gonna be serious and maybe even start doing critiques when I comment after I read something you wrote/drew/idk what else do you guys even do? o.o

Because, let's face it. I'm always too nice to all of you. For the most part, I always praise the works you make. But, in most of them, I don't love them 100%.

Honestly, I'm not really an assertive person. Maybe that's why I do that.

So anyway, gonna stop doing this crud and be honest now.

So.. yeah.

Also, stop assuming. Thanks.

Now here's a question I've been meaning to ask for a long time now.

How do you improve a character? Fix a character? In general? So their character isn't so cringe-worthy?

I hate what I've done.

Wow, I'm so negative today. Ha, ha, no.

I seriously need a break.

But I always end up not.

Cruddy self.

Bye.

Message for Newcomers + RIM + Swag Surprises

Hey. Cutepups here. Message for new people here (you're here I'm guessing):

I call every //nice// person who views my blog (this one as the main one) Mystical Sparks, or Mistians. Best friends I call my Sweggsters as well (as well as characters too). I //used to// have this post segment called Cute Pup of the Day. This blog is drifting away from being an AJ blog into just a more general blog. Unlike other AJ blogs, I sometimes swear in my posts. I also am still writing Twinkle's Story (the first story in my The Extraordinary Others //TEO// series). It is NOT your ordinary (or not ordinary) AJ story. It has scenes of strong violence (still getting to that point lol) with lots of blood (lol gore), //substitute// swear words, and romance (with some sensual content)- and I try to write them in detail. If you can't handle that, then I don't suggest viewing my blog often because I post about my story often. I say swag/sweg a lot too, haha. I post about anything I like, and I sometimes vent. Because, like, I'm a teen. So yeah. 
~ Cutepups

The RIM is this thing.

If anyone wants to comment a commercial skit, then go ahead. I have something else in mind for this post... >:D

So anywho, I have found a song that I immediately fell in love with. As some of you might know, I like rock songs more than pop songs (except for a few.. more like alternative music nvm).

So yeah. This song. Omg yes. <3

I'm pretty sure there are no swears in this particular song, but just in case there are, that's your warning. 

(*I own NOTHING about it- the song, the lyrics, the video, the video-maker.. nothing! >:0*)

"My Nightmare"~ Get Scared

Just.. Just yes. :) <3

For like the first time ever, I don't think this song has an immediate connection to Duke and/or Fierdan (one of my Twinkle's Story characters I type about very often).

So now it's time for the swag surprise that features sensitive content and violence. 

YAY! XD

(Yes, it involves Twinkle's Story, but I'm writing this as vaguely as possible, and it won't be written as it is here. Because of obvious reasons, and because I'm still planning the scenes in the future out.)

~*~*~*~

. . . . . .

The night was very dark, and the air had a misty feeling to it. High up above, some stars tried to shine down, possibly as a sign of hope. The misty layer of fog obscured the stars to brighten the world far below them. There was no hope, not tonight. There also was a biting wind, and that wasn't only because of the weather finally turning colder. It was as if even the nature above was watching in dreaded horror the scene that enfolded far, far below.

In the clearing, there were three visible foxes. There were two guys, and one girl. The two guys looked distinctively similar, except for a few very minor details. The one slightly taller was a bit behind the other two, in a attempt to appear hidden when the following events took place. He felt upset and guilty, but it had to be done. He explained it to the other male fox, who he inferred was explaining it to the girl. All three of them had tears in their eyes, running down their faces.

"No! You can't!" the girl cried. "You can't do this!" She had the most tears run down her face, leaving her face wet and splotchy.

The other guy, whom she was speaking to, replied rather calmly. It frightened her even more. "You know I have to do this. He told--"

"What if he was just lying to you this entire time?! What if he always has been evil?!" the girl interrupted, screaming. 

The other guy turned his head away from them in his lame attempt to hide from the guilt. This time, however, he knew he couldn't run away. He had to stay at the scene.

"He's not evil, he's telling the truth," the guy in the clearing replied.

The girl just sniffed with her heart pounding in her throat as he went on talking to her. She thought this was so unnecessary and uncalled for.

"You know if I stay here any longer, everything- this world- will be destroyed even more than it is now. You know ever since the Night of the Black Flames that my bomb started to count down. I'm that bomb! I hurt so many people, even your own family! I'm a freaking demon's puppet!"

"I... I don't care!" the girl cried. "I love you so, so much! You can't just throw your life away!"

The guy replied as calmly as he could. "If you love me, then you would understand that I have to do this. I'm not throwing my life away, this is for everyone's sake. And besides..." he looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with the other guy who came along. The guy nodded at him, and he turned around again to make his eyes stare only at the girl in front of him. Her deep blue eyes that held so many memories of them together, from the best to the worst. 

As the air grew colder, the cuts and bruises that covered the guy's body stood out more than ever. But even more than that, two deep purple flames, outlined in black, shone inexplicably brightly. One covering his heart- he was shirtless-, and one surrounding his left eye with the black tips of the flame slowly spreading out to cover most of the left side of his face. The girl sniffed as he finally picked up the weapon that laid down at his feet, minutes before. The two guys brought it with them, that special shooting weapon, because it was the only weapon that could work- and the weapon played a major role in what was about to happen.

Holding the weapon carefully, he walked over to the girl. He carefully but quite forcefully put the weapon in the girl's right paw and made her wrap her fingers around it to hold it herself. When she finally cooperated with him and held the weapon up, the trigger pointing threateningly at the guy, he backed away to where he stood before.

A few minutes of silence washed over the clearing. Time kept on ticking by without a single thing happening.

Finally, after growing impatient, the guy spoke in this serious tone to the girl. He only said two simple words, his eyes on the trigger pointed directly at his heart. "Shoot me."

A minute later with the girl not saying anything as she held the weapon frozen in fear, he spoke again. "What are you waiting for?! Shoot me."

Several seconds later, the girl finally said, "No... no. I can't... I can't shoot you!"

The tips of the flame around his eye grew around in all directions reaching into his forehead, upper cheek, and area between his two eyes. He was starting to become frustrated and desperate with the girl. He yelled at her, "Yes you can! You're not gonna kill me... technically. Just shoot me already!"

"No..." the girl whispered.

He screeched. "Shoot me!"

After another few minutes without the girl pulling the trigger, he angrily walked up to the girl and stole the weapon from her grasp. He walked back to his original spot yet again, holding the weapon casually down at his side.

The girl's sobs and whimpers faded away to background noise as he carefully aimed the weapon's trigger to aim straight at his heart. His heart that was the source of this ticking time bomb about to explode and destroy everything he hadn't done already. His heart, his flaming heart, that was the source of his living hell.

He still stared into those blue eyes. Those twinkling blue eyes. Then, at that moment, he pulled the trigger. The trigger of the weapon that was aimed at the heart of the flame, the heart that was his gateway to hell and the demon; the trigger of the weapon that was aimed at his heart.

~*~*~*~

So... Did I make anyone cry? ;D

Got some action and feels (sad) here? ;)

lol jk

But seriously though. I still have troubles planning events to happen between where the story is now and when this scene takes place (which isn't the "end" end of Twinkle's Story).

You might think it's somehow "cliche", but I bet it isn't how you think it would go afterwards. (lol no)

So yeah, I'm evil. Boo. >:)

Ha Ha Ha

Bye.

Quiz: How similar are you and Duke?

I suddenly have the idea to make this post. Please fill in the [ ] with an X if you connect to Duke in that way. You can comment your answers in the comments below, but it would be easier if you make a post (if you can lol) with it instead.

I swear once in this. Because. 

I have no idea why I'm typing this. XD

Let's start! ;D

. . . .

1. [ ] You are a male.

2. [ ] You are a fox-human hybrid. (aka a fox character in Twinkle's Story)

3. [ ] You have brown eyes.

4. [ ] You have darker colored hair at the ends/tips of your hair than the rest of your hair. And it's brown.

5. [ ] If you could control any "Element", it would be fire.

6. [ ] Your Elemental Power is aerial. (lol you're not supposed to understand what this means)

7. [ ] Your Elemental Power makes you able to turn into fire itself.

8. [ ] Even though you don't actually sing a lot, you have a great/swag singing voice.

9. [ ] You are a person that isn't afraid to defy some rules/laws.

10. [ ] You are between the ages of 14 and 15.

11. [ ] Even though you are that age, you look and sound a few years older.

12. [ ] You and your parents don't have a good relationship.

13. [ ] Your life you thought you knew was a complete lie.

14. [ ] You have a mysterious connection to your past self from a completely different life.

15. [ ] You are/were depressed.

16. [ ] You are connected to a demon because of a marking on your heart.

17. [ ] That marking is kinda like a bomb, and it is shaped like a flame.

18. [ ] You used to be a normal person, but then changed to become a demon's puppet.

19. [ ] It's difficult, or awkward, for you to tell someone you love them, so you hide your emotions from them for several months.

20. [ ] Everyone thinks you're okay, but on the inside, you're breaking apart.

21. [ ] You would pee on/next to a cactus if you had the chance.

22. [ ] You've seen a lot of people you were close to die when you were younger.

23. [ ] You might have caused those deaths somehow.

24. [ ] If you really love and care about someone, you would go to any extent to protect them and their life.

25. [ ] You have injured somebody before.

26. [ ] You have harmed yourself either physically or mentally before.

27. [ ] You didn't really understand why some people despise you until just recently.

28. [ ] At first, you were an innocent child, but then you turned into anything but innocent.

29. [ ] If you are a character in a book, readers would think you're a "good" character at first, but then turn out to be more "evil" than "good".

30. [ ] You have a mysterious connections to phantoms.

31. [ ] Your past is very dark and has triggers.

32. [ ] Even though you're a strong-looking guy, you still cry easily and often.

33. [ ] Many people have betrayed you.

34. [ ] Some people want you dead for something you, in your current state, didn't even do.

35. [ ] One night, your entire life changed for the worst.

37. [ ] To truly defeat the demon that controls you like a puppet, you have to die in a very specific way. (please don't X this one, this is more of a just a Duke thing)

38. [ ] Your favorite color is black.

39. [ ] You have been abused by a family member in your past. (please don't X any of these dark ones, they're more of just Duke things.. hopefully)

40. [ ] You have recently found a strong interest in blood.

41. [ ] You curse a lot. (lol yes)

42. [ ] You aren't afraid to go on top of a skyscraper's roof at night.

43. [ ] After you changed, many people have become terrified of you.

44. [ ] You can be brutally tortured in various ways, but you can't die if that specific part of your body isn't affected by it.

45. [ ] You have been harassed before.

46. [ ] People say rude things to you or behind your back (in the figurative sense).

47. [ ] You feel like nobody really understands you.

48. [ ] You sometimes feel like you're having a constant battle with the world.

49. [ ] You try to comfort people you love when they're upset.

50. [ ] Sometimes you can be the meanest person around, and sometimes you can also be the sweetest person around.

51. [ ] You can easily beat people up.

52 [ ] In school, you usually get into fights easily due to your aggressive nature.

53. [ ] You're unsure where, or if, you fit in this world.

54. [ ] You think really deep thoughts sometimes.

55. [ ] It's pretty ironic you love that one person who's almost the exact opposite of you, except for your bad pasts. 

56. [ ] You wouldn't know what to do if that one person you truly love dies.

57. [ ] You had alcohol before. (lol idk)

58. [ ] You can appear very intimidating sometimes.

59. [ ] You like to throw darts at a dartboard in your room, and pretend the darts are flaming arrows.

60. [ ] You're that badass named Duke.

~*~*~*~ 

Okay, okay. I think this is long enough. XD 

Yes, some of the sentences contain spoilers.. very vague spoilers. >:)

Actually, you can just comment the numbers of the sentences where you connect with Duke.

I tried to put up every Duke thing I could think of, but if I somehow forgot some, I might make a Part 2. Also tell me other Twinkle's Story characters I should do this quiz thing with. Like, main characters.

Bye! 

~ Cutepups 

Night of the Black Flames + TEO WIPs

Hello! ^w^

I have some drawings to show you guys! >:D 

First off, here's the finished drawing I showed in a post a while back. (hehe)

(Edited the lighting and shading on my iPad's photo editing program that's in the Photos thing)

So basically it takes place in Chapter 30 in Duke's POV. The night when he basically erupted in the Black Flames. When he got the black flame ash clothing, slightly larger than normal ears, the tri-colored flame wings, and the tips of his tail, head, and rest of body turning into little black flames. And that's like very painful, man. That's why he's shrieking (I told you I didn't draw that good enough.. oh well). I also made the background (the sky) a dark blue-purple because Duke's already covered in so much black. So I made the background a different color. To make it easier to see. I also made him cry phantom tears (purple-black tears). Oh and his entire body got covered in black, so that's why he looks that way.

~*~*~*~

Now the WIPS. (Work In Process)

The first one contains blood and partial nudity.

...

Who I'm kidding! You can't even tell! XD 

Oh right. It's a WIP.

Not really nudity. I don't know. Um, he's like only in his underwear. *cough* Ummina. 0.0

>;D *laughs evilly swag* 

Just a scene in Chapter 46. That thing on the left is the cracked mirror. That creepy swag character is Puke.. I mean Duke. Doesn't his face look evil-like? I planned it to be, hehe. The darker lines on his wrist and face are supposed to be blood. Yeah. XD

And then there's this. >;) 

It's Dawn. The thing in her right paw is her hat, and the thing in her left paw is a teacup pouring mint tea onto the ground. The tea forms a heart just before it hits the ground due to Dawn's obsessive love for Fierdan that she never gets over. She's cray cray. I made her hair be wispy and blowing in the breeze. She also kinda looks like a creepy anime witch character. What if she is one? Ha, ha, ha.. I don't know. XD

~*~*~*~

So yeah, those are the TEO drawings I'm working on right now. X'D

I drew the WIPs a few hours ago. 

They're so creepy...

Ok bye.

~ Cutepups the spoopy swag 

Bread Post + I actually do like this AJ thing

Hi. I woke up very late today. I can't believe it's already past 8 at night now. I feel like it's only 5. I woke up very late and didn't do anything today. XD

Hi. XD

Bread.

(Found on Google)

Bread Hat.

About bread... (copying from my DA post)

Then my dad had this random thought. He wondered what would happen if you order a Subway sandwich but say no bread of any kind on it. Like he wanted to know if they just put the coldcuts, toppings, and dressings in a pile and put them in a plastic bag. So then I argued about my dad about this random thought. _{(weird ikr 8D)}

I found this weird monkey in the latest edition of the Jamaa Journal. X3 

X'D whyyy

Now my dad wants to know the word that describes a person addicted to cheese. (Like how the word "alcoholic" is the word that describes a person addicted to alcohol.) (yeah idk either)

(Back from DA thing)

I had a creepy dream. At first, I was in this weird place with my family. Then I had all the books pile on top of me. Then I was in this creepy-looking shop. And I bought the 5th book instead of the 3rd book. So then I was frustrated and wanted to return the 5th book for the 3rd book (I already had all the books with me so I have no idea why I went to this creepy bookstore to buy them lol). But then that creepy witch cashier lady laughed evilly. The next thing I remember from this weird dream was she started chasing me around an old and abandoned city like a psycho. And then I run around this corner where I see my OC/s Duke/Fierdan biting/eating his own finger. Duke's getting so creepy. Then he looked up at me and winked very suspiciously and laughed an evil laugh. Then the creepy witch cashier lady picked up a pole from the street corner and threw it at my back. I don't know if I died because after that I woke up from this really weird dream/nightmare.

True story bruh.

There's also this new name feature thing. Pretty swag. 8D

I see souls in the blue and orange flames. 

(Used MS Paint to outline the souls.)

See it? XD

There's also this new animal silhouette thing that's possibly a sign of what the new animal could be.

You've probably already saw it on all other still active AJ blogs, but here it is if you don't get what I mean by this.

One more thing before I go to that, though. I know I said that I won't post about AJ because it seems "fake" and boring to me. Don't get me wrong, it still does. But what I meant by that is this: posting about new items and everything from the updates. But when I have the time (basically only when I really feel like it), I'd still post about the more interesting/not obvious stuff happening in Jamaa. (Yep. c:)

So back to that animal silhouette thing on that ice cave in Mt. Shiveer (it used to be a seal).

So I have been seeing people argue/debate on whether it's a red panda or an arctic fox. (I honestly bet it's an arctic fox on that ice cave, but I'm not completely sure if it will be the new animal. Who knows!)

Why, you ask? Well, I've made some observations. *puts swag nerdy nerd nerd glasses on* ;D

This is what a red panda looks on AJ. Yes, also found in Mt. Shiveer.

I then went to the Chamber of Knowledge (almost put Secrets there XD) to look at the Lynx book. And I saw these pictures of arctic foxes in it.

(Wait, the second one might just be a pet fox. I forgot about those. XD)

If you take the quiz at the end of the Lynx book and get all the questions correct, you win this cool and glowy Lynx statue! ^o^

Okay, very short rant. *my opinion*

I don't really get it when people say AJ isn't that educational. Okay, I get that AJ uses very childish books and other antics (like videos and fact bubbles occasionally) to show the nature facts on AJ. But you've got to remember that AJHQ mainly focuses on younger children when making them. AJHQ puts up these very simple, bright, and colorful facts up so that everyone who plays AJ can understand it. I bet AJHQ can put up more detailed and complex facts up on AJ, but then the younger players won't be able to understand them as well (yes, AJ is a kids' game- shocker! ;o //sarcasm//). Anyway, I also don't like when other people say they don't learn anything from these AJ fact things. Even in AJ's very simple way of putting nature facts up, I still learn things in them. I read the entire Lynx book. The book is pretty cute, but it still has information on lynxes in it. I did enjoy reading it, actually. I, for one, thought lynxes were native to tundra climates, but I learned from reading the Lynx book that lynxes are more native to forests (in northern places, yes). I thought lynxes lived in barren places with just snow, but then I learned they live in places with forests too. Honestly, I really do think AJHQ is trying their best with the educational aspect of Animal Jam. The other parts like chat filters, scamming/hacking, bullying, emails/phone calls- not as much. But I really think AJHQ is trying. Okay...

So back to the ice cave.

The tail of the animal on there is much more rounder and fluffier than that of the red panda's. There's also a small line towards the tip of the silhouette animal's tail. Foxes also have the line on their tails. The tails on the pictures of foxes I took from the Lynx magazine are more rounder and fluffier than the red panda's. The foxes tails resemble the animal silhouette's tail more. The red panda's tail also is longer than the arctic fox's. The tail of the animal silhouette looks like it takes up half its body, and so does the arctic fox's. The red panda doesn't look round enough to be half its body. 

I also think the animal silhouette's head looks much more canine-like (fox) than red panda-like. I think the animal silhouette's ears have to be more taller for it to be a red panda's. The arctic fox also has the short ears that resemble the ears on the animal silhouette.

I'm also pretty sure foxes sit in the position of the animal silhouette. I don't think red pandas can sit like that with their haunches like that. I bet if that red panda clinging onto that branch falls off it and sits, it won't sit like the animal silhouette.

Haha, I made observations. :3

So yeah. After reading all of that, do any of you still think the animal silhouette is still a red panda and not a fox? 

Honestly, I think it would be more interesting if AJ made the red panda an avatar option than just an arctic fox, but I think the animal silhouette directs more to being a fox (probably arctic). For me, the tail just gives it away.

So anyway, I think the arctic fox will look like a more fluffier version of the regular fox. Except it will be more smaller and squat-like, kinda similar to how lynxes look. Yep! ^w^

Honestly, I think it's kinda cool how people see the silhouette differently (is it am arctic fox or is it a red panda?). Different ways our eyes see things, perhaps? (Don't kill me, but it kinda reminds me of the dress color trend XD). So yeah, what do you think? ^-^

 Oh and about Chapter 48, Duke's POV was intentionally made it so it would be hard to follow/understand what's in his head. Basically, he's growing more manipulative/evil as each chapter passes (which I know I said before). Haha, he's very complicated. And hard to really fully understand now. (So yeah, I know his POV is confusing.. especially at the end.) >:)

Bye! c:

*gasps* This post is actually a blog-like post! :O *smiles* :D

Twinkle's Story: Chapter 48

*I'm typing another chapter late at night!*
*That swag love though. My thoughts are messed up. Here is when they are sane and understandable. But that swag love is still there. Creepy swag love.*
*I love my characters. But I also hate them. Too, too much.*
*I'm only typing this right now because of the first POV. And the other POVs. Yeah, I don't know either.*
*Okay, I guess you're gonna read this chapter now. //is nervous for comments. //still anxiously waits for comments.*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

FIERDAN

The sudden pale gray form. It's back. No one else can see it. But I always see it. I don't know if the ghostly gray form is a male or female. I just call it Soulless. Or just simply, "they". 

I live mostly in the deepest parts of the underworld, or more commonly, hell. In this section of hell, there is just black- black sky, black goop as the ground, black everything. The section is called Cincernum. Hell is kinda like this very dark and trashy world that evil people go to after they die. Except I know I'm not exactly dead. Satisfying dead. It's hard to really explain.

Here in Cincernum, I'm the only resident. That doesn't make me alone though. I actually have two others with me.

The first one is this crow named Night Crow. He was just a palm-sized sculpture I built one day. He's kinda peculiar though. I only made him out of a bunch of the ground's never-ending black goop. The next day, however, I woke up and heard wings flapping. I opened my eyes and saw him. Instead of being the size of my paw and made out of black goop, he was the size of an actual crow and had sleek black feathers instead of the black goop.

The second one is that gray form. They're the reason I'm here in the first place. They're the demon who has accompanied me ever since I can remember. They're my never-ending nightmare. I call them Soulless.

All in all, I'm just a person in this very suckish world.

I put up the black blankets over my head. It's not the morning daylight that I want to hide from. It's because of the voices I get in my head. They come and go every single day. I don't think I've gone a day without them. When they pass, I feel like killing again. But not anyone else, not even Soulless. They make me feel like killing myself. Until I'm less than nothing.

Quick whispers. I can't really make out what the words are. I press my face into the black pillow.

"Hey, how's my good Fierdan?" I suddenly hear close to one of my ears. Followed by a caw. Shuddering, I jolt up in bed to see Night Crow and Soulless sitting on the edge of the bed.

Oh, I also am in a very irritated mood. I rub my eyes, push Night Crow off the bed which sends him flying next to it at the same height, and get off the bed myself. I turn my head and glare at Soulless. "What's up with your "good Fierdan" nonsense?"

Soulless, now floating a mere inch above the bed, grins at me. "'Cause you're a good guy, Fierdan. You've contributed incredibly to the greater good, so of course you're a good person!"

I hear the voices whispering in my head again. Shaking my head, I say, "Stop calling me "good" already. I'm not a good person."

Soulless chuckles. "Yes you are, Fierdan is a very good person."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not in the mood for this. You should know I'm not a good person."

"No, you are a good person. Everything I have made you do is good," Soulless replies with that ugly smug smile on their ugly smug face.

I swear, I can't handle this guy. I really can't. "No, Soulless," I begin, feeling that feeling of usual anger running through me, "You haven't made me do one thing that's right, let alone good! How is being a mass murderer "good"? How am I, that person who killed hundreds, thousands, of innocent people because of you "good" in any way? How, Soulless?!"

Soulless goes off the bed and stands up in front of me. Their pale gray ghostly skin with darker gray flaming swirls; their huge plain white eyes, void of any other color. Soulless grins at me again with that same expression. "Killing them was a very good thing of you to do. It was part of your plan, and you fulfilled it exceptionally."

Gritting my teeth I snarl, "You made me do it for your own freaking enjoyment! Doing it wasn't for some big magical company either. Just leave already, Soulless!"

When I pounce up towards Soulless floating a few inches from the ground, I see the end of my claws glistening a bright black.

Before I know it, I feel a minor bolt run through me and collapse to the ground, my face buried in the black goop. Those things freaking hurt.

I blink up at Soulless who is floating directly above me but still too far out of my reach. I just really want to hurt Soulless so badly. For just once...

"You know I can't ever leave you alone, dear good Fierdan."

"Why?" I growl.

"You know why. Our agreement, remember?"

I reluctantly nod my head.

Of course I remember. The agreement--

 Great, another bolt. As usual in desolate Cincernum, Night Crow blocks out the sounds of my screams as the bolts, one after the other, electrocute every inner organ in my body.

But it's no big deal. After enduring it year after year, you kinda get used to it.


TWINKLE

To be completely honest, I don't know what I'm feeling. It's just a muddle of unorganized emotions pounding in my head. Loneliness, betrayal, heartache, loneliness... it never ends.

Raven vanished wherever she ventures off to. Leaving me, of course, abandoned in this strange and chilly room that I supposedly created at some point. I take a few sips of water from this glass on the small table in the corner of the room.

After I carefully place the glass of ice cold water back down on the table, I look up and sigh. "Having the power of ice is so lame. Of course it is because I'm a lame person. I bet Dawn's power is tons more better than mine. Not that I can really blame--"

"I'm back!" I suddenly hear the cheerful voice announce.

I turn around and quickly notice Black Raven, still a weird-looking fox, smiling broadly.

"What are you so hap--" I begin to ask.

"It's just really amusing, that's all," Raven says, "Saying how you and your power are lame."

I frown. "That's true though. Lame can be my middle name for all I care."

"You're not lame, Twinkle; your Elemental Power isn't lame. More like the opposite, in fact. Actually, I personally think yours is many times more interesting and epic than Dawn's and Duke's."

"Duke," I sigh out loud to myself. "He cheated on me. I..."

Suddenly, I feel Raven's paw on my right shoulder. "Twinkle, you are a rare type of person with a rarer type of power. It's his fault for not realizing how beautiful you really are. If he told you that, he would still be by your side right now."

I give Raven a puzzled look. "What do you mean by rarer? How is mine more rare when we all have equally rare powers?"

She hesitates before answering. "Sorry Twinkle, I can't really explain it to you now. But you'll understand what I mean at some point, okay?"

 Raven continues speaking a few moments later, but it feels like she's only talking to herself when she says it. "It pains me knowing how clueless you all are with yourselves."

Without waiting for me to reply, she walks out of the room again.


DUKE

The mint, the glorious taste of mint. I finally returned back to it, and it's all mine. All mine. Mine. I need more, more, more... I need it all.

Her fingertips brush my bare back. If the black flames were still there, she would be dead by now. Just a cold and lifeless body. But she's not dead. I find that way more enjoyable. Way, way more enjoyable.

I kick the dark red pants off to the side where my shirts and jacket are kept in a pile, and roll up the black pants higher up my legs. While I do that, Dawn takes off her dark green shawl, revealing her exposed shoulders.

With a sly grin on my face, I force Dawn's paws off my back by turning around with my arms tightly wrapped around her upper back, and then taking a step back with my back digging into the rocky mountain side.

When her face is still in my chest, I swiftly bite my right wrist just hard enough that I can just taste my blood. With the taste of my blood still on the tip of my tongue, I wait a second for Dawn to raise her head again, and then kiss her repeatedly again. I taste the mint in her mouth, and she tastes the blood in mine.

Suddenly, she breaks out of a kiss to cough. When she faces me again, I stop her right before she can kiss me. Giving her a threatening look as I brush the tip of my claw along her entire jawline, I say, "I thought you wanted this."

Dawn, flabbergasted, gasps, "Yes, of course I do!"

Without a moment's hesitation, I break out of this lustful romance act. I close my eyes, letting the pieces of me known as Fierdan peek through.

 My eyes widen at this sudden fact.

Dawn works for them. She remembers.

I think I just found a logical reason to kill her.