Happy Leap Day 2020

Hi there! Today is February 29th. Which means it’s Leap Day! 

....... *insert picture of a frog here*

............... 🐸 

......................... that’s supposed to be a frog emoji lol

Anyway. I’ve been using this blog for years. I made a Leap Day post back in 2016. And can I just say?- dang, my posts back then were depressing. 

Haha nice. Have another February 29th post on this blog. 

I’m procrastinating. Oops. 

I’ll hopefully return with more posts after I read more of the things I have to read for my classes. 

Ahem..:

• The Great Gatsby

• No Good Men Among the Living

That’s the books I’m planning on reading a significant amount of today.

Books. So many books... 

I might make at least one post full of pictures later today. No promises though. 

Ok, ok. Back to reading I go!~

‘Later. ;D

~ Shan 

02/02/2020 (poem)

Hi, I’m here with a poem post. 

I had so much energy the night I made that last post. Geez. 

And now I’m tired. College is wearing me out. 

Anyway, this poem is about February 2nd. 

Which should be pretty obvious. 

Ok. Yeah.

——————————

02/02/2020

the second day of

the second month of

the start of

the second decade of

the century.

02/02/2020.

groundhog's day.

winter's coming.

will it stay or

will it go?

poor groundhog is afraid of

its own shadow.

fearful groundhog,

afraid of the world.

my little tuxedo cat

watches the groundhog on tv.

then the focus shifts to her.

little tuxedo cat,

the family celebrates your birthday

in early february.

the second of february.

happy birthday, my dear cat.

happy birthday, thelma.

february the second—

a day worth celebrating.

———————————

:-)

hi i'm ______ + no context nonsense

Hi, I'll be including pictures in this post. Nice.

I ended up going off-topic in the last post. Whoops. I guess you could say I got carried away.

Story 1 is so messed up. Geez.

My lovely, cursed characters! ;D

Anyway, I'm going to try and create my music playlists for Sparkle and C./Calliah soon. My lists of songs for them is starting to get long.

The one for C./Calliah shares songs from most of my other playlists (*cough* Duke/Fierdan, Ryen, Dawn) which makes sense. Since C. is their mother and Calliah is Duke's.

Meanwhile, I think Sparkle's is entirely different. XD

Now on with the main point of this post (before the silliness)!*

--------------------------------------------------------------

*breathes in*
*breathes out*
o k a y

I just want to talk about (clarify?) some things regarding myself. As always, I'm writing this post in a "stream of consciousness" way. Will things go deep? Perhaps.

Well, here goes.

Hi, I go by a few names; the ones I go by most often online these days are: Shan, Spirit, and in respects to the origins of this blog, Cutepups.

Shan is most like my birth name, which I've mentioned here before. So, uh, well.......

At first, I wasn't taking Shan that seriously as a name. I just regarded it as my birth name minus a few letters. And yeah, that is true. But ok. Here's the thing.

I've grown attached to calling myself Shan. I like how it sounds. It makes me feel good in my own skin, so to speak. No, I don't hate my birth name; it's just that I like hearing Shan. Thinking people are calling me Shan (maybe I'm not hearing them properly lol), calling myself Shan... it just feels good.

On another note... wanna see my ring? Well, one of them. Haha.

Here it is!

(ignore my hand lol just focus on the ring)

Here's one of the rings I got for Hanukkah! :D

If you didn't know, I was so so happy to get this ring. Why, you ask? Well, you see......

It's supposed to be my aromantic ring. If you don't know what aromantic means, you can look it up yourself. 

But I'll briefly explain what an "aro ring" is. 

Aro rings are white or silver, and they can be any type of ring. The rings are worn on the middle finger of the left hand. That's why I'm wearing my ring on that finger.

My ring is silver and is in the shape of an arrow. One of the symbols of aromanticism in the aromantic community is arrows. 

And so, I call it my "arrow aro ring". :)

This past week was also Aromantic (Spectrum) Awareness Week. I know I'm late to the party, but here I am! 

Moving on now......~

I'm taking a few literature courses at university, so I have to read a lot. Maybe I'll make a post (or few) where I'll just ramble/rant about the books I had to read. I'm not in the mood to do that now.

This past evening was so good. I felt genuinely happy. I was in a good mood. And I still am... except I'm a lot more tired now, haha.

I had to go to an event where I had to dress up. Not fancy-fancy; more formal dress than a T-shirt and jeans. So I found a nice white top, and I liked wearing it. I also had my contacts in and found it easier to put on makeup than before. I rarely wear makeup, but I felt like putting on a little makeup for the event. 

So I did that. There, I socialized with friends. Which was pretty entertaining. Some of them are wild. Oh geez. XD

Then later on, I was in a video call with my sister and parents. So... yeah lol. 

I don't want to make this post drag on and on, so I'll now conclude the serious part of it.

Hi, I'm... happy. 

:) 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Time for nonsense! Silliness! Time to go berserk! Let chaos unfold! 

........ and by that, I mean that I'll be inserting pictures from Episode stories I've played/read without explaining what's going on. 

Oh boy, this will be fun! >:D

*brings out the pics*

~*~*~*~*~*~

1st Episode story (male version, then female version): "Bad to the Bone" by Lee Funk. (aka God Killer! Fierdan AU story)

lmao 

and the female version:

Danielle = female! Fierdan

(Danielle ... Daniel — yeah.)

-x-x-x-

2nd Episode story: "Wings of Light" by How_Novel. (aka possible Dukle (DukeXTwinkle) story?)

This story uses ink; the others use something called limelight. 

Stella = Twinkle

Anyone remember that ship from back in the day? Dukle? Duke and Twinkle shipped together? That ship I made canon? Yeah boi. What a classic. Bi/Ace solidarity! *claps*

Uh, what? They are. Yes.

-x-x-x-

3rd Episode story: "My Alien Lover" by Anyanka. (This one isn't connected to my characters, but I made the male main character kind of look like Fierdan but off-color Yes, I gave Fierdan an unofficial Episode look. Hopefully, you'll understand by the end of this post what that look is. *winks at my computer screen*)

their faces lmao 

-x-x-x-

4th Episode story: "Counting Sheep" by Piccalily. (aka casual school AU for Duke/Fierdan. The main male character I play as is both Duke and Fierdan because I said so. oh and it is also gay. of course.)

The Fierdan-looking character is Danny. Because that sounds like a more ordinary name. Because... school AU. 

That look in the second picture. Omg. Danny's face. That knowing look. Boi, you gay. Well, you're bi. But hey, you're a boy who likes boys. Which is pretty gay if you ask me. lol

The blond boy who is Cameron is supposed to kinda be like my Finny character but if he possibly has a romantic crush on Duke. I mean Danny. lol that's gay

Cameron (aka Finny): *sighs* This really doesn't count as our first date, does it? 

Hmm. Is he hesitant, afraid to verify the friendship turning into romance as well? Or is he sighing because he's disappointed. Like idk, "*sigh* first date? I just wanted to hang out with my dude, Danny; I hope I didn't give him the wrong idea like I'm gay or something." lol

Episode is a wonderful app! XD

Well, I'm going to end this post here. 

Time for me to go to sleep. Good night.

Finny music playlist (and more~)

Hi, it is I. :)

I have returned. Back to college. Obviously.

About eyes—

(wait, what?)

Anyway. Well, you see...

(huh?)

I finally got contacts! I can wear them outside of the eye exam office now!

Being able to properly see without wearing glasses. Well, this is new for me.

Yay, I did it! :D

Ok, ok, ok. Now onto the main point of this post...

I created a playlist for Finny on Spotify!

Finny music playlist

I decided to name it "in-Finn-ite or Finn-ite" lol. It's pronounced as "infinite or finite" and uh, it reminds me of this character for some reason.

Infinite? Finite? Infinity? Not-infinity? lol who knows??

Hahaha oh yes Cutepups does in fact listen to more than just emo punk guys-screaming rock music~

I felt like Finny was giving me a sign that he listens to songs from the early 2010's, so I listened to some songs from then that I haven't heard in years.

And then that got so much worse when I was writing down a list of songs for Sparkle's playlist in my Notes. Oh geez. Sparkle's playlist is so different than my other ones. At least I think so. XD

Uh... Now I'm going to explain some things. Yeah sure.

I'm not sure what I'm doing with Sparkle's playlist, but for Finny's, I'm basing the songs on how he is in the story more than in skits.

And no offense lol but Finny is kind of an asshole. He and Sparkle are characters you're supposed to dislike and be frustrated with. Like, ahem, they betray and kind of become Duke's enemies (without Duke knowing, of course lol). Oh and they're part of the "popular kids" group at school.

I felt like adding a bunch of breakup-like songs to Finny's playlist. Because... oof. This guy sure has suffered heartbreak. *cough* even though the relationships aren't that great *cough*

Here's a list of stuff:

1) Finny and Duke become friends from meeting in school.
2) They hang out a lot at Finny's house to do things like homework/studying, writing poems/songs, and singing them. (because why not lol)
3) They become best friends. (well duh)
4) At some point, Duke starts having a crush on Finny. Finny, an oblivious fool, has no idea.
5) Finny starts dating a bitchy girl at school who I first called Admiral for some reason. Her real name isn't Admiral lol. Anyway, she's a bitch.
6) Their relationship becomes kind of toxic. Finny doesn't understand that Admiral is using him.
7) One night when Duke is hanging out with Finny, he pretty much calls him out by saying things like Admiral is using him, she doesn't really love him, and she's intentionally making him spend less time around his friends (ahem, Duke). Ah yes, Duke disaster boy has some logic.
8) Then when Duke becomes more upset over the Finny and Admiral relationship, he ends up reminding Finny that they're best friends. One thing leads to another and Duke tells Finny to end the relationship and that he loves him. Duke pretty much tells Finny he loves him... as something like "more than friends" yadayadayada.
9) Finny becomes upset at Duke for all of that and pretty much kicks him out of his house. Also, Finny is straight.
10) It turns out Duke is right. He is a smart boy. Not too long after that night at Finny's house, Admiral is no longer "interested" in Finny, so she breaks up with him like whatever idc. Finny is hurt after the breakup because Admiral was just using him for her to get closer to Duke. Admiral really wants to date Duke. Of course, Duke doesn't like Admiral. Ahem, after what she did to Finny? No thanks. Oh and Admiral likes to bully Twinkle. Even though Duke and Twinkle didn't really talk to each other that much at school yet, he doesn't like how Admiral bullies her. Duke and Twinkle just don't bother each other, really. They're just two students at a school. Whatever.

-and-

11) Oh and in order for Duke to be at that school, he was forced out of his parents' house, and he stays at his aunt's house. So then he lives with his cousin, Sparkle, and goes to the same school as her. (The aunt is Duke's father's sister, which means Sparkle, her daughter, isn't related to Calliah.)
12) Duke pretty much only hangs out with Finny and Sparkle at school. He doesn't have time to deal with school drama.
13) When Sparkle is away from the two boys, she likes to tease Twinkle. She doesn't insult and bully Twinkle as severely as Admiral does, but she still makes Twinkle feel bad about herself.

[content warning]

14) During this whole thing, Duke is secretly still hurting himself (self-harm behaviors) and attempting suicide a few times, and he also steals alcohol behind people's backs. He's addicted to destroying himself since that's basically how Calliah raised him. However, Duke is very good at showing no signs on any of this when he's out in public (like in school) or when he's hanging out with Finny. He still appears like a decent, ordinary kid. Who is happy.....

-back to Finny lol-

15) Some time later, Finny and Sparkle start dating. Their relationship lasts a lot longer than Finny and Admiral's relationship.
16) Does Duke even know about their relationship? It's a mystery...

blah blah blah

And then comes the part when Finny and Sparkle start becoming assistants for Taurel, and they basically betray Duke.

oh hmm :/

Eventually, Finny thinks Taurel and Risak are being too harsh and extreme. They want to do some pretty fucked up things to Duke. Taurel hates Duke because he sees Duke as the "reincarnation of Fierdan" and that isn't accurate lol Taurel is stupid.

Taurel also got Calliah because he somehow knows that she abused Duke. He wants her to work for them to break Duke. Yeah, it's messed up.

(oh wow, I didn't ramble about story 1 in so long.)

Calliah doesn't like Taurel or Risak. By the way, Taurel is crazy. It turns out that Calliah and Taurel are both sadists. How lovely!

Taurel even amputates his left hand after he accidentally breaks it. Then he calls himself the One-Handed Savior which stinks of narcissism.

Oh and here's how Calliah and Taurel first met: Taurel works for the government. Not high up in the government though. He's like a guard... to a jail. So is Risak, but he doesn't matter. Calliah becomes involved in the process of being imprisoned where she meets Taurel who interrogates her. One thing leads to another and she tells him about Duke (how he's her son; not everything she knows about Fierdan) and admits that she abused Duke and killed her husband. She's there because she's been convicted of murder. So that's why. Sure.

Anyway, Finny can't take the brutality anymore, so he refuses to work for Taurel anymore. Risak or Taurel become so upset at this news that they hit Finny. Calliah goes to Finny's defense, and they escape from Taurel and Risak somehow.

Sparkle still agrees with Taurel and Risak. She thinks that Duke deserves to be broken. Or maybe she's afraid to say her opinion on the matter.

Because of their disagreement on how to deal with the Duke-Fierdan situation, Finny and Sparkle break up.

Time passes. Sparkle also thinks that Duke can escape Fierdan's influence and become his own person like he was when he was still in school. At this point, school-Duke and Duke now is completely different. His hair is longer and darker (all black) now. He no longer pretends to be "normal" and "happy"... ahem, Duke is pretty fucked up himself. And he fucks himself up.

When Sparkle and Duke meet again, Duke accepted that: he's the combination of Fierdan and Soulless, that he isn't really human, that his father wanted to kill him but Calliah stopped him.

Sparkle and Duke's father are on the same side of the Duke family tree. Hey, maybe Sparkle agrees with his dad? Who knows what's going on?

Sparkle approaches Duke with Taurel and Risak. They eventually fight. Like, an actual physical fight.

Sparkle thinks she can separate Duke from Fierdan. She doesn't understand that they're kind of the same person. No reincarnation though (lol stupid Taurel).

And then they battle in the forest. lol

Duke, Dawn, Ardere vs. Taurel, Risak, Sparkle

It ends with: Ardere suffering from a fatal gunshot wound (Taurel shot him; he planned on doing that, betraying Ardere's father who's also there and not involved in the fight; Taurel used Ardere's father ... since everything's so messy, Duke initially thinks that Risak killed Ardere; only later does he find out Taurel killed Ardere).

It also ends with: Duke being weak after the fight. Seeing Ardere die weakens him even more. To Duke, it feels like his little brother was shot. Ardere was a symbol of hope and innocence for Duke... and he was killed. There is no justice in this broken world. Duke doesn't give a shit anymore. He doesn't bother holding back anymore. But, oh no, Duke is too weak. Sparkle runs away. Where does she go? I don't know. Taurel and Risak succeed in taking Duke, who's close to passing out at this point, hostage.

*insert torture arc as coming up next*

Oh wait, where's Finny? Where did he go?

At this point in the story, Finny is with Calliah. They're on their way to meet with an unknown character. Hopefully, the person they go to see will help them stop Taurel's brutality. Oh, this man is insane...

So many characters in story 1 are insane...

The madness...

Gotta love playing the game of living in Z's project world. Gotta love how his sons destroy it. >:') ... Fierdan (duh) and Soulless (who Ryen "created"). As the final "fuck you" to Z. :^)

.............. and that's story 1. What a wild ride!

*blames Z for everything* >:(

I feel kind of nostalgic writing all this story 1 stuff down. I started to miss this crazy story.

hahahahahahahahaha

Bye.

oh yeah mm

Hi. This post is gonna be real short. 

Because I said so. 

I’m still home. Well, for now anyways. 

I have a lot to read these days. Well, that’s expected. Not a surprise there. 

Uh.........

I saw the movie, Parasite, with my dad the other day. And can I just say— Whoa! Oh my god! Dang! Damn! Ahh! 

Ok. Yeah. I liked it. So good. Yes. :D

And then for dinner that day, my parents and I went to a nice, local restaurant. That was.. nice. 

...... I’m tired, ok? My choice in words isn’t that great. lol I know. 

What else? Oh yeah lol that. Yes... 

I’m working on organizing a few more Spotify playlists for my characters. I started jotting down a list of songs for new playlists in my Notes app. 

I still have to decide on what to title these playlists on Spotify though. I’m stuck. :( 

I started playlists for Finny and Sparkle. 

And I’m considering starting one for C / Calliah as well. In one playlist. Because I’d prefer it that way. 

Since they’re not my main characters (ahem, protagonists), I don’t think of them as often as the characters I already made playlists for. 

So, ahem, these new playlists I’m working on don’t really give off the same or a similar vibe to my already existing playlists. 

There’s different music this time around. Wait and see... 

I don’t know what to title my playlist for Finny or the one for Sparkle. Hmm, I’ll have to think of something. I need better ideas. Come on, brain, think of something good. 

So yeah. I felt like giving you guys a heads up. 

~ Cutepups 

Valentine Palentine

It’s Valentine’s Day! <3

And since I’m not a single who’s bitter over not having a significant other (I mean, a boyfriend *rolls eyes*), it’s also known as Palentine’s Day. 

Pal.. we are pals. Friends. Buddies. 

Be my palentine... ;w; 

(Autocorrect, please,, Do Not.) 

Ok! So. 

I traveled home today. I’m home now. For Valentine’s Day and Presidents Weekend. Yeah. Nice. 

I get to be with my pets again! Yay. :) 

I love them. ;v; 

I’ve been ignoring all romance regarding Valentine’s Day, except when it comes to...

• Fierdan X J___

• Duke X Twinkle (Dukle - my first story otp be like,,)

• Sparkle X Finny (yeah yeah, they broke up. but I like thinking of their relationship. idk why. it’s cute. their ship name is cute. it’s Spinny.)

Aww, look at these lovers. Being in love. Mm. 

*zones out for a hot minute*

Unpopular Opinion: I’m aro and I don’t absolutely hate Valentine’s Day. 

It’s ok. The holiday has its flaws, but I don’t hate it. 

Hmm... :I 

I have more to say, but I’ll say it later. 

Bye for now. 

~ Cutepups <3

Daniel and the Lions (Fierdan)

In case anyone read the latest skit part and thought, “What is Fierdan (Daniel?) saying?” I am here to kind of explain it. 

Yeah, I made him go there. Yep. Cutepups is a bad influence. I’m so bad. :-(

Just kidding. I do whatever I want. >:U 

Fierdan = Daniel 

Fierdan = Daniel 

Got that? Good. 

Ahem, ahem. *adds this*

[Disclaimer: The following views are those of my original character. It does not mean I share the same views as him— or any other characters of mine.]

——————————— 

For a while, I’ve been connecting Fierdan (and Duke) to lions and wolves. Which, yeah, isn’t that creative, but I do whatever I want. If they’re animals, they would be like a lion or a wolf. 

And hey, would you look at that? Fierdan’s other name is Daniel, and there’s that whole Daniel and the lions thing. So that got me thinking: What if I make him bring it up somehow? And here we are. 

So the new Daniel skit character said this: “My name is Daniel, and I have finally come out of the lions’ den. I tamed all the beasts. They have succumbed to my authority. I have written my own Book of Daniel, but I am no prophet. I defy God.”

Yeah. I made him say that. 

Of course, my Daniel character is nothing like the Daniel I made my character made a reference to. 

This might be the most religious thing Fierdan has ever said. He’s referring to religious text. 

And in the same breath, he speaks blasphemy. 

Yeah, Fierdan/Daniel (whichever name you prefer to use for him) is just that kind of guy. If he ever gets to talking about religion and God, he’ll be against them. Like, he’ll be full-out anti-religion and anti-God/anti-gods. 

Hmm. “Anti-gods” reminds me of that Episode story. Haha yeah. He just be like that. 

I can see Fierdan not liking Christianity in particular. I can just picture him hating religious extremists, hypocritical Christians who preach hatred more than love/kindness/peace, and I think he would be totally against the whole idea of God. 

Honestly, I don’t think any of this is a surprise. But I don’t know; he’s my own character. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now. So, hey, I don’t know. Is this really that surprising? I can’t tell. 

............ he’s referring to this: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_in_the_lions%27_den

............ hmm ok. 

Boy, you sure have a blasphemous tongue saying this. Not like you give a damn, Fierdan. 

He really went out there and said this as one of his first lines. “I have written my own Book of Daniel, but I am no prophet. I defy God.” 

Just.. wow. Dang. 

There is a Book of Daniel, actually. I didn’t even double check before I wrote that skit line. So, guess I was lucky. Or something. Whatever.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Daniel

Yeah. That.

And yes. Fierdan/Daniel is an atheist and anti-theist. 

But when he grows older (late 20’s and later), he becomes less bitter and hateful about it and is just an atheist. 

He doesn’t believe in God or gods. He never does.

No one can change his mind.

I’m going to conclude this post now. 

Again, I’ll say that I don’t share all of the same beliefs as Fierdan. He has strong beliefs and can push to the extremes when it comes to certain issues. 

That’s my man. :’) 

Bye for now. 

~ Cutepups c;

About Them Boys

Hi, I’m going to make this post quickly before I have to go to my class. I didn’t have my other, earlier class today. And I’m hopefully going to travel home tomorrow because I have a short break. So yeah. 

Tomorrow is already Valentine’s Day, huh? Dang. 

*suddenly realizes that today might be the anniversary of his (my uncle’s) death* ... oh. 

Anyway. That’s not what this post is about. Let’s get on with the content. 

*assumes you read part 1 of my most recent skit story (it’s the previous  post, come on now.)*

I didn’t intend on having the new character in Fierdan’s body set a bathroom on fire. It just happened. 

Well then. 

Wait. It might be a tribute to Duke setting the bathroom on fire in a skit in the past. He just be like that. 

And yes, this new character is a savage. He’s a savage. Yes.

For now, he calls himself Daniel. So I’m going to call him that. 

It’s weird. This character is using Fierdan’s body— this character is Fierdan— but he goes by the name of Daniel. Fierdan hates people calling him Daniel; he feels disconnected from his birth name. And yet, here’s this character, using Fierdan’s body, calling himself Daniel. Well, that sure is strange. Hearing Fierdan (his body, anyway) willingly refer to himself as Daniel feels odd. 

And just to clear up any confusion, skit Daniel is the same character as integrated Fierdan. This character is the combination of Duke and (old?) Fierdan. Two souls; one body. Now there’s one person instead of two. 

I’ve been writing it as “Fierdan: ______” because Daniel is using the same (or at least mostly the same) body as the skit character we’re all used to— Fierdan. But they aren’t exactly the same person. 

Does this sound confusing? Oh well! Suffer with me. 

Now I’m going to briefly talk about J___. Ha, ha, ha... what a guy. 

I think J___ is the most dirty-minded out of all of my main characters. In other words, he’s perverted. 

He’s not a wholesome dude. He’s just not. 

So is Duke. I guess. But J___ is worse. 

[Warning: sex mention] **

*cough* J___ has sex. Duke does not. *cough, cough*

...... with Fierdan. *cough, cough, cough* 

Hhhhh hh heck,,,,,

............. anyway. hi. 

They (J___ and Fierdan) eventually don’t have the healthiest relationship with sex. Not necessarily with them together. It’s kind of like a coping mechanism..? I don’t know. Something like that. 

[Warning: addiction mention— alcohol, drugs] **

They both have addictive personality tendencies. Duke doesn’t have it as badly. As for Duke, he does get “addicted” to... certain things, but he doesn’t have too much trouble with being able to stop. 

I know it’s not that realistic, but then again, Duke isn’t fully human. He’s the odd one out. 

In the past, Duke was pretty much “addicted” to self-harm behaviors and alcohol. He doesn’t really drink any strong alcoholic beverages though... the other adult male characters do though. And by that, I mean: Ryen, J___, and eventually Fierdan (when he’s integrated, starting in story 2). 

Out of all of them, J___ has struggled the most with addiction. He’s an addict. 

However, J___ and Ryen are recovering/mostly recovered from their addictions by the time story 2 sets place with integrated Fierdan and my girls (ahem, Stella (Twinkle) and Dawn). 

Oh yeah. Ryen suffered with alcoholism for a few years. Now he can drink alcohol— in moderation, that is. Having one drink doesn’t make him feel “addicted” anymore. 

On the contrary, as story 2 and 3 progress... Fierdan ends up having more and more addictive tendencies. He eventually becomes like an addict. 

He’s most likely to become an alcoholic at some point. Like his brother was (is?). 

Yeah. Shit gets rough. *sigh*

J___ doesn’t suffer as much from alcoholism as the brothers did/do. He is a drug addict. Ahem, hard drugs. Yeah... 

I’ll say more about them later. I have to leave for class now. 

‘Later. 

~ Cutepups ;p

Who Are You? Part 1

New skit story has officially begun! Nice. 

The preview parts have ended. Now it is time for part 1. :D 

Enjoy!~ ;)

[Content Warning: strong language, implied sexual content mention, possible religious mention]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Date: Late January. The same day as in the first preview, but several hours later. Location: Can’t be revealed.]

Ryen: *speaking to Twinkle* Hey.

Twinkle: *yawns* What? 

Ryen: Did he leave that room yet?

Twinkle: Who? 

Ryen: *crosses arms, sighs* J___. Who did you think I meant?

Twinkle: *isn’t focusing on Ryen* Oh. Right. 

Ryen: *un-crosses arms* Are you okay?

Twinkle: Yeah. *yawns* I’m just tired. 

Ryen: Dawn’s sleeping, right?

Twinkle: Yeah, that’s what she told me before she went to her room. *looks at Ryen* Look, Ryen, it’s getting late. 

Ryen: It’s not even midnight. What’s the rush? 

Twinkle: I’m tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day. 

Ryen: Yeah, I guess you’re right. 

Twinkle: Now could you stop standing in front of my door? 

Ryen: *face reddens in embarrassment* Oh, uh, right. *steps out of the way* Good night, Twinkle.

Twinkle: *puts hand on the doorknob, turns around to look at Ryen* Yeah. Good night. *turns back around, opens door, walks in the bedroom, closes door* 

[One hour later. Nearly 1 am.]

Ryen: *puts down a book he was reading on the coffee table, turns off lamp, stands up* Let’s see what you’re up to. *walks toward the room that J___ is in*

[A few minutes later. Ryen knocks three times at the door; no response. He shrugs and enters the room. J___ is standing beside a cot, staring down at it, his fingers twitching. He doesn’t acknowledge Ryen until he says his name. Then he turns around to look at the older man wearing glasses. Ryen pushes his glasses further up his nose; he is the first to break the silence.]

Ryen: I knocked at the door, and you didn’t answer. I thought that you went to bed. 

J___: No, I’m still here. What do you want? 

Ryen: Aren’t you tired? You’ve been here since the early evening. 

J___: I’m waiting for him to wake up. What do you think I’m doing? 

Ryen: *sighs* I’ve only seen you so intensely focused on anything that has to do with him. He must mean a lot to you, huh? 

J___: We mean a lot to each other. 

Ryen: I would assume so. You haven’t left his side since you walked in here.

J___: *stares back at the cot, at the comatose body lying on top of it* Like I said, I love him. I’ll be here for him when he’s ready to wake up and face the world again. 

Ryen: *also looks at the body on the cot* There’s a good chance he isn’t the same as he used to be.

J___: We’re all changing. Everyone is continuously evolving. 

Ryen: That’s not what I really meant—

J___: *breathes in, breathes out deeply* I know. I felt like you needed to hear that, anyway. 

Ryen: You act like a different person when the subject is about him. Or when he’s simply in the room. 

J___: I get you. I feel like he’s the only thing I can really focus on. He clears my head, which I bet is ironic. *laughs nervously*

Ryen: Well, you’re both chaotic individuals. You make life exciting for the rest of us, and for him as well. 

J___: I know, right? I thrive off of chaos. *winks at Ryen*

Ryen: *clears throat* Yeah, sure. 

J___: You know I’m right. 

Ryen: *laughs* 

J___: I miss his voice. I miss hearing it. 

Ryen: *sighs* You made me realize how much I miss hearing his voice. 

J___: *focuses back on the body on the cot, his eyes staring at the man’s throat, the curve that forms his Adam’s apple, his skin dry yet appearing slightly golden in the bright lighting* After everything he went through, how is he so beautiful? If he ever wakes up, he’ll be a completely different person, but... Damn. He’s beautiful. 

Ryen: *coughs intentionally* Ahem.

J___: *blushes, faces Ryen* Shit. I forgot you came in here. 

Ryen: *laughs* 

J___: Don’t laugh, Ryen!

Ryen: *his laughing fades away the longer he speaks* It’s okay. We all know that you two are lovers. 

J___: *stares at the body on the cot* You have no idea how much we love each other. His voice can give me shivers and make me melt at the same time. He can make me soft and hard all at once.  I didn’t expect his body to turn into that. God, he’s so beautiful, and I wish I could just fucking—

Ryen: *finally cuts J___ off* I would’ve stopped you after hearing you say “hard” like that, but you speak too damn fast sometimes. 

J___: *sighs nostalgically* I miss us being in bed together. 

Ryen: *sighs* You know I’m still in here, right? And how, well, I’m his brother. I got the innuendo from you a few minutes ago. *places hand on J___’s shoulder*

J___: *is startled* What the hell, man? I was being mesmerized by staring at Fierdan’s comatose body, but you ruined the moment. Thanks a lot. 

Ryen: *rolls eyes*

J___: *finally comprehends what Ryen said a few moments before* Oh, damn it! You’re his brother! 

Ryen: Yep. *takes hand off J___’s shoulder* So maybe it isn’t the best idea to start talking in a sexual manner about Fierdan since he’s my brother. 

J___: *looks disgusted at Ryen* Ugh. You’re a nasty one, Ryen. 

Ryen: *raises eyebrow* Oh, I’m the nasty one? You’re basically thirsting over my unconscious little brother right in front of me! 

J___: You two have got the superior genes, that’s for sure. 

Ryen: *glares at J___* “Superior genes” my ass! Don’t say that about either of us again, or you will regret it. *hesitates before continuing* If Fierdan hears you say that about me or himself, he’ll hit you. And not in a kinky way. 

J___: *pouts* Not kinky? That’s a shame. 

Ryen: *frowns* I’m serious. 

J___: Chill, dude. I meant it like... well, he’s hot. His body. Damn. I had to get body modifications for me to like who I saw in the mirror. I used to be an ugly fucker. 

Ryen: Uh...

J___: Now I can look at myself, not thinking I’m an ugly freak. Maybe other people see me as hot. 

Ryen: That’s no surprise. Like... *clears throat* You’re a handsome guy, J___. 

J___: Uh, well, thanks. 

Ryen: I’m not the one to go to if you want to talk romantically. I would advise against it.

J___: *laughs* You, romantic? I can’t imagine it.

Ryen: Good. Because I’m not into romance. 

J___: Got it. *yawns*

Ryen: You’re tired.

J___: I guess so. 

Ryen: Then take a break. It’s not like he’s going anywhere. 

J___: *sighs* I guess you’re right. 

Ryen: I’m going to bed. Good night. *leaves the room*

J___: *turns away from the door once Ryen shuts it behind him, faces Fierdan’s body again* I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back to me. I’ll be here when you’re ready. *sighs* But I’m tired of standing on this hard floor. My feet are aching. You know I have to move around, right? I have to be free. *sighs again* And so do you. Go, be free. You can free yourself of these constraints, Fierdan. Even if you wake up different, I still love you. I’ll check on you again in the morning. *reaches out his arm, gently brushes Fierdan’s limp arm closest to him with his fingertips* I have to go now. Good night, my love. *pulls his own arm away from Fierdan’s, quickly stretches, and finally leaves the room at long last* 

[A half hour before sunrise on the following morning. Everyone, including J___ and Ryen, is still asleep. The focus shifts back to the room with the body on the cot. The body jerks; the person sits up on the cot. Two hands go up to his face; he rubs his eyes and slowly blinks a few times. Then he studies his hands— the backs and fronts of them. The skin is so dry. The man yawns and gently rubs his throat afterwards. His throat is dry. Everything about the body is dry and cold. The fingers on one of his hands stops at his Adam’s apple. His other hand rests on his chest; it rises and falls with his breathing. Slow and steady. The fingers on his Adam’s apple lower to his collarbone. The fingers on the hand over his chest reach up, and he feels the heart beating in his chest. The body feels foreign to him, yet it also feels like his own. He can’t tell which one it is. Maybe it’s both. The man sighs and grips the sides of the cot— to the left and right of him— and his bare feet touch the cold, hard floor. The feeling is new. He sighs again and forces himself to walk to the door. He breathes a sigh of relief that he didn’t stumble and fall. He struggles a little with the cold doorknob, but he is able to twist it and open the door. He doesn’t know where to go next, so he stands in the dark hallway. He swallows and pays attention to the feeling in his throat as he does so. He decides to test his voice.]

Fierdan: I. Hi. 

[A few minutes of him testing out sounds later...]

Fierdan: *thinks* I remember who I am. I know my name. It’s... it’s... 

[His thoughts cut short. One of his hands touches his head; he twists a few strands of his hair around one of his fingers. He looks at it. His hair is a dark color. It looks black. He sighs and lets it go, watching the strands of hair fall in front of his face. Suddenly, the thoughts come back.]

Fierdan: *thinks* I remember who I am. I know my name. It’s Daniel. 

[Daniel.]

Fierdan: *tries speaking out loud again* I... I am Daniel. 

[The man eventually gets used to the body. When the sky lights up as the sun rises, he dusts his hands on the front of his thighs. He enters the closest room.] 

Fierdan: *stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror— his hair, his jawline, his eyes* My name is Daniel, and I have finally come out of the lions’ den. *he turns on the tap, cups one of his hands to collect some of the water, brings it to his lips and drinks the water from the palm of his hand* I tamed all the beasts. They have succumbed to my authority. *turns off the faucet* I have written my own Book of Daniel, but I am no prophet. I defy God. 

[He takes a few steps back from the sink and grins. The irises of his eyes look very similar to rings of fire. Maybe they were all along.] 

Fierdan: I rise above it all. *takes a deep breath* I heard you. I freed myself. We’ll meet again, my love. 

[When he leaves the bathroom, the room is full of flames. The man’s face is determined, rings of fire trapped in his eyes.] 

Fierdan: *walks away from the bathroom without looking back* 

[The smoke detectors in the building go off. A thin trail of smoke and a few dying embers follow behind the man. Noises are heard upstairs by the bedrooms.] 

Fierdan: Well, I guess it’s time to say hello. *grins* This will be fun. 

God Killer Fierdan! Episode Story AU (2)

Hi everyone, I'm finally back with part 2 of Cutepups-rambling-about-an-Episode-story! How fun! And there will be pictures this time! Yay! ;D

First of all, here are some links:

what app am i referring to? it's this one.

The Episode story is called "H & V: Bad to the Bone" by Lee Funk (@/LeeFunkTheAuthor).

The story isn't mine, obviously. However, I found some similarities between the main character in this story and how Fierdan in my own story behaves. And of course, I named the main character of this story, Fierdan.

here is part 1 in case anyone has to catch up or wants to read some context. or any other reason.

Alright. Those are the links. Now let's get on with it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fierdan: I want you dead and stop acting like this temporarily alliance is anything more. 

This Episode outfit is the one that looks like what Fierdan wears in my story canon. I like how it looks on him. Black and purple clothing. A cape. Those kinds of clothes. He doesn't have piercings when he mainly dresses like this in my story (when he's in Cincernum... minus the black goop, isolation, and being cursed... *coughs*) though. I think he looks nice with piercings, haha. 

And this scene is similar to how my Fierdan is regarding a special someone. ;) (you know who) ... it's Soulless. 

Oh wait. Let's back it up a little, shall we? 

Fierdan: Y-you aren't dying Zion. I don't want you to die. 

This is from an earlier chapter than the previous picture. I made Fierdan wear the same outfit, even though this chapter takes place in a snowy land. This is God!Fierdan so he can dress up however he pleases. He is a god who gives no fucks. :)

The red hand on the tree if supposed to be blood. Haha yeah. This is one of those violent Episode stories. 

Like I said before, the main point of this story is for the main character (Fierdan) to kill his fellow gods and goddesses. Fierdan, who is also a god, wants to kill the rest of them. Or at least he wants them all dead. He doesn't get to kill them all. 

So yeah. Fierdan is a god killer. Ah, my fiery disaster man! Always having to kill, huh? Yep, that's my man!

 Zion is the first person Fierdan finds and puts on his team. At first, Fierdan had no feelings except "gotta murder the gods!"...  and Zion was an annoying but vital part of Fierdan's team. But then as the story progresses, Fierdan gains feelings (except confusing justice with violence) and grows attached to Zion. Hence, the picture of them above.

By the way, I think it's ironic how the tall guy is named Zion. Since, well, it starts with a Z. And we all know which character in my story has a name that starts with Z— Fierdan's father. And I originally named his father, Zios. Oh hmm... 

But Zion is a good guy. He can be quite a nuisance and makes some stupid decisions, yet he is still appreciated. Heck, even Fierdan appreciates him. 

Z though? Not at all. Z is hated through and through. 

Onto more pictures and rambling now! 

Fierdan: Consider our bromance over. 

It's the boys again! Their relationship is so beautiful. Fierdan admits that their relationship is a bromance. Oh no, it ended! Damn. That's tragic. </3

I know this an Episode story, but I perceive the characters' emotions and body language so strongly. Like, this right here? Such a classic. I love them.

...... and honestly, these characters kinda remind me of Duke and Brock in my skits. *wink, wink* ... oh, come on. we all know they had something going on. Duke and Brock. Umm? Yes! XD

Moving along now........

Fierdan: You don't want to be like me. 

Yeah, that's Fierdan's entire character in a nutshell. It goes beyond a single story universe. Wow, that runs deep! 

The girl he's talking with is a demigod named Carys, if I'm remembering correctly. She and the demigods join Fierdan's team of fighting and killing the gods and goddesses. 

Also, this outfit? What a look. Fierdan slays all his outfits. Slay! (oh heck, he has knives. get it? slay? hahaha. yeah.)

Fierdan: I can't cry. I can't form emotional bonds and I certainly can't feel love for someone.

Now Fierdan is talking about how he's emotionless and can't feel love. Hmm... mood? This scene makes me wonder if the main character in the story is possibly aromantic..? 

He means all types of love. But like. This scene! *screams*

Fierdan... ;-; hhhhhfffgh. 

Anyway. Let's continue. 

Fierdan: Oh boo-hoo. 

Every time I look at this picture, I think it's so fucking funny. Fierdan, damn, he's so iconic. What a legend. 

"Oh boo-hoo." That dialogue. Damn, this Episode Fierdan is a savage. I love him!

He got knocked to the ground, and yet he looks so chill. For someone whose main goal in life is to kill his kind (the gods), he sure looks calm and collected. He's just there. On the ground. Looking like that. Damn son.

The woman is Irene, the goddess of peace and justice. Well, if I remember correctly. It's very ironic that she's the goddess of peace. Because like... Irene, she's an interesting one.

She likes fighting, and of course fighting Fierdan. She has a grudge against him. I mean, who wouldn't? But she's Irene. 

She wanted to kill her husband, then she wanted him to suffer, and she also wanted to create an army to fight the demigods. Sounds peaceful, huh! Yeah, no. 

Now let's get to the good stuff! >:D

Fierdan... wait no, it says Ash Beast. Ash Beast, possessing Fierdan's body: I will win. What do you want anyway? 

Evil, evil, evil. This character is evil. 

Ash Beast can control Fierdan's body and do things that Fierdan opposes. Does that remind you of my story at all? 

Oh yes. Soulless! That demonic bastard. Can't forget that demon. 

When the Ash Beast takes over Episode Fierdan's body, he becomes more powerful. Oh and by the way, Ash Beast apparently created the gods. So there's that to keep in mind. 

In my story, well... When Soulless manipulates Fierdan and controls his body, Fierdan becomes stronger than he is without Soulless possessing him. And Fierdan, under the influence of Soulless, gives off more inhumane and evil vibes than he is on his own. 

And hey, look at these pictures. *winks* 

Ash Beast: Then I am going to take it by force. 

This is what the Ash Beast looks like... outside of Fierdan's body. Hmm. I think Fierdan is hotter though. :/

Ok but Fierdan looks like a tall child in comparison. Why is he smiling? I don't get it. Episode is strange. :/

Anyway, Ash Beast dude wants to take full control of Fierdan's body. I think that is what they are arguing about.

It kinda reminds me of Fierdan and Soulless spending time in Cincernum. They argue a lot. I mean, hey, that's understandable. Soulless wants to take full control of Fierdan's body and Duke's as well. Soulless also wants to possess Fierdan's body permanently "by force" so... yeah. I see similarities here.

The similarities between Episode Fierdan and Ash Beast & my story Fierdan and Soulless are strong here. Damn.

Fierdan: My actions... are rarely my own lately.

Oh no, the boy is sad! The god killer is sad! :'(

He doesn't have full control over his actions. Ash Beast is making his body do things he doesn't want to. 

*thinks of Fierdan and Soulless, and sweats* h-heck,,

Fierdan: I believe he's trying to make himself seem less like the enemy, but he's the one who wants to take over my body.

Oh fuck. This made me so emotional. I screamed when I first read/played this chapter. The similarities between my Fierdan and this Fierdan have me screaming. What the hell is this?! Ahh!

Fun Fact: At first, I thought Fierdan was naked or wearing underwear in this scene. He's not. He has pants on. Don't worry.

However, in the next few chapters Fierdan has scenes when he's walking around in his underwear. So, well, there's that.

The smoke effect gives me even more Soulless vibes. God... damn it.

Now let me bring that picture back. And add context. 

Since Fierdan is wearing a different outfit, this takes place in a later chapter. Fierdan,, yes boy,, call that bastard out! Yes!!

This Fierdan wants the Ash Beast dead. He wishes Ash Beast would die. He's so over the "temporarily alliance" they supposedly have.

Well... huh. That sure reminds me of my Fierdan and Soulless. 

Fierdan wants Soulless dead. He wants Soulless to go away for good. Forever. They also had something like an alliance. I mean, Soulless helped Fierdan survive when he was initially dropped in Z's project world. Soulless was kind of like Fierdan's (and Dawn's too, to some extent) mentor. Soulless was like a twisted up teacher. And of course, Fierdan and Soulless had to have some type of alliance, otherwise the DUKE Fierdan (Duke) wouldn't be created and born. 

So yeah. Hmm. 

I'll make a part 3 of this at some point. 

J___ at the Bar

First of all, I started this drawing a long time ago. I mean August.. which feels like a long time ago now.

I colored some more of it today. Anyway, I’m giving up on working on it. I don’t have motivation to draw stuff myself. It’s too much effort, and I’m too impatient.

blah blah this post blah blah

It links to the post where I put the beginning sketch.

My art sucks. :(

It’s just the facts. :/

It’s supposed to be at a bar. But I gave up on the background. Where are the drinks? I don’t know, okay?!

J___. Ja boi. Jack. Jax. Jinx. JJ. Jojo. Jumanji. Joker. *insert any other name that stands out to me that starts with J*

......... What am I doing? Hmm...

Oh yeah. It’s art time! XD

This is my attempt at trying to draw J___. 

I sketched and outlined this a few months ago. Oof. The anatomy is terrible. 

Is there anything good about this? Can someone tell me? Guide me to the light. 

...... I keep on getting distracted. Geez. 

Yeah. I think that’s all I have to say for this post. 

Surprise! It’s an art post. :D 

Oh yeah. I added in a cigarette. He’s a smoker. 

(Stop making your characters be bad influencers, Cutepups. Omg. >:/)

............... welp. heh, heh, heh. heck.

Emotional Songs Relating To My Characters (2020 #1)

Hi, I'm giving up on naming my posts. I can't do this anymore.

Ok so, this post is going to be me basically throwing videos of songs at you guys and saying how they especially relate to my characters. These songs hit me in the feels. Ouch, feelings. And this is my first music post of the year, so I added a "2020 #1" into the title. Deal with it.

Y-A-Y

Yeah ok. Let's start.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

;-; <3 ;-; <3

Innocence~ Nathan Wagner

This song reminds me a lot of Fierdan (versions: Kid Danny to integrated Fierdan) and Dawn. Since I'm obsessed with them, of course I can hear Danny/Fierdan as the male voice and Dawn as the female voice. This song reminds me of their entire relationship- and wow, there are a ton of feelings there! Like.. from when they're little kids and hanging out in the garden, to Fierdan's "darkness" (figuratively and literally) consuming him, to the aftermath of pretty much everything that happens to them. Their relationship is so complicated- friendship? siblings? family? ... lovers?- it transcends all of that. I don't know how to properly explain it, but gosh.. their relationship is quite something. 

Lyrics that hit me (female voice in italics): "Bring me to the garden where'd we go and cleanse my soul, cleanse my soul. Free me of this anger that I hold and make me whole, make me whole. ... Darling, won't you let it go? You don't have to let it hold you. Listen to the light. Don't let the darkness take you. ... Always in this inner fight: Do I listen to the voice that says "I'm worthless, never will be right" ... these daggers going through my chest. Can't you see the devastated souls, the remains of my own foolishness? I'll bring you to the garden where we'd go and cleanse your soul, cleanse your soul. I'll free you of this anger that you hold and make you whole, make you whole. ... and your memories aren't your destiny. ..." [that long "oh" part] "If I looked you in the eye and showed the broken things inside, I won't run away ... If you saw my darkest parts, the wicked things inside my heart!" 

Yeah. This is such an emotional song that I could replay for hours. :') ... but I won't this time. 

Onto more songs! 

-x-x-

I'm not going to write on and on about the other songs. But these songs also remind me of my characters. High chance of one of those characters being Fierdan (+ Duke). Because... them. 

-x-x-

Lonely~ Nathan Wagner

This song is part of the song I mentioned before this one. It doesn't remind me of a specific character or characters, but it kind of gives me vibes for all of my main ones. Some lyrics remind me of Fierdan (of course), other parts remind me of Ryen, and other parts remind me of Stella. (... I mean Twinkle.) *coughs* J___ as well. 

-x-x-

Overcome.~ barnacle boi 

"I just want to run away from it all."

This song reminds me of Duke, Fierdan, Stella, and J___. Duke and Stella because they run away from their "homes" (more like where they lived with their parents).. and they have their mess of conflicting emotions. That's an obvious one. As for Fierdan, it's more like a "I want to run away from myself and the past" kind of thing. And J___ well.. he runs away in his teenage years. 

J___'s life before meeting Stella, Duke, Fierdan, and the others (including Ryen) was rough. But more on a relatable level of rough than compared to what Fierdan, Ryen, and the rest of them had to deal with.  

But to put it very short, J___ runs away from his family, his home, his neighborhood, and he does lots of questionable things (ahem, illegal activity). Where J___ is from is the most like how society is today, while the birth places of Ryen, Fierdan, and Dawn were more in this.. futuristic (? not sure how to describe it) society. Z and C (the parents of the three) were very powerful and influential people. J___ is from a regular family compared to the kind of people that Z and C were. 

Oh and J___ quits high school. In today's terms, he runs away and leaves his past life behind when he's a junior in high school at age 16. 

His current age (when the story takes place) is 22. Fierdan is also 22. So.. now you know my decisions on their ages in early 2020. Nice. 

Wow, I'm going off-topic. Oops. 

-x-x-

Interlude~ Breathe Carolina

Reminds me of Duke/Fierdan and J___. 

Lyrics that hit me: "Everybody doubts me now. Everybody likes me less. ... And I'm fucking running, I'm running away. I'm running away. ... And I heard you say that it hurts inside when you see me this way. Do you want to change? ... At least for me."

-x-x-

Narcissistic Cannibal~ EarlyRise (Korn cover)

For some reason, I can imagine Dawn singing this about Fierdan (and Duke too, maybe). This singer's voice reminds me of Dawn. Hmm...

Oh wait. I can also imagine Dawn singing this about Z. 

-x-x-

The Mystic~ Adam Jensen

Maybe this song isn't as sad/emotional as the others, but how it ties in J___'s character, yeah.. feelings. 

-x-x-

The Kid~ Adam Jensen

And this song reminds me of J___ when he's a teenager. 

"Nothing's gonna stop this kid." Ain't that right. 

-x-x-

That's it for this post. Hope you enjoy the music. 

LOL OK

Bye for now.