Songs that remind me of Fierdan and Ryen (@ Z worst dad edition)

Wow, what a post title! Look how long it is!

Anyway.. hey guys. How's it going? It's ya boi, Cutepups, back again.

For this post, I'm going to be inserting videos of songs from my Fierdan and Ryen music playlists that give me specific feelings about them.

(Yes, the songs are all in the playlists. I just feel like Emphasizing them. Ok thanks.)

Because like.. hey.. they're brothers. That's crazy, I know. Do they know how to act like normal bros, especially around each other? No, they're more like wrecks than human beings.

You know what? Ryen and Fierdan had/have very angry, pretty violent teenage and young adult phases. Boy, were these two full of anger and violence. Yikes indeed.

Their actions were/are so ugly. I just don't understand them. How could they just do those things?

Yikes, their teenage selves are the most terrifying of all. They scare me. ;n;

... damn. what's the point of this post again?
... oh yeah.

Here are some songs that remind me of Ryen and Fierdan (@ each other, @ their father/the worst dad/Z the shit man).

anger,,, violence,,, emotions that just destroy me because their thoughts about their father are so messed up and honestly the brother-brother and father-son relationships ultimately leave me feeling very sad and vaguely empty inside,,, and and and... I'll shut up now.

Ha Ha Ok

-----------------------------------------------------

Father, Brother~ Escape the Fate

shit idk what to tell you guys. this song reminds me of Fierdan, Ryen, and Z so much for some reason?? uh......

more specifically: at least halfway through my story 2 concept. Like yeah, Z is dead. He's been dead for quite a while. I can just imagine Fierdan and Ryen singing this while thinking of Z. Spoilers for story 2 are that these brothers? They're just oh so lost and confused. Oh and that they learn more about Z and his "work" or whatever it should be called. And their mother who they learn was also shitty and kinda pretty damn evil. Like hey, at least Z was more straightforward than whatever the hell their mother did. And uh.. idk.. Fierdan and Ryen reflect back to their childhood sometimes. And this song reminds me of that. 

As children, they both felt like they never truly belonged and were accepted by their father. They felt wrong and flawed. When Ryen and Fierdan gain more knowledge about their parents, they "just don't know" and it causes them lots of distress and other uncomfortable feelings. 

They both got "pushed away" by Z. Another word I use is "discarded" for that. As a child, Danny (aka Fierdan) was also "pushed away" by Ryen.

"I forgive you for.. all that you've done wrong." this line especially reminds me a lot of Fierdan and Ryen and how they feel about each other. For a while, they're pretty bitter and hostile around each other (referring to story 2 now lol). But as time passes, they spend more time around each other, kinda making up for all the years they spent away from the other. And hey, they grow to understand each other and their reasons behind the things they did. Then at some point, it could be said that they forgive each other "for all that [they've] wrong" to the other brother.

(ugh, I bet I'm typing "each other" too much..) 

Example: Fierdan forgiving Ryen for basically never playing games and hanging out with him when they were kids. That made Danny (Pre-Fierdan) feel shitty, of course, but when he becomes aware of all the work Z imposed on Ryen that made him pretty much not have any childhood whatsoever.. well, Fierdan kinda does feel sorry for him and think that of course Ryen would end up being an angry, frequently on edge child. (Ryen also forgives Fierdan for some reasons, but I can't think of any at the moment.)

Ok, next song!

-x-x-

Just A Memory~ Escape the Fate

This song, in more simpler terms than the last one, reminds me of the anger/bitterness/hostility Fierdan has toward Ryen after he knows what Ryen did while working for their father and remembers how they both treated him (and Dawn too but this isn't about her) like trash (or, in other words, shit).

And the "you're gonna die alone" lines are just them (Fierdan and Ryen.. duh, who else am I talking about?) verbally attacking each other. Umm.. (with added context and connotations).. ouch, that phrase is very damn vicious.

-x-x

Hate Me~ Escape the Fate

idk, this is pretty much the same as the last song. Ryen and Fierdan are critical/bitter/borderline hateful towards the other for how they decide to live their lives. 

-x-x-

PUPPETEER~ Sworn In

This song just reminds me a lot of the "puppets and puppeteers" metaphor I have for my characters. Fierdan and Duke as the puppets, Z as the puppeteer, Ryen as both puppeteer and puppet depending on the circumstances. It's not a happy, kid-friendly puppet show (lol no); it's a very manipulative and dehumanizing puppet show with my guys! :^)

-x-x-

Glass Houses~ Bad Omens

Another song with the same general fiery rage mood like the previous ones on this list. 

"I've seen the devil more than I've seen God." oh shit that line hits hard. (Fierdan and Ryen relate @ Z)

"You said I'll never make it ... you said I'll make a mistake." (*cough* This one reminds me of Fierdan thinking (angrily, of course) about Ryen and Z.)

-x-x-

The House Of Wolves~ Bring Me The Horizon

And this one pretty much summarizes how Ryen and Fierdan feel about God and religion (at least what they've picked up about it.. from Z, who believes he's like a new god or some messed up and off the walls crap).

I think of Ryen and Fierdan being atheists, and for some years (*cough*) they outwardly express (idk how to phrase this better lol) that, yeah.. they don't/didn't only not believe in a god, they hated God, making them antitheist (I think that's the word..? idk I'm tired lol).

And like.. I think "house" fits for them. Their house.. yeah, it sure is falling apart. Nothing healthy about that place. Huh.

-x-x-

Everything You Hate~ Project Vela

For one, it reminds me of Duke and Fierdan. It also reminds me of Fierdan @ Z, Fierdan @ Ryen, and Fierdan and Ryen @ Z.

-x-x-

We Were Just Kids~ Emmure

This song reminds me of Ryen, reflecting on how terribly he treated his brother when they were younger. Because.. Ryen did hurt Danny/Fierdan (and pretty severely). 

Yeah uh.. I'm just not paying attention to the "I want your heart but I don't deserve it" line. Haha no, that does not remind me of Ryen @ Fierdan. If anything, that's how Fierdan constantly thinks about J___ and for the later short-term relationships he's in. 

Fierdan and his instability in relationships.. especially after his relationship with J falls apart. Ah..-

-x-x-

The Black~ Asking Alexandria

idk, uh.. it reminds me of Ryen and Fierdan desperately wanting to get rid of their father, Z the shit man! And by getting rid, or as the song puts it, "I need to cut you out", Ryen and Fierdan are referring to wanting to get him out of the picture by wishing he would just die already. Later on.. well, you guys know.. Fierdan kills Z (and "cuts him out" *cough*). 

But I can also imagine it as the lyrics being directed at Ryen by Fierdan and vice versa. 

-x-x-

A Living Nightmare~ Outline In Color

Well, it's just: Ryen thinking about Z and Fierdan. And, of course, Fierdan thinking about Z and Ryen. Maybe even Fierdan @ himself and Ryen @ himself too.

Yes, they think of their parents a lot in story 2, despite the fact they've been dead for so long.

-x-x-

And for a bonus, these songs remind me of Duke and Fierdan. I'm not adding any explanation though. 

*cough, cough* ouch,,;;

Smother Me~ Outline In Color

Not Enough~ Outline In Color

White Lies~ Dream State

Simply Me//2~ Everyone Dies In Utah

... ok, this last one reminds me of Fierdan in story 2 and on more than Duke. But hey, Duke can also relate to the lyrics. I just think of Fierdan easier.

"I forgive you" oh there I go looping it back to the first song I put in this post. Fierdan and forgiveness. Ahh, my heart!

-x-x-

Ok, I'm done now. 

I missed writing a post about Fierdan and Ryen. I think about them a lot, haha. 

Well, there ya go. That's the end of the post, folks.

Dawn drawing 3/30

I didn’t draw anything for a really long time.

For the past hour or so, I’ve been quickly drawing my Dawn girl.

Dawn! <3

Eh, oh well, I tried.

This is kinda how I picture her looking like.

Ok so yeah hey art:

Dawn 🍃🌿

I tried to draw her hair so that it looks like it has layers and isn’t flat. I’m not sure if I succeeded in doing that.

I used two color pencils for her skin tone (lol it’s barely noticeable).

And yes, her body looks different from the last time I drew her. And yes, her hair color is a little darker too.

Anyway, I was busy yesterday. But everything ended up going well.

I’m so tired. I blame my cursed nose.

Oh and I might not reply to your comments as soon as I would like because I still have the commenting issue (which makes zero sense to me btw).

I also might make another post a little later. Or two. Probably just one though.

Well.. bye for now.

~ Cutepups

wow ok lmao

Okay, I’m back. XD

Cutepups here

Well, yes. Hi. 

It’s Friday now. I’m busy today. 

Especially after class. Wow, what a surprise. 

The due date for the forms I had to fill out for the organization were due Thursday evening though. So I’m done with those things. 

But I still have other things to do a little over 12 hours from now. So.. yeah. 

Tbh idk what the heck is going on with Blogger. Sometimes it says I’m signed in and can comment under my Google account (“Cutepups”), and other times (when I didn’t even touch my gmail) it says I’m “signed out” (wtf no I’m not. bich..) leaving the Google account commenting option blank. 

It.. it frustrates me. 

Ok but at least the app is working for me again. I’m typing this on my phone from the website though. Because that’s the only way I can insert images in my posts now (thanks, Blogspit Blowger :^|).

... classes still suck, don’t get me wrong. 

but ehhhh...............

Having to do organization work and having to meet up with members to finish the rest of the required interview sheets... that can kinda distract me from thinking about how shitty I feel because of classes. 

... I’m meeting up with someone (not related to any of that stuff I just said) about a job opportunity on campus. It’s this afternoon. And uh, may I just say......

eep! >.< ack! :o ahh!! 

Enough of all that. I’m gonna turn this post into a post idea I had for at least a week. :-)

................ umm ok?? 

Here it goes, folks. :: 

I’m in college. I say that a lot. Don’t I? Well, yes. I sure do. It’s kind of.. my life at the moment (lmao). 

So much happens weekly. Daily, even. 

I get lots of new thoughts piled in my head all the time. I feel like a lot changes on a weekly basis. 

I could get an idea for a blog post one day. I could be thinking of that idea all day. If I’m lucky, that idea sticks with me for more than three days. 

But then things happen and I don’t have time (or motivation/energy) to create that post. So I don’t post. 

Anyway, my point is that ever since I started attending college, I left and forgot about many post ideas I had from the summer. 

Honestly, I still feel a little guilty about it. The summer (June, July, August) feels like ages ago to me now. It’s just.. wow. 

So, uh, I’ve been thinking. During the end of July, I had a long and elaborate post idea about.. about how I went and saw this. 

Then time passed and I ended up never making that post. (oh darn :c) 

... I think I maybe got ashamed about that elaborate and emotional (and honestly, possibly slightly triggering? idk anymore though) post idea. So maybe that’s why I never made that post..? Hmm...

Pictures- from late July 2018!: 

Dear Evan Hansen! <3 

Yeah haha.. that play. 

I love it. I still listen to its album pretty often. 

I’m still not over it, tbh. ha, ha. yeah. 

Alright! I posted the pics. 

Whew,,, ok, ok please calm down @ Cutepups. please. 

And now I shall attempt to go unconscious! ;D 

(I mean try and get some sleep. I don’t feel any inclination to physically hurt myself at the moment, don’t worry.) 

Bye (for now)~

~ Cutepups 

why (venting)

contains swearing.

.............

........

...................

Ok so, Gmail and Blogger are giving me a really hard time.

Blogger is doing the same shit I said in the last post.

I signed in and out of my gmail accounts several times, but it won’t show my emails for my more important email account.

The Blogger app keeps on crashing on me.

In other words, I hate this. Fuck this shit.

This is very pissing me off. Mostly the gmail shit

Anyway, I want to self destruct more than anything.

I’m pretty sure I failed my exam.

I fucking suck at time management, and I fucking hate myself, and watch this be the class I fail.

I have so much more shit to do this week, especially on Friday, but now I just don’t want to do anything. I don’t have energy and motivation to do all these things anymore.

I have to fill out an online form on Friday that I have to get done in only a few hours. I have no idea who to choose.

I also have to meet someone on Friday to talk about a job opportunity. And my anxious ass is already freaking out about that.

My anxious ass also makes me get test anxiety. Fuck anxiety.

In other news, my nose must hate me. It’s probably no big deal, but what do I know? Nothing apparently!

Whenever it feels like I have a stuffy nose and I blow my nose, blood (not mucus, fucking blood) comes out of my nostrils.

And it’s not a one time thing. This has been happening a few times a week.. for a few weeks.

Lol isn’t that great? Cutepups is back with the body issues. Wooooooooo—Iwannadie.

I can’t even look forward to Friday. I can’t look forward to my next “break” because “brother college graduation!” but I can’t stop thinking about how fucking nervous I am when I think about the fact that I have to fly by myself. Sure, the airplane ride is short, but I have fucking anxiety and I am fucking terrified. Airports give me anxiety. But I have to fly. I just don’t know what to do.

I’m having a little trouble sleeping again. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.

Man, I want to break my hands and/or fingers right about now.

At least all the people I’ve talked to in my Greek life organization have been very nice and kind (to me and everyone else) so far. The leaders especially write sweet messages. That’s a good thing, I guess? But that’s pretty much the only good thing.

Shit.. I miss Thelma and Sunshine so much already. It’s only the start of Wednesday. I don’t want it to be Friday, but I don’t want to go to any classes either.

I hate not having time to draw. I hate not having time to write any better blog posts. I hate how I’m not happy when winter is over now.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

If I had the guts, I would have hurt myself like Duke does to himself by now. :-}

Personal updates from Cutepups! Yikes lmao what a wreck.

B YE
BYE

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Blogspot Blogger sux :-/ + Therapy Doggos whom I love

Gonna talk about the dogs first. Ok.

So this afternoon, therapy dogs came to campus. I didn’t know they were coming, so when I found out, I became happy. Dogs just make the day better, you know? Yeah.. :) they sure do.

 I, of course, went to see the therapy dogs. And it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that I love all three of them so freaking much. The dogs are a good boy and good girls.

They just made my day. I love dogs. ;w;

There was this Spanish hunting dog who is blind in one eye, a fluffy black lab (and maybe something else too) that gave everyone lots of kisses (licks) all over our faces, and a happy greyhound who came today.

(aahhh, my hearttt ;w; <3 sweet, sweet old puppers)

I took pictures of them, but the other people who came to see them are in every picture I took. So.. I won’t put them here, sorry folks.

Now for a total change of topic. (YEET!)

... Blogger Blogspot whatever tf it’s called sux (sucks). I hate it. Why am I still using this website? I don’t remember.

I woke up this morning, published the comment in my comment moderation inbox thing, and suddenly realized that I was signed out of Blogger. Yes, even though I literally just published a comment which means I’m signed into Blogspot Blogger. That’s very logical!1!1!2!! (*smh*)

Then I checked again after my first class. Same issue. Then repeat that but for my next two classes.

I even got so frustrated that I made this dramatic comment:

Ok, this is really frustrating me now. I signed out and back in to all my gmail accounts (including the one I use for my Blogger account) several times today already. I’ve been signed into my Blogger account this entire time. I’m directed to my Blogger Dashboard when I type in blogger . com or something like that. I signed back in with this email and I can also edit things on my blog (that being on the Dashboard) and my profile/profile picture. But for some reason, it keeps on saying I’m signed out of my Google account when I try to comment. It’s like I’m signed into Blogger everywhere except when it comes to writing comments. And on top of that, I finally got it to work on my computer (I’m signed in as Cutepups when I comment), but it’s not working on my phone (which I’m on right now). Ugh, I hate this. Blogger, what the heck. :/

- a confused and frustrated Cutepups 

PS: I got to see therapy dogs today. They’re all very sweet. :)

So that happened. Huh. :/

I really don’t know what the heck happened. That was weird, Blogger Blog Spot the dog, get your shiz together. 

I laugh inside every time I comment on anything Blogger Blogspot because it looks like Duke is saying whatever my comments say. And, haha, they don’t really fit him at all. I find it funny because I’m a fool and that’s how I roll. 

So not being able to do that today left me pretty annoyed. Haha.. yeah. 

And now the Blogspot Blogger poopoo app keeps on crashing on me whenever I open it. 

(thx blooger blogspit. fu—)

Stop being a meanie to me and my blog with a URL that doesn’t even match my blog theme content!!!1!!1!2!2!!1!1!!! >:-/ >:U aaaarawrurghuwugh

. . . . oh yeah

I was also going to make a post about the songs I put in the Fierdan and Ryen music playlists that specifically remind me about them specifically (yes, I wrote ‘specifically’ twice, deal with it). 

*cough* EtF *cough* 

By the way, if anyone doesn’t use Spotify, you can just search up the songs I have in my playlists on YouTube or whatever wherever. 

(Tbh, I haven’t been using Spotify for that long. Well, a little less than two years.) 

I might insert YouTube videos of those songs I’m referring to in that post when I’ll make it. When will I make it? I have no idea.

I also am interested in creating a Fauna playlist, but I really only have two songs (with lyrics) for it so far. 

And then the playlist for my J boy beauty man. (ohohohoho-)

I’m scared about tomorrow. The test sounds scary. :c 

Just saying.../>

Alright, I’m done now. Thanks for reading. :) 

~ Cutepups 

hmm...ok

Ah, I did not post on Sunday. 

(Cutepups breaking promises 101 </3) 

Uh.. let’s start with the late post, shall we? 

—————————

I’m back at college. I had to say bye to my pets for another month. 

Not a long trip but yeah. I’m back. I gotta do schoolwork and study and organization/club work. And that takes up quite a bit of time, I have to say. 

I was very close to making a negative post in the afternoon.. but then I didn’t. What’s the point in spreading my own negativity? No thanks, I’m good.

I’m stressing. I spent all day Sunday stressing out. 

I had to take a quiz (for Greek life if anyone’s nosy and wants to know, I guess) a few hours ago. 

I spent the day stressing over it and attempting to study and memorize the info that would be on the quiz. 

(I was nervous, ok shh...)

And I passed it. Which surprised me. Huh, that’s nice. I feel simultaneously like a failure and like a success (what is this feeling?). 

... I also have a midterm exam very soon. I’m very stressed about that too. 

I have to write so much in such a short amount of time. No multiple choice. Essay. Another essay. More questions. Reading materials that are hard to understand. *screams internally (whatever that means)* 

——————-

I was going to make posts about these things: 

• Ardere’s home life 

• Ardere’s music playlist (I think of it in a slightly different way compared to the other ones) 

• I didn’t think of Duke for the majority of the time I was on spring break. Huh.. wow. 

• That future, future, future story universe concept I have of Fierdan having a daughter. 

• A future, future story universe concept of Fierdan being in a kinda long relationship with a woman. Well, at least 2 or 3 months long. After Fierdan (Danny —> end of story 2 ‘Fierdan’) had a relationship with J______. (romantic and sexual relationship *cough*). Well, I’m referring to his long-term (at least kind of?) relationships. 

• The concept I have for Fierdan’s daughter.. she’s so adorable and happy and omg I love her so much. ;w; 

• Me just making fun of that drawing of Duke I have as my current profile picture. (spoiler alert- I don’t really like it anymore. I don’t really see Duke as looking like that in my mind anymore.) 

• Me venting about the story and how there are so many plotholes that I don’t know how to fix. A lot of things just don’t line up at all. It frustrates and haunts me a lot. :-( 

• I was going to draw my Fierdan’s daughter concept, but then I had to think of other things. 

• Me being upset at myself for not drawing anything or writing anything to contribute to my story chapters while I was on break. 

Hhhhffhhhfgh. Fierdan’s daughter. Fierdan being a father figure to a baby girl who grows into a little girl. Them having a healthy/happy/positive father-daughter relationship. ... my heart ;w; <3 !!! 

(the word ‘adopted’ may be put between the words ‘Fierdan’s’ and ‘daughter’.. but now I’m not 100% sure about that... haha oh irony—)

I bet that all sounds like a “wtf is wrong with you, Cutepups :/“ concept, but I swear I can imagine it working beautifully. 

Daddy Fierdan Fierdan as a father at what age? I’m not sure. Any time from his mid-20s to his late-20s to his early-30s to his mid-30s. So I really don’t know, haha. 

Remind me to draw her if I forget to (which, honestly, I probably will). 

Blah, blah, blah. Life stuff is keeping me busy, and I’m too busy to do more than only think of my characters. I am stressed. Umm.. heck. Blah, blah, blah. 

I hope you guys have a nice week! :) 

Until the next time I decide to post something...~ 

~ Cutepups 

Cats, Cats, Cats!!!

Here’s another post with one theme- and it’s cats! I sure do like kitty cats. I like cats. :3

Oh and before I forget to mention in a post:

I’m more busy nowadays than I have been. I got things going on that I have to do. So that’s one valid excuse for me not posting as much.

But I don’t like when I don’t post often. So I’m going to try to make a few posts in the next few hours.

[EDIT, a few hours later: yeah.. never mind that. I got too tired to make another post. I’m also kinda stressing out a lot (?). Anyway, another reason why I didn’t post daily this past week is because I got (temporarily, I guess?) very sad to very angry some days, and I don’t want my negative emotions to get in the way when I write my posts nowadays. Because, like, I have a set number of post ideas I could finally write, and I don’t want an unexpected vent/rant to be one of those. Sorry if this is phrased more awkwardly than normal, I’ve actually been feeling kinda out of it all day (despite all this cool cute cat stuff). I’ve been feeling tired and my head has been feeling a little weird all day long. Oh and my spring break is ending, I’m pretty damn stressed about what I have to do when I go back to school (college) and.. haha, I don’t know what I’m doing nor what I’m going to do. So that’s that.]

Now onto the post:

————————————

I took these pictures of Thelma wearing her collar a few days ago. Her face.. wow, what a silly dork. Those pictures.. yeah, they’re from my room.

Haha yeah ok.

I keep on laughing as I look at this picture of her. Why did she decide to look like that as I took her picture? I don’t know, it’s a mystery. 

So that’s my child, Thelma. She’s 7 years old now, but she still looks like a baby. 

————————-

Today (March 23rd), I went to a “cat café” with my parents. We had tea there. And I went into a room within the café to see cats. Those cats are also up for adoption. 

So anyway, I took pictures of a few of the cats. 

Most of them were hiding and/or sleeping. 

Uh.. pictures!: 

This cat looks a lot like my Thelma. :’) 

And here are the rest of my cat pictures from today (it’s a different cat): 

I love them all. <3 

I’m typing this on mobile, and it’s hard to see what I’m typing after inserting images into posts. 

‘Later,

~ Cutepups 

Zodiac Signs of My Main Characters

Hi, I have a few themed posts in mind. Here's one of them.

Ok so I've been thinking about the birthdays and zodiac signs of my characters. And then I realized, "hey, maybe I should write it down in a post" so here we are.

I'm still not completely sure about all of their birth dates. I'm just going to list their zodiac signs.

And no, I'm not getting into astrology and all that when I think of my characters. I'm just using zodiac signs in order to show you guys when their birthdays are.

Yeah ok sure. Let's start.

------------------

Zodiac Signs:

Aries: March 21 - April 19
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
Gemini: May 21 - June 20
Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Leo: July 23 - August 22
Virgo: August 23 - September 22
Libra: September 23 - October 22
Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
Pisces: February 19 - March 20

----------------------------------------------

This is what I have for my main characters:

Duke / Fierdan: Sagittarius
Twinkle (Stella): Taurus
Finny: Aquarius
Sparkle: Aquarius
Ardere: Cancer (or Pisces)
Fauna: Aries (or Virgo)
Dawn: Leo
Ryen: Libra
J: Gemini

----------------------

Yeah. That's what I have.

Now have these irrelevant old blogging pictures. Why, you ask? Well, how about why not?

(Uh ok sure..?)

:-)

Ahh, Ardere my lightning sunshine boy whom I love so freaking much!! My happy wholesome child!! <3 :D !!!!!!

To be honest, looking at my not-as-old anthro (furry *cough*) drawings of my characters kinda makes me miss drawing them like that. 

Ok..

Ugh, I gotta go. 

Ryen music playlist + Ardere music playlist

Hi, I'm back again! I haven't posted in a while (well, for my standards). Yes, uh, hello.

It's me...

Yes...

*cough, cough* Anyway, so what was I doing?

Well, you see, uh... 

Stuff. Things. Stuff and things. Yeah.

I saw the Captain Marvel movie the other day. I had to get a plane ticket for a flight I have to take by myself next month. I felt a little sick for a few days (... again). I went out to eat for dinner (I mean, we went to an Irish (-ish? idk) restaurant for St. Patrick's Day. I found my cat's (Thelma's) old collar and put it back on her, but it's still loose on her. And today, I emailed somebody (who I became aware of because of my mom, surprisingly) about having a part-time job on my college campus. 

So yeah. Stuff and things.

Airports make me nervous, and I have to fly alone. :( (heck) (aaaahhhhh)

There's a chance I'll have a job next fall (semester). 

(I still have to find a job for this summer though, ahehehehehelp--)

Now that that's out of the way, onto the main point of me creating this post. Yay!

I created Spotify playlists for Ryen and Ardere. I created Ryen's a few days ago, and I created Ardere's a few hours ago. But before I create my character playlists on Spotify, I list the songs in my Notes app.

Haha, both of their playlists are pretty long already. Ryen's is longer than Dawn's currently is. I wasn't expecting that. Huh.. cool.

As for Duke and Fierdan's playlist, theirs is over a day long now. 24+ hours long. Wow.

All of my character playlists are gonna be long. Nobody can stop me. I'll do what I want. Thanks. :)

Oh, that's right. Now it's time for me to link to the playlists. 

(Haha, you should like totally tell me if/when you listen to any of my playlists. Like.. please do. I'll appreciate that a lot.)

Ryen's:

Cutepups playlist for Ryen

Ardere's:

Cutepups playlist for Ardere

Their playlists are not as similar as the other ones (Duke/Fierdan, Twinkle, Dawn). But I think Ardere's is most different. 

Then I realized. Ardere and J are actually kinda similar..? I can just imagine their playlists having plenty of the same songs. And no, I haven't started J's playlist.. yet. I'll probably start that soon, haha.

I also mean character-wise. Ardere and J. They're both my sunshine cheerful boys who bring me so much joy. I love them so much omg.

Ardere is like my sunshine child who brings light into everyone's lives because he's just that amazing. J also brings a similar vibe, but he's years older than Ardere. 

And who do they bring a significant amount of "light" (happiness, relief, comfort, etc.) to? Well, you know.. to Duke (story 1) and Danny/Fierdan (story 2+).

:) <3 

Oops, forgot to say. I named Ryen's playlist "monochromatic self and shadows" and named Ardere's playlist "lightning boy, sunshine soul" (yes).

I didn't feel like just using their names as the titles. That's boring. So I decided to be a little artsy-wordy with naming them. 

That name I have for Ryen's describes his character pretty well. But I think only I understand why. 

... ok fine.

Ardere's Elemental Power is lightning. He also has that warm sunshine vibe about him.

Ryen's Elemental Power is about darkness and shadows. That also goes into his personality and emotions/how he feels (about things). And, idk, Ryen has a monochromatic vibe about him..? (sure?).

... also, like, Ryen is aro so I'm trying to find songs with aro vibes in them that can relate to him. 

.......................

Ah, it's almost midnight. I'll ramble some more in another post. 

(if you listen to my playlists, then ilysm.)

<3 :)

it's spring break!!

Yep. Woo. Cutepups is on spring break now. Yes. :) 

Oh and..

Happy St. Patrick's Day! <3 

So, uh, I'm here to combine a bunch of unrelated things into one post. Ok. 

--------------------- 

I got back home this past afternoon/evening. 

My parents also got back from their vacation. 

Talking and stuff. blah blah blah. uh ok. 

Gifts. Fudge. :p (mm that's some good stuff)

-x-x- 

Uh.. I suddenly got that skit idea (referring to the last post) after my creative writing class. 

I didn't plan on that beforehand. It just happened. 

Not sure why that idea had Twinkle text "pretty boy" and Duke send that Happy Pi Day text a few minutes after the texting conversation was over. 

That idea was so sudden. And I was like "ok sure..?" lol. 

So I wrote it. 

At night when I was reading over the post, I realized I put "conscious" when it should've been "conscience" so what did I do? I just made Duke text "I'm a dumbass" (that's self-projection, baby!) lol. 

We're talking about "stream of consciousness" in my creative writing class. So that's where that came from. 

I was thinking of that phrase when I was making a post a while back. I do that a lot when I write my posts. 

I just type out that mess that spills out of my mind. It's a mess. I'm a mess. ...heck yeah.

... I just love how Duke enters the group chat with a "Fine, I'll text Ryen." and then right after sending that text, his next message is "Yo, Hey," like omg I love him. 

1. Duke thinks he's texting Ryen. Yet he also texts "Fine, I'll text Ryen." while thinking he's texting him. 

2. While thinking he's texting Ryen, his first message directed to him is "Yo, Hey," which is like so formal. 

a n y w a y s 

-x-x- 

At any given moment, part of my brain is thinking about Duke and/or Fierdan. 

They're always on my mind, huh. :/ 

@ them: you two are assholes! stop it!! 

ok.......

-x-x-

I also went on Animal Jam last night (Friday) lol. 

Highlights: 

• I went to Sarepia Forest and found a few all black wolves with white eyes. 

• A bunch of other Jammers were freaking out over them. 

• I only log in to AJ for the jokes, but the game is honestly so damn boring now omg. So I changed Precious's (my wolf lol) appearance to match the other black wolves. Except I kept on my black worn. Because I'm a rebel. I'd do what I want, thanks. 

• Then even more Jammers had negative reactions. Like how about you just chill. 

• Then I said something like "become one with the void" because the wolves reminded me of the void. Void wolves. Yes. 

• Also, I was playing bowling with another Jammer. Then halfway through it, the game glitched for a few minutes. I wanted to chat with the Jammer but I couldn't. There's no chat bar *smh*. Then a few minutes later, it said I won the game. But before the glitch, the other Jammer had more points than me. ...umm, dafuq?! 

• Then a little later, there was this punk wolf and fox singing. And they were like "everyone dance to our last song for the night" but other Jammers were like "omg, why, stop" and saying they were bad singers. There were also Jammers cheering the singers on. 

• Before that, there was another Jammer singing. And the other Jammers thought that was annoying. Why must you kiddos be so rude? :c. 

• When that was over, I decided to quote a line from the song I was listening to. So I said "i am a sad boy . sings ." and I think I got some compliments because of that..? idk lmao that was weird. 

• I changed Precious's eyes from the girly ones to the creepy weird but in a funny way kind. :3 hehe,, 

• Later on, a penguin came in for a few minutes to say they're almost in college, someone asked the penguin if they're 19 to which they replied no, and then I typed "lol" but they all misinterpreted it. My "lol" is because I'm that college student. I also logged in for the jokes and laughs but AJ is so fuking boring, noah fence :/. Also because I was very bored and everyone was leaving campus since it's spring break and all. 

...anyway...

Yeah, that's it. 

-x-x- 

When I'm tired and bored, I just lie in bed and find more songs to add to my character music playlists. 

I just listen to music. Nothing else. Just that. I have to focus on the lyrics and beats. 

Yes, I'm very serious about this. 

I write down the songs I plan on making into the character playlists in my Notes app before putting them on Spotify. 

So anyway my point is that I'm now doing that with songs I'm planning on putting into a Ryen themed playlist. 

-x-x- 

I've been thinking about that guy a lot lately. I love that dude. He also leaves me angry. 

So he's basically like his brother in that sense. (Fierdan is his little brother lol Danny boy is so young hhhhfgh-- wtf Cpups) 

But it's a different type of anger and sadness. Like I have one type of anger/sadness combo for Fierdan and Duke, and I have a total different type for Ryen. 

Dang :/ only I'll get what any of this means since I'm the creator of them and all. huh. .-. 

... Ryen had some anger issues in his pre-teen, teen years. Like geez, this boy is so angry. 

It leaves me so sad. Ugh.. </3 

Like his father (Z the shitman) spends a lot of time with him. So Ryen.. he misses out on a bunch of fun cool kid things. 

"fun cool kid things" - aka what Danny (aka Fierdan my fire man) and Dawn do because Z doesn't really give a shit about them. 

Ryen is like 11 or 12 years old. Something like that. And when his father is around him, he conceals his emotions. What does this boy feel? It's quite a mystery. 

But when Z isn't with him? Ryen becomes Angry Boy. 

Adolescent Ryen, take a chill pill. :/ 

He was also a pretty shitty big bro. He did human angelic beings, Pre-Fierdan Danny and Dawn, so wrong. Like.. wtf dude. 

Umm yes, Danny and Dawn were human angelic beings. That's just the facts. 

Goddamnit Ryen. How dare you yell at kid Danny. Just.. How dare you. The audacity! 

Oh and how could I forget? 

When Z isn't around Ryen, what is that boy doing? He's planning on wanting to strip his father (Z the shitman) of his power. And oh yeah. 

Ryen hates Z. A lot. Like.. a lot, a lot. 

Ryen wanted Danny-Fierdan to hate Z to the core just like he does. 

In other words, Ryen encouraged Fierdan to hate Z so much that he could and would kill him. 

It's so screwed up. I just.. I can't. 

Fierdan killed Z. That happened. He did that. Fierdan is a murderer. If there's anything I want you to get, it's that he killed Z (aka a very, very shitty father.. who was also a murderer and other terrible things that Fierdan was/is not). 

And yet, Fierdan killing Z was something wanted. By who? Oh, by Ryen.. and Z himself. 

Yeah, that's wild. Haha, this story shit bruh. 

Like ok gosh, you two just loved to use Fierdan like he's your pawn. Turn this sweet angelic kid into a killer weapon. O-K. (@ Z, @ Ryen,) 

Anyway, I sure do love me some angst. This story is just full of that stuff. Like.. pretty much all of it. 

An important thing to know about Fierdan: The majority of his life, he's treated like a pawn. Duke also is a pawn. Other people like to abuse their power over them. They like to "use" Fierdan and Duke. 

But just because they have that going on, it doesn't mean they (Fierdan and Duke) are innocent. Haha no, they're not innocent. There's nothing innocent about them *cough*. 

.... wtf, why did I start rambling about Fierdan? Where did that come from? 

Well anyway, Ryen.. what a guy. 

-x-x- 

Ryen wears glasses. 

When Fierdan is a few years older than the story concept ideas I have of him at his oldest (lol what is better phrasing? heh..), I picture Fierdan getting glasses. 

So there I am in bed under the covers thinking of: 

• Fierdan in his late 20s. Or early 30s. idk, something like that. 

• He calmed down and grew a little more stable. Which makes him in his early to mid 20s a thing of the past. 

• At that point, Fierdan wears glasses. He refuses to wear contacts. Because wearing contacts means having to insert the contact lens into your eye.. and I can just imagine something like that triggering him. And that's because of Taurel poking and stabbing Duke's eyes as a form of torture. Which, well, ended up traumatizing him. 

• Oh and Fierdan isn't doing any of those risky behaviors that he does in the later stories. He grew out of that phase (.. haha?).

• And Fierdan becomes a *insert adjective/description thing here* writer. Which he totally deserves to be. I'm so proud of him. 

• And I imagine Ryen being into philosophy and sociology. I just see Ryen as being a philosophical man. Haha, he sure likes to have deep thoughts. He's a logical thinker. 

• I also like to think of Ryen having various beliefs about God and religions throughout his life. He starts off being bitter about anything religious and pertaining to God. He's an atheist. Especially since Z compared himself to being like a god. So he and his brother grew up believing a god meant something like Z. And so they have the belief of "There is no such thing as God. God doesn't exist." etched into themselves. But then years later (starting in his late 20s? idk), Ryen starts to become less resentful about "God" because he learns, and becomes fascinated in learning, about religions and their "God" or gods. Anyway, thinking about all that gives me some warm wholesomeness lol. 

Yeah uh... 

So yeah. That's what's on my mind. 

Comment your thoughts on anything I said in this post. 

Say hi. Send me pictures of your pets. Do whatever you want. 

Thanks. :) 

~ Cutepups 

Spontaneous text skit idea

Ok so I suddenly came up with a new skit idea. It's spontaneous. 

Is this blog worthy? Sure. Why not. 

It's in text format. The characters are in a text message group chat. 

ok idk lol --

--------------------- 

[Date: March 14th. Time: 2:30 pm. Location: Group Chat Text Messaging- so the location is their cell phones. yeah ok whatever.] 

Finny: Happy Pi Day! 

Brock: Omg you scared me 

Twinkle: Your message sent off a fight-or-flight response in my brain 

Finny: What is wrong with you two? 

Twinkle: I hate math! 

Brock: Wait. What's Pi Day? 

Sparkle: Today's Pi Day! 

Brock: Aaaaaahhhhhh

Finny: Today is March 14th. 3/14. 

Brock: Yes??

Finny: and the first digits of pi are 3.14 (etc.)

Brock: etc.?

Sparkle: Pi never ends. It's irrational. 

Twinkle: Pi is so irrational. smh, what an irrational number! I hate it!!! 

Finny: You sure do have strong opinions about pi. 

Twinkle: I sure do!! I hate math 

Dawn: I just came home from school. 

Brock: Oh cool. I'm in class right now lmao 

Sparkle: Then pay attention in class! Get off your phone! 

Brock: Don't tell me what to do! 

[Some time later. 2:45 pm.]

Brock: Ok class ended.

Brock: wtf guys

Brock: No new messages? smh 

Finny: I'm still here 

Twinkle: Sorry I just felt like ignoring you 

Brock: rude :( 

Duke: Fine, I'll text Ryen. 

Duke: Yo, Hey, 

Twinkle: Uh?! 

Dawn: Ryen isn't in this group chat... 

Sparkle: omg 

Duke: What's my race? What race are we, Ryen? 

Brock: Huh??? Drunkie!!! 

Duke: I don't know and it's bothering me. What about Dawn? 

Duke: I just.. don't know. 

Sparkle: What the hell are you talking about? 

Finny: What are you asking? 

Duke: Race! 

Brock: None of us understand you!! 

[Some more time later. 3:00 pm.] 

Duke: Why is it even called "stream of consciousness" there's no river 

Finny: What? 

Duke: Stream of consciousness. It's a free-write. I have no conscious. 

Duke: conscience* ugh I'm a dumbass 

Finny: Sorry, what? 

Twinkle: It's a writing thing 

Finny: Oh 

Brock: oh 

Duke: sigh 

Sparkle: Why did you text "sigh" ? 

Duke: ugh shut up 

Sparkle: You brought it up in the first place! 

Duke: I had to do a few "stream of consciousness" journaling assignments for my Help therapy sessions. 

Twinkle: ooh you still go to those? 

Duke: yes?? obviously. 

Dawn: That's good to hear. 

Duke: I go at least once a week. 

Duke: With Fierdan 

Duke: I've been going since December. This isn't a new thing. 

Brock: Dawn is unobservant 

Dawn: Shut up I'm busy with school 

Duke: but yeah, I think I'm somewhat getting better? idk I don't want to die 

Twinkle: aww congratulations! 

Duke: uh? ok? 

Finny: Geez. I just realized we never really texted each other (or, like, actually spoken to each other) since December. That was a while ago, huh 

Dawn: Sorry :(

Dawn: I forgot if I ever sent you a Happy Birthday text to you two. (Finny and Sparkle)

Finny: It's fine. You all did. 

Sparkle: Same with me. :) luv u guys 

Twinkle: Wow you guys are 19. That's cool 

Brock: Isn't your birthday in like a month? 

Twinkle: Yeah!! 

Brock: Sweet 

Duke: We should hang out again. In person, I mean. I miss seeing you guys. 

Brock: aww ;w; 

Duke: don't. 

Dawn: Sorry I was getting a snack 

Sparkle: ok?? 

Dawn: so yeah 

Twinkle: so, hmm... 

Dawn: How's everyone doing? 

Twinkle: It's almost Spring Break. What about you? 

Brock: Mine starts this weekend. 

Finny: Mine too! 

Sparkle: Same :') 

Duke: That's good. 

Twinkle: Anything else new with you? Or Ryen? lol

Twinkle: What about with Fierdan? 

Duke: I can't speak for them. But as for me, I feel.. more stable? 

Duke: Help actually is pretty helpful. 

Dawn: That's a good thing 

Duke: Definitely 

Brock: :) 

Duke: like I don't yell at Fierdan or Ryen (for not killing me, for example). 

Finny: alright.. 

Duke: I don't think I'll ever stab myself with blades again. That didn't really.. help anything. 

Twinkle: uh ok.. 

Duke: btw uh,, guys 

Finny: Yeah? 

Duke: I just want to say 

Brock: yes? what? 

Duke: So I've been attending Help for a while 

Duke: and like. dang. It started so rough? It was a rough start. 

Duke: but it's alright. it's a lot of work. I actually don't hate it?? 

Brock: That's good. Right? 

Duke: Haha :) yes it's a good thing. don't worry 

Brock: you sound more pleasant. I feel like if I could hear your voice, it'll sound nicer. kinder? idk 

Duke: thanks 

Brock: sorry, that was awkward and uncalled for. I know 

Duke: Nah dude, you're fine. Thanks 

Brock: heh.. 

Duke: No, you're fine. I mean it. 

Brock: oh ok, gotcha lol 

Duke: I've been working on some of my problems with my Help therapist guy 

Duke: I'm trying to work on and fix my issues 

Duke: like how I've been a jerk to everyone 

Duke: and seem kinda egotistic and narcissistic 

Duke: I know that now 

Duke: and my impulse control. lashing out at people. wanting to control people. 

Duke: been working on those issues 

Duke: geez I guess I just want to say 

Duke: I'm sorry for all the shitty things I did. I know I can't blame my poor/lack of mental health/stability for all of them, but they really did play a part. well somewhat 

Twinkle: it's okay, Duke. 

Duke: idk? thanks 

Duke: oh and I'm trying to better my empathy and sympathy. and develop actual compassion. not have selfish desires. 

Duke: I guess I just want to be a better person? 

Dawn: There's nothing wrong with that! 

Duke: I just want to be okay! I don't just want to feel okay, I want to BE okay. And happy. 

Duke: Fierdan and I have a very hard time trying to figure out our "real self". ("selves" ?) 

Duke: Who we really are. Who we want to be. And of course, how we view ourselves. 

[Even more time later. Time: 3:45 pm.] 

Duke: sorry for rambling. like always. 

Finny: it's fine 

Sparkle: take care of yourself, I'm proud of you. Now I gotta head to class. ugh. 

Duke: take care of yourself too! the same goes for all of you 

Twinkle: <3 <3 luv u, pretty boy ;> 

Brock: lol what 

Duke: :'D 

[No new texts. Time: 3:50 pm.] 

Duke: Happy Pi Day lol :p 

---------------

Random texting skit I suddenly thought of after my creative writing class. 

This one isn't the first part of a skit story. It's a stand-alone skit. 

Hope you enjoyed it. Even though it's not as dramatic as the other ones, haha. 

It's almost spring break. Woo! 

I thought I would get a bad test grade on the test I took last Wednesday. But I got an A on it. :') 

I have to "revise" the poem I wanted to post on here that I wrote for class. 

So, idk, I won't post it yet. 

I didn't have time to draw these past few days. I hope I'll have time to draw during break. 

And.. possibly the next story chapter? ;) 

No promises, haha. 

Until the next random post! ;D

~ Cutepups