Anyway, let's talk.
First class is canceled today. That's nice.
But here's the thing. I'm getting busy nowadays. I'm a lot more busier than I used to be.
(The stress is coming in...)
I know I haven't been making daily posts lately. Yeah and now I really don't think I'll ever be able to do that.
(Possibly until spring break. idk.)
I want to draw so much art of my characters. I want to write a new skit story. I want to get my Chapter 76 plans down in story chapter form. I want to do all of that stuff so badly. I think about doing all that a large part of the time. So, in other words, a lot.
But I can't. I literally can't fit any of those things in my schedule. And it's frustrating because I want to do those things, but I know I don't have any time to.
Haha no, I can't just not do an assignment or reading or study. I already believe I'm doing the bare minimum of stuff that needs to be done. So no, I can't just stop doing all these things I have to do just so I can start the list of things I want to do. In other news, I've realized I'm kind of a perfectionist. But not exactly that. I don't know how to properly explain it. I guess I want to always do the best I can? I want to get good grades on everything. I think I don't try enough on my assignments, yet I end up trying a lot. blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, I'm in college. Or university or uni or whatever else you call it.
Yeah, I still post on here. This blog is definitely not inactive. I try so hard to prevent that from being the case. I guess this blog kinda pretty much is the world to me. It means so much to me.
It's weird. I still use this blog, obviously, but then I think of the people who used to read my posts and comment years ago.. and it's just so weird. If any of those people even remember me at all, they have a version of me in their head that doesn't exist anymore. I'm thinking of the people from 2014-2016. I just.. gosh idk.
I'm so paranoid that most people view my existence as a phase. Like my very being is a temporary thing.
And it just.. messes me up? I'm so different than who I was a few years ago. No, even a year ago. I'm so, so different than how I was a year ago. It's crazy. And those people are probably a lot different now than back then.
I guess I'm just curious about what version of me exists in their minds. The random wtf-is-this blogger Cutepups? The vents and concerning feels Cutepups when I was struggling in high school and seriously wanted to die most days? Heck, even the writer who has "fox" and "wolf" characters who refuses to call them all humans version of Cutepups? They're all of the past. So when I think of anyone thinking I'm still like that, it makes me feel messed up inside.
We're all changing and growing and evolving. It's a wild concept, but it's true.
Want to know what's wild? The fact that some people might still believe I imagine my characters as being anthro foxes and wolves and not humans. I really can't see them as anything but humans/humanoids. The fact that some people might think that I still perceive my main characters as being 14 when now I'm questioning if them being 17 and 19 is too young. The fact that some people might still think that Fierdan has light brown hair and pale white skin (he doesn't)- (this counts for a few other characters too but he's the first one to come to mind). Like I changed my characters a lot since their original designs. And the story concepts themselves. My 2018 and 2019 plans are so different from my 2016 and earlier plans. They're better than what I wrote in 2017 too.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that everything changed a lot. Heck, it bothers me that some people might think this story is a silly joke.
Haha yeah ok sure. How about you read my mind and pull out my story ideas? It's not a dumb silly joke anymore, guys. Sure, my plans are all over the place and hard for even myself to comprehend, but it's definitely not a little free time fun activity anymore.
Oh and Twinkle. I view her character in a few different ways. Twinkle from 2015 is so vastly different than how I view her now.
Heck, I don't even call her Twinkle in my mind. I call her Stella first and then Twinkle second.
I love her so, so much. You guys have no idea how much I love my blue child. She grows so much. She's so strong. No offense but she's epic.
What was I saying before? Oh yeah.
I'm busy on weekends now too. I have something to do on weekends now.
I have a test on Wednesday. I still have to read a ton.
I have to do a lot of reading for two other classes.
And I always get actual assignments and homework in the two other classes I didn't mention yet.
Geez, things are getting stressful.
Oh and I also joined Greek life. What a surprise. I can't believe I did it either. It was a giant step outside of my comfort zone, haha.
That's going to take up a lot of my time too. Hmm...
I'm not sure when I'll create the next post. Thanks for reading.
Until next time~ <3
~ Cutepups
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