*warning for some content*
ARDERE
"Are you sure?" I ask her.
She doesn't face me as she zips up her jacket. My eyes keep on focusing on the back of her head. She looks so different with her short hair.
"I'm sure," are the only words she says.
I sigh and go in front of her. "We're all going there in less than five days. We'll defeat the phantoms together using all our different Elemental Powers. All of us are going to bring peace to the chaos all over fox territory. Why can't you wait a few more days?"
She adjusts the collar of her jacket. "No, I have to check on something important. It would be best if I did it alone. I'm sorry, Ardere."
"You really shouldn't do this, Twinkle. It's too dangerous for you to go there all on your own. You don't know how many phantoms are roaming around over there."
She bends down and pats the top of my head with her paw. "I love you, kid. You're a great friend. I hope you know that. We'll see each other again, okay?"
"Okay," I mumble while lowering my head. "Stay safe, Twinkle."
Suddenly, I'm lifted up. I lean into her chest as she holds me in her arms. The material of the black jacket feels both rough and soft. Contradicting textures, but they work well together to create such a durable material.
"Now it's you not listening to Dawn's orders? Do I have to remind you that we aren't allowed to leave without her knowledge and permission?"
I get out of Twinkle's arms and land on all fours. I quickly get up, keeping my feet on the floor. I cross my arms.
Twinkle turns around; I do the same. Standing at the opposite side of the room is Duke. I still have to get used to the fact that his hair is longer than hers now.
He walks to the center of the room. "You're only acting impulsively, Twinkle. If you would use common sense, you would know that you're being illogical."
She glares at him. "And what do you know, Duke? Have you seen them?"
He glares back at her. "Yes, in fact I did. They're fine. You can wait a few more days."
"You're lying. You couldn't have seen my parents," she says.
Oh, this is about Twinkle's parents. She wants to see them again. That's why she wants to leave earlier than the rest of us. I guess it's time for me to speak up.
"Duke isn't lying. I saw him briefly talking to your parents while he was with Calliah. They didn't talk for that long though. Since, well, Duke ran away from them and flew to the edge of the forest where I was hiding."
Twinkle shifts her gaze from Duke to me. "And you decided to keep this a secret from me? Thanks a lot, you two. I really appreciate it."
Duke steps closer to Twinkle, and their toes nearly touch. He points a finger an inch away from her nose. "Ardere did nothing wrong. He never did anything wrong."
I question myself on whether or not I should intervene. I did do something wrong. I left without Dawn's permission, and I'm allowing Twinkle to do the same. I left wolf territory, and I can't go back. I left my sister, Autumn, behind. She's probably worried sick about me.
I begin to feel the knot in my stomach again.
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I'm stronger than I was back then. As long as you don't use black flames, I'll always be more powerful than you."
I look up to see Duke's face twist in disgust. "Do you want to get yourself killed? Last time when you were there, a phantom attacked you. You nearly died twice from phantoms. I was worried sick both times, but I guess if you want to slip into another fatal accident then go ahead. You're really pulling my strings now, Twinkle. Maybe it was stupid for me to care about you for this long."
She scoffs. "You haven't exactly been the caring type for a long time, Duke. I can defend myself now. I'm a different person now. I'll be fine. And besides, you told me that you were part-phantom. I dealt with you long enough already. Exterminating some phantoms should be simple enough."
And just like that, he snaps. Clenching his fists, he says, "I know I've hurt you so much already. I'm trying to right my past wrongs. I... I promised myself that I wouldn't allow any of my friends to be hurt because of me ever again!"
I uncross my arms and sigh deeply.
"In the end, all I am is a demonic puppet created by Fierdan's magic. I'm a demon, I get that. Just let me right my wrongs. I have to make sure all of you don't get hurt because of me. I won't let anyone or anything hurt any of you guys. They have to pass through me first before they can even touch you."
"You can't stop me. I'm still going," Twinkle says.
Duke un-clenches his fists and puts his paws on her shoulders. "I really do care about you, Twinkle. I hope you know that. Love might not be the best word to use, but I want you to know that I'll die for you."
Suddenly, I can't focus on their conversation. That phrase keeps on repeating in my mind. First, it's Duke's voice. Then I hear my own voice say it.
"I'll die for you."
TWINKLE
What doesn't he understand? Who does he think he is?
"I don't know why you want to see your parents so badly. Do I really have to remind you about that time in the hospital?" Duke says.
"No," I mutter. That doesn't stop him. Of course it doesn't.
"When you flat-lined, I was devastated. Your parents didn't care that you, their own daughter, died right in front of them. I was so sad and angry that I blamed the doctor and everyone else since I couldn't deal with my feelings of blaming myself for your death again. I was desperate then, and I'm desperate now. You're not leaving without us, without me."
"I won't die," I tell him. "I'll be okay."
"Your parents blamed you for Fauna's death every day. They caused you so much pain. Why do you want to check and see if those emotionally abusive people are safe? They really aren't worth it."
I grin for just a short moment.
This is the perfect time to strike.
"And what about your mother, Duke? She hurt you for so long, but now you know that she has changed. Don't you want to see her again?"
He looks away from me. I grin again.
"Don't talk about her. You know nothing about my feelings toward her. You have absolutely no idea what I'm going through. She abused me physically and verbally when I was just a little kid. She hurt me beyond repair. She killed Eternal in order to keep me alive. Don't even try to pretend that you understand."
"It's in the past. Forgiveness is what you need," I say.
"Oh, I get it. You want me to kiss and make up with her. Just forgive and forget. That shouldn't be hard, right? Except it is, Twinkle. It's hard, and I won't do it."
My parents must have changed by now, right? I've been gone for so long. They have to miss me. They have to!
DUKE
Calliah, my mother. Twinkle knows nothing about us. I can't just forget the painful past; I can't just forgive her for what she did to me.
I can't unravel these twisted feelings I have toward Calliah. Everything is just so complicated. My life is too complicated.
I want to hug her so tightly. I want to cry into her shoulders. She can finally treat me like a good mother would. She's also part-phantom. We can connect in that way. She saved my life. I love her.
I want to make her suffer. I want her to feel the pain she gave me. She left emotional scars all over me. All I did was make them physical. I can't forgive her. I just can't. She killed someone who made me happy. She did it in order to protect me. Why do I hold so much value? I hate her.
I hate how I don't know how I really feel towards her. To love or to hate.
Maybe Twinkle can easily forgive her parents, but I certainly can't with mine. I don't get her. They hurt her so much. Why does she want to see them again? What's the real reason?
I stop overthinking when I hear Twinkle's voice again.
"Okay, you got me. That isn't the only reason why I'm leaving early."
"Then what is it?" I ask her.
She sighs and then says, "I hate how everything revolves around you. I hate it so much. There's no reason for me to be involved in the mess of your life's problems."
I put my paws back on her shoulders. I need to make sure she stays focused on my words.
"You might not be in as much critical danger as me, but you sure aren't safe either. Anyone with an Elemental Power isn't safe in Jamaa. This isn't only about phantoms, Twinkle. I have two battles to fight. The phantoms, of course, and Taurel. He's coming after me. He wants to break me; he wants to break you. If he's my enemy, he's yours. We are parallels; we are one of the same."
"He's only after you because you are the physically living Fierdan."
"No, you have to understand. If he's my enemy, he's yours too. He wants to break me as well as anyone else with an Elemental Power. It's too risky for you to go back on your own."
None of us are safe. Taurel and whoever is with him are my enemies. They are enemies to those with Elemental Powers. Phantoms aren't the only ones I have to destroy.
If Twinkle wants to learn that the hard way, then so be it.
DAWN
I approach Twinkle who has been standing at the cave entrance for a while now. She looks behind her shoulder to look at me.
"Hey," she says.
I repeat her, and then I go to her side.
"What's going on? Duke told me you want to leave early. Why is that?"
She looks at the floor and sighs. "I just want to go before the rest of you. I packed the blue sword and bow and arrows inside my jacket. I'm prepared for anything, Dawn, I swear."
"It isn't safe, Twinkle. Just wait a few more days."
She looks up. "It isn't safe here either. They will find us one day. You can't live in denial. I'm sorry, Dawn, but I'm leaving tonight."
I take a deep breath. Perhaps I should change the topic of this conversation.
"So you really did it, huh?" I start.
She faces me, and I read the confusion in her blue eyes. "Did what?"
I smile as I point to her head. "You borrowed my scissors and cut all your hair. Are you trying to be more like Duke?"
She blushes. "No, not at all! I just wanted to make a drastic change to my appearance, that's all. I'm not that weak and pathetic girl anymore. I'm a different person now."
I chuckle. "You were never weak or pathetic, Twinkle. You just grew more as a person."
Still blushing, she says, "Stop it, Dawn! I'm still going."
"You look beautiful. I love your hair more than I did before," I say.
Twinkle covers her face in her paws. "Shut up, Dawn," she says and then laughs.
She doesn't stop laughing for a long time. She elbows me in the ribs by accident, but I don't care. I laugh as well.
I made her happy. That's all that matters.
Suddenly, she lifts up my head with her thumb at my chin. Our eyes lock.
"Are you sure you want to go on your own?"
"I'm positive."
"Okay, we'll meet up with you over there. Getting a head start is a good idea. Good luck and stay safe, Twinkle."
She doesn't reply for a minute or two.
Instead, my mind goes blank as she kisses me on the cheek.
"See you soon," she whispers, her breath warming my cheek.
See you soon.
I've trained you well. I have faith in you. You will be okay.
Goodbye Twinkle, my lovely friend.
FAUNA
"W-What? How is this possible? What did you do?" I say, feeling the panic rising in my voice.
Why do I feel so scared? It's Fierdan. He visited me several times before. Why do I feel threatened upon seeing him as a complete body instead of a spirit? Is it because I'm in Cincernum now? Is his appearance intimidating me?
I gulp when I hear his voice. Now since he isn't just a spirit, he sounds clearer. His voice is deeper and smoother than Duke's. In fact, Duke sounds like an experimental child compared to Fierdan.
"Duke wants to hurt anyone who hurts you. Since he can't really meet you right now, I decided to take action myself. Eternal was hurting you, so I hurt him."
His voice has both strength and softness. What game is Fierdan playing at?
"And you took me here because..."
"Because I was able to. I've been rather lonely. Perhaps we can help each other."
He steps closer to me, and the ends of the black blanket he's wearing around himself like a cloak trail on the ground after him.
"But first," he says while studying my outfit, "let me get you out of those clothes."
I look down at my outfit. It consists of a white dress and angel wings. Now that I think of it, I'm surprised that they haven't gotten covered in black goop yet.
"I prefer to wear clothes, you creep," I snap.
Fierdan's eyes widen. "Oh, oh shoot. Why do I word things so badly? What's wrong with me?"
I cross my arms in front of my chest. "There are a lot of things wrong with you."
He shakes his head. "No, no. That's not what I meant. I don't want to see you naked. Why would I?"
I sigh. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you're the most evil person in Jamaa."
"I could never do it to myself, but perhaps I could do it to you. I was never able to get it done perfectly like Dawn could. I want to see if I can magically change your outfit. Uh, it's okay if you don't want me to."
"Magically change my clothes? How interesting. Eh, why not. Go ahead, Fierdan. But if you make me naked, you're dead to me."
While looking down at his right paw, he laughs awkwardly. "Haha, I'll try my best not to."
Fierdan closes his eyes and points his right index and middle finger at me. He flicks his wrist down and then up. I close my eyes as well when I hear him exhale.
After a few seconds have passed by, he says, "Okay, you can open your eyes. I hope you like it. Uh..."
I open my eyes. I gasp when I look down.
"Are you kidding me, Fierdan? I thought you said you weren't a master at this."
"What's wrong?" he says with a slight tremor in his voice. Hearing him sound vulnerable makes me smile.
"Nothing. There's nothing wrong with it. This outfit is perfect. Thank you."
He breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh, oh you like it? You're welcome."
Witnessing Fierdan act so awkwardly is so cute. How is he that heartless serial killer from long ago?
To replace the white dress, I now have on a pale pink blouse and beige pants that end at my knees. The top of the blouse has a flower design made of white lace. The white lace flower design wraps around the collar and goes down to the top of my chest.
"I also put white bows in your hair," he says.
I feel the ends of the white ribbons at the sides of my neck.
I look up at him and smile. "You're a pretty good fashion designer. That's, well, that's a surprise. Oh and what's with the flowers? You like flowers, don't you?"
"Yeah," he says softly, "I like flowers. I don't know how the phenomenon happened that made Dawn and me gain most of our memories in the human world back, but they made me realize how much I loved flowers. It's just a silly observation."
"It's fine," I say. "Flowers are pretty. I like them, too."
He smiles. He looks so cute.
Wait, what am I doing? This is just a sick game. He kidnapped me from heaven. He made Eternal choke. He's Fierdan. He isn't cute or nice. Sure, he gave me a cute new outfit. But, come on, he's Fierdan.
Before thinking things through, I blurt out, "What game are you playing at, Fierdan? You're a psychopath."
He takes a few steps away from me.
"A psychopath? Do you really think I'm a psychopath, Fauna?"
I'm trapped here. He can hurt me, and there's nothing I can do to stop him. Way to go, Fauna. Make the monster angry.
I avert his gaze as I say, "Well, I... I think it--"
"No, you don't. You don't think I am one, Fauna."
I look at him again. "You have no remorse for all the people you killed. You believe lives have no meaning."
He frowns. "Psychopaths can't feel empathy. Unlike them, I am able to feel empathy. I felt Eternal hurting you; I felt your pain. That's why I took you out of there. I care about people, Fauna, I really do."
"That doesn't mean anything. So what? You can sometimes feel empathy. You find nothing wrong with what you did."
"What did I do? Kill people? The only person I actually killed was Zios, and I had lots of reasons to."
"Soulless might have abused and manipulated you, but it was you who killed all those people. It's your fault, so face it already. You killed many people, Fierdan."
"I never wanted to kill anyone else. Soulless forced me to kill all those other lives. Their happiness for Jamaa and Zios enraged me, but I never meant to kill those people. I feel guilty for what I did. Soulless took advantage of me for so many years. I... I..."
My paws are in fists now. "Soulless this, Soulless that. Your brother didn't kill anyone. It was all you."
He moves his bangs to the side. "Of course my brother didn't kill anyone. Soulless isn't my brother. Soulless is just a creation my brother did secret coding for behind our father's back. He put all his rage for our father into the program, which in turn made me learn to hate Zios to extreme degrees by brutal force."
I clench my fists. "You killed people, Fierdan! Stop blaming Soulless for actions you committed!" I yell.
He starts pacing back and forth. "I think you're mistaken, Fauna. I'm not the psychopath. My father, Zios, is the psychopath."
"Stop pushing the blame you deserve onto other people. You sicken me."
Fierdan throws the black blanket off. It lands in a pile on the ground that's covered in black goop. From the waist down, he's covered in black. I really hope that it's black pants.
But in the opposite direction, I can tell he isn't wearing a shirt. Black goop covers most areas, but I can tell that he doesn't have a purple and black flame covering the left side of his chest.
Ugh, why is my face heating up again? Pull it together, Fauna.
"My father did quite a few more terrible things than murder. I never did those other things. Dawn was the only person I cared about for so many years. I never hurt her like Zios did. I would have never sunk down to his level."
He flicks some of the black goop off of his shoulders. I don't say anything.
"Even though I lost my human memories a long time ago, I think I killed Zios the way that I did in order to not just have my revenge on him, but on behalf of my brother and Dawn as well. Zios was nothing more than scum. I'm not sure if I should tell you what he did to her. You're still young."
It takes me a few seconds to find my voice. "W-What happened?"
Fierdan looks up and sighs. "I never viewed and felt about Dawn in a certain way. I only saw her as someone I would live with. There was this strange feeling in the back of my mind that told me to treat her differently than other people. Now that we have our human memories back, I know why. We made each other happy in the human world. We were best friends. But unlike back then, we now know there was something more than that. It still disturbs me, to be honest. We recently discovered that we are half-siblings."
My paws aren't in fists anymore. Fierdan pauses for a few seconds, and then he continues.
"I wasn't interested in her body in that way. I'm not even that interested in female bodies in that way, in general. Let's just say that my disgusting father was. I mean yeah, I'll be completely honest with you. The older we got, the more we felt like we should be more than just friends. Since we lived together; since we went through everything together. I'm not sure about Dawn, but I never viewed her as a girlfriend or possible wife. No matter how many times we kissed, fully clothed or not."
I cough. "You what now? Are you sure?"
"Okay, now that I think about it, I bet it sounds very strange. I mean it is. Gosh, I don't know!"
I laugh awkwardly. I find socially awkward Fierdan a little cute.
"Father made Dawn do some performances for him. He never treated her like a human being. He only wanted to violate her. Our mother has magical powers, and Dawn and I inherited magic. Ryen, however, did not. Father killed our mother not just because she opposed his crazy plans to construct the Jamaa project. He killed her because magic was rare and different. He must have known that Dawn and I had inherited her magic powers, and that was why we were sent to Jamaa and survived. That's why Ryen didn't join us."
Ryen? Could that be his name?
I decide to ask Fierdan about it. "Ryen? Who's that?"
He smiles awkwardly at me. "Oh, oh right. I think that Ryen is my brother's name. Of course I'm not a hundred percent sure, but that's what I called him in those old human world memories."
Ryen, huh? Sounds nice.
"Oh okay," I reply.
It takes a while for him to finish. When he does, he says, "And that's why Dawn acts the way she does. It's as if it's her coping method. She believes that kissing and touching shouldn't always be exaggerated to indicate romantic or sexual love. I learned Dawn's philosophy throughout our childhood to adulthood. I know it's a difficult concept to grasp."
Fierdan couldn't possible lie about all this, right? He wouldn't have gone into so much detail about everything if it was just a lie, right? But what if he has just been manipulating me this entire time? He had so much time to practice what he wanted to say.
Ugh, I don't know!
I end up picking the side of my mind that believes him.
I hope I didn't make the wrong choice.
