ha..

Midnight posting again. Or after.

Trip down pity-falls again, woohoo!

I see my posts from pre-June 2015. And I'm like, can I shoot my past self??.. uhm. I mean I'm still obsessive over something I blog about. Except instead of my random crap from back then, it's self-hatred. So, haha, that's cool. Everything I do annoys me. That's fine, I guess. Pfft no.

I swear this world is saying "fu" at me. What even is happiness? I guess I'm stuck having a pessimistic mindset. It's so freaking hard to be optimistic. Especially since I care way more than I should. Without being able to actually show it. Haha great.

For the past few days, I've been trying to draw my own characters. My own. And every time, I just can't draw them. It's like I'm better at drawing things for other people than for myself. I'm so disgusted at my art. I can't stay with one style. It's frustrating. Actually, this whole year is frustrating.

Not "normal" enough + not "problematic" enough = ??? what is enough?

Sympathetic and empathetic + not sympathetic and not empathetic = ??? is it possible to be both?

Recently I've been napping way more than I used to. I get tired easily. I swear I'm only living off distractions at this point. Otherwise, I think I'll be sleeping my life away. Ah, but I'm already wasting my life. So there's no happy ending. For example, my only main distraction I had yesterday was listening to chill-step. Well, that was the only good thing.

Ugh, I know. Ok, just stop. I know I'm so self-centered and probably attention-seeking. Dramatic too, perhaps. I know I hate that too about me. I never cease to be annoying, oops.

I'm a bundle of negativity. I know it. Heck, that's probably why they left. Yeah it's so fun when every other member of my family leaves me alone for the day while they all do their different fun activities. I don't deserve anything, so it's fine. I'm nothing, anyway, so it's fine.

I keep trying to draw and write, but oops, I hate every attempt I make.

I woke up from a disturbing dream. I didn't like it. But of course I don't remember any actual part of the dream. How convenient.

I feel like I'm losing just about all, maybe even all, of my friends now. Trust issues regarding friends. Fear of abandonment. Fun, fun, fun!!

I'm pretty sure it always goes down to me having to do action to keep the friendship/t alive. It's bs to me.

"Friendships fall apart".. ok please shut the f*** up. Does every friendship fall apart for you until you have no one left and you, the avoidant person, have to somehow make new friendships in order to not be alone even though you inevitably will always be alone? And do you have trust issues regarding friends since there's a 95% chance that they'll abandon you one day?

Shut up. I'm selfish, am I? Sounding like a guilt-tripper? I know that.

It's that they just get sick of me and don't even want to stay in contact with me anymore. So they must clearly hate me. That must be it.

Either that, or they're all lying to me. Saying they like me and are having fun when I'm with them. While they're lying and definitely aren't fine. Lying about feelings, basically. It hurts knowing they're hiding from me that they're hurting. I hate worrying over other people more than myself. Oh and of course me being used for their personal gains, can't forget that one. Oh no, of course not. I guess I'm only a good friend for me to be used for school stuff or to make others happy. Otherwise, I'll fade out of their lives and be that awkward one standing in the background.

Or it's just back to how I'm not good enough for them, let alone anybody really.

In real life, online, it's all the same. Everyone gets sick of me, there's no point in discriminating it. Friends, definitely! Family, getting there. Who's left after that? Oh wait, no one!

Opening up to new people only to already know my fate, no thanks! No, f*** off, I don't want to add more people to the already long list.

Sorry, this is how my brain works. When I read certain things, guess how I react? Impulsively. I'm more of a feeler than a thinker. I conclude things negatively, thinking the worst case scenarios.

Reassure me, and I'll think you're lying to me even more. Being bluntly honest doesn't help any more than it hurts.

I'm crap. I already know that too. I know every bad thing about me far more than anyone else does. If there really is any good thing about me left to tell me, then that's a change. Though I'll be honest and say I'll have a hard time believing any positive words about me. That are real and honest words. Sorry about that. Sorry about me.

I'm just sick of myself and how I live my life.

My new theme I put reminds me of the autumn season. Oh well, autumn is nice. Colorful, cool, calming. Fresh new set of colors. Maybe that'll change something about me for the better.

Yeah right.

Honestly, I wonder if anyone will truly miss me if I'm gone.

And not be a liar.

What a concept.

People think they're good at hiding their pain. But I still know they have it.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

Finally changed the theme

Yeah, I finally changed the theme! Hope you guys like it! ^-^'

I feel better than I was a few days ago. So that's good, I guess.

I'll post my own art soon.

Not now though. I'm getting tired now.

Bye. :')

Art Exhibits Pictures: Part 2

I'm actually just going to turn this thing into two parts.

But before that...

Yesterday was.. erm.. eventful.

Today wasn't as eventful, thankfully.

And tomorrow I'll finally start driving.

Well.. heh.. life.

Wait.. *checks the time* it's past midnight!

Ok so by yesterday I mean Saturday, today as in Sunday, and tomorrow as in Monday.

Ok no more useless info, on with the photos!

I don't feel like writing explanations over all of them.

Ok fine I will...

The guy on the horse is Stalin. The sculptor of it is insulting him.

The men in line going towards a door is taking place during the Great Depression. And they're probably looking for food or employment opportunities in the building. This sculpture also gives off a lot of heat due to its materials.

And yes, the alien-dog creatures have way too long tails.

I took a lot more pictures, but oh well, I'm not gonna post them. I'm a bad person, whatever.

The other pictures show lots of people walking by and the name of the place.

So yeah.

Got any suggestions for posts? Or need any help?

If so, tell me them.

Bye.

-

\

Sorry about last post.

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. Until around 9 pm.

I don't mean anyone on here by what I said.

I.. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

I'm sorry.

I only end up hurting people or them hurting me.

I don't think I can afford to just be happy. Joke around. Much anything.

They turned one of the only things I enjoy into something to stress about.

Art.

I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm not even good at it. Any of it.

I don't even know if I'm that interested in art that much anymore. 

Other things too. Involving colleges (art colleges.. why), driving, volunteering, and jobs.

I know I'm overreacting. I know it's stupid. But I'm a scared crybaby.

You know what? This year really sucks. I find it fake how people can still be happy. It amazes me. The state of the world is just plummeting downhill. And people can still afford to be happy. Oh man, do I wish I could be like that.

You shouldn't let other people affect your happiness. Yet I let other people affect my happiness.

Nothing makes me happier than other people. I don't know how to be as happy without them. They're so insignificant to my life in the longrun, yet they mean so much to me. And we all live so far away from each other. I admit that I mean online friends by these words.

Other people affect my emotions far more than I ever can.

It's a poor way to live. It really is. But that's just how it is with me, I guess.

I feel bad for ignoring so many people. People I consider important in my life.

In the end, it comes down to how I don't want to get hurt any more. 

I don't want to be any more of an inconvenience to them.

And getting these suicidal-implied notifications on this other site almost daily. Like.. happiness probably is just a concept at this point.

Maybe I let people play with my emotions (people from my own family to online friends) because that's the only way I can prove I still have emotions.

I'm scared for the future. My future. The world's future. Everything between the two.

Overwhelmingly scared.

I guess what they said was right. I am scared of people. It is an irrational way of thinking. I know I'm both capable and incapable.

I know I shouldn't push my prolonged sadness/empty-whatever-feelings to you guys so much.

Well.. um.. for everyone's sake, I'll try to hide my emotions on here for a while.

I'll probably slip up again. Sorry in advance.

I'll try and remember to just post art things for a while.

I'll burden you guys that way instead.

Haha.

I'll go back to posting art next post, hopefully.

I have my dance recital today. I actually have something to do this Saturday. Wow okay.

I'm going to leave now.

If you need me, I'm almost always here. Whenever I can be.

I only wish you the best.

Goodbye.

/

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here.

Or how.

Blogging. Life in general. Both.

Your words aren't comforting.

Since you never felt how I currently do, it gives you no right to say the things you do.

I tell you "no" time and time again (it's the only word I say, right?) but you do it anyway.

You know I always assume things for the worst. You know I overreact. You know I'm scared.

You know I'm stubborn. You know I'm a bad person.

Thanks to you, I'm left questioning how I could possibly live a future.

Thanks for emphasizing that thought in my head.

Thanks a lot.

You know I'm scared. I know you weren't. That doesn't make me any less scared.

Family.. so what? You might be part of the family.. so what?

Then when I'm by myself for a bit, I get reminded that almost everyone is better than me.

Do you honestly think I ever forgot those words you said to me?

Because I haven't.

I distance myself from people because I have gotten hurt from them.

After whatever thing happens after a set number of times, I never feel the same, as comfortable, with them as before.

Like they all said, it will never be like it was in the good old days.

So stop having your hopes up.

You see me crying. You continue to make me feel worse.

I hide away from you. You find me.

Which family member am I referring to? Maybe it's all of them.

Then you attempt to get me out by attacking me.

You know I don't like being touched. And like that? Wow, you are so right. That totally made me feel better. That totally made me hate you less. Yeah but you're wrong.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe it is always my fault.

Maybe I would rather live in a fantasy world than this living hell called Earth 2016.

Maybe I'm still not normal. Maybe I never was.

Maybe you never honestly cared. Maybe no one ever has.

Maybe. All these maybes.

Dance recital later today.

What words will you say? Are the mean ones the only words that count? Are positive words meaningless?

At this point, maybe they are. Mean words shoot through me. They stay there. Positive words just hit me. They reflect off me.

Maybe that's why I'm no longer a bright and happy person anymore.

Maybe that's why I'm blue.

Because it's the only color I didn't lose yet.

Art Exhibits Pictures: Part 1

I have a lot of pictures, okay? XD

These are from last Sunday, on Father's Day.

All of the ones I'll display in this post are by Seward Johnson. The ones in the future parts I'll post are by different artists/sculptors, but I forgot their names.

His sculptures look so realistic when you see them in person. So many times when I was there and a distance away from the sculptures, I thought they were actual people. XD

Just.. damn, that's some good art right there. Beautiful. Lovely. Hhhhhhhhhhhhngfgh....

,,,,,

Oh right, let me explain a few things. 

The gray-ish one with the man sitting on a bench with his briefcase is related to the tragedy on 9/11. So to summarize it, this sculpture was in New York City somewhere near the World Trade Center when the terrorist attacks on 9/11 occurred. Later on, rescuers, thinking the sculpture was an actual person, were amazed that he survived and wanted to rescue him out of the turmoil. But, of course, they figured out it was just a sculpture that looks freakishly realistic. So they remade it in the place I went to on Sunday as well as created art that looked like the devastated scenery after 9/11. Well, that's what it basically said on its description thing.

Another thing I found really cool was the one with the security guards standing on either side of what looks like to be a mirror. When you walk towards it and from a distance, it looks just like a mirror. But when you stand in front of it, a painting of Mona Lisa appears. It turns out there was a mini Mona Lisa exhibit behind the "mirror", and if you stand in front of the "mirror" on that side, then you'll appear as if you're in the Mona Lisa painting. It was fun confusing people lol. But yes, it's not a square hole in the wall, there is glass there.

One of the people sculptures is of Marilyn Monroe.

So yeah, onto the pictures now! ^.^

Shiz Art Blah

Hey! I have a fairly new poem I wrote that I'll be posting here. It seems that I always get ideas for art when I'm in a car. Huh, how interesting. But first off, have a crappy post intro that actually takes up a lot of the post. Enjoy I guess. 

For the past few days, I've been thinking of turning my next few posts into just art posts. Not any other added shiz. Just art. Because art is a good thing. A very good thing.

I'll get to posting the pictures I took on Sunday. Soon enough.

So now onto not art-related stuff. School has officially ended for me. It's summer break now. Yay! And my friend has basically introduced me to this band called Gorillaz. I like it, haha. 

Now back onto art stuff. I want to post some of my recent traditional art soon. I think it's way better than my digital art. I actually try on my traditional art, haha. It's just that the camera I use isn't that good quality. And the lighting isn't all that perfect either. 

This is some crappy digital art I made the other day. It's pretty bad. Ha, ha.

Eww. 

Yeah, I prefer my traditional art. Um.. ok. 

I guess it's time for the poem. I thought the beginning up in my head when I was sitting in a car. Cars inspire me to write. For a few minutes during another car ride, I felt like going back and continuing the story of pain (that one lol). Car rides make me tired. Cars are weird with me. 

Ok, ok, have this writing piece thing. Uh.. ok then. 

///////////////----------\\\\\\\\\\\\\|-/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What a good barrier. Sorry lol. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Blue Filter

-----------

Filter it blue

Filter it all blue

Bring some color 

Onto the black and white 

Blue

A color

A feeling

True blue sadness 

But any color is better than

No color at all

I'd rather feel something

Than nothing at all 

I'd rather be able to

Explain and understand 

What my mind is really thinking

I'd rather be colorful

But only blue is good enough

Paint it blue

Paint it all blue

Bring some color

Onto the black and white 

No, I'm no ghost

A fallen spirit

Dwelling in a monochrome world

This black and white 

This numbness

Walking through this world

A numb ghost

No, I'm not

I'd rather feel than nothing at all

Even simple sadness will do

Than this unrecognized mess of emotions 

Filter me blue

Filter the bad away from the good

Filter the world blue

There's enough red already

Bring the paintbrushes out

Turn it blue

Turn it all blue

Filter me blue

Put blue filter on

Cover up this unknown black and white 

Give me some color 

So filter me blue 

Show me how to live 

In your colorful world 

Where the colors still stay vibrant

After all these years 

Where your outer emotions are true 

All the way to your inner core

Because this black and white world

This black and white me

Bores me to death 

Hurts like hell 

I'd rather live in color

Any day

Any time

Blue would do

Just fine

So put the blue filter on

So I can have a color

Cover up my colorless self

For at least a little while

Oh, oh

That would do

That would do 

Oh, oh

Peacock

Hi!

I'm done with finals now. It's basically summer. Freedom, yes, woo!

I've been drawing stuff. Yep. Art.

Here guys, have these photos I took of this peacock on top of the archway that leads to a building.

Peacocks are said to come to the outdoor/indoor art museum exhibits thing I visited yesterday.

Only saw this one peacock though, haha. He looks so cool.

These are ones of the last photos I took at the place.

......

Before I go, I have to say this: I'm ashamed at myself for not drawing eyebrows on my drawing of myself.

Anyway.. uh..

Bye.

- S

Art Spam Coming Later

I went with my dad and sister to this art museum place that's outdoors and indoors. It features a lot of sculptures and some paintings.

I took a lot of photos.

It's such a gorgeous day today. Except it's pretty hot.

I'll probably make a few posts featuring the art.

Most of them are by this guy named Seward Johnson.

Gotta go now.

Peace. 

help, he is crying

Hi guys.

Good morning. Or afternoon. Or evening. Or night.

I'm posting early. Wow.

It's Father's Day. So.. uh.. do dad stuff with your dad. If your dad's okay and all that.. stuff.

By the way, I don't mean my dad by the post title. I mean my cat. Who is not Thelma. XD

Anyway, I got new glasses yesterday. (Wow, that was such a nerd thing to say.. talking about glasses.. pfft).

I kinda want to draw my other characters that I'm pretty sure I never posted on here before.

Might do that.

I just remembered as I lied down on my bed last night/early this morning that for the volunteer application my family practically forced me to fill out online on Friday, I supposedly have to do an interview. For volunteering there. An interview. Um.. um.. uh.. what?!?!?

Haha.. shoot.

I swear they never shut up about me having to volunteer or work. And then go on college tours.

And if not that, then this cruise we're going on in 6 months.

Heck, I'm getting old.

So yeah. Me being the anxious awkward mess who gets angry pretty easily, I am stressed about those things (not the cruise, the other things lol) and annoyed at them for never shutting up about it.

I hold grudges. Heck.

Why does shopping leave me so tired? Why do car rides leave me tired? Why, tired, why?

Um. Heck.

Lately for some weird reason, I felt like using the name, Shy-ra, as an alternate concluding post name. Dashes are so cool, right. It looks cool. To me. I control this heck-invested blog.

It's not my name. Pfft, S for my name is for a less cool sounding name. Like there isn't a dash in my name. What a shame.

Sometimes I feel like revealing my name. But then I'm like, ew no. If I'll do it, I'll do it in private. (Ok, ok I know I worded that horribly XD). Private chat conversations. I still have an email lol.

(Why am I saying this? I could get hate. Uh.. shoot.)

I'm shy. Like shy to the point it gets awkward. Yeah ok. Shy-ra has the word "shy" in it. Wow, would you look at that.

Heck. Maybe Shy-ra is my name. Just not in English. With a different alphabet and I'm just substituting it with English letters. Heck, would you look at that heck.

It sounds way more mature and better overall than Cutepups. In, my, opinion.

Not saying the language though.

Oh wait nevermind. I just checked. It has an "i" not a "y" in the English form. It isn't even pronounced "shy". Ok lol.

The "Shy" suits me better than the "Shi" though.

But if you add a "t", that sums up my personality. ;)

Heck.

~ Shy-ra

That sounds less like a fool's name.

Ok whatever.

Here. He is crying. His eyes are wet.

Why, Mr. Zo, why?

Ok bye. <3

I Live

Heck.

I took those finals today.

They were both pretty easy. Surprisingly. It was great, ahh.. 

Especially math. Chemistry wasn't that bad either. 

They're both done. What a relief. Though I honestly think I'll miss those classes. Well, not for the actual schoolwork reasons, of course. Other reasons. Ok lol. 

I've had to fill out a few applications lately. Um.. I'm growing up. Wtf stop it?!?! 

Frick.. I'm such a hypocrite.

My friend(?) is such a nerd. Psst.. 

School. Talk about school. Ahha..

I get tired easily. Ugh.

 Monday is my last day of finals. Then I'm freeeeeeee.. for the summer. 

But my family wants me to do volunteer and maybe job things then.

And I have summer work to do. Because of classes I'm gonna take.

So those things.. ugh I might actually be busy and work.. what is this?? lol I know ok.

I feel that no one ever comments on my more happy(?) posts where I'm not a negative bitter prick 100%. But it's not like anyone would know what to say. I wouldn't know what to say either. 

I like the concept of getting attention. Except if it's insults and hate and all that stuff. But when I actually get it, I'm like "oh.. wow!" *anxiety in gut like so casual right lol*. 

So yeah. I guess this counts as my life updates.

But that's like every post of mine now. lol yeah.

I'm tired. But I woke up from taking a two hour nap a few hours ago. Yet I'm still so tired. What is this nonsense?  

Peace. <3 

~ Me that bitter prick "hypocrite take your pick" that new "heathens" song though wow that lyric thing is actually from "blasphemy" and not "heathens" haha I'm a fool we're all fools everyone's a fool "only fools fall for you" ah yes troye cool 

Eyy

~ Me. 

ok..

Hi, I just finished drawing this.

Yeah lol 

I drew me. 

Yeah, I drew myself in a cartoonish style (I actually like the way too big eyes). But yeah. This is like my main outfit. :) 

I changed my profile pic to a zoomed in version of this. I actually like this?? Haha.

Yep.

The other day, I had to take a selfie for my Spanish class. Weird. Project final. Weird. 

Oh yeah. I know the shoulders are uneven. Well.. um.. I tense up a lot it seems. Raised shoulders and all. 

Heck. I can't draw hands and feet. At least it looks decent?? Haha.

I'm getting new glasses in the next few days. And that's what they look like. 

The anatomy may be off, but my body is like a twig. Yes, you twit. :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow is Friday. Know what tomorrow is? 

It's the day I have my finals in my hardest classes back-to-back. 

Hhhhngfghfml ;n; 

Anyway, I had to read a short story called "Anxiety" for my LAL final today. And the grammar was kinda very off. There weren't any questions about asking how to correct it. On an LAL (aka English clas) final. What the heck. It didn't even talk about anxiety. I thought the little girl or the father had anxiety then. But then this old woman did. What old woman? What? 

Short stories in school are mighty confusing. Half the time they make no sense! :D great fun!! 

Um.. 

I had a breakdown after I took my math final last year. (Yeah, look how normal I was when I was such an anxious twig!). But math is way easier for me this year. (Still not looking forward to that final tomorrow cuz math lol). So, anyway, I doubt I'll get a breakdown after taking my math final this year. (Good vibes yo). 

The chem final though. Ah.. hopefully not. 

But unlike last year, I feel kinda careless and numb?? And getting irrationally angry and sad online. It seems that I only let out my feelings to strangers on the internet. At this point, I bet some of them hate me by now. But I still tell my life story every time I post. Whelp. W..help. 

Oh shiz. 

Cutepups Life Story: Born on 5/22/2000 at 2:39 am which also happens to be the house number where my mom lived as a child in the city because city folk parents. Conspiracy wtf. I was small like very small but not too small. But still small. I was bald until I was almost 2 years old. So yeah I was like egg head except my head was not an egg. I also was like "fu" to pacifiers and food. Then I ate carrots because they kept me alive or some shiz. Then my skin literally turned orange. Orange egg carrot twig was I. I have a picture of me when I was one or two with a tattoo on me. Bruh. Then I went to therapy because it's apparently a problem if you don't eat food. Wow what a concept. Apparently this one time my dad drove me to or from the therapy center place and I was alone with him. Then a police dude came up to him like "hey why aren't you wearing a seatbelt?" so yeah what a bad influence father. I'm not putting commas here because I don't know. Then I had a childhood. So then I'm 12 and decide to play this Animal Jam game that's been in the ads of these National Geographic Kids magazines I've had since 2010 or 2011. Yeah lmao. So I was like yolo and decided to play AJ for once. I was thinking of cute puppies for some reason or a dog show was on TV. I don't remember lol. So then ever since then I became known as Cutepups. Then I began playing AJ as a monkey with the logical name of "Dancing Daisydog" (yes dog). A few months later I created my main AJ meme fursona idfk "Precious Cutepuppy". Cutepuppy.. Cutepups. Yeah wow I did it on purpose. Then middle school was okay since I actually had friends on a daily basis. Then high school hit and I became sad and lonely. Then I decided to be clingy to online people who I originally interpreted as being huge nerds. But those other friends were also nerdy. Some of them. And I'm kinda nerdy but not like a nerd. It's complicated you see. So one day my brain was like telling me to be way too clingy to online strangers over the internet. Now to this day I feel guilty and bad because I'm secretly really clingy with a select few of them. Like I know they all have lives. Surprising thought. I know we all have to move on some day. But I'm clingy with the constant thought that when they'll go I'll be friendless/the Distant Friend™. I feel manipulative if I force them to stay. There's nothing left to say at this point. I don't want to be any more of an inconvenience to people and hold them back. And ew I feel so bad. I want them to be happy. But my brain is thinking that they are liars just messing with my emotions. But I know I mess with theirs too. I've lost so many friendships already. But ew I feel so guilty. I get mad at them sometimes. And just. Like I'm a bitter person who's a lonely hermit who can't reach out to anyone really. But like in school for example I feel numb since I can go days without talking to anyone. And I hear the people around me laughing at me. Like I'm a freaK. It feels like all my friends or whatever I call them now have grown up and moved on. And I'm here just watching them walk by before my very eyes. So I'm just stuck here. And now online people who I call some of my best friends especially this year and last year are moving on too. And it's like I can do nothing but watch them go. But I feel guilty if I make them stay with me. And I'm scared the friends from my confirmation class will grow apart from me. And they'll move on and forget me. But they're like the irl equivalent of my best friends. And I really can't stand being friendless. Truthfully friendless. I don't want to lose them. Any of them. I lost so many other friends already. Most of them forgot about me. I'm invisible to them. I also don't talk. So that's that. 

Um..

Bye.

~ Cutepups

100 k

Hello.

I see this blog has finally reached 100,000+ pageviews. 

Awesome! Cool. 

And like I said, I doodled this today. It isn't that great though. Less colorful, so.. yeah.

Meh.

So.. um.. a crappy perspective drawing. The green/brown squiggles can be dead grass, and the blue can be a water source.

Yeah.. I didn't try that much on it.

(Oops, The Disappointment™ is at it again...)

,',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',', 

(I am bitter and full of petty. :})

You know how it's proven that naps make people feel better? Right?

Well, it seems that I get opposite results from that. Whenever I take afternoon naps, I feel worse afterwards. You would think taking a (two hour max) nap would make me feel less tired afterwards, right? Haha, nope. When I wake up from napping, I feel twice as much tired than before I took the nap. Oh and then I get headaches. Okay that's great. Woo, napping pains. Fun. 

So yeah. The reason I feel awful (physically) is because I took a nap. Way to go, me. Way to freaking go. 

Heh.. I'm lucky if I only get one headache a week. Wow okay I should switch topics now. 

I've been having pretty bad dreams about school recently. They're so stupid. I have more pretty bad dreams than happy random ones, but I don't want to post about the bad ones. Besides, they have personal info, which would confuse you guys probably. And, haha, because I don't trust other people that much anymore.

 I've learned by now that all "friends" are the same. No matter who they are. I hate myself for believing a new "friend" would be different. But as time goes on, I realize the same thing happens with everyone. People are freaking liars. I hate myself allowing new people in my life to eventually hurt me in the end. But, oh wait, if I go on about this I would be manipulative again. Wouldn't I, right? We all know I'm that way with my emotions. 

What is so goddamn repulsive about me? Is it because I'm boring? Is it because I'm practically socially inept? What the hell is it?!

They say they don't hate me, but when I say something that's not all agreeable and happy-like, then they just leave the conversation. How stupid do they think I am? I know they're all lying when they say they can stand me. I know they really can't stand me. It's always my fault, isn't it? Isn't it? Besides, they always prove how much more stupid I am than them. Oh yeah, when I say "they" I mean people online and people irl. Maybe more towards one of the two. But if I say which, I'll get criticizing comments. Again. 

Ugh, I view myself as such an inferior person. Heck, everyone's probably right and I'm probably wrong. I'm never right, huh? I'm stupid, huh? 

I'm sick of people hurting me. What's the point in opening up to new people when the same thing happens with literally everyone else before? I know I'm a horrible person. I avoid "friends" a lot, and then I get clingy. And the uneven cycle repeats over and over again. Everyone before left and forgot about me. I'm not close to anyone. I hate seeing people close with each other everywhere I go. It frustrates me that I can't ever have that. No matter how hard I try. If I don't lose "friends" completely then I become the Distant Friend™. 

Not like any of you'd understand. I open up and be honest with people. But, it must be inevitable, every "friend" steps outside my life. By their own accord. What I was annoyed about is that literally everyone else I've known is best friends with someone else. And they're always (and I mean ALWAYS, don't you dare freaking guilt-trip me by saying I'm assuming things about people, so what about exceptions that practically don't exist, I already view myself as the "bad person" without you enforcing that fact onto me) there for each other even when they don't have to tell each other anything. They don't even have to say "I'm not okay", they get the reassurance anyway. So don't remind me how I have to go out and tell people that. Because I already know I have to do that. It's just frustrating how certain people get the reassurance/comfort/love they need without telling anyone anything. Heck, I really don't get people. Oh and if I want to talk to any "friend", I have to start the conversation to make them give me attention. Because they definitely won't start them with me. They always forget me either way. I keep on waiting for words, but the only kind I get are empty ones. Besides, I always feel like I'm bothering the other person if I'm the one starting the conversation. 

Haha, what's the point? It's not like you'd understand what I'm saying. In basic words, I want a real friend that isn't bs and freaking lies. Not like a person exists. Because I obviously know I'm the problem by now.

If you're just going to comment criticizing me or feeling sorry for me, then just get out. 

I'm stressed and uncomfortable about other things as it is. 

Bye.

- Cutepups/The Mess™/The Disappointment™/The Distant Friend™/S 

what

Hello, the inconvenience has returned! 

Drew this in school and fixed it up at home today.

:-)

:'-)

:-')

:-)

lol 

It's made up of "What" ("WHAT", "what") everywhere. Oh and "SORRY" and a few other words hidden in this shiz drawing somewhere.

Irrational fear is annoying. 

Haha, that girl's anatomy is shiz.   

Finals start tomorrow.

I'm really not looking forward to Friday. 

I might just draw shiz doodles every day instead of always being way too damn personal in my freaking posts.

Might.

Talk about yesterday's post is over.

The talk is over.

Bye. 

Sorry,,

I messed up. 

I'm pretty bad at correctly wording what I want to say.

I shouldn't have worded it like that.

I don't know any other way to put it though.

Ironically, I'm not feeling as pessimistic as that day I felt like ranting about it. 

I'm just a pathetic jealous.. excuse of a person.

I screwed up.

Made people hate me again.

When things are finally getting somewhat better irl.

Way to go, me.

Way to go.

Ruin everything by my words.

Ruin mutual relationships with people.

I knew I would get seen as being pathetic and get hated for posting that.

It was stupid of me to think people would react differently.

Ranting that was a mistake.

Going back to that.. no thank you.

Being different and misunderstood it is then.

Whatever, it's my fault for posting in the first place. 

I'm sorry.

Though I know "sorry" doesn't cut it in many cases.

--------

heh another small rant

Hi.

Rant time again.

However, it won't be as "mean" and controversial as I originally planned for it. I don't feel that bad (though it seems my faith in humanity is gradually lowering.. ahem) today and these past few days. And my friends have actually been communicating with me. So.. um.. yes.

Before I start, yes ok I am a bitter person. I'm a butt. I know that. Ok, ok.

///////////////////////_/(^~^)\_

So, for a while now, I've been seeing all over the internet people posting things that say stuff like "Nobody cares", "I have no one", "I don't have friends", etc., etc.

Sure, I know the brain (especially with hormones and/or they have a mental disorder/illness) can alter people's perceptions for the worse. It happens. The brain is a dimwit sometimes.

But, honestly, reading and hearing people say stuff like this and post it publicly on the internet kinda.. well.. bothers me.

There are so many people posting stuff like "nobody cares.. blahblahblah.. I should die then". But, really, are you kidding me?

People care about you, gosh darn it! Saying that no one cares about you is bs.

They say they don't want attention and want to be left alone. Guess what they get- attention. Even right away when they're still feeling depressed or another crappy emotion. Maybe they get attention from support groups. Oh and yeah, their friends.

Everywhere else they're posting all about their best friend all over their page. And they stay in touch with said friend just about all day every day. And said friend comments and gives them attention and comfort when their emotions are more on the negative side.

But.. ok.. it astounds me. You say you have no friends and that no one cares about you? Yet you get lots of immediate love and comfort from so many people when you post the slightest negative thing! If that's not a sign that people care about you, then I don't know what is.

Even if it's just this online friend they chat with almost on a daily basis, that's still a friend.

Me on the other hand? I've posted quite a few times when I've been feeling upset, and I receive no comforting messages from friends, let alone anyone really, when I really need to hear them until hours later when I feel slightly better. Yet do I constantly whine that I have no one and should just die because of it? No.. not like those people at least. Loneliness can make people think that nobody cares. I've been down that path too many times already. I've been through times when it felt like anyone I could (and did) contact were intentionally ignoring me making me believe that they don't care about me.

But people posting this kinda stuff.. I'll admit it.. I doubt they've seriously known what it's like to be alone. No family at home. Sometimes on nights when I get migraines or even on the brink of having panic attacks. Or they're sound asleep since it's 2 am, but I can't fall asleep because my stomach hurts me too much to lie down and I get uncomfortable at the idea of asking for help at inconvenient times.

And friends.. for crying out loud.. if you have a friend (whether that be irl or online.. I don't really care which) who you talk to daily and helps you out when you actually need them and not, idk, 8 hours later.. then you have no say in whining about how friendless you are.

Unlike these people, I've felt alone and friendless for nearly my whole life. Everyone is closer friends with someone other than me, and I could consider them my best friends.. but there's always a better friend they go to first and to me last. This school year, all my friends I made from at least last year, ditched me out and left me out completely. For an entire school year minus a few days here and there. Being forgotten easily.. no wonder I have some level of trust issues regarding friends. Because they always leave. And when they come back, things are never the same as they were before. Being friendless, being a school loner/outcast, being unable to talk normally like other people.. it hurts. Whether this be due to irl friends or online friends, the same thing happens. And do I, the far more unpopular person than you whine about this? No, the person who is far more popular with people complains.

Loneliness messes you up. That's what loneliness does to people, myself included. But if you are able to talk (chat, message, comment, text) to a person close to you (whether that be a family member or any type of friend), then sorry, you don't understand what it's like to be lonely.

For the minutes when no one is there or replying to you when you need them most. For the hours when you definitely aren't okay and no one is able to be there for you to comfort you. When you even go online to type it all out only to be ignored on there too. Because you crave attention from someone, anyone, at times like that. You need to be validated. You need to know that you aren't truly invisible. If not, you feel that nobody cares because nobody's there. And sometimes, the loneliness lasts for weeks and months. And you're left wondering what you did wrong since it's definitely your fault, so they must hate you now. Otherwise they would have been there for you. And if something was up with them in their personal lives, they would have told you. Oh right.. they all tell their personal stuff to anyone but me. So of course no one tells you anything that's at least somewhat personal.

That's how I've been feeling constantly lately. How loneliness is with me. It isn't a one day thing. It goes on for weeks, months, and years. It sucks.

Stop saying crap like "I'm so alone and have no one" when you get attention and support when you actually need it. When you have friends you hang out with and laugh with all the time. People clearly care about you. It's obvious. With me, it actually isn't as obvious at times. It even left me questioning the point and my purpose in life on numerous occasions. If life really is worth it.

I'm not in the mood to clean up this post. I'll leave it a mess. Screw fixing up even more grammar today. I'm tired of so many things.

Bye.

- whatever

emotional rollercoaster

Hey guys. c:

I don't know what to title my posts anymore. So.. just go with it.

My mind yesterday was pretty much like an emotional rollercoaster. Today too, but less steep drops.

I cry easily lol. You guys can probably hurt me, but oh well lol. Do I scare anyone here? Due to stuff I've said, done? I find it strange that I might have viewers who find me intimididating. Ah well, you do you.

I'm such a fragile person though. When someone I look up to gets very mad and starts yelling and cursing at me, my first instinct is to cry (if I can't run away first). It sucks. And then feeling uncomfortable when having to be close around said person for the rest of the day.. well, the feeling is awful. That happened to me yesterday.

The first half of my day yesterday.. well I'll just say it would be so easy for me to vent. Luckily, I didn't make another post yesterday. But I feel more secure and happy today, especially after this weekend's main stressful event mainly involving me. Now onto the stress of finals week (starting the second half of the week for some reason).

But yeah, I'm free from the stressful events of today. It's finally over, done. Wow.. it ended.

It made me feel happy though. Things involving the event from last evening and this morning boosted my mood. That's good, I suppose.

This weekend has definitely been less boring and more eventful than last weekend. Definitely less loneliness. Alright then.

******************

I feel like kinda ranting. I guess this is on controversial issues. So yeah, warning in advance.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Since I'm from the U.S. I'll type about this from that country's perspective. I guess.. lol.

So.. um.. bigots and a**holes can just leave now. Not like any of you guys are, right? Probably.

So over these past few days (I'll say from Friday to Sunday), I've heard about three different shootings.

One I heard about from my brother and it took in Europe on a train somewhere.. might be soccer related.. I don't know much about it.

And I think the other two took place in the same U.S. state- Flordia. Also known as that southern state along America's east coast. I'm not 100% sure if they both took place in Flordia, though.

From what I know, on the 11th, someone shot Christina Grimmie while she was in a concert. She was a singer who sang covers of songs as well as her own songs. 

And I first heard about the other Flordia (Orlando, more specifically) shooting this morning from my friends at the event we were all mainly involved in.

And since we are decent caring people, we saw both the U.S. shooting events as devastating. (Didn't know about this Europe one my brother was talking about until later).

But.. honestly.. in America, so many of us are viewing these shootings as average things in society. Kinda growing immune and numb to the news since the news of new shootings occur way too frequently here.

Okay.. seriously. The U.S. isn't.. well.. the best. "America, the best country in the world".. yeah right. In my opinion, and probably many others, that's a lie. Honestly, the news here is probably one reason that leads me to feel depressed. The news is depressing, that's about it. Well, ok, 90% of it. Not including the weather forecast lol. Everything is just growing more corrupt. And that's life, that's reality.

The nominees for the upcoming presidency both pretty much suck (in my opinion). Haha, some people in this country.. it's easy to lose hope here.

Whelp.. ha.. if for some reason you don't know already, I'm pro-social justice (doesn't make me an obsessed sjw though :/).

Lol controversial topics :'》

It's just frustrating. Some people thinking there's nothing wrong, that it's still okay. Even to limit it just a little bit. But no.. of course they stick to these words our (racist, while fighting in the middle of war for independence, white men) founding fathers wrote down over 200 years ago. Politicians.. huh. Clearly, the U.S. has a gun problem. People out there believing it's alright and totally logical for just about anyone of a certain age to purchase guns that can probably be used for terror attacks and nothing less extreme. Really.. there are safer guns out there people can use for hunting and self-defense. For crying out loud, the U.S., by far, has had far more gun-related terror incidents than any other country. And some people in this country still think it's okay, that so many people have died, that more will die to tragic gun incidents in the future? Just.. ugh.

Haha, I made a whole speech addressing the issue of guns (gun control) and presented it to the U.S. government back in December. Learned a lot of social justice things during those few days in December. Heh.. with the same friends and classmates as the ones involved in today's event. Yep, mhmm.

And then these same close-minded people in government and other places throughout the country too think gay people are equal to straight people since gay marriage is legal here now. What.. no.. they're not even close to being equal in rights. That's like a crucial first step. But still.. no. Ever heard of the commotion brought up about trans/non-binary gender people wanting to go in the bathroom they associate with gender-wise? How about the shooting in Orlando this morning (I'm typing this on the 12th btw) at a lgbt safe-spot? Honestly.. some people.. ugh.

"America, the land of the free".. technically yes to an extent, but all the way, no. That's just how it is, I suppose.

And for this shooting that was mainly driven by lgbt(+) hate to have been said to be the largest mass shooting in American history.. just.. there's too much hate in this world.

If I have to pick people who are my closest/best friends irl, they would be the ones that are in the lgbt+ community. Specifically these two people.

So.. yeah. Went a bit controversial here, I suppose.

Bye guys. Peace.

Mcfreakin

Hey guys. Look, I'm posting early today. Be proud of me.

I'm a stressful mess. Stressful weekend this is. Only to be followed by more stress. Ohh boyy.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is.. that guy. Haha.. um.. yes. Him.

So, like, my storyplanning ideas from a year and a half ago (give or take). Boy, was I funny. Him, evil? Killer? The evilest character ever? Oh my god, that's hilarious.

Oh god, did I suck at making him evil at one point. He's just a teenage angst bean. I can't believe I thought he was evil at one point. Before I decided to turn him into a little bean.

Yeah.. ugh.. I'm talking about Fierdan. Again. For like the millionth time.

Mcfreakin kill me.

So, why am I bringing up emo cinnamon roll again? Because, you see, I once thought of him being this serial killer character that burns his victims' clothes and bodies. Which he technically did do.. but still.

Okay whatever. So last night, my good old friend (just kidding, she's younger than me lol) told me about this one serial killer (not the worst of his crimes though). And man, did that scar me for life (aka for the next few days probably). I can't believe I read that entire thing. I must really hate myself.

My ideas for making Fierdan (even Soulless on top of that) such an evil, cruel, violent, etc. character came right out the window when I read about that irl serial killer one.

I don't feel comfortable sharing publicly (especially on here) what serial killer (etc.) my friend brought up. It's truly messed up. Sure, my dumb ideas of thinking I was being scary in my story weren't that scary, but that story is. Even the worst characters are angels compared to that guy. Innocent angels.

Heck, our conversation started with her bringing up this song. Vocaloid. Look it up at your own risk.

Yeah.. I'm still scared about it. Many, many trigger warnings that killer's bio has.

So yeah. Fierdan, you're just an emo cinnamon roll / teenage anst bean.

Or at least you (or really any characters I create) will never be on the same evil level as that man from the early 1900s.

Nope, nope, nope. Never gonna happen.

Too terrifying for me.

Well, bye!

Woof and Meow

I doodled these 2 sketches in school today.

It's about time I draw and show you guys something in a cute and simple style. 

Pink dog sketch and purple cat sketch. :3

Drawn on the same platform as the drawing from last post. 

I might get to changing the blog theme later today. Hopefully.

- see ya. 

EDIT: Ok so I didn't have time to change the blog theme yet. Got caught up in other stuff. 

wow..

Hi, people of the universe! 

Unfortunately, I don't have any new dream to share with you guys. Haha.. um.

So, haha, I bet you all know by now that I was thinking of posting about AJ again. Well, somewhat. Anyway, I read on other blogs that AJ had an update today. 

There's a new nonmember-available animal! And for half the diamond cost for any other new animal! That's.. wow. That's great! Omg.. 

On a totally different topic, I drew this on my iPad today. It kinda reminds me of this character from somewhere. But I think my drawing is something pretty new in my art style. Well, kind of. I kept on recoloring and adding on colors to their eyes. (I don't know what to classify the person as.. I'll just refer to the person using they/them.. um yeah). And I drew their hair to be naturally black (as you can see how the eyebrows are black like natural hair color.. right?) with one half of their hair including the bangs being dyed a lighter color (dirty blond, perhaps?). Whelp, I made the background a more cute and less hostile color. Haha, I like this thing.  

Oh.. pfft.. I didn't post it yet. Here you go! 

Warning for hints of scar/s and bruise/s. 

I have a stressful weekend and upcoming week ahead. Nervous for a few certain parts during these times, you can say. 

But after that, school and that other thing will finally be over! 

Anyway, I'm unsure if I said anything about returning my iPad to school at the end of the school year, last year. Well for this year, we're allowed to keep our iPads over the summer. So I can still use this art app on the iPad.. as well as so many other things I have on here. So that's kinda good.

Um.. heh. Don't you just hate hearing so many people your age (sometimes younger) actually having ideas of plans for their futures? Cuz I do. 

.. I just realized I have a lot of drawings that have some blood in them. By the way, the weird design on that person's arm in my drawing above is a tattoo that turns into a scar over time. That's why it's the same color as the scar under their blond bangs. 

Whelp.. ha..

I don't have anything else to discuss right now. 

Take care.

~ *whatever you wanna call me lol*

So!

Hey guys! ;o; 

This part from my dream from last night. Messed up as usual. HahahahahahHA

Oh boy.

So I dreamed I was in my math classroom. (This is all in my dream, by the way!*). And my math teacher said his birthday was next class. I read the board. It said he was turning 16. My math teacher is an old/middle-aged man, by the way. So I went home like what the heck? and.. I forgot what happened then lol sorry. Next thing I remember is next math class, and I have this birthday cake with too much white icing and.. cake. Then when another student asks him why he wrote he was turning 16 on the board (I'm too quiet and shy to do anything myself, ha~), he laughs and says the 1 was actually a 5. So that makes it 56. I don't know my teacher's age though. So, again, ???? my brain at night. Then when we were working on math problems, I got out my heavily frosted birthday cake. So then I just smacked it in the teacher's face. Yeah, I really don't know, man. I think I was overthinking on how he could be 16 which is the students' age too much and didn't sleep or something. Like, that took over my life. Those 2 days. So then everyone, even said teacher, smiled when I smacked a cake into his face. It was all good from there. I think. That's all I remember from that dream.

Yeah.. weird. Brain, why you like this? Why...

That feel when you cough too much at one time, and you suddenly start crying. That was me just now. Wet eyes now. Wow.

Oh and does anyone remember me complaining last July about my work at this day camp? So yeah, I filled out an application for it again this year, but able to get money and all that. So turns out, I didn't get the job this time. So.. yeah. Oh well. Meh.

About them rants, this one I have an idea for the most. Well, um, it's kinda(?) about.. dark stuff. Triggering things. It's not like I'm being cold-hearted (I don't think I am). It's.. idk I'm an anxious mess that can't help thinking that people will think I'm being selfish/pathetic/a complainer. But it's not too bad. Just how things happen.. well, it bothers me sometimes. Gah.. it's hard to explain without saying specifically what I want to rant about. Because I don't want to tell you guys yet. 

So anyway, just saying. Rants I'm thinking of typing out could be involving a triggering topic. Triggering..? I don't know what else to call it. Depressive intentions? Suicidal intentions? Basically, by "triggering" I mean more on the violent and language sides of things. I don't know, when I think of ranting I constantly swear in my head. I'll try to keep it toned down on here though. But it's not about those things. It's more about.. what people say. It's hard to explain. 

It involves two words: "attention" and "friends". That's all I'll hint about it in this post. 

It doesn't invalidate any person's existence/identity. I'm not that kind of person to do stuff like that. I think that's wrong. It's more on actions than the people. 

Yeah, I'll probably be nervous that I told you guys this. Haha oops. 

I'm tired and stressed over quite a few things. 

Today wasn't as happy-go-lucky(?) as yesterday and Monday. But it wasn't that bad. So.. meh.

Comment.. hmm.. something good that happened to you today (well, whenever you read this). Or something positive. 

Thanks in advance! ;^;

blogging stuff and life in general

Hi. It's me. Again. It's always me. :v

I have lots of news that's all over the place, and since I'm a mess nothing's gonna be organized. Okay!

So.. haha.. know what's weird? I can feel very bad and lonely on weekends, and then on Monday I strangely feel so much better. Weird, right?

Well, I had that happen to me this week as well. Monday and Tuesday were both pretty good days. Maybe Monday a bit more since it was a more lucky day.. but oh well.

Like.. oh man.. Monday was such a good day. Tuesday and Monday were definitely two of my sudden positive days. So yeah, that's good!

Also, haha, Tuesday was the first day this school year that I woke up late for school. Like, miss-the-bus-late-and-the-first-class-starts-in-less-than-20-minutes. What a thrill in the boring life of Cutepups. I actually wasn't school late though. Haha.. oh wait that reminds me!

I had a pretty interesting dream last night. I don't remember much of it anymore though. I remember it being pretty sci-fi futuristic like.

I also had another dream fairly recently called "the meme dream" where I remember dat boi (the frog on the unicycle) popping up for like two seconds and that being my dream. Yeah.. pfft.. I'm a memer dreamer.

So what I remember from my dream last night was that there was this Harry Potter aspect in it. But there were no Harry Potter characters in it. I think I was in this group of people in this secret magical building castle place (idk) and the leader pointed to this guy. I think I thought he said a Harry Potter character's name, but the man's face he was pointing to on the paper he had looked nothing like that character. So then I traced the guy's face that was on the paper. And then he got mad that I drew on the paper all over that guy's face. And everyone got mad at me. After that, something happened and creatures were after us or something. We weren't supposed to be in this building. So then we ran down hallways and hid behind doors. Then our group reunited and.. how to explain it.. this device showed up on the floor which turned us humans into millions of tiny dark particles. Then we were human-like aliens with large red-orange noses, for example. Then we did some sort of adventure in another world, and turned back into humans. Then I woke up from the bed dream-me was laying in this entire time, and I was told to put on my blue dress. Then I went to this party.

Yeah, that's basically all I remember from my dream. Kinda cool.. maybe?

So anyway, enough weird talk. More serious stuff. So.. hmm.. future.

I know I've said this for the past two years, but this time I'm pretty sure I'll mean it. So.. yeah.

This blog will probably become much more inactive once school starts next year, if not sooner.

Honestly, I've been thinking of just switching to a brand-new blog so many times at this point. But I just don't find the energy to start everything over with the whole blogging process. I don't want to just suddenly abandon any of my lovely viewers I have. And yeah, I'm so excited when this blog will reach 100k views (eep! :0). But honestly, I won't have the time and motivation to blog often, nevertheless create a new account with a new blog, for much longer.

The difference between what I said last summer and the summer before that one is that for those two, it was just myself. Like, my own accord basically. And, well, for this year (especially when 2017 comes around and I'm still here surprisingly) it's more of a family choice. I won't have much free time in the near-future. They're somewhat upset at how much free time I have already.

I'm pretty old. My family is pushing upon how I should be starting to study for the SATs (google it if you're not American) since I'll be having to take them at some point in the next school year, as well as getting a (summer/part-time) job and if not that then more volunteer work. Which, me being me, is pretty stressful for me. And I'll be a junior next year which is the hardest grade, so definitely more work. As well as how I signed up for advanced classes (have to this time).

So yeah.. future.. life moves on. So I'll continue to be active here as long as I can. Which I honestly don't think will change until late 2016 at the earliest. Because I'm me.. pfft.

Anyway, onto blogging stuff.. now. Thanks for your input, everyone who commented. Thanks for even commenting, I bet it's probably awkward not knowing what to say anymore. But I like that idea some of you mentioned of it being a more calming (idk) theme. I like that idea. I use trees way too much, so I'm still deciding on if I should make it a forest atmosphere or another biome. I don't know if anyone's bored of my banners with trees by now.

And onto that AJ side of things. For some reason, I just want to make this post where I go on AJ for the first time in forever (or something like that) and look at all these new updates and post about it in a sarcastic way. I love seeing these blog posts and videos of people sarcastically looking at the updates. Sarcasm is key. Like.. lol.. *screenshot of Jamaa Township* Look at these gorgeous kiddos begging for love and trades! Such a nice community! Still hasn't changed since I kinda quit this dumb game! I wanna draw a line and submit it to AJHQ, so it can be my personal den item! Oh no, I'm nonmember! Let's rant about social justice, kiddos! *screeches*. Wow, my post ideas are so amazing. Such a pro. Pfft.

Sometimes I get the urge to want to post rants. Controversial topic rants. Not even controversial topic rants that will probably leave people hating me even more than they do already. Basically, I want to post about me complaining over things. But I never find the motivation to actually type up rants. But I really just want to rant about a few things in particular (not gonna say what they are for now). This one thing is just bothering me. But I'll probably get hate for it. Organizing rants.. what an effort.

So if you're interested in me posting rants, tell me. Same if you're not. Not like any of it matters, I just love hearing back from you guys. It makes me feel like I'm not just talking to myself via blogging.

Oh and Cutepups still sounds funny (in a bad way) to me. But I'm bad at making any better nicknames you guys can refer to me as. Cutepups was originally just my AJ nickname, then I adopted it to being my Blogger nickname.. but now it's starting to sound stupid in my head. So.. whatever. Call me whatever.

That's it for now. Goodbye. ^w^