Confessions

Okay. Hi.

I had school today. Half day on Friday. Teachers love bombarding us students with tests and quizzes before our finals.. how fun :)).

I'm tired and want to let some things go. This will probably be like my awful facts posts. Gonna turn risky. Read it, whatever, I don't care. Just don't hurt me, and we're good.

1. I've seen the summary of the latest Animal Jam updates (from Blogger and DeviantArt), especially the Art Studio one. All I really know about it is if you're a member, you can get your artwork you drew in AJ's paint program turned into an item for a diamond price (don't know how much though, I'm guessing 1 diamond) after AJHQ has moderated and accepted your artwork. I really like this new thing, and I think it's an actually cool and creative update. The only downside is I'm definitely a nonmember. So, hopefully, it won't be tested by members forever. But I doubt that.

2. I'm also glad when I heard about other recent AJ updates. 200 buddy slots, nonmembers can change item colors, new plaques.. good job, AJ, you did good.

3. I still check a few AJ blogs and DA artists on a regular basis. lol

4. I cry easily. If you're stern and your voice grows louder all while you're looking directly at me, I will start crying. My family does this to me pretty often (*cough* Monday and Tuesday *cough*).

5. I get ticked off pretty easily as well. It takes a while to physically show my anger, but it's easy for me to suddenly feel angry. Small conveniences like the internet being slower than usual, or my bus driver arriving to school late are the main causes for me.

6. My stomach has, and always has, hurt more often and easily than most other people. Most likely not if you have any cancers in that area or eating disorders though.

7. I technically had an eating disorder. Well, in my first few years of life. Those internet posts (*cough* tumblr *cough*) that say "pro-ana" and "pro-mia" piss me off.

8. I skip meals sometimes. Including drinking sometimes as well. Some days I eat a pretty small daily amount of food. Bad habits.

9. Most, if not everyone else my age, has a vague idea of what they want to get into in college and from there. When I say I have no idea, I MEAN I have no idea. I'm not even sure if I want to be an artist or writer anymore.

10. It's getting hard for me to devotely focus and concentrate on any schoolwork when I'm not at school.

11. I'm such a weak person. I'm also a pretty small teen.

12. If I'm in a conversation with you and I repeatedly ask you "Do you hate me?" or "We're still friends, right?" or anything along those lines, just know I've had a rough day with other people. Like, um, family members being stern and "mean" by saying things that lead to them hating me one way or another. Though it's my fault lol. And irl friends probably don't like me either because of constant ignoring and uninviting me out. So, like, I don't know where else to go to for attention and validation. Um.. yeah.

13. I get cold easily; I get hot easily. It sucks.

14. I hate hormones. They bring demons. Not fun.

15. I find it fake how other females don't get that intrusive thought like, "I have to deal with periods around a week every month until I'm 50 or something. Every month. 12 months a year. Blood. Period blood. To prepare the uterus for a supposed baby. Babies. Making babies. Hmm.. I know I'm such a wuss, but I wonder how much of this I can take. Hmm.. I can't stand doing this for what seems like forever.. I wanna die.". Like, most people don't feel like dying when brought up to repeated inconveniences that can't be controlled (like, periods and the future™). Sounds fake.

16. I hate how I'm such a submissive person and think of myself as inferior to most other people. It sucks.

17. I don't get/don't like all the hype about boobs and butts. It's annoying ok. This might be shocking, but I, a female, would rather have no boobs than have them. That is so hard for girls to understand at my school. It's annoying ok.

18. I get intimidated easily. One-on-one person interaction is pretty stressful for me. Another reason why I'm really scared of starting my driving lessons. Getting in an unknown car with a complete stranger instructing you what to do right away. Where if you hesitate or wait to long, the consequences might be crashing and injury. Haha, I'm terrified.. signed up yesterday.. one of my eyes is messed up.. help.

19. I naturally copy people. Like the smallest things they do. How they write (the handwriting itself, the punctuations, the letter size, uppercase or lowercase, etc.), their tone (how they speak, how the conversation is going, etc.), etc., etc. It's kinda like I'm not my own person since I look up at them and copy them so much. Mostly just their actions.

20. My views on my identity (romantic/sexual orientation, and gender) very slightly fluctuate. I don't know why, if it's because I don't personally know anyone like me, if it's because I need validation and reassurance, idk, each thing switches between mainly two things. Same with health in the physical and mental sense. Since I'm not a professional and haven't gone to a doctor for ______ reasons in a while if not at all, my thoughts on whether I possibly have ______ or I'm actually fine change a lot. I guess it's mainly not my stand since I don't have nearly as much knowledge as professionals. Which then leads to questioning doubt and unsureness.

21. I'm online way too much; for an unhealthy amount each day. Another bad habit of mine.. oops.

22. I think worst case scenarios all the time. Which leads to paranoia depending on the case. It's bad.

23. I've started hearing that kinda old pop music in my room again. It can't be playing in my room; it can't play from anywhere. It's not from outside, I'm pretty sure. I'm also the only one who can hear it. It's still freaking me out. I don't know if I'm hearing things or what.

24. In real life, I'm not as open and warm as I might appear online. I'm very irritable and jealous and constantly cold-shouldered. I'm a grump who shoves people away when I think they're getting too close (not just physically) with me. At times, I can get kinda violent. Haha, I probably have some problems. Whelp.

25. My blogging goal is to reach 100,000 views. That would make me very happy. Though it is just a number.

26. I sometimes have the thought that I might possibly return back to AJ and start posting about it again.

27. I've noticed that I have gotten viewers from 5 out of the 7 continents (not including Antarctica and Africa). Just thinking how global this blog is and how I have viewers from all over is incredible. Honestly, I admit that I'm a bit paranoid that the viewers from certain foreign countries are just the government and political people looking at my blog to determine if it should be censored from the public or not. That makes me feel kinda uneasy. From here (the United States) to Canada, to Brazil, to France, to Russia, to China, to Australia (with a few other countries along the way as well).. it's just so incredible. It's so cool. Well, um, thanks!

28. It's really easy for me to notice a change in someone's tone. Whether that's in person or over the internet. If you're acting different than usual, then I know something's up. I won't point it out, but I know something's wrong. You don't even have to tell me anything, I'll already be suspecting something about you is off. So I know. Well, I have to know you at least a little bit. Um.. ok. People changing their tone, voice, way of speaking, body language, etc. affects me greatly. Yay me for being a very sensitive person. Pfft.

I'm out of facts to list.

I guess these can count as confessions, right? Um.. whatever.

I'm tired. All the time. Stupid hormones.

Bye now!

~ Cutepups ^-^'