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Sorry about last post.

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. Until around 9 pm.

I don't mean anyone on here by what I said.

I.. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

I'm sorry.

I only end up hurting people or them hurting me.

I don't think I can afford to just be happy. Joke around. Much anything.

They turned one of the only things I enjoy into something to stress about.

Art.

I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm not even good at it. Any of it.

I don't even know if I'm that interested in art that much anymore. 

Other things too. Involving colleges (art colleges.. why), driving, volunteering, and jobs.

I know I'm overreacting. I know it's stupid. But I'm a scared crybaby.

You know what? This year really sucks. I find it fake how people can still be happy. It amazes me. The state of the world is just plummeting downhill. And people can still afford to be happy. Oh man, do I wish I could be like that.

You shouldn't let other people affect your happiness. Yet I let other people affect my happiness.

Nothing makes me happier than other people. I don't know how to be as happy without them. They're so insignificant to my life in the longrun, yet they mean so much to me. And we all live so far away from each other. I admit that I mean online friends by these words.

Other people affect my emotions far more than I ever can.

It's a poor way to live. It really is. But that's just how it is with me, I guess.

I feel bad for ignoring so many people. People I consider important in my life.

In the end, it comes down to how I don't want to get hurt any more. 

I don't want to be any more of an inconvenience to them.

And getting these suicidal-implied notifications on this other site almost daily. Like.. happiness probably is just a concept at this point.

Maybe I let people play with my emotions (people from my own family to online friends) because that's the only way I can prove I still have emotions.

I'm scared for the future. My future. The world's future. Everything between the two.

Overwhelmingly scared.

I guess what they said was right. I am scared of people. It is an irrational way of thinking. I know I'm both capable and incapable.

I know I shouldn't push my prolonged sadness/empty-whatever-feelings to you guys so much.

Well.. um.. for everyone's sake, I'll try to hide my emotions on here for a while.

I'll probably slip up again. Sorry in advance.

I'll try and remember to just post art things for a while.

I'll burden you guys that way instead.

Haha.

I'll go back to posting art next post, hopefully.

I have my dance recital today. I actually have something to do this Saturday. Wow okay.

I'm going to leave now.

If you need me, I'm almost always here. Whenever I can be.

I only wish you the best.

Goodbye.