heh another small rant

Hi.

Rant time again.

However, it won't be as "mean" and controversial as I originally planned for it. I don't feel that bad (though it seems my faith in humanity is gradually lowering.. ahem) today and these past few days. And my friends have actually been communicating with me. So.. um.. yes.

Before I start, yes ok I am a bitter person. I'm a butt. I know that. Ok, ok.

///////////////////////_/(^~^)\_

So, for a while now, I've been seeing all over the internet people posting things that say stuff like "Nobody cares", "I have no one", "I don't have friends", etc., etc.

Sure, I know the brain (especially with hormones and/or they have a mental disorder/illness) can alter people's perceptions for the worse. It happens. The brain is a dimwit sometimes.

But, honestly, reading and hearing people say stuff like this and post it publicly on the internet kinda.. well.. bothers me.

There are so many people posting stuff like "nobody cares.. blahblahblah.. I should die then". But, really, are you kidding me?

People care about you, gosh darn it! Saying that no one cares about you is bs.

They say they don't want attention and want to be left alone. Guess what they get- attention. Even right away when they're still feeling depressed or another crappy emotion. Maybe they get attention from support groups. Oh and yeah, their friends.

Everywhere else they're posting all about their best friend all over their page. And they stay in touch with said friend just about all day every day. And said friend comments and gives them attention and comfort when their emotions are more on the negative side.

But.. ok.. it astounds me. You say you have no friends and that no one cares about you? Yet you get lots of immediate love and comfort from so many people when you post the slightest negative thing! If that's not a sign that people care about you, then I don't know what is.

Even if it's just this online friend they chat with almost on a daily basis, that's still a friend.

Me on the other hand? I've posted quite a few times when I've been feeling upset, and I receive no comforting messages from friends, let alone anyone really, when I really need to hear them until hours later when I feel slightly better. Yet do I constantly whine that I have no one and should just die because of it? No.. not like those people at least. Loneliness can make people think that nobody cares. I've been down that path too many times already. I've been through times when it felt like anyone I could (and did) contact were intentionally ignoring me making me believe that they don't care about me.

But people posting this kinda stuff.. I'll admit it.. I doubt they've seriously known what it's like to be alone. No family at home. Sometimes on nights when I get migraines or even on the brink of having panic attacks. Or they're sound asleep since it's 2 am, but I can't fall asleep because my stomach hurts me too much to lie down and I get uncomfortable at the idea of asking for help at inconvenient times.

And friends.. for crying out loud.. if you have a friend (whether that be irl or online.. I don't really care which) who you talk to daily and helps you out when you actually need them and not, idk, 8 hours later.. then you have no say in whining about how friendless you are.

Unlike these people, I've felt alone and friendless for nearly my whole life. Everyone is closer friends with someone other than me, and I could consider them my best friends.. but there's always a better friend they go to first and to me last. This school year, all my friends I made from at least last year, ditched me out and left me out completely. For an entire school year minus a few days here and there. Being forgotten easily.. no wonder I have some level of trust issues regarding friends. Because they always leave. And when they come back, things are never the same as they were before. Being friendless, being a school loner/outcast, being unable to talk normally like other people.. it hurts. Whether this be due to irl friends or online friends, the same thing happens. And do I, the far more unpopular person than you whine about this? No, the person who is far more popular with people complains.

Loneliness messes you up. That's what loneliness does to people, myself included. But if you are able to talk (chat, message, comment, text) to a person close to you (whether that be a family member or any type of friend), then sorry, you don't understand what it's like to be lonely.

For the minutes when no one is there or replying to you when you need them most. For the hours when you definitely aren't okay and no one is able to be there for you to comfort you. When you even go online to type it all out only to be ignored on there too. Because you crave attention from someone, anyone, at times like that. You need to be validated. You need to know that you aren't truly invisible. If not, you feel that nobody cares because nobody's there. And sometimes, the loneliness lasts for weeks and months. And you're left wondering what you did wrong since it's definitely your fault, so they must hate you now. Otherwise they would have been there for you. And if something was up with them in their personal lives, they would have told you. Oh right.. they all tell their personal stuff to anyone but me. So of course no one tells you anything that's at least somewhat personal.

That's how I've been feeling constantly lately. How loneliness is with me. It isn't a one day thing. It goes on for weeks, months, and years. It sucks.

Stop saying crap like "I'm so alone and have no one" when you get attention and support when you actually need it. When you have friends you hang out with and laugh with all the time. People clearly care about you. It's obvious. With me, it actually isn't as obvious at times. It even left me questioning the point and my purpose in life on numerous occasions. If life really is worth it.

I'm not in the mood to clean up this post. I'll leave it a mess. Screw fixing up even more grammar today. I'm tired of so many things.

Bye.

- whatever