Hi. I'm here to make a "list" of my thoughts and such related to my characters in the big vague story project I ramble on about all the time. It's going to be long and messy.
I'm not feeling the best (far from it, actually) right now. Emotionally and physically.
Bear with me.
*grabs a teddy bear*
Perfect.
But before I begin, let me just say this. A ton of "sensitive topics" will be mentioned in this post. The story project is full of disturbing stuff. It's not a "light-hearted" story at all.
(oh and I'm not censoring myself either.)
A lot of fucked up shit happens in the story. Disturbing, fucked-up, shit. It's all fucked up. My brain is fucked up. I'm fucked up.
:'-)
. . . . . . . .
[Warning for mentions of:
symptoms of mental illnesses, self harm, torture, abuse (emotional/verbal, physical, sexual), assault (physical, sexual)... I hope that covers all of it.]
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(this one isn't as bad)
The skits. I know I haven't written a new skit story in ages. I know. I'm annoyed about it too.
I guess you could say I don't have the will and motivation to create them. I have vague ideas for a few, sure, but I don't really see the point in continuing them.
So, uh, sorry..?
I don't really see the ages of my characters (and the gaps in ages between them) being depicted as accurate in my skits anymore. It's starting to feel like the ages of my characters in the skits is the opposite of what they are in the story. And it's just.. messing me up?
I can't figure out if Dawn is older or younger than Twinkle and Duke. I see Fierdan as being in his early 20s (22 years old, maybe). I mean story 1 Fierdan going well into story 2 Fierdan. Dawn, from the beginning, is around two years younger than Fierdan. Twinkle and Duke are 17-going-on-18 year olds. For some reason, I think it's important that at the beginning of story 1 they were high school students. And I'm only calling it "high school" because that's what that type of school is called in the US which is where I'm from. Which is, in other words, secondary school. I think that's what it's called (right?).
hmm mmmmmmmmmmmmfmfffffgghhfhhghh
... sorry, my mind glitched again.
hmmffhh :/
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The settings of the stories (for story 1, then the one for story 2 and anything following that) aren't exactly.. anywhere in our world. Well, how it is currently.
The story takes place several decades in the future, actually. Which, honestly, is weird for even me to remember.
There are no various cultures and countries that exist like how they are today. I like to think of the story universe being kind of like an alternate Earth. It takes place on Earth, but it's not like "our Earth". But at the same time, it's not much different from the world we know.
........ never mind. I don't want to get into all that now.
sorry :c
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Story 1 Fierdan (who I've dubbed "Cincernum Fierdan") is actually disturbing as hell. He's very far from being a "good guy" type of character.
..... wait, shit, hold on. I don't want to talk about that stuff I've said before and am refusing to say now--
(wait, what?)
physical physical physical stuff--
(?????)
brain: error.
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....... ok I'm back lol
For this list part, I meant to say that story 1 Fierdan looks disturbing as hell. That boy? He ain't looking too great, sunny. :/
Also, just like Duke, Cincernum Fierdan isn't completely human either. He.. uh.. has.... parts...... missing.
Geez ouch. That gotta hurt.
Story 1 Fierdan is disturbingly skinny (maybe due to the fact that he lacks organs..? (shit, what-)). I mean, like, he's not eating anything. He's barely alive. He's just.. fuck, man, idk what he is.
Like.. why do you think story 2 Danny/Fierdan is a combination of story 1 Fierdan and Duke. (AND Duke!!). They're both not whole complete humans.
.... damn. this shit is confusing as fuck.
Fierdan- Cincernum version has: skinny af body; long, tangled hair (but no beard? unrealistic, cutepups, #/blocked); pale af skin (but he's not fully white caucasian man, so stop spilling lies, cutepups :/); scratches and bruises are found on his body from himself and/or the Soulless "demonic bastard"; he is usually wearing a black blanket or cloak to hide how sad and unhealthy his true body from looks like; oh and he has dark/black fingernails and toenails that are probably pretty long.
Fierdan? Canon cryptid? Possibly!
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For the past few days, I've been thinking about his and Duke's fingernails. And how I'm thinking of them as being black. And *sigh* no. I don't mean it like they put on black nail polish.
Like, idk, I think it makes sense that their nails would be black..?
Black goop is all around Cincernum. So, Fierdan, who "lives there" would probably have his nails look black because of that.
But apart from all, I think a result of being (severely) physically abused/tortured long enough would turn one's nails black..?
And would you look at that! Fierdan has been physically abused/tortured for long periods of time throughout his life! Including for years! Yeah, I said that- for years!
aaaaaahhhhhhhh
...... but I think (if it's something that can happen? idk) of having his nails turn back into the normal, natural nail color after spending time in a safer, less dangerous environment. *cough* story 2 *cough*
As for Duke, I think being tortured by Risak and Taurel would eventually result in his nails turning black. Because of the torture.
And hey, that could also be a side-effect of Duke losing his humanity and turning into a human-demon hybrid thing!
But, unlike a bunch of drawings of Duke I made, I don't actually see him having black nails before he got tortured/the heaviest amount of physical abuse he went through in his life (which did consist of that before the torture happened).
(tbh I'm hating how I'm phrasing everything in this post lol bye)
Look at my old art of Duke and Fierdan.
holy shit,, I hate all of these drawings!!! hahahahahahaaa
B-BLACK FINGERNAILS!!!1!!1!
...... this doesn't have to do with anything. but fuck it-
I'm thinking of drawing myself a new profile picture. I don't even see Duke (I really just mean his hair lol) looking like my current profile pic (aka the 3rd pic of him here). Why did I think it was ever okay for me to draw his hair look so damn fake?! I really don't know.
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(omg finally- a new topic!)
So now I'm expecting you all to have a revised image of story 1 Fierdan in your minds due to the new information I have gave you all. >:)
So, ahem, with that in mind, think of this stuff too..........
I know I haven't written a new story chapter in literally forever, but bear with me.
(.... pretend that I grabbed a teddy bear while I actually just felt like I threw up deep in my throat)
(fuck u cpups :/ i hate u)
In Chapter 76, I'm planning on writing Fierdan having (in graphic detail too) a panic attack. Like ok. It's not just gonna be something like "uwu owo Fierdan feels a little upset/nervous/scared/whatever tf else" ok no. Like +++ level panic/anxiety.
It's hard for me to watch in my mind's imagination center. It's sad and horrifying to watch- says me, the creator of this story shitstorm.
Fierdan.. fuck, he's such a tragic character. He's a sad character. I feel sad. :(
That other side of Fierdan- finally exposed! (ayy~)
... also, there would be lots of blood mentioned throughout that scene. and gore/body horror in general. lots of violent, fucked up shit.
............. I then proceed to high-five Fierdan in solidarity of the intense feeling of guilt eating us alive from the inside out while at the same time drowning us in a bottomless black ocean of guilt...
:'-) :-) :-D :D :):):):):):
In the same chapter, Ryen loses his cool. I mean his composure. The other side of Ryen- exposed! He is a destructive man!
Get it together, brothers! >:U
Ryen panics a great deal. He becomes angry boy. He might also have something like a panic attack (an anxiety attack?) but not to the extent of Fierdan's (who is actually going to have a full-blown panic attack).
........ wow lol I know what panic attacks and anxiety attacks are like and they definitely aren't fun :-(. It's not like "oh, I have a frighten!" or "fearfearfear" it's just our minds and emotions and our bodies in general fucking us over :-}. They're painful as shit. #/fuck-anxiety
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The other things I warned about will be discussed in another post.
I'll continue this shit later.
lol, fuck everything, bye.
Bye.
