almost my bday, but ...

*types out the post title with the first thing I think of (that makes sense)* yeah.

Hi. It's almost my birthday. I'm getting old. Eww.

I was thinking of creating more cartoon avatars of my nameless story characters. But then I didn't do that.

I became too tired. I lack energy. I don't sleep. I feel dead.

I have barely enough energy to function like a human being. (ha ha ha ha ha ; help)

"Nameless characters" list:

- Dawn's father
- Cashier Girl No Lady (from the skits lol)
- Duke's father (I totally forgot about him in the other post lmao)
- exclusive story 2 white boy
- exclusive story 2 non-white non-boy (... ??)
- Duke's Help therapist person (from the skits lol)
- Ardere's father
- "Admiral"
shit, idk who else. lmao

.......... umm ok.

I'm too tired and dead to write it out in a fun hip new way, so I'm just gonna copy and paste what I said on my tumble rumble tumblr dot com posts.

............ yeet.

---------------------------------

ok but seriously, my memory (episodic, i think it’s called?) has gotten pretty bad. it’s so hard to remember the details from a few months ago and most things that happened a few years ago except the bad stuff. everything i remember from a few years ago is all very vague (except the bad stuff since negative memories are easier to remember apparently). and i barely remember anything from my childhood (except bad/embarrassing memories). actually, i don’t think i remember anything before i was 15/16. 

and in a class i recently took, one of the classwork assignments was to remember “your favorite band when you were 15” or something like that. and i just couldn’t think of a single band i listened to back then. like i knew i must’ve listened to something, and i knew later on that i did listen to bands, but for a while then in class i couldn’t remember any. i was sitting next to a lot of girls who all said 1D so i could only think of that for the assignment even though i also knew i wasn’t really listening to them in 2015. like i think it’s messed up that i couldn’t think of a single band i listened to when i was 15. i swear i listened to a lot of bands that year.

my past is just a void to me now. i don’t remember anything. that’s fine, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 

help

spirit talks   memory   oh dang me and my memory loss hahahajkahaj   personal   past: void future: nonexistent present: mediocre at best/   i don’t remember my childhood. this sucks   i barely remember anything from before 2015/16. this also sucks   who am i?? idk lol   ok but this is scary i think   it makes me kinda sad :(   i can’t remember details from a few months ago. none at all from years ago   and i remember the details from a few weeks ago at best these days   so that’s another thing wrong with me. great  

&

ok so it might just be me but i find it pretty ironic

i’m probably a little allergic to cats. i think i’m allergic to thelma

anyway… ouch


spirit talks   personal   i came back home a few days ago   and oh geez. i’m showing signs of allergies when i’m around my cats for long amounts of time   especially with thelma   my cat-lover ass does not like this   at least i hope it’s allergies. bc if i’m sick i swear i’m just gonna die   it can’t get worse than that!!   omg my bday is tmrw. @ my body: stop hurting   body aches   pls go away   my throat hurts a little   i had some trouble breathing through my nostrils before coming home to my cats   and now it’s gotten worse   it’s like my nose is like ‘haha no fool you can’t breathe’ :( that’s so rude stop it   took an allergy med thing but it didn’t really work   and i took a handful of cough drops and a few ibuprofen but ehh they didn’t really work either   good quality sleep? what’s that again   i just want to breathe gdi   and sometimes it ends with blood in my nostrils causing me not to breathe through my nose   and then i can only smell blood for a while  my nose has issues i think   ily thelma but you are causing me pain  


:-]

........ I'm on that hell site way too much probably and I hate it.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha fck

(yes in fact I am "too dead" thank you very much)

And guess what, fellas? I spent the day (the 21st) having nosebleeds. My nostrils are either congested, and when they're not my left nostril leaks out blood like my nose is on its period or some other messed up shit.

I can't breathe and I can't sleep. It's gotten worse since I made that tumblr post. I am in pain. I took pain relievers, cough drops, and allergy meds (whatever any of these are actually called) and they're doing jack shit to help me. My throat hurts. My nose hurts even more than usual. Is it allergies? Am I getting a cold on my freaking birthday? It's a mystery! Is this a sign I'm dying? Probably. When will I stop posting shit on my blogs? Probably when I'm dead. As each day passes, I think of the chances of me getting hospitalized soon getting higher and higher. Watch me find out after a million years from a professional that I'm legitimately mentally ill and have been for years and I'll just be like "oh" lmao. I am in pain- physical and mental. The lower parts of my legs sting too. It hurts so much omg--

...................... anyway.

Bye!