So, the videos I put in last Thursday's post. (yeah those...):
The songs are all from my character music playlists over on my Spotify. The lyrics relate to my characters, but I also find myself relating quite a lot to them. And those songs are the ones that I especially found myself relating to lately (or for a while, honestly).
Especially "Would It Matter" by Skillet. [. . .]
I relate to it a lot. Because that's how I feel. When I'm feeling.. low.
I have quite a lot of songs in my character playlists that I also heavily relate to, and honestly, maybe more than how I believe they relate to my characters. And one of those songs is that Skillet song.
The song still relates to them (him?). It reminds me of Fierdan in story 2 and later. Duke just a little bit but not as much.
[Story 2+ "Fierdan" is also called "Danny" and "Dan" and he's the most affected by the trauma and messed up life situations since he deals with story 1 Fierdan's lack of mental health and his mental instability and his neglect/abuse.. and he (story 2+ Fierdan) also has Duke's "soul" which means Duke's personality, memories (minus the bias and amnesia, I'd say), and by the end of story 1, Duke either has (undiagnosed of course) or will have PTSD (specifically, CPTSD much later) and all that gets incorporated into story 2+ Fierdan since basically Duke became him or at least a part of him. And story 1 Fierdan also has symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD without Duke getting involved at all. Yikes, this is all complicated. Story 2+ Fierdan can act "cold" and do things that are like "suicidal behavior". so.. yeah idk there ya go--]
... I won't dive into the other songs. For now, at least.
As for the other videos, I watched them a few months ago. And, haha yeah, I find them relevant to myself. How? Well, I don't know how to explain nor do I want to.
(But I only recently finished watching the second half of that last video.)
So.. ok. [. . .]
Now onto commenting:
Lately, I've been getting spam comments again. I keep on getting them on posts I made a few years ago, and it annoys the hell out of me.
I doubt this is going to fix anything, but...
I started disabling new comments on some of my old posts. Most from 2015 so far.
I also finally began to disable comments on my old vent posts. Including that infamous vent I made towards the end of 2015 where I inserted a video of a Sleeping With Sirens song into the post. (gosh, finally!) ... I'm beginning to feel even more uncomfortable with the possibility that people could have easily decided to comment on them if they really wanted to. (... big yikes)
And no. I'm keeping comment moderation up. It lets me make sure I read the comments I get. Sorry.
I don't have classes tomorrow and Friday. Study days. For finals. Yeah.
And now I want to insert videos of some songs that I haven't all put in my playlists. So, uh, I guess I'm gonna do that.
Yeah ok sure. *shrugs*
(Yeah, they might relate to how I've been feeling. And to how I'm feeling now.)
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Burning Alive~ 8 Graves
First Generation~ Unlike Pluto
(Apart from my character playlists, I've been listening to Unlike Pluto a lot lately. In last week's post with videos, I included videos of "Ethel" and "Misdiagnosed" by the same artist. I really like Unlike Pluto, haha.)
Villain Of My Own Story~ Unlike Pluto
Demons~ Omri
Lost Control~ Alan Walker (feat. Sorana)
-x-x- -x-x-
Note: I'm trying to not include songs I put in posts already.
-x-x- -x-x-
We Don't Have To Dance~ Andy Black
Hug All Ur Friends~ Cavetown
Never Been In Love~ Will Jay
(aka The Aromantic Anthem TM)
(I'm out there feeling aro 24/7, fellas.)
(aroaroaroaroaroaroaroaroaroaro)
<3 :) <3
-x-x- -x-x-
(and these too. referring to how I'm feeling...)
-x-x- -x-x-
Worthless~ Eli
(this one above especially!! ahahaha--)
Middle Finger~ Bohnes
I don't give a ~ Missio (feat. Zeale)
(explicit lyrics, that one be ^ // but it's a mood, alright)
Control~ Halsey
(I thought I put this song in a post before, but it's not showing up in my search results so I guess not.)
[. . .]
Fade Away~ Xam
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soo yeahh
That's more than enough songs to accompany my boring text.
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anyway.. people are so rude i swear like yeah yeah on this site yeah totally but dang :/ that girl was so unnecessarily rude to me just now for no reason like wtf is your problem?? thx now i hate u : ) i didn’t do shit to you jfc yeah yeah i’m making it a big deal probably what fucking ever vent fuck off and fuck you people are assholes i swear i don’t like bumping into ppl when i’m in the bathroom but i’m not openly rude about it out loud :/ i just had to pee jfc i had a nightmare and i feel like shit and i’m feeling depressed as hell again i’m feeling suicidal again despite how i have so much to live for but i don’t give a flying fuck anymore i want to fucking die/// so yeah thx for that : ) i can physically feel the anger inside of me. in my veins. and it’s burning i have violent thoughts about punching some ppl but i won’t ever do them. most likely nah i won’t. i can’t even punch lmao but my angry violent thoughts really want to so huhh yeah lol i really should just die huh
i really thought i was cured and actually mentally healthy and capable of shit huh lmao what a mistake that was to believe i thought i could stay happy or at least positive but i guess not. not anymore! i don’t give a shit about my life anymore. i’m ruining it. i fucked up this semester so badly last semester i had good grades. got As on almost all my papers and now i’m pretty sure i’m failing at least one class and it’s my fault!! negative // i’m not even taking a math class! why is this so hard? why am i so stupid??!! anyway i always knew i would be the disappointment in my family me- the one who isn’t in honors. the one whose lowest grade is a b. my siblings are so smart while i’m an idiot who has no time management skills to save their life i can barely concentrate and focus on what people are saying anymore it’s gotten so bad holy shit in the tags also i’m the not-straight sibling and the mentally (and physically?) fucked up one now i can’t even write a good quality essay lmao i suck whose lowest grade isn’t a b* (that’s how my siblings were)
bye
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