aww haha this cute dream

Hi, I haven’t talked about any of my dreams on here in a while, but for some reason, I feel like making a post about the dream I recently woke up from. 

Aww haha, this cute dream... The fluff... It was so cute omg. <3 ;w; 

It involved Fierdan and Stella. hehheehehehehh ;)

Ok! So anyway, this is what I still remember. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was like another universe of my story 1 plans. Duke didn’t really exist, so it was just Fierdan. Anyway, Fierdan and Stella were from different and opposing countries. There was this war, I guess. Whatever lmao. 

Most of the dream was in Stella’s perspective. So like, it included her country and its side in the war. Right. So anyway, she found out about Fierdan. In the dream, he was in his country’s military as a soldier with the rank of... Darnet. 

What does Darnet mean? I have no idea. Darnet Fierdan. Lmao. 

So then Stella searches on the internet what Darnet means, and she learns that it means: a man in a foreign country that you don’t want to mess around with and get on his bad side. Oh dang. Sexy tension. 

I mean- *cough, cough* ^-^”

The next thing I remember from this dream is how I’m creating this game based on all this. Like, all this Fierdan and Stella stuff is just events in a game. Like a phone app game. That kind of thing. At some points in the dream i was creating the game, and at other parts, I was playing someone else’s game and made the characters in the game story be my own characters. Like what I do in Episode app stories. Ahem... 

And the last part I remember is myself creating/editing this fluffy romantic scene between Stella and Fierdan in this Episode app type game. 

So now they’re a couple. They’re together. In a romantic relationship. And I thought it was so cute. Them in my dream together was so cute and sweet. Enemies to lovers. Omg. 

So in the game scene I’m editing or playing with them as a couple, Stella and Fierdan are in bed together. And I’m having fun with the action commands of slap and kiss. So I let them slap and kiss each other a lot. Lmao. 

The kiss actions made them either kiss each other on the cheek or on the lips. The slap action made them slap each other’s face. Also, Stella had a scar on her cheek. I never knew why. I do remember that they were lying together under the covers of a warm and fluffy bright pink blanket. It looked very cozy. And that was a big bed. I want it. 

The way Stella and Fierdan spoke to each other was so sweet and wholesome. I loved it. ;w; 

I thought the confusion between the slapping and kissing commands was funny. Stella and Fierdan were confused on why they were slapping each other. 

(No kinky stuff. No no no >:( ahhhahahahah)

At one point, I remember Fierdan asking Stella in this soft giggly voice “Why’d you slap me?” and omg his voice. ahhhhhhhh *blushes* owo 

Is this romantic?? idk. Imagine them talking to each other in soft giggly voices. Peak romance. Wholesome. 

Fierdan: *rubs his cheek where he got slapped* Why’d you slap me? 

Stella: *smiles* You changed a lot since we first met. 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow, looks mischievous in a sexy way* Is that so? 

Stella: Yes. *winks* Darnet Fierdan. *laughs* 

Fierdan: Well, it’s been an honor to have you in my life. 

*Stella kisses Fierdan command* 

I don’t remember anything else except them switching back and forth from kissing and slapping each other. On the face I mean. Pfft. 

*Fierdan kisses Stella command* 

*Stella slaps Fierdan command*

*Fierdan slaps Stella command* 

Stella: Hey, what was that for? I have a scar here. *points to scar on her cheek* 

Then they both laugh it off. And then they start kissing each other more. 

Peak romance, huh. Lmao. This romantic ship in my dream was cute. They’re so good together. Hhhhhfffgbnngh- 

And then at the end of the dream, Stella’s sister who’s called Lissie in the dream for some reason, opens the door and sees them kissing and laughing in bed together. And Stella’s like, “Lissie!” but she’s more surprised than angry. They were all so chill in my dream. It was nice. 

Lissie pointed at and laughed at Fierdan because he was a Darnet. Darnet Fierdan. I still have no idea how that was a military rank. But it was somehow. 

And that’s all I remembered from my most recent dream. I just had to share it here. :’D

Haha ok bye. 

~ Shan 

C. + C. — Picrew + Music

Hi, I'm back with another idea for a post I had since December. 

Better late than never, right? Haha...

Anyway, this post is about C. and Calliah. I designed them on a Picrew, and I found this song that reminds me of them, especially Calliah.

Oh and I guess I also wanted to make this post to clarify that they aren't the same person. C. and Calliah are two different characters. C. is the mother of Ryen, Fierdan, and Dawn. She is dead from the very start of the story. Calliah is Duke's mother. She isn't dead; she stays alive. 

Huh? Yes.

Picrew link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/332600

Yeah, I mentioned this one before. I really like it, okay.

Anyway...

The first picture is of C. and the second one is of Calliah. 

There they are. My lovely problematic women. <3 

C. has lighter skin than Calliah, as you can all probably see. 

Hair covering nearly half of C.'s face really.. well, I think it just fits her. Her mysteriousness, her obscurity. Except she isn't insignificant. No, not at all. Purple is also her color. 

Calliah looks more threatening because she is. (Hello? She's Duke's mother. The first one to.. hurt him. *cough, cough, cough*). The spiderweb background reminds me of her for some reason. As for the knife.. well.. she knows how to use weapons, such as knives and guns. She's also a murderer since she stabbed her husband (ex-husband?).

Also, their eyes aren't as blue as they appear in these pictures. They have gray eyes. Yeah, just felt like pointing that out. 

Like I said, C. and Calliah are different women, but they have similarities and parallels. 

I'm too lazy to get in-depth on all that though. Haha...

Kinda like how there's a connection between Stella's sister and being an angel, there's a connection between C. and Calliah being witches and devils. Yes, I mean both. And if we're just talking about C., then goddess as well. Are they actually angels, devils, witches, and gods? Well.. probably not. It's just the symbolism and how I imagine them. 

Heh, heh, heh... >;)

What else, what else..? Oh yeah. C. is supposed to look extremely beautiful. She's like a goddess. A witch. A devil. She died, so she can't be immortal, but something about her just screams.. unnatural, not human. 

Even though C. wasn't an abuser and murderer (or murderer by proxy) like Calliah and Z. were, she still wasn't a good person. She was a good parent to Dawn and to Ryen when he was very young, but to Fierdan? Definitely not. C. abandoned Fierdan when he was one and left him and Ryen to be raised by Z. who was pretty much the complete opposite of a decent parental figure. 

So yeah. Just like how Calliah is cruel, so was C. 

And now it's music time. :)

Devil Devil ~ MILCK

Back in December and earlier this month, I played this song on repeat all the time. It reminds me of C. and Calliah so much. Especially Calliah, omg. 

Calliah is such an interesting character, and I can't exactly hate her. I just can't. 

However, I can't let Duke forgive her. I can't do that. 

And here are the lyrics that remind me of the two C.'s: "do not try me, devil devil. cannot buy me, devil devil. you won't make a fool of me, oh no. what makes you so special special to think i would ever settle for that devious dance between you and me? ... rebel rebel, call me rebel rebel. i walk the plank, not a tear in my eye. ... under the water i'll be sharpening my knife. ... you take the shape of everything i'm drawn to. ... but your eyes are dead and red, red as rust...."

... I might be able to imagine them walking a plank. Z. hunting C. Duke's father, Taurel, Risak, Duke, and Fierdan hunting Calliah. All of them blocking C. and Calliah's way out, so they're forced to walk the plank. And they're all on a ship in the middle of the ocean. And Calliah snuck in a knife with her. And then C. and Calliah see the dead faces of the fathers of their sons way below the water's surface. Oh wait, maybe Fierdan is hunting both C.'s. Especially integrated Fierdan since he's connected to both mothers. 

So yeah, those are my thoughts on them in relation to this song. 

Devil Devil ~*~*~

♥♥♥ ♦♦♦

Picrew Spam 1 2021

 Hi. I have lots of designs from several Picrew makers. This post will be the first Picrew spam post of 2021. Yay...

Sorry in advance for the awkward spacings. 

Most of these pictures are from 2020, but I never posted them, so I'm doing that now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Link 1: https://picrew.me/image_maker/465747

(I bet there's going to be so much blank space. Ugh, stupid Blogger format. :/)

I like this cartoony art style: the lines and the colors.Very bright and vivid. I think it's cute. 

I thought some characters looked better with the sea/sky background and others with the pride flags. Some are wearing face masks and some aren't. It doesn't matter.

And of course, the order of characters: Well, the first one is me; Jack with white hair, I like the colors and vibe in his; Dylan, I like the eyes and mask, I think they fit him well; E/Elias (? not entirely sure on their name), which is probably my favorite Picrew pic of them so far; Fierdan looking especially chaotic with the deceiving grinning face mask; Ryen being grumpy and tired of everyone else's shit as always; Ardere, my lightning and sunshine boy who looks so bright and happy, omg I love this kid; Dawn who looks sad for some reason, maybe it's because of the cute face mask, huh; and finally, Stella who's very blue. 

-x-x-x-x-x-

Link 2: https://picrew.me/image_maker/163761

(Again, ignore the stupid blank space.)

I like this art style too. The hair options look.. soft. (get it? "softboi" maker)

Order: Me, another time I designed Jack with white hair and looking flirty, Fierdan being an edgy soft boi hahaha, Ryen without his glasses, and E/Elias. Actually, I like Elias in this style as well. 

Ok cool. Moving on..... 

(Oh no, I can barely see. My eyes feel weird.)

-x-x-x-x-x-

Link 3: https://picrew.me/image_maker/266418

(aka edgy boy designs of some of my characters)

I designed Duke, Fierdan, and Jack at some of their worst and most beat up states. 

Warning: contains blood

First is Duke. I like to imagine him sometimes writing over the left side of his chest (cursed purple and black flame mark. remember that? oh geez, I haven't said anything about Duke in so long). I can just picture Duke getting a Sharpie or black marker and writing "HA" all over his heart in a desperate way to cover up that he's different. Deranged. Chaotic. Unstable mental state. His scratches/scars are from the abuse he faced and his own self-harm. 

Next is Fierdan- cursed long-haired Cincernum version. He's very unhappy. I kinda imagine him also having black or gray lips in Cincernum for some reason. He's like a living corpse when he's in Cincernum; not fully alive, not truly dead. This version of Fierdan is probably the scariest. He looks like he's planning Soulless' execution. Fierdan is a murderer. He looks scarier than Duke, in my opinion. Fierdan changes so much from his state in Cincernum to post-Cincernum. Sometimes I can't believe he's the same character. Like, damn. Fierdan's scratches/scars are either from the times Soulless abused him.. and his own self-abuse. 

Duke and Fierdan, addicts of self-harm and self-punishment. Addicted to their own pain.

Third is Jack. When he was living on the streets and doing lots of sketchy things. He also has a dark past. 

Ironic, sad clown. Jack the joker. The Jack cards in a stack of cards. The joker, the jester, the fool. I like picturing him in clown makeup. He's the type of clown you shouldn't bring to children's birthday parties. Especially at one of his worst mental and physical states. I think he also likes to paint his nails. Oh and Jack got many nosebleeds.

And lastly, Soulless with more human characteristics than they really have. This is what Soulless would look like as an edgy human. If Soulless could actually bleed red human blood. I guess Soulless looks like how Fierdan imagines them when he wishes he could execute them. 

Fierdan wants to kill Soulless more than anyone else. "Kill" isn't the right word though. Execute. Delete from existence. Fierdan wants to end Soulless. In order to end the curse. In order to get rid of Duke (he and Soulless ties Fierdan down to Cincernum). 

I can imagine Fierdan wanting to torture Soulless, making them bleed all over. That is, if Soulless could bleed red.  

Well then. Yes. >:)

-x-x-x-x-x-

The rest of the pictures I'm including in this post are random ones where I only designed myself. 

List of links:

https://picrew.me/image_maker/565738

https://picrew.me/image_maker/343731

https://picrew.me/image_maker/10948 - I totally forgot about this one. I designed Dylan on it with his hair all light blue. He's my water boy. Bitter water boy. 

Me with a light saber. Star Wars themed Picrew. Light saber option. Nice. 

Me: PERHAPS

Heh, heh, heh......

Ok guys, this is adorable. This is so freaking cute. I love it. ;w;

The wings. The frog stuffed animal. The overall art style. The colors. 

Omg yes. <3 

Dylan. Water and the fishies. I think the hand pose goes well if he's wearing a face mask. 

🌊🌊🌊

-x-x-x-x-x-

One more Picrew. 

Link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/549603

It's supposed to be me in a pixel art style. 

Oh look, haha, it's a similar hand-face mask pose to the picture above.

(I bet this post is going to have so much unnecessary blank spaces. Ugh. :/)

(I can't be sure until I hit 'Publish' so that's why I said "going to"...)

I kinda feel sick. I don't know why it's so hard for me to find the links to the other Picrews. 

Well, this is my first compilation post of random Picrews in 2021. 

My eyesight is blurry. I have to take out my contacts. 

Ok bye. 

(Sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes. My eyes and various other parts of my body hurt right now.)

~ Shan ☻

Another Fierdan drawing wip + something about Duke

This drawing is from a few weeks ago. I know I haven't been here lately. I feel like sharing it now.

I wanted to draw a picture of long-haired Fierdan in Cincernum (aka black goop void) with a hand over his face while looking cunning and menacing for a while now. 

So I did that.

I tried using a reference, but Fierdan looks different from that guy.

I know the body proportions are off. I don't know for sure if his ears would be visible or not; I know the quick sketch of his ear looks small. I probably have to adjust his lips as well. Something about them looks off to me.

And of course his hand. I imagine this version of Fierdan to be very skinny, basically just flesh and bones, so his hand and fingers are supposed to look thin and bony. He also has long, sharp nails. 

Then add long, unkempt black hair, and there you have it. 

Fierdan of Cincernum. ♥

(try to ignore the blank spaces)

This is the reference I'm using, by the way. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

This has more to do with Duke than Fierdan, but... Does it even matter?

On New Year's, one of the things I was thinking of was that time I wrote a skit of Duke drinking a bottle of wine and then going to sleep drunk. 

Yes, I still think of Duke. I won't forget that boy. 

Well anyway. I did something like that on New Year's Eve and New Year's. 

I drank a lot of wine and went to bed drunk. 

And tequila. Different types of wine, by the way.

And I was thinking of Duke back then. 

So uh... yeah. Sure. Whatever. Lmao. 

Drunk Duke. I miss him. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Since I finally have both Fierdan and Duke in one post, I'll say it now.

I messed up. I totally forgot about it until way later.

I didn't make a post acknowledging their birthday. It's December 19th. 

So I guess I'll do an ages update. Kind of.

Story 1 ages for Duke and Fierdan:

Duke being 17 or 18 years old. Fierdan being 22 years old, turns 23 at some point in story 2. 

That's how I view them. That's how I see their ages. As that. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Alright. That's it for this post. Just felt like saying this stuff about Fierdan and Duke. 

And me too, I guess.

Well, until next time. 

~ Shan 

1/1/21

First post of the new year. I’m not dead. Yet. (YEET)

Today was wack. Haha, I’m a clown. 

Anyway. Glad to know we all survived the horror that was 2020. 

Go us! We did it! 

1/1/21 has a nice ring to it. 

Yes, yes. 

I promise to make more posts. I am not dead. 

I felt dead a lot in 2020. I have a lot going on with me. And had. 

Oof. 

Ok bye. 

~ Shan