April ‘23 random character thoughts

Hi. It’s April 23rd. Almost the end of the day for me but whatever. It’s fine. 

I’ll go into why I’m saying that in a bit. First I have to clarify that this isn’t a skit post. This is just another post where I list random thoughts about my characters and skits in no particular order. Haha.. yes, that again. 

And so, let’s begin. Yippee… *sneezes* I keep sneezing today. I hate allergies. Grr— 

I can’t find any relevant old post with the date, so I’m not completely sure if it is the correct date. I think it is though. Whatever. 

Huh? What? 

It’s this: I planned on making Stella’s birthday be April 23rd. 

It’s April 23rd. I think this is the first time that I remembered her birthday on the actual date— and made a post on that day. This is a first, I feel like. 

I’ve also been thinking about my skits pre-2020 (or any skit story arcs that ended in 2019.. I think? years are confusing; too much is happening). What I mean is when I wrote my characters in my skits as aging in our modern age (current times, you know? that). For so long, I wrote my skits where Stella (called her Twinkle back then, of course) was my age. Anyway, if I continued all that, Stella would be 23 now. That’s crazy to think about. 

It’s less than a month till my birthday. I’m turning 23. I hate this. I’m getting old, and I feel like a fake adult since I missed lots of typical adult (and teenage too ngl) milestones. Ugh, I hate the passage of time. Boo. 

Ahahahahahaaaaa— Enough of that, onto something else. 

I start planning the next part of the skit story (Confessions right now) very soon after I publish the skit part (started planning part 2 right after finishing part 1, same goes for part 3 right after finishing part 2.. you get it). 

I need there to be a few hours break between the end of Confessions 2 and (the majority of) Confessions 3. It’s been a few weeks since I started planning it, and one of the first ideas for the break was to have a character (Fierdan or Stella) take a shower. Anyway, I think it’s funny because on the day I wrote and posted Confessions 2, it was so hot out and I really needed to take a shower by the time I finished writing the skit. 

I didn’t mean for Fierdan’s last sentences in the skit to have me projecting, but it came off that way. I planned on having there be a shower break for days before I posted the skit, but alas.. idk, a coincidence? Is it? No idea. I just thought it was funny. 

I don’t think anyone cares. Oh well. I’m just writing into the void. I’m writing all of these for myself at this point. It’s fine, this is fine. Aaaaaaaaaa— 

About what I said before, since I start planning the next skit part very soon after finishing one, my brain plays it like this: Those “coming soon” clips on what to expect in the next episode of a TV show. It’s like that but with my Confessions skits (and my March 2023 skits). I find it entertaining at first, but it replays in my head a lot and gets repetitive quickly. I swear, my brain plays my skits as TV episodes. Yeah ok, whatever, heck. 

I should clarify that I don’t plan every single character line in the skits beforehand. I plan some of them, but others just happen spontaneously as I’m writing the skit. I think I said this before. I kinda feel deja-vu right now. Uh.. anyway! Moving on now. 

I have so many thoughts I want to dump out in my Confessions skits. It’s a lot. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to include everything I planned on including in Confessions 3 into that skit part. I might have to put some of it into a part 4. I don’t know how many Confessions skits there will be in total. More than three. I know that much. 

Confessions 3 especially is gonna be a lot. So much happens. Personally, Confessions 1 and 2 are pretty boring. Not much actually happens. But Confessions 3? Shit goes down, things are talked about, characters confess things to each other. Like.. you have no idea. 

I’m a little scared of messing things up, so I’m kinda hesitant on posting it. Because.. Because.. I can’t even say except it’s a lot. 

Before I forget, let me say this: Compared to my first draft ideas of the events that happen in what I called “Twinkle’s Story” (aka story 1), the ages I have for Stella (Twinkle) and Duke are 18. I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad for them to be 17 either, but having them not be minors puts my mind at ease a little. Lessens my anxiety. So.. uh.. yeah. They’re young adults. Ok.. ok. 

Dawn is also an adult. Of course. Just putting it out there. I just can’t see the three of them as children (because teens are children). I just can’t. That’s just.. nope, no, can’t and won’t do it. 

Ok !! :-} 

Confessions 3 will of course have strong language since all my characters swear a lot (especially Fierdan as always, ugh). It’ll also feature characters talking about ~love~, including romantic stuff and uh.. well.. mentions of sexual content. A little different than my recent skits and for a longer amount of the skit length, but nothing explicit or too detailed, I promise. Just.. I have to let my characters talk about certain things. It’s part of the whole confessions thing. It’s relevant.

I need to dump out my thoughts about my characters in an entertaining way where the characters themselves dump out the thoughts. 

I need to, okay? I’m normal (/lies). 

This is definitely not related at all to what will happen in Confessions 3 (/lies): I’m currently reading the book Loveless. The book about that girl discovering she’s aroace. That one. Yeah. It’s totally not affecting things. 

But seriously though. I’ve been viewing and planning on Stella discovering she’s not straight for a few years now. It’s been in my mind archives for a while. Yeah so uh.. Stella isn’t cishet. But it’s also.. different? Like, well, compared to some other characters. It’s hard to explain without spoiling anything. I’m projecting onto her but also not really. We have different experiences and feelings. But there are some similarities. I’ll say that. 

Oh and Dawn isn’t straight either. Straight people don’t do what she does. ~is intentionally vague~ 

I still have straight characters, haha. But lots of them are queer. Well, at least the ones I think about the most. 

I’ve also been thinking about Dylan a lot lately. He’s in Confessions 3. I platonically love him so much. He calls that shit out. Hhhhhhhh just thank him. We need him. Ok, I’m normal, totally normal aaaaaaaaa—

Psst, guys, idk if you know this but Fierdan is an asshole. He’s problematic. He has flaws. But omg is he an asshole! He’s not a good person. Don’t forget!!

The way he’s been acting in recent skits.. I know it’s messy and makes me cringe at times, but it’s on purpose. I swear I’m doing this shit on purpose. 

Also, like, I know parts of the conversations with the three in recent skits (Fierdan, Dawn, Stella) are very awkward and don’t make much sense. I know, it’s supposed to be weird. That shit isn’t normal. They’re all weird. I know! 

I like thinking about Dylan calling them out. It’s funny in a strange way to me. 

I also enjoy thinking about the drama and hatred between Dylan and Fierdan. They’re not compatible, haha, they’re like opposites. 

Oh and I like thinking about Dylan and Jack and then Dylan and Stella hanging out together, talking about stuff. Fierdan is intentionally excluded. Dylan and Jack, Dylan and Stella.. hhhhh yes! No, I don’t ship them. It’s more like a friendship thing. Maybe not just that. Heh, heh.. that’s spoiler territory. 

Pretty much every character besides Fierdan, Dawn, Stella, and sometimes Jack lack common sense, I swear. I need my other characters, such as Dylan, to knock it into them. Like jfc, why do they act so weird! Be normal, dammit! *smh*

An example from the last skit lmao: 

Fierdan: *suddenly becomes an asshole to Stella and Dawn*

Stella: How dare you say that to Dawn!! *somehow slaps Fierdan across the face while he’s pissed off and doesn’t want to be touched* 

Fierdan: *gets even more angry out of nowhere, like 0 to 100*

Stella: No, I’m not going to fight you. (I know he’s just having one of his moments/episodes.) *after she slapped him* 

Fierdan: *passes out or something like that, idk* 

Stella: *does stuff and makes it seem like Fierdan is skinny and weighs nothing, idk* 

Fierdan: *becomes calm again as quickly as he got pissed off* 

… lmao what. hello ?? 

Weird. They’re weird! And that’s just from Confessions 2. God!! 

Dylan addresses this in Confessions 3. hehehheeee

I have so much pressure about that skit part. Why did I put this pressure on myself? What the heck. Is anyone even reading my posts? I don’t know!!

Dang, I’m so tired right now. I’m gonna sleep right after I finish this post. It’s not even midnight yet, but I don’t care. I want to sleep. Ok, ok! 

… ok. 

Happy birthday, Stella, my blue-orange haired ice-fire legend! Happy birthday, Stella! <3 

//I’m not normal either.//

Confessions, confessions… 

~ Shan/Shyrah (names, whatever, it’s me.)

Confessions 2 (skit)

Hey, I’m back with the second confessions skit in this skit story arc. So yeah. Hey. 

I was going to write this skit the day or two after I posted the previous one (Confessions 1), but I got busy. Well, I also binge-watched a few Netflix series and watched a lot of anime since I haven’t done that in a while. Eh whatever. I’m here now. 

It’s been so hot out these last few days. Including today. The weather where I live. Oof. It’s too hot for April. I don’t like it. 

About April, I think it’s been another year. I think the anniversary of my first ever blog post here was a few days ago. I think it’s April 11th, but I don’t feel like checking to make sure. April 11th feels right for some reason though. 

It’s 2023. I started in 2014, so that would be 9 years. Wow. I doubt it counts since I didn’t blog for around a year and was inactive for months on and off for a while. And still kinda am. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been blogging for nearly a decade. I mean, it hasn’t really. It feels more like 5 to 7 years. That’s what it feels like to me. Then again, I’m not even sure if I can call what I’ve been doing, well, blogging. What other blog does the stuff that I do? This doesn’t really feel like a blog. This is just a place for me to dump out my thoughts and writing chaos. 

That’s all this is. Chaos. 

Anyway, it’s time to start the skit. 

Warnings for strong language, drugs (well, smoking and drinking), vomiting, and brief mentions of sexual content. That should be it. 

——————————

[This skit is happening an hour after the end of the last one. The location is in one of the hallways where the main characters’ apartments are. Yeah, they live in apartments. That’s how it is. Fierdan stops pacing back and forth the length of the hallway, reaches into one of his pockets, and takes out a box of cigarettes. He isn’t aware of how tight his grip is on the box; a side of the box is dented. He takes a deep breath, staring at the box and then the ceiling.] 

Fierdan: Well, I’ve been stalling for long enough. It’s time for me to face the music. I need to tell them. It’s been going on for too long. I’ll tell Jack first. He’s the safest to, and besides, he told me that he had to tell me something this morning before we left to do our tasks. I wonder what he has to tell me. *leans against the wall and looks down at the box in his hand* But first… 

[Fierdan takes out a cigarette from the box, puts one end in his mouth, and stuffs the box back into his pocket. A warm yellow-orange light glows at the tip of his right middle finger, and a few seconds later, it grows into a flame just large enough for him to light his cigarette. Then he smokes. Nothing else to say about that. A small puff of smoke escapes his lips, and he plans on sticking the cigarette back into his mouth. Before he can, a sudden ringing in his ears and a wave of nausea hits him. Forgetting the lit cigarette in his fingers, it hits the floor as he presses his hands over each ear and he clumsily falls on his knees. He has a coughing fit, coughing for the next several seconds. Footsteps are heard approaching from around the corner but then stop.] 

Fierdan: *finally finishes coughing* Ow, ow, ow. My head… 

Stella: *walks closer to Fierdan, quickly glances at Fierdan on the floor, spots the cigarette on the floor and steps on it before gently picking it up with her fingers* What happened now?

Fierdan: *lets his arms fall to his sides, looks at the place where the cigarette must have fallen, sees that it isn’t there anymore, quickly stands up* Ah, shit. 

Stella: *a pale blue light wraps around the fingertips of her fingers holding the cigarette until the very last bits of fire burn out* Hello, Fierdan. *the blue light fades away, she pinches the cold and bent cigarette between her fingers, walks toward the nearby trash can* 

Fierdan: *watches the blue light fade completely from Stella’s fingers, has a blank look in his eyes as he sees the remains of the cigarette fall into the trash can* Uh.. hi. 

Stella: *walks back to where she was before, sighs* I’m not even gonna bother asking what that was all about. 

Fierdan: *finally realizes it’s Stella* Oh great, are you going to chastise me now? *the ringing returns and he presses his hands to his ears*

Stella: You should properly dispose of them instead of littering, and there’s no use in me telling you that you shouldn’t drink and smoke so often, but— *notices Fierdan covering his ears, rolls eyes* And you aren’t even listening to me. 

Fierdan: *the ringing temporarily stops* No, I can hear you just fine. I was going to, but I.. then I… *the ringing returns, louder than ever, lets out a cry from the pain* 

Stella: Uh.. are you okay? *reaches into her bag and takes out a water bottle* 

Fierdan: *not looking at anything in particular* What the fuck? This fucking shit— *gets cut off by another coughing fit, tears are in his eyes* 

Stella: I have no idea what’s wrong with you this time, but here, drink this. *thrusts the water bottle at Fierdan until he grabs it the moment he stops coughing* 

Fierdan: *twists off the cap and drinks from the bottle for the next few seconds, then offers it back to Stella* Thanks. 

Stella: *shakes her head* No, keep it. 

Fierdan: *hesitates, shrugs, then takes another chug of water* Alright, well, thanks again. 

Stella: I’m glad it helped. What exactly happened? 

Fierdan: Dawn. *sighs* Dawn happened. 

Stella: You met her for lunch or something like that, right? How is she? 

Fierdan: *shrugs* Dawn is Dawn. A mystery as always. 

Stella: That’s ironic coming from you of all people, considering you’ve been around each other the longest. If Dawn is a mystery to you, then what are the members who you don’t even really know? 

Fierdan: Honestly, everyone is a mystery to me. Well, except Jack. Maybe. I don’t get people. 

Stella: *looks at the floor* I also don’t get people. I constantly feel like an outsider. No, an imposter. 

Fierdan: *gives Stella a sympathetic look, then shakes his head* What are you doing here? Why are you helping me? 

Stella: I was just walking by, overheard you, and came over to make sure that you’re alright. That’s all. 

Fierdan: *blushes, turns away from her* I thought you hated me. 

Stella: I don’t hate you. My feelings toward you are.. complicated, yes, but I still care about you. Well, I don’t like witnessing people in pain. Of course I had to do something. I’m not a cold, heartless bitch. 

Fierdan: *stops blushing, faces Stella* That’s reassuring. Good to know. 

Stella: I struggle being aware of and fully acknowledging my emotions and with expressing.. well, anything really. I don’t like this cold exterior I have. *sighs* Maybe I really am heartless. Loveless. I’ve never been good with relationships. Socializing, I mean. Ugh, what am I doing? I meant to ask you about Dawn. 

Fierdan: About how she’s been acting strange lately? I know at least partly why, but I’m not going to tell you. Trauma and mental health shit can really fuck you up. It makes conversations between us feel so tense and awkward. Since I know her history, and she doesn’t because she repressed her shit, dissociated from it. *sighs* I know it’s not the same thing as forgetting, but I’d be so grateful that I forgot if I were her. I’d do literally anything to forget my traumatic memories, to not even remember all those words and touches. Why would she even want to remember being violated and treated far, far less than human? 

Stella: I don’t understand, but I hope she’s okay. I’m a little concerned. I just.. *her hands become fists* I hate that you two had to go through so much horrific shit. I don’t know what happened to her, but I just know it had to be a living nightmare. Based on what you’ve said. *hesitates* Is it a result of the dissociating? Because of it? 

Fierdan: Something to do with dissociating. Maybe it’s dissociating itself. Dawn’s is more severe than mine. *suddenly another wave of nausea hits him* Ow, fuck! *runs to the trash can, lowers his head over the edge and gags* Get out of me, you bitch. This fucking shit— *tries vomiting but nothing comes out, kicks the side of the trash can* Fucking hell! *then he feels like he was punched in the stomach and kicked between the legs, nearly falls face-first into the trash as he vomits* 

Stella: *rushes to where Fierdan is, reaches out her hand to grab his forearm* 

Fierdan: *abruptly moves his arm out of her reach, grimaces, his tone of voice changes* Don’t touch me. 

Stella: *notices Fierdan’s tone sounding harsh or irritated* Fine. Deal with your shit yourself. Never mind all that. If you’re gonna be an asshole again, then I’ll just go. 

Fierdan: *gets up, wipes the sides of his mouth with the back of his hand, glares at Stella* What the hell are you staring at? Am I amusing you? Do you find my pain entertaining? Like every other mother fucker—

Stella: *glares back at Fierdan* What the fuck is your problem? I thought we could finally talk and have a decent conversation. I guess I was wrong. You fooled me once again! Good for you! *tears appear in her eyes, clenches her fists* 

Fierdan: *grits teeth* It fucking hurts. What did she do to me, that bitch? Fucking Dawn. *kicks the trash can harder and punches the wall behind it* 

Stella: *gets up close to Fierdan and slaps him across the face* Dawn is not a bitch. 

Fierdan: *his eyes burn with rage* You bitch! 

Stella: *takes a deep breath* No, I’m not going to fight you. I’m not—

Fierdan: Do you want to fight? Fight me, bitch! 

Stella: Don’t call me a bitch. If I hear you say that one more time, I’ll make the pain you felt earlier feel like bliss compared to what I’ll do to you. 

Fierdan: *tries setting parts of his body on fire but the sparks don’t grow into flames, so a faint trace of smoke hovers over his skin* Ugh, what the fuck? *the ringing in his ears and the pain in his stomach return, he stumbles, gripping the edge of the trash can to prevent falling, stands there for several seconds, breathing slowly, sweating* 

Stella: *shakes head* No, I can’t fight you. Not like this. *stands right behind Fierdan* 

Fierdan: *whispers* I hate my mood swings. That shit really had to trigger them. Damn it. *his fingers loosen* I feel so weak. I’m so.. tired. *his fingers slip, he starts falling since his feet aren’t in any position for him to stand upright* 

Stella: *catches Fierdan the moment before his face hits the floor and his head collides with the trash can* I got you. 

Fierdan: *is too tired and weak to fight off Stella as she helps him sit down on the floor a few feet away from the trash can and against the wall, his eyes are closed and his head droops* 

Stella: There, there. *brushes the strands of hair out of Fierdan’s face, takes out a tissue from her pocket and wipes the spit and vomit from around his mouth, tosses it into the trash can* You’re okay. You’re safe. 

Fierdan: *slowly opens his eyes, whispers* I’m so sorry. I don’t know what overcame me. My mood swings are so sudden and so intense. My splitting or whatever it is. I hate my brain. I hate how I am this way. I have to do better. I’ve hurt you enough. I’m sorry, Stella. 

Stella: *takes a step back, sighs* We’re both fucked up. What even happened to us? 

Fierdan: You found out that I’m a monster. I am a bad person, after all. 

Stella: I’m not going to argue with you over whether or not you’re a bad person. 

Fierdan: It’s fine. I know I am. 

Stella: No, I mean the binary of people being either “good” or “bad”— it’s stupid. No one is entirely “good” or “bad”.. and yes, that includes you. At least that’s what I believe. 

Fierdan: Hmm, I see. Thanks, I guess. 

[A few minutes later. Fierdan has calmed down and has enough energy to stand and walk again. Stella is standing next to him. They’re both leaning against the wall.] 

Stella: By the way, why were you so pissed at Dawn after you threw up? You were so chill before, but then you just snapped. 

Fierdan: It’s nothing. 

Stella: It’s obviously not nothing. Tell me what’s going on. 

Fierdan: *sighs, puts his arms behind his head* Fine, okay. When I was at Dawn’s place earlier, we had tea. You know, the tea she almost always has on her. 

Stella: Yeah, and?

Fierdan: The ringing in my ears, the body aches, the nausea, the vomiting… It just.. I don’t know, I started believing Duke’s skeptical thoughts about Dawn’s tea. He had a hunch and maybe he was right. That he wasn’t just being a paranoid, untrusting guy. 

Stella: I find it funny how you refer to Duke like he’s a totally different person, meanwhile he is you. You’re Fierdan, yes, but you’re also Duke. Duke is a part of you, and you share his memories. They’re yours. 

Fierdan: *sighs, stares at the ceiling* Yeah, I know. I swear, you understand it better than most people. 

Stella: Of course. Duke and I were very close. Well, for a while anyway. And I was there. You know, when it happened. The stabbing, the execution. 

Fierdan: *suppresses a shudder, or at least there being more than one* Ah.. yeah. That. 

Stella: *changes the topic since she can tell he is getting uncomfortable* Wait. What does Duke’s thoughts about Dawn and her tea have to do with what you said about her? 

Fierdan: *looks at Stella* Oh, right. When Duke first met Dawn and she offered him tea, he was skeptical of her and it. It was before he got my memories of my history with her; he didn’t understand why he felt so drawn and connected to her; of course he was confused. 

Stella: Hmm, and then what? 

Fierdan: I’ll just get to the point. Duke didn’t trust Dawn at first. He thought Dawn attempted to poison him when she offered him a cup of tea. And.. well.. I started thinking that maybe she put poison in the cups she gave me. That the poison took a while to kick in, and it’s why my mind feels weird whenever I’m around her when I’m drinking it. And it’s why my body hurts all over. Oh and the ringing in my ears. It’s so painful. It really did hurt like hell. Not the worst shit I’ve experienced, of course, but it came out of nowhere. I didn’t expect it. 

Stella: *laughs* 

Fierdan: *frowns* What’s so funny? 

Stella: *her hand covers her mouth* Sorry, it’s just funny how you don’t know. Well, you’re probably just doubting it. You have to know. You can’t be that clueless. 

Fierdan: What? What are you talking about? 

Stella: *lowers her hand* Dawn didn’t poison you. Come on, think about it. Why would she? You and I know her very well, and we know she wouldn’t do that. 

Fierdan: How do you know? 

Stella: *stares at him* I just know. She isn’t that kind of person. She’s not like you and Ryen— men caught up in anger, vengeance, and grudges. 

Fierdan: *frowns* Hmm. 

Stella: Just be grateful that you can meet with your siblings easily now. You know very well that I can’t with mine. That it’s a lot harder. Being in different realms and all. 

Fierdan: Okay, fair. You have a good point. 

Stella: Of course I do. 

Fierdan: Hey, maybe you’re right. My body felt lighter when I was drinking the tea. I felt good for a while afterwards. *frowns* But then the same could be said for alcohol. I feel great when I’m drunk, but the hangovers are shit. It’s the price to pay. *sighs* 

Stella: You’re not immune to hangovers? Don’t you drink most days of the week? 

Fierdan: That has nothing to do with it. I still get them. I wish I didn’t, but I’m no god. *pauses* Remind me of that when I forget. 

Stella: Before I forget what I planned on saying again, let me just say that I’ve had her tea plenty of times. I’m not sure why it makes you feel weird but pleasant. Maybe it has to do with your history. I don’t know. What I do know is her tea helps with my pain temporarily. It isn’t a drug or made with drugs.. you know the types I’m thinking of. 

Fierdan: Hmm, I think I get what you mean. Okay. 

Stella: *takes a deep breath, faces Fierdan* I have another reason why Dawn didn’t poison you. And why she won’t. 

Fierdan: What is it then? 

Stella: Dawn is a healer. She doesn’t fight like you and I do, like most of us do. She heals people. That’s where the abilities of her Elemental Power lies, where her strength lies. Whenever she wanted to fight, she used weapons, relied on other people like the two of us. *scratches the back of her neck* I know you and Duke saw her as a witch. Maybe you’re right. I can see the resemblance. She works with plants and can manipulate them, she makes things out of them.. she is able to relieve pain from others. 

Fierdan: Dawn’s a witch? Is that what you’re saying? 

Stella: No, I’m not saying she is one. But you have to admit that she shares some traits with witches. Not all witches are evil. She would be a good witch. 

Fierdan: A good witch, huh? *laughs* 

Stella: Why don’t you ask her if she’s a witch? See what she says. 

Fierdan: You’re so funny, Stella. 

Stella: I didn’t mean to be funny, but I’ll take this over you yelling and swearing at me. 

Fierdan: I’m sorry about that. 

Stella: Sure you are. 

Fierdan: No, really. I want to fix what’s broken between us. *hesitates, swings his leg back and forth* I heard what you said before. You mentioned wanting to talk about some things and have a decent conversation. Did we do that?

Stella: I mean, we are having a decent conversation now. But it isn’t what I wanted to talk about. Not entirely. 

Fierdan: And what did you want to talk about? 

Stella: *avoids Fierdan’s gaze, stammers* Uh.. it’s.. umm…

Fierdan: Is it about feeling like an outsider and imposter? 

Stella: That’s one thing. 

Fierdan: Why do you feel that way? 

Stella: *uses her arm to cover her face* I just do, okay? I feel like I don’t belong here. That it shouldn’t be me. *sniffs, rubs her eyes* I don’t know why it’s me. How it’s me. Why does it have to be me? It’s too much. I didn’t ask for this. 

Fierdan: None of us asked to have superpowers. 

Stella: I know, I know. I just… Fuck, I’m trying not to cry. Why do I have to be the one with ice and fire as my Elemental Power? How did I become the person with the combined type? Damn it, why! Why do I have to be the special one, the chosen one.. the “key” to saving the world? *lets out a laugh* Well, this one. At least stop the divide between us and them. Somehow. Maybe we were always meant to be on opposing sides. You and Soulless destroyed the other world. And I’m meant to be the one who saves this one. 

Fierdan: Maybe not save. 

Stella: *lifts head* What do you mean? 

Fierdan: Maybe you’re meant to be the one who provides true peace. And if that never happens, as in it can’t just be put on you as the only one responsible, then maybe you’re the “key” to creating a new world for us. Where we can live and thrive. Be safe. All of us. 

Stella: It’s so much pressure. I don’t know if I can. 

Fierdan: Well, we’ll be right there with you. You’re not alone. It’s what we’ve been working towards. *puts his arms behind his head* Supposedly. At least that’s what they said. 

Stella: Heh. *faces Fierdan* Thanks. 

Fierdan: *nods* Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about? 

Stella: Maybe another time. I feel embarrassed to talk about the other stuff now. It’s getting late anyway. I should get dinner. 

Fierdan: I don’t think I can handle food. *picks up the water bottle, twists off the cap, drinks from it* 

Stella: Ah yeah, that’s fair. Perhaps you can take medicine for it? If it’s still bothering you, I mean. Or maybe something for the ringing in your ears. Or your cough. *pauses* Or was that because you smoked? 

Fierdan: I doubt it, but who knows? *shrugs* 

Stella: Well, are you still in pain? 

Fierdan: I’ll just say that I can tolerate it now. *steps away from the wall* I should take a shower. I feel gross. 

Stella: Oh, right. Totally. *steps away from the wall* 

Fierdan: Want to talk more afterwards? Like, in a few hours? Or is tonight too soon? 

Stella: Don’t you spend the nights with Jack? 

Fierdan: He’s away on a mission somewhere with Elias and the twins today. He told me that he’ll probably return well after midnight. And I don’t plan on studying my parents’ books for the rest of the day. 

Stella: Maybe you should just relax. Spend some time alone. 

Fierdan: Alone, ha! That’s a good one. *swings his arms* If I’m too tired after showering, then I’ll nap or sleep for the night. Well, if my insomnia lets me get any sleep. 

Stella: *nods* That sounds like a good plan. 

Fierdan: But if I’m not, then I’ll knock on the door to your apartment, you’ll open the door, let me in, and you will tell me what’s bothering you. Something is, I can tell. 

Stella: *blushes* I’m not sure…

Fierdan: No. Ever since we came here, we’ve been ignoring each other. I want the tension to end for good. We will open to each other. I will listen to you. 

Stella: But why? I said rude things to you. I acted like a jerk. I’m also to blame for things falling apart between us. 

Fierdan: To be fair, Duke is gone. That has to play a part, right? 

Stella: Heh, you’re right. 

Fierdan: About Duke, maybe I want us to talk and spend more time with you because.. because *blushes* Duke is influencing how I feel. You two became close friends. Duke.. he.. Duke loved you. Despite everything. He wouldn’t have done the things he did.. or not do the things.. if he didn’t care about you, if he didn’t love you. 

Stella: *blushes more* What are you saying? We broke up long ago. We couldn’t last; we both know that. And.. and you have a boyfriend now. Don’t you love him? 

Fierdan: Of course. More than anyone. 

Stella: And you— Duke— still loves me. Somehow. 

Fierdan: *hesitates then nods* Yes. 

Stella: How? Why? Don’t fucking mess with me. 

Fierdan: I’m not. 

Stella: If it’s because I’m the only girl you were ever attracted to, and you’re too attached to give up the bisexual label instead of going “hey, maybe I’m just into men” then.. then…

Fierdan: That’s not it. Sure, you were the only girl I ever had a relationship with so far, but I’ve been attracted to others. Not as many crushes, though it’s occasionally happened. But I’ve thought many were hot, and I would sleep with them if I could. I’m definitely attracted to both men’s and women’s bodies. Both are hot. *pauses* Personality also matters, of course. But I could totally have sex with another man or woman and not have any romantic feelings for them. If I was single, I would have hooked up with some of the women at that bar. Maybe a few men, too. 

Stella: *turns around, blushes* Okay, okay. I get it. Sorry. 

Fierdan: No, I was rambling. I’m sorry. 

Stella: *starts walking away, speaks softly* I’m sorry I couldn’t love you— Duke— properly. I’m sorry for ending it so abruptly and not talking about certain things with him when I had the chance. I’ve been an asshole, I admit it. *stops walking, takes a deep breath* I felt left behind. I wanted to know what love was like, but I was just tricking myself. I.. I don’t know if I ever loved you. I was just so desperate to not be alone. I wanted a friend, and if friends can become lovers, then so be it. But did I ever genuinely have romantic feelings for Duke? I don’t know. I wish I knew what genuine love and romance felt like. And.. and… I’m sorry for messing with you with my loveless heart. The ghost of Duke’s lips on mine haven’t left, and I can’t forget, but I can’t love properly. Something is wrong with me. Fierdan, Duke, I’m so sorry. *runs away* 

Fierdan: *scratches the top of his head with a fingernail, sighs* Well then. A tiny part of me feels rejected, but most of me doesn’t care. No, not care. I think she’s too hard on herself. She doesn’t need to apologize for who she is. *looks down at his shirt* Damn. I need a fucking shower. *leaves to go to his apartment and shower* 

———————————

End of Confessions 2. 

More confessions coming up. 

~ Shan/Shyrah

Confessions 1 (skit)

Hi, I’m back!

It’s time for the next part in the current skit story I’ve been working on. I have a sudden burst of inspiration. 

This part won’t be as silly and random as the previous one. It’s more heavy. I have a lot on my mind, and I finally found a way to write them down— through skits. Anyway, it’s more fun this way. Feels more entertaining. 

This and the next few skits are all in the same skit story I’ve been writing since March, but I now have a title for them: Confessions. Since this is the first one, it’s called Confessions 1. 

That’s all I wanted to say. Now it is warnings time for this post’s skit. 

WARNING: strong language (profanity), alcohol/drugs and mentions of addiction, mentions of negative body image, discussion of traumas, mentions of sexual content including sexual assault (nothing explicit).

——————————— 

[This skit is taking place a few days after the events in the last one. The time of day is in the middle of the afternoon. Dawn and Fierdan are alone in a room, sitting on chairs across from each other at a round table. On the table are two teacups. They have been talking for a while, including about their mother and her Books of C.] 

Dawn: *sighs, stares into her teacup* All of this would be so much easier if I could remember. Every day I wish that I could remember. 

Fierdan: *stares at his hands on the table* What good would remembering do? 

Dawn: I was the last child of C. If I had all my memories back, then maybe I could recognize any hints she left. She must’ve written at least some parts of her Books of C. when I was young and she was raising me. 

Fierdan: *looks up* Like I said, what good would remembering do? What’s the point? 

Dawn: *meets Fierdan’s eyes* So I can help us understand our mother better. 

Fierdan: *turns his head, laughs humorlessly* And what would a child who isn’t even six years old remember about their mother’s diary? A kid wouldn’t pay attention and recognize any of that shit. This is the Books of C. weren’t talking about. No kid would be able to comprehend it, including you and me. Ryen too, I bet. *faces Dawn* Believe me. Nothing good comes out of remembering and reminiscing about the past. That I can promise you. 

Dawn: I’m not you, Fierdan. I want— no, need— to remember my past. It isn’t only about trying to understand C.; it’s so much more than that. I have to know for my own sake. 

Fierdan: And I already know that remembering everything from the past would only make you feel so much worse. *sighs* I don’t get it. Why do you even want to remember? 

Dawn: *raises voice* Because I have no sense of identity! I have no idea who I am. My sense of self is fluid and transparent as water. I just have to. I just have to remember. 

Fierdan: *also raises voice* No, you don’t! Remembering will only be a shackle, a weight pulling you down, and it’s stuck deep in your heart and back of your mind. Once you remember, you’ll do anything to forget. God… *stands up* I want so badly to forget. I’ll do anything to forget! 

Dawn: *frowns* I am not you. Look, I get it. You wish to forget; I wish to remember. I don’t need you to protect me anymore. We’re well past that. 

Fierdan: *slams his palms on the table, causing drops of tea from his teacup to spill onto the table* This isn’t about fucking protecting you! Remembering your past won’t give you all the answers you’re searching for, and they sure as hell won’t help with your identity crisis issues! 

Dawn: At least you know about your past and who you are. I don’t. 

Fierdan: Bullshit! How dare you even imply— *steps away from the table, shakes head* I need a drink. Do you have any alcohol on you? It helps me forget, and I need to— 

Dawn: You don’t need to forget. *sighs* And no, I don’t keep bottles or cans of alcohol on me. 

Fierdan: *grits teeth* Of course you don’t. You’re the good and unproblematic one. Dawn is such a good girl. 

Dawn: Oh please! You see me that way because I’ve heard detailed accounts of what happened to Ryen and Jack. Their strong desires to forget things from their pasts drove them down the path of addiction. All of us can recognize the signs, and I sure as hell will do my best to prevent you from going down that same path. You’re developing an addiction. Heck, you probably are addicted at this point. 

Fierdan: And since you can’t remember your past, you will never understand why we needed to rely on alcohol and other drugs to escape, to forget.. for our own fucking sanity. 

Dawn: I don’t want you to turn out like your brother or boyfriend! I care about you, Fierdan, I really do. 

Fierdan: Then why won’t you listen to me when I tell you it’s better to not know than do? Listen to your older brother. 

Dawn: *rolls eyes, says sarcastically* Oh, aren’t you such a great older brother? You and Ryen are such great role models. Especially you! Should I give you a gold medal?

Fierdan: Shut up, I did so much for you. 

Dawn: Like what? Traumatizing me? Because you did a really good job at that. *quickly finishes her cup of tea, gently places the cup back on the table* I hate to admit it, but even after all this time, you still scare me. I’m afraid of you. I doubt I’ll ever not be. 

Fierdan: *continuing his point before Dawn cut him off, his eyes are blazing as he faces Dawn* I killed Z. for you. You were a great motivator for me to. *stretches his arms* But of course you lack any of the context since your brain blocked out all the memories of what he did to you. 

Dawn: You violently murdered your father. I stood there helpless, unable to do anything. Of course I’m scared shitless of you. 

Fierdan: If you knew what Z. did to you and so many, including our mother, would you still see me as a monster? Someone beyond saving? 

Dawn: I never said you’re a monster. 

Fierdan: I know that’s what you think. I don’t blame you. I split part of myself to create Duke, I had that whole thing with Soulless… Fuck, was Soulless ever real, or am I just so fucked up that I…

Dawn: Of course Soulless was real. Sure, it was way more attached to you and the two of you spent years in isolation in the realm you call Cincernum, but Soulless definitely existed. I vaguely remember Soulless being a kind of teacher for us when we were still little kids. I can remember fragments from the past, just not.. well.. everything. *sighs* Having dissociative amnesia isn’t a good thing. Having large parts of your life erased isn’t fun. I really don’t have any fucking sense of self since I don’t remember so much from my childhood. From before then. Forgetting isn’t all good. 

Fierdan: I’m not sure if I should be relieved that you know who Soulless was and not just from me talking about it. You have your own memories of Soulless. It’s not just something my twisted mind conjured. *sits back in his chair, stares at his hands again, starts shivering* 

Dawn: *arches eyebrow* What’s up with you now? 

Fierdan: I.. I… *laughs* Of course you don’t know! I’m so glad you can’t remember! 

Dawn: What? Remember what? 

Fierdan: Just because our minds can’t remember something, it doesn’t mean that our bodies did. *shivers harder* Body memories are the worst. *buries his face in his hands* I hate how the ghosts of Soulless and Taurel’s touches never left my skin. No matter how much I clean myself, the marks never left. I’m tainted and violated, and my body won’t let me forget. I’ll do anything to make sure you don’t have to go through the same thing. Once you know everything, you won’t be able to un-see and un-feel the marks all over your body and inside your body. Sure, no one else can see the marks, they’re no longer physical, and yet.. and yet they won’t fully go away and disappear. *slouches deeper in the chair* It’s like the blood. There’s always blood on my hands. I’m the only one who can still see it. But it’s there and will never wash away. I have bloody hands, and I’m an impure tainted creature of sin.

Dawn: I never knew you feel that way. I… 

Fierdan: I’m a man, yet I had people touch me like I was a doll, an inanimate object. Not a human being. *raises head* Like how Z. treated you. 

Dawn: *shakily picks up the teacups* I.. I’m going to get us more tea. I need more *pauses* tea. 

Fierdan: *ignoring Dawn* What’s fucked up is I wasn’t a girl; I’m not female. This shit doesn’t happen to boys and men, yet it happened to me several times. I feel insecure in my masculinity as it is because of my fucked up body, and my trauma from Soulless doesn’t help. I hate how well I can make myself look androgynous or like a woman. Sure, I like to wear feminine outfits sometimes, but it doesn’t automatically make me not a man. And what Soulless— others too but especially it— did to my body shouldn’t make me feel any less of a man, but it does. 

Dawn: Sexual assault is not just a thing that happens to girls and women. Anyone of any gender can be affected. *pauses* It wasn’t hard for me to know that’s what you’re getting on about. I had my own share of that kind of trauma and you don’t want me to remember and no longer dissociate from those memories, right? You don’t want me to fully remember whatever Z. did to me. 

Fierdan: *nods a few seconds after Dawn finished talking* You got me. You’re right. 

Dawn: *smiles sadly* Of course. I’m Dawn after all. 

Fierdan: *whispers* I’m sorry. 

Dawn: For what? 

Fierdan: For making you be afraid of me. For not knowing what you were going through when the abuse was happening. Yeah, we were very young, but you’re my little sister, even if we didn’t know we have the same mother back then and didn’t find out for many years. And you know what? That too. For not protecting you from him.. from all those sick fuckers. I’m so sorry. 

Dawn: Oh please, don’t add any more guilt. I couldn’t save you from Soulless or Taurel or anything related to the two of them. I’m really sorry you had to go through so much shit, but I can’t be guilty for something totally out of my control. 

Fierdan: *glancing at another part of the room* I.. I guess. *sighs* I hate how my body can’t let go of the ways it was abused. I hate how I can’t forget the ways Soulless touched my body, all over and inside. Fuck… *dips a finger into one of the drops of spilled tea on the table* Jack is respectful and listens to me and.. he’s just an amazing partner, but I can’t help feeling self-conscious of how I flinch and just can’t handle him touching my body in certain places or in certain ways. I want so badly to replace the harmful touches of Soulless and Taurel with his, but I can’t and hate myself for it. I want to open up my body fully to him like he did for me, but… *frowns, sighs* Having so much trauma really fucking sucks. 

Dawn: Definitely. Being severely traumatized sucks ass. *stares at a part of the wall, zones out* What’s my personality? What do I really look like? What’s my role? Even Shan doesn’t know for sure. I used to have light brown hair; now it’s dark brown. Shan can’t decide on what my body looks like— skinny or curvy? How short am I? Sometimes I think I’m fat, but am I really? What’s my body type? Who even am I? 

Fierdan: *is distracted* Huh, what? I was thinking about how my traumatized and fucked up piece of shit self really frustrates me sometimes when it comes to Jack and me in sexual contexts.. the foreplay and the actual having sex. Stupid trauma not liking certain places and ways my body can be touched. I hate how it can trigger me, how my body treats it like an act of violence and my brain dissociates from everything. Like damn, tell my brain and body to chill. I’m just trying to have sex with my favorite person. I love him. *shakes head* So complicated. 

Dawn: *turns around to face Fierdan, her eyes are unfocused, she grins* Shan really made us exist to be creatures of lust, and that’s all we’ll ever be. Something sexual involving us always follows us. We originally came into being because of lust. We can’t escape it! *laughs coldly* 

Fierdan: *shakes head, grimaces* Why the fuck did I say that to you? Fucking hell.

Dawn: Impure tainted sinners violated of our innocence. That’s what we are. 

Fierdan: I mean, it’s true, but are you okay? You’re acting weird, Dawn. *gets up and walks toward her* 

Dawn: *shakes head* Huh? What the… Oh yeah! The tea! Why does tea always have to be involved whenever we’re having a deep conversation? What is with my tea? *shrugs* At least it tastes good. Sure, let’s continue bonding and confessing things over tea. *picks up the cups again and leaves to refill them* 

[Several minutes later. Dawn comes back with the two cups of tea. She places them on the table, passing one to Fierdan who is sitting back at the table. Then she sits down in her chair at the table.]

Dawn: *cups her hands around her cup, slowly takes a sip of the tea* 

Fierdan: *does the same thing* Your tea really is good. 

Dawn: Of course. It’s a symbol of us connecting over something. 

Fierdan: Uh.. sure. *takes another sip of tea* So… 

Dawn: It’s so weird. Having amnesia I mean. Like I could remember parts of our childhood better than you, yet I can’t remember other parts of it at all. 

Fierdan: Soulless manipulated me and gave me some kind of amnesia or some shit. You helped me get out of it and remember. Again, thanks for that. Truly. 

Dawn: Are you thinking about those gardens that Z. let us play in so we wouldn’t bother him and Ryen? 

Fierdan: Yeah, and how we would attempt to make flower crowns and how we would feel the blades of grass beneath our bare feet and between our toes. And how I would dance with the insects among the flowers. *smiles* It had to be the best part of our childhood. I miss how I was back then all those years ago. *drinks from his cup of tea for a few seconds* 

Dawn: See? The past wasn’t all awful. I still find it incredible how you refused to hurt any creature, a boy who wouldn’t kill a fly or ant, grew up to be.. well.. you. 

Fierdan: Gee thanks. *drinks more tea* 

Dawn: How are you drinking it so quickly? Mine’s still so hot. 

Fierdan: It’s fine. I have pyrokinesis. Heat is nothing to me.

Dawn: Says the one who nearly had heat stroke. 

Fierdan: Hey! I was Duke back then, and it happened right after the black flames consumed him for the first time. Some Duke evolution and breaking the amnesiac barrier between me and him. Black fire is especially hot and painful, even for us.. Duke and me.

Dawn: *slowly sips her tea* Sure thing, whatever you say. 

Fierdan: Just another thing that happens to me, the fire man. But instead of being a firefighter, I create fires. *laughs* 

Dawn: Fire man, huh? How about I start pronouncing your name like “Fire Dan” from now on?

Fierdan: Oh no, please no. I hate that. *blushes and drinks the rest of his cup of tea* 

Dawn: Okay, Fire Dan. 

Fierdan: Stop! It sounds.. sounds… *breaks out in laughter* It sounds so stupid. I’m not that cheesy, I hope. 

Dawn: Seeing and hearing you and Jack trying to be wholesome out in public is making me not sure. You two made the other become such a softie. Heck, maybe if I met Jack a few years ago, he would intimidate me like you do. Maybe he would scare me more than you do since there are no gardens memories with him and me.

Fierdan: If only we could bring him there. *smiles* 

Dawn: Trying to be funny, huh?  

Fierdan: No.. I… *rubs eyes* What the hell is Shan doing to us? Our dialogue is strange. Anyway uh.. the memories of the gardens and flowers are great and all, but there are details from your past that I wish you didn’t recover so you didn’t have to relive them again. 

Dawn: You don’t need to protect me. I’m older now and can handle them. 

Fierdan: I know, I know. I just don’t want to see you so miserable and in so much pain ever again. Is it really worth it to know the details of what Z. did to you, including how you entered our lives? He stole you from your parents. He ordered for them to be killed. He did unspeakable things to you. 

Dawn: I’m not going to enjoy the memories if I ever remember them, but at least having a fuller picture of my past will make me feel less as a person full of holes in my identity or someone who just came into existence at a random age beyond young childhood with no past context. I can feel real, more like an actual person. *shakes head* I can’t phrase it any better. *drinks tea* 

Fierdan: Back to C.

Dawn: I just feel sad that I can’t remember anything about her and my dad. I hate how I can’t remember them at all. I like to think that they were good parents who loved and cared about me. But I just.. I can’t be sure. I’ll never know for sure. Mom sure was a character, but my dad? I want to believe he really was a good guy. A good person. But was he? 

Fierdan: Your dad was probably a good man. He had to be better than mine, right? 

Dawn: That’s not saying much. Z. was… I can’t even come up with adjectives that serve him justice* 

Fierdan: Like you said before, I killed him. So the father-son relationship wasn’t the best, I say. 

Dawn: Well yeah, patricide shouldn’t be normalized. But yeah.. it was Z. 

Fierdan: Yeah. Killing him really did fuck me up though. Like yeah, I did go through with it and have Soulless pressure me constantly to do it, but still. He was still my father. Family bonds.. they fuck me up. Having a normal family— what’s that like? 

Dawn: I’m the last person you should be asking. 

Fierdan: Okay yeah fair. I should ask.. uh.. Brock. I bet he has a normal family and a healthy relationship with his parents and siblings if he has any. 

Dawn: Wasn’t he involved in some argument involving his family a while back? 

Fierdan: What? Really? 

Dawn: No, I don’t know. My memory is shit. 

Fierdan: Oh. *laughs* 

Dawn: It’s not funny. We were talking about how I wish I could remember stuff. I wish my memory wasn’t so inconsistent. I feel like my brain makes zero sense. 

Fierdan: Well, my brain makes zero sense too, so I can’t help you with that. 

Dawn: *finishes drinking her cup of tea* Hmm… 

Fierdan: What? 

Dawn: Just thinking about how much my tea affects you. 

Fierdan: What do you mean? 

Dawn: You just seem more chill and relaxed since you drank your cup of tea. 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow* Did you drug me? 

Dawn: *sighs* No, but—

Fierdan: But what? 

Dawn: Shan never really talked about it, but do you also have issues with physical pain? Chronic pain of some sort? 

Fierdan: Huh.. I guess. Some parts of my body almost always hurt. I bet it’s the trauma from Taurel and Soulless putting my body through absolute hell. 

Dawn: No, that makes sense. Anyway, did your pain ease or become a little less severe ever since you finished your tea? 

Fierdan: Uh, I think? Probably. Slightly. 

Dawn: Ah, that’s good. I use the tea to help with my own pain. I think it’s the anti-inflammatory properties. Probably other stuff too, but Shan doesn’t know much. 

Fierdan: Shan doesn’t know much, huh? 

Dawn: Shan just has to think about things more. Like yeah, it shouldn’t be a surprise that we have issues with pain. Our severe, traumatized as shit selves. 

Fierdan: And it’s probably another reason why I have urges to drink alcohol and do other drugs—

Dawn: Hmm maybe. 

Fierdan: Am I an addict? 

Dawn: I can’t tell you. If you really are concerned, maybe talk to Ryen or Jack about it. 

Fierdan: *scratches the back of his neck* Good idea. 

Dawn: We care about you and your health, you know. 

Fierdan: Huh? We? 

Dawn: Not just me. All of us. 

Fierdan: Oh.. oh okay. 

Dawn: *stands up* Well, thanks for spending time with me this afternoon. It’s been a while since we talked, just the two of us. 

Fierdan: *also gets up* Yeah, it’s been way too long. This was nice. Being able to say stuff that I bet the others wouldn’t understand. 

Dawn: Yeah, definitely. I feel the same. There are some things that even Ryen can’t fully understand since he didn’t experience what we did. You know? 

Fierdan: Yeah, I get it. *swings arms back and forth* So.. are you still scared of me? 

Dawn: Our relationship, our history, is complicated, but in this moment, I can only see you as my first and closest friend. I can’t fear the version of you in front of me right now. 

Fierdan: *smiles* I’ll take that as a compliment. Well, I should go. I should work on some tasks. 

Dawn: Does that mean hang out with Jack? 

Fierdan: *is about to leave the room* No.. uh.. maybe. 

Dawn: *rolls eyes* Whatever. See you around. 

Fierdan: Dawn, you’re the kindest and most understanding woman I know. I’m so grateful that you’re still a part of my life and still involved in it, even though I’m a massive neurotic jerk at times. Well then, that was sentimental. All of this. Take care.

Dawn: Alright, have fun with Jack. 

Fierdan: *blushes* Uh.. right! Yeah. *leaves the room* 

Dawn: Well, that was odd.

Fierdan: *mutters the word “confessions” to himself as he walks away* 

——————————

I don’t even know. I’m sleepy now and my head feels kinda weird. 

Good night. 

It’s April!

Hi, I’m back. It’s April. Wow, time flies. 

I’ve been very tired all day and don’t have anything planned for April Fools. So this is just another boring regular post. Alright. 

I’ve been brainstorming ways to continue the current skit story. Man, I have so many thoughts I want to dump out. I have certain feelings about some of my characters. It’s.. it’s a lot. 

(Psst, it involves Dawn. That’s all I’ll reveal.)

Another skit-related thing I want to talk about is that I recently realized I’ve been making Brock call Ryen “Ry Ry” as a nickname for a lot longer than I thought. Like, it’s been a few years since I started that. I really did bring back the “Ry Ry” this March, huh. Haha nice. Epic move on my part. 😎

The “Rye Bread” part in the last skit though. Brock lmao.. 😂 🤪

I honestly really like Brock. He’s so silly and quirky. He’s a breath of fresh air compared to the majority of my story characters. He’s great. 😆

Actually, I’ll now clear up stuff from the last skit. I was gonna do this earlier, but I’ve been busy. Family stress and tension, work and work stress, fatigue… Oh! Fun fact: I was a vendor at my first craft fair event last Saturday. That was pretty fun and cool. I sold some of my products (*glances at my Etsy shop link*). 👏

Anyway, skit clarifications (no particular order): 📝

** 1) Is Brock becoming a story character? Hmm, I’m not sure. I briefly considered it but not that seriously. It’s not a zero percent chance possibility though. Brock would just be a skit nickname. I don’t know what his name or purpose really would be in the story world context. All I know is he would be an ally towards those with Elemental Powers. Those kinds of people are cool and ordinary people (the allies, not sure what else to call them). 

** 2) I forgot to add that these dialogue lines were supposed to be said sarcastically. I thought it was obviously sarcastic but now I’m not too sure if I got that across. These ones (not including the more obvious sarcastic lines):

Fierdan: And it’s a curse. Twice the trauma. Love that for me. 

Stella: Wow, for a whole day? Can you manage it? 

Fierdan: Yeah, that’s so crazy. Totally out of left field. 

… though I can also read that last Fierdan line in a genuine tone. I think it’s funny either way. 

Which brings me to #3~

** 3) What’s Brock’s sexuality then? Hmm.. idk dude. Bi-curious, I’m thinking? 

It’s really up to my characters to “come out” to me. Some of them *thinks about Dawn* haven’t “told” me their sexuality yet. For her and characters like her, I just call them unlabeled. Because like.. I genuinely don’t know hers. I think she might be pan, but I can also see her as lesbian or sapphic. I doubt she’s straight.

(A queer person making their characters queer?! Omg what is this! Grr 🐯🙀)

If anyone who’s been reading my blog posts for the past few years is still surprised, then idk what else to tell them. 😶😐

Oh yeah lmao, lately I’ve been daydreaming of some conservative men looking at (my characters obviously) Stella and Dylan and calling them “blue-haired liberals”.. like, you know, queer teens with blue hair that old conservative men especially hate. I find it funny imagining them angrily pointing fingers at Stella and Dylan, calling them blue-haired queer liberal teens. Haha, “liberal” like that’s it. Funny. 

I can also imagine conservatives calling them heartless and loveless and “breaking what is romance in our modern society among our youth” (idk, something along those lines) because they’re both aspec (on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums).

It’s funny to daydream about. Wait, what else did I want to talk about? 😂 🤔

** 4) I was thinking about the phrase “I have a bone to pick with you.” when writing that last skit. This comes as no surprise. 

It sounds so weird. Just me? Ok… 

I was also thinking about and listening to the song “Rubik’s Cube” by Athlete. I don’t know why, but I can imagine Dylan playing with Rubik’s Cubes or the equivalent under a different name for fictional purposes for fun. And that he plays with them a lot and is great at solving them. He just gives me those vibes. 

Meanwhile I have no idea how to solve a Rubik’s Cube. I’m like Stella. I’ll probably glare at the cube and throw it in frustration if I were in her shoes. 💀

** 5) The Ryen and Fierdan with the Books of C. stuff is a story thing. It’s something that happens, but I don’t know the details and won’t reveal any specifics anyway. There are several volumes of something called Books of C. There are lots of books, each of which is a thick book that’s dense and hard to comprehend. It’s a lot. Lots of words. 

The same could be said about the Books of Z. but about different things. Still complex and confusing to understand. But yeah. Cruel parents (C. and Z.) writing several books about their thoughts and plans for such and such. Possibly the main thing they have in common. 

** 6) It’s been a while, so I feel like stating the ages of my characters in the skits/stories. Well, age ranges. But to put it short, they’re young adults. Adults. Obviously. But for specifics, this is how I view their ages in the recent skits: 

Fierdan: between 22 and 24 

Jack: 23 or 24 

Ryen: between 26 and 28 

Dylan: 19 or 20

Stella: 18 or 19 

Dawn: 20 or 21 

Brock: 18 or 19 

Red: between 25 and 29 

Finny and Sabrina (aka Sparkle): 18 or 19 

I think that’s it. Alright so yeah. Late teens, early to mid 20s, maybe late 20s. 

… idk what else to say. That’s all I planned on talking about regarding my last skit. 

I can’t believe it’s April. 

Happy Autism Acceptance Month! ❤️♾️👏

~ Shan/Shyrah ✌️