,,,

I got this app.

Maybe I'll vent on there instead of spamming you guys with them on here.

I don't know yet.

I gotta get the hang of it.

I was right about how no one bothers to read my posts and comment on them anymore. Except that one person (thanks).

My faith in trusting friends is really low. It's the same for every person. Same shiz all the time. And I'm sick of it. Sick of myself for falling for the lies they say every single time. Always the same shiz.

If I consider you a close online mutual of mine, join me on this app. Only if you want to. I don't want to burden any of you guys. It's called Vent. I guess you vent on it..? It's not that helpful posting my vents on here. I don't want the risk of drama (again) and I'm almost constantly anxious about something I can't control.

My family has said some pretty rude stuff the last few days. Not today though. Thankfully.

It's hard for me to recover from things people have said that's directed at me. I never get over it. Those things, those memories, never go away. And it won't. That's just how things are.

But to have the nerve of reminding me about them. To hear from your own family how they'll be happy off without you in the future and would like you to be gone from them. To see literally everyone else hanging out and being close with other people while you have no friends and nobody to hang out with. To see people so happy with someone else while you're all on your own. To have intrusive thoughts run through your head several times a day and having to ignore them every single time. To have the mindset that everyone hates you for something so you have to hate everyone back in return. It hurts.

To not have what most other people have. Someone to talk to no matter what the time is, someone who you see as a best friend that also sees you as their best friend, someone to walk around and hang out with, someone to laugh with and get the inside jokes, someone that doesn't lie when they say "we'll always keep in touch ♡♡" "let's hang out over the summer 8D" "you're a great friend and I appreciate you".. an actual (in real life) friend. I don't have this thing called friendship. I'm just that awkward loser who tags along with some people. But having friends is different. I lack it. It hurts. And then being hated and mocked for it.

It, freaking, hurts. Anxiety keeps on holding me back. I can't just "make friends".. what the hell does that even mean?

I lay on my bed way too much. Ha...

It's the most stressful part of the school year.

I hate more than I love.

I've given up on so many things and people. They gave up on me though.

Whatever. Everything bothers me nowadays. Nothing is all too great anymore.

See ya.

~ Cutepups