100 k

Hello.

I see this blog has finally reached 100,000+ pageviews. 

Awesome! Cool. 

And like I said, I doodled this today. It isn't that great though. Less colorful, so.. yeah.

Meh.

So.. um.. a crappy perspective drawing. The green/brown squiggles can be dead grass, and the blue can be a water source.

Yeah.. I didn't try that much on it.

(Oops, The Disappointment™ is at it again...)

,',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',', 

(I am bitter and full of petty. :})

You know how it's proven that naps make people feel better? Right?

Well, it seems that I get opposite results from that. Whenever I take afternoon naps, I feel worse afterwards. You would think taking a (two hour max) nap would make me feel less tired afterwards, right? Haha, nope. When I wake up from napping, I feel twice as much tired than before I took the nap. Oh and then I get headaches. Okay that's great. Woo, napping pains. Fun. 

So yeah. The reason I feel awful (physically) is because I took a nap. Way to go, me. Way to freaking go. 

Heh.. I'm lucky if I only get one headache a week. Wow okay I should switch topics now. 

I've been having pretty bad dreams about school recently. They're so stupid. I have more pretty bad dreams than happy random ones, but I don't want to post about the bad ones. Besides, they have personal info, which would confuse you guys probably. And, haha, because I don't trust other people that much anymore.

 I've learned by now that all "friends" are the same. No matter who they are. I hate myself for believing a new "friend" would be different. But as time goes on, I realize the same thing happens with everyone. People are freaking liars. I hate myself allowing new people in my life to eventually hurt me in the end. But, oh wait, if I go on about this I would be manipulative again. Wouldn't I, right? We all know I'm that way with my emotions. 

What is so goddamn repulsive about me? Is it because I'm boring? Is it because I'm practically socially inept? What the hell is it?!

They say they don't hate me, but when I say something that's not all agreeable and happy-like, then they just leave the conversation. How stupid do they think I am? I know they're all lying when they say they can stand me. I know they really can't stand me. It's always my fault, isn't it? Isn't it? Besides, they always prove how much more stupid I am than them. Oh yeah, when I say "they" I mean people online and people irl. Maybe more towards one of the two. But if I say which, I'll get criticizing comments. Again. 

Ugh, I view myself as such an inferior person. Heck, everyone's probably right and I'm probably wrong. I'm never right, huh? I'm stupid, huh? 

I'm sick of people hurting me. What's the point in opening up to new people when the same thing happens with literally everyone else before? I know I'm a horrible person. I avoid "friends" a lot, and then I get clingy. And the uneven cycle repeats over and over again. Everyone before left and forgot about me. I'm not close to anyone. I hate seeing people close with each other everywhere I go. It frustrates me that I can't ever have that. No matter how hard I try. If I don't lose "friends" completely then I become the Distant Friend™. 

Not like any of you'd understand. I open up and be honest with people. But, it must be inevitable, every "friend" steps outside my life. By their own accord. What I was annoyed about is that literally everyone else I've known is best friends with someone else. And they're always (and I mean ALWAYS, don't you dare freaking guilt-trip me by saying I'm assuming things about people, so what about exceptions that practically don't exist, I already view myself as the "bad person" without you enforcing that fact onto me) there for each other even when they don't have to tell each other anything. They don't even have to say "I'm not okay", they get the reassurance anyway. So don't remind me how I have to go out and tell people that. Because I already know I have to do that. It's just frustrating how certain people get the reassurance/comfort/love they need without telling anyone anything. Heck, I really don't get people. Oh and if I want to talk to any "friend", I have to start the conversation to make them give me attention. Because they definitely won't start them with me. They always forget me either way. I keep on waiting for words, but the only kind I get are empty ones. Besides, I always feel like I'm bothering the other person if I'm the one starting the conversation. 

Haha, what's the point? It's not like you'd understand what I'm saying. In basic words, I want a real friend that isn't bs and freaking lies. Not like a person exists. Because I obviously know I'm the problem by now.

If you're just going to comment criticizing me or feeling sorry for me, then just get out. 

I'm stressed and uncomfortable about other things as it is. 

Bye.

- Cutepups/The Mess™/The Disappointment™/The Distant Friend™/S