uhhh stuff //

Hey. It's Friday. Nice.

Over 125,000 views now, huh? Wow, that's pretty cool. That's a pretty big number.

I'm under so much pressure, and I'm so scared of a ton of things. I'm such a stupid fool. Haha, life sure is fun.

Why did a 2014 post suddenly get more views? Who are you, and what do you want?

Anyway, I've been thinking about some things. Ok here goes lol.

People will be like, "I don't know what to do in the future", and I get it. That's fine and all. High school, secondary school, whatever you call it is stressful. The outside world is a scary place. But like, here's the thing. When I say and think that, I literally mean it. I literally never in my entire life had a plan for a future when I'm an adult and finished high school. And let me guess. You're thinking, "yeah right smh what a lie" as you read this. But let me just say this. I'm saying this to emphasize how literally I mean this. I never had a dream job that I actually believed that I wanted to do. I don't remember ever having one. Doctor, vet, lawyer, teacher.. nothing. Ok I'm terrified. I think it's wild that I'm this old. Like what is this? I've lived this long? I'm still alive? What the heck! I'm just so sick and tired of telling people that I don't know what I want to do in the future because I feel like no one I know gets it. I. Have. No. Plans. For. My. Future. Why won't anyone understand that? I don't have any idea what to major in at college. "Oh, putting something down isn't the end of the world since you can change it later", right? Yeah, but here I am not knowing what to put down at all. What interests me? What am I good at that could be a college major? I don't freaking know! I don't have any dream colleges. I have no life ambitions. I'm just here. And then there's more into the future. I can't picture myself as an adult. I don't know my true personality anymore except that I'm quiet and asocial. Am I nice? Am I mean? I don't know. I'm boring and don't talk to people. I'm terrible at conversations. I make too many mistakes, and I never learn enough. The idea of getting a job terrifies me, but of course I have to do it, right? If/When I'll make it to full adulthood, I bet I'll live alone. And I don't really mind it if I have a few pets, but at the same time, it makes me feel sick. I can't help that I can't talk to people and be social and all those good things. I can't help that I've never been attracted to anyone regardless of gender other than platonically. I can't help my personality and that I'm like this. Acceptance is hard. I feel like I'll always be alone. In real life, at least. If I have any irl friends left, then there's one. Being realistic, what good future could there possibly be for me? I don't have much time left to get a basic idea, and I need to get at least that like around now. I just. Don't know. Self care and positivity things don't really make a difference anymore. They don't change anything. In the end, I'm that person who only says "no" and "I don't know" since that's the only words I know to say.

:' }