tbh -

Ok. I'm done. I don't care. Here goes.

I was working on something for 2 hours only to find out it didn't work correctly. Wow thanks dA. :))

Technology stinks sometimes. It can just be like working against you (me). Not just for dA though. Other things too. Such as school assignments. 

Whew, I'm annoyed. It's past midnight. I don't care, I already took a mid-afternoon nap.

Now onto other things. :'))

I'm always wondering things like, "Why do I even bother to continue this story?" because well. I'm doubting myself again. I think the whole story is a gross joke. Like come on now lmao. Why do I even try? Why don't I just quit and leave forever? My writing is so stupid. Like what even is Twinkle's Story? What are they? Foxes, humans? This story, gah. Do people besides myself have the thought of "freaking furries" in the back of their minds when thinking of the story? Or is it just me being a fool filled up to the brim with self-hatred? Ughhhhh. Kill me.

I doubt I'll be calm and genuinely happy for a while. I just can't right now.

I'm so stressed over school. Grades and exams, especially.

I'm stressing out over the end of April to the end of May.

I'm scared of failing a class. I'm stupid, my brain's stupid, I'm stupid. I have almost literally no motivation to do anything that doesn't involve anything fictional. I hate studying. But obviously I have to. I procrastinate way too much, and I just can't focus myself to actually get work done.

I'm terrified of tests. SAT, AP exam, driver's test. I'm so scared and being calm is just as unhealthy as being full of anxiety. I need to care, but I don't until it's too late. Studying and practice are hard for me to motivate myself to do.

I don't know anymore. I can't hold conversations with people unless I actually like them and the topic. I'm too shy to talk to people. I'm way too sensitive to rejection and criticism. I have limited energy and get tired easily. I don't do much, but I still nap a lot. I don't volunteer all the time. I don't have a job. I don't play sports. I hate my art and don't see the point in practicing anymore. I can't word things right in text or out loud. I embarrass and make a fool out of myself. I ruin relationships. I don't know how I'll live as an adult at this rate. I can't imagine myself living past 18. It's toxic thinking, I know, but it sounds realistic to me. I don't know how I'll live.

For the past few weeks and now, I've been feeling that I only enjoy life because of fictional things. Real life things are way too scary and stressful. Except for very few things. My pets and my family are all I can think of. But even those things make me stressed.

Stressed. So stressed. So much stress.

At least it's Friday. One more day until spring break. Finally.

Oh no. Can't relax though. Stressed about school later today. Of course. Always have to be stressed. Always kinda want to die. No worries don't exist.

My stomach and neck have been lowkey hurting every day this week. And ever since last night, my throat has too. It's not like big pain though. It's like a minor inconvenience pain. Ugh, I hate this. Hate lots of stuff.

I feel like I'm only happy if I'm distracted enough to not think too much. TV shows and Twinkle's Story are good distractions for me.

But when I think too much about the story, it definitely doesn't make me happy. It just adds another thing of stress.

Life gives no breaks. It never stops.

:/ :/ :/ :/