*takes a deep breath and sighs* Well, here goes nothing. I’ve been delaying this kind of post for way too long.
Time for a psychology post. And tying it into my characters.
And perhaps there’s something more to it..? ;D
...... yeah, no.
Anyway. Let’s begin, shall we?
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For a while when I wasn’t posting as much, I’ve been thinking of the mental health states of my main story characters. I feel like I update their.. well, disorders I guess you could say, every couple of months.
I don’t know why I’m obsessed with their possible mental disorders, but I am. I think about them often.
I’m saying “mental disorders” because not all of them are actually mental illnesses. There are differences.
*the “The More You Know” rainbow meme thing pops up on my screen, your screen, everyone’s screen*
Now it’s time to bring up the ongoing skit story.
Nothing is absolute. Everything is hypothetical. I write skit stories to help organize my thoughts about my characters. And yeah, I mostly just mean Fierdan when I say that. He’s such an interesting character, and I wish I could explain him in a way that gives him justice.
The Help person is supposed to be a therapist or mental health counselor. In parts of my skits, I’m not sure if I’m doing it on purpose or not anymore. I don’t know if I’m making the Help person be a joke of a therapist, perhaps a parody of one, intentionally or if that character simply just ended up being the way he is. And yes, it’s a male therapist that works with Fierdan and Duke.
*takes a deep breath and sighs* I think I mentioned it before this skit story as well. Anyway, one theme in this skit story is on integration. I guess I should actually try and explain what I meant by that.
Integration has many definitions. However, when I’m referring to integration in terms of Duke and Fierdan, I’m basing it vaguely on integration when it comes to DID. No, Fierdan doesn’t have DID (Duke doesn’t either). So no, it’s not the same. It’s not close to being the same.
The only character in my story that is most likely to have DID is Dawn... and she doesn’t have it.
Integrated Fierdan, also known as Integrated Danny, is Fierdan (minus Duke) + Duke.
Duke is his own person. He’s a character separate from Fierdan. He’s a physical person. So.. there’s that.
Duke, however, is part of Fierdan. Deep down, they’re the same one character.
I’ve been thinking of it like this:
• Duke is a version of Fierdan that is the most divergent out of all of the Fierdan versions.
• Fierdan never had anything close to having an adolescence. In his teenage years, he was being heavily manipulated and frequently abused. Fierdan never went to a high school. Duke fills out that blank space. Duke has something like a typical teenage boy life. Duke goes, I mean went, to high school.
• Keeping that in mind, Fierdan created Duke. Fierdan is human. Duke, at his core, is not.
• Anyway, Duke is part of Fierdan’s personality- that got split off when Duke was created. Duke has his own memories and soul. In order for Fierdan to become whole, or at least the most like his original self from the beginning, he has to gain back Duke. In that process, Fierdan gains back Duke’s own memories and soul. As a result, Fierdan becomes integrated. Duke’s soul and memories combine with Fierdan’s, making integrated Fierdan have two souls and sets of memories.
This sounds complicated. That’s because it is! ;D
And here is a list of the different versions of Fierdan:
• Baby Daniel (Fierdan’s birth name is Daniel)
• Kid Danny (he doesn’t like being called Daniel so he insists on being called Danny instead)
• Kid Fierdan (when he first changed his name after leaving his home against his will with Dawn... blah blah blah all that messed up stuff)
• Teenage Fierdan (when Fierdan becomes the most fucked up; when he’s the victim of the most manipulation and abuse; Fierdan kills his father in this version of himself- yes, he murders Z when he’s still a teenager.)
• Cincernum Fierdan (how many years is this? no idea. his age? a mystery. revival? a pause in ages? it’s a mystery. ;) *coughs*)
• DUKE Fierdan (the Duke version of Fierdan. a version of Fierdan that’s himself but slightly to the left, diverged a lot off the original Fierdan path)
• Integrated Fierdan (which I basically explained earlier in this post)
And that’s pretty much it. :)
All my lovely Fierdans! Gotta love them all! <3
....... and here we go.
The more I think about Dawn and everything that happened to her, I’m considering her possibly having a dissociative disorder.
No, not DID (or a type of OSDD). I’m considering dissociative amnesia.
I’m going to provide some links. But first off, what do I mean by DID? Well, it stands for Dissociative Identity Disorder.
So yeah. Here are some links. Links.. fun, fun, fun.....
Information. Yay for learning! .......... *crickets are heard chirping*
In addition to all that....
The more I think about Duke and Fierdan (well, Fierdan for the most part).. and Z (yes, the shittiest father TM), I consider themselves possibly having traits of cluster B personality disorders.
I say “traits of” because I don’t think they actually have enough symptoms to be officially diagnosed with the personality disorders I’m thinking of them having. Or any for that matter.
However, Fierdan and Z have more traits (maybe I should just call them symptoms? eh whatever) of the personality disorders than, let’s say, the average person.
Note that the following does not mean I think they actually have the personality disorders. They just have symptoms of them that stand out to me.
Well, here goes nothing.
• Fierdan has BPD traits.
• Z has ASPD traits.
• They just have more traits of those personality disorders than most people. This does not mean they really have them. Everything is potential. Nothing is definite. I’m just trying to organize this whole big mess called my characters.
• Z has ASPD traits, but I also don’t like saying that. I prefer saying it like this...
• Z has psychopathic traits. He is a psychopath. And by that, I do mean the actual definition of a psychopath.
• People who don’t know Fierdan well believe him to be a psychopath. I mean, Fierdan does brutally kill his father. He does lots of questionable things. In addition to Z, he also traumatizes Dawn. Despite all that, however, Fierdan is not a psychopath.
BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. ASPD stands for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Both personality disorders are under cluster B of personality disorders.
I know I haven’t really written anything official about Fierdan and abandonment, but he has severe abandonment issues. He likes to pretend he doesn’t, but he does. He does so, so much.
It becomes a lot more obvious in story 2. Especially when it comes to thinking of his mother and brother. And even Dawn. Yes, her too.
All of them technically abandoned him. But so did he. Anyway, trace the line all the way back and it goes to his mother.
C. The mother of Ryen and Fierdan. C, who abandoned Ryen and Fierdan to be raised by Z alone. C abandoned her children. She left them with an abusive father with extremely dangerous world-views. Oh and by the way, Z is a huge bigot. A bigot in a position of power.
The parents are terrible. -10000 on the parents rating scale. They’re awful, awful people.
Also, Fierdan definitely has troubles in relationships. He has lots of issues when it comes to relationships.
There’s nothing to romanticize about any of these disorders.
Oh look- more links!
(Note: Not all- honestly, I think it’s most- people with ASPD are criminals. They aren’t monsters. They are people. Having ASPD does not make one inherently an abuser.)
Well, have fun reading all of that. So much information. Wow.
And wow, it’s getting very late.
This post seems long enough. I’ll end it here and go to sleep.
~ Shan
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