bad bad bad

I moved into college yesterday. The title is how I’ve been doing since then. :-} 

Anyway, I ended up waking up early yesterday morning. And would you look at that? I woke up even earlier today! I woke up before 5:30 in the morning! And my body won’t let me fall back asleep! Life’s great, I tell you! :):):( 

I had at least one anxiety attack yesterday too. So yeah. I thought my anxiety was starting to become less severe, well then.. I guess I was wrong. Was I somehow faking feeling better without even knowing I was faking? I don’t even know. 

I had trouble opening doors at first. Later on in the day, I could open them. So it’s ok. 

I couldn’t even open the bathroom door, let alone the door to my dorm. Pfft. I’m so pathetic. 

My arms also hurt. 

(I keep on waking up at 5 or 6 in the morning. I hate this! :( .)

I feel like if I get out of bed, others will think I’m a freak. That makes no sense. 

I still blank out sometimes. I think it’s called ‘brain fog’ ?? idk. 

Sometimes I would be doing something, then completely forget what I was doing (or planning to do), and have to try to remember what it was which takes around a minute at least. 

Gosh, I’m such a wreck. 

How tf am I going to be able to start my classes if I’m like this? Side effects suck, my dudes. :( 

I’m also planning on getting a job this semester. If I end up not being able to work. I will cry. At the very least. 

I don’t want to get all into that on here though. It’s a long story. 

I contacted them and told them my preferred hours. I got interviewed for it and got it. Oh god, I hope I can work. But my body and mental state still feel so off. 

I don’t know what to do! :’( 

........ ...... ....

Bye for now. 

~ Shan