Dreaming of Danger, Black Eyes, and Black Dresses

Hi, I’m here to discuss my most recent dream that I can still recall. I had it very early this morning. 

It’s interesting. And it kinda-sorta-maybe is a good transition into the topic of my next few posts. 

What’s the topic? Well, here’s the thing... *whispers in your ear* I did not forget him. He will never be forgotten. 

*takes a deep breath* I haven’t been writing any posts about him (or any of them, really) for what feels like months. Months! Can you believe it? It’s been months! 

I thought I lost the spark. I thought I had lost interest. I barely mentioned them lately. I even stopped thinking of him for entire days. I stopped daydreaming about him. 

And yes, I’m that obsessed with him. Is anyone new here? Welcome! Here’s the thing, folks. 

He’s back. Oh, he is back. 

I have some inspiration again. And it’s thanks to this app called Episode and this particular story I found on it. It’s my favorite story on the app by far. 

It fits so well. Sometimes I think it’s reading my mind. The similarities are shocking. Of course not everything is the same (it’s far from it), but it gave me inspiration. It made me think of him again. 

Sure, I decided to name the main character of the story after him. But I had no idea it would match him so well. 

Ah, screw it. I’m tired of being vague. I’m talking about him. I’m talking about Fierdan. 

Fierdan...~~ 

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The Dream:

I don’t remember much from the beginning of it because I think it was boring. My hair looked longer in my dream than how it looks now. I looked feminine. My face, my body.. my voice. So, obviously, girly. 

My life was boring. I was at a college. No, not the one I really go to. Anyway, I was in a rush and forgot to bring my phone with me when I ran to my classes from what I assume must have been my dorm room. 

I don’t remember anything else from that part. After class, I joined my club for a meeting in a room in the student center. It was boring and we discussed something, which I forgot. 

Then I tried to get something to eat for lunch. Except for some reason I couldn’t..? Strange. 

I eventually stole food from the cafeteria, which made me feel guilty afterwards. 

Some time later, I’m back in my dorm. I’m alone in a dorm in my dreams this time. I’ve had a lot of dreams about dorms. What the heck. 

And then it’s the weekend. I guess? I’m never sure what day or time it is in my dreams. There’s no class. Yay. 

I meet my family (my parents and siblings) at this fancy-looking restaurant inside of a mall I don’t recall. The next thing I know is having dinner at the restaurant with my family. 

I look at the menu. I see three things I could eat: wontons, ramen soup, or this special sandwich. 

My mom is at the opposite end of the table. She orders the special sandwich. The waitress explains what is in the special sandwich. I was expecting it to be barbecue chicken or teriyaki chicken, but it was neither. The special sandwich was actually something gross. I couldn’t eat that! No way! 

I was the second to last to order. I wanted to order the sandwich too, but now I didn’t want it, so I was stuck on what to order. I first went with the ramen. The waitress told me they ran out of that. I then told her I wanted the wontons. She told me they also ran out of that. I was frustrated. I gave up and told her I was still deciding on what to get. Then my sister ordered her food. 

I don’t remember any transition. The next thing I know is I stormed out of the restaurant. I might’ve yelled some swear words at my family. Or maybe it was just my dad. I don’t know, haha. 

I go to my house. I unlock the door.. and break it. I wreck a lot of things. No, this isn’t my real house. It was a different looking house, plus my pets weren’t there. 

Something in me changed. I go upstairs, and my mind gets foggy. I black out. 

Some time passes, and my consciousness slowly returns. I feel like I’m in a haze. 

(Am I using past or present tense? I don’t know anymore.) 

I’m not in control of my body anymore. It’s moving, but I don’t know where. It’s talking, but it’s not with my voice. I never heard this voice before. 

It’s a much lower pitched voice than mine. It’s a gorgeous voice. It sounds smooth yet sharp; soft but hostile. It has to be a male’s voice. A man is talking through my body. I’m being possessed. I just let it happen. 

Eventually, I have control of my body again. I see myself standing in front of a bathroom mirror. It’s just me and the mirror. And then I notice it. However, it’s with my right eye. 

The iris of my left eye didn’t change. It’s still the same shade of brown. I can’t say the same for my right eye. The iris of my right eye is black. Even though it’s now black, the iris can still be distinguished from the pupil. I don’t know how else to explain it. My eye didn’t hurt. It was just black now. Oh, you thought I was going to say I got hit in the eye and got a black eye that way? Haha, nope. 

Then I noticed the intricate pattern surrounding my right eye. I stared at my reflection in the mirror in awe. The pattern was beautiful and terrifying. I don’t know why it was scary; it just was. It’s hard to describe what it looked like, but I’ll try. It looked like someone used black ink to draw a pattern around my eye. It looked beautiful. 

Three curved lines over my eye, between my upper eyelid and eyebrow. All those lines ended in big dots, kind of like these • things. Slightly below my lower eyelid, three equally curved lines going in the opposite direction as the three on top. The bottom three lines ended in arrows, kind of like <— but they looked beautiful. Everything about the design was beautiful, but there was something else to it. To the right side of my eye was an intricate web-like design. Like a spider web. It covered the majority of the upper right side of my face. Well, it went around my eye and lower forehead at least. 

My mind went foggy again, but I didn’t fully black out. I grinned, to my surprise. I wasn’t controlling my actions. He was. I think he complimented my appearance or something. His voice made me want to shiver or melt. That’s what his voice does to people when he wants to be intimidating. He sounded satisfied but hostile at the same time. 

Something in me changed. I felt stronger. I felt powerful. And I felt.. angry. So, so very angry. It was as if part of his anger mixed into my own mixing pot of emotions. Why did I feel so angry? I felt angry at the world. I wanted to do violent things. I wanted to destroy everything. I wanted to tear everything apart. I wanted to kill everything I could find in this forsaken house. 

I don’t know when I made the association. Maybe it was when I first saw my new-looking eye. Maybe it was when I heard his voice again. Or maybe it was when I could easily break furniture and the stairs. 

The voice never told me his name. Yet my mind came up with a name for him. I stared at my black eye and the design surrounding it. It could only be him. Fierdan. It was Fierdan. He took control of my body. He made me stronger, powerful, and he made me be furious at the unforgiving world. 

Mostly everything was broken in the house when my family came home after eating at that restaurant. I couldn’t feel Fierdan in my body or mind, but I knew he was still there. Maybe we merged together or something. I became a new person. 

I yelled swear words at my family. I attacked them with weapons I made out of the broken furniture. I was stronger than them. They were beneath me now. 

I don’t know what the aftermath of that was. The next thing I remember is it being a few days later. Ever since my family returned to the house, I had Fierdan’s voice. I was the one speaking but it was with his voice, not my own. 

Time passes. I’m back at college. I’m in my dorm. I rush out the door because I’m running late for a class. I have my phone and everything else I need with me this time.

I speak with my own voice again, but I feel confident and.. arrogant? My personality changed ever since Fierdan became a part of me. Not as a different person or character; we were part of each other now in the vessel of my body. 

Later that same afternoon or evening, I remember this party my club was having in one of the student center rooms. I look up to where that room is and see the club members (well, the girls) wearing short black dresses with short black sleeves. Oh no, I totally forgot about that! We all had to wear our black dresses! I didn’t bring mine with me. I was just wearing ordinary clothes: a white T-shirt or tank top and jeans. 

I checked my phone. I lost points for forgetting to wear my black dress. Since I don’t want to lose points, I meet my fellow club members at the party. I’m very late to the party, but none of them become that upset with me for being late or for not wearing the black dress. 

I don’t know if they notice my right eye. No one tells me. 

And that’s my dream. I hope I wrote it out to make it sound like a story. 

How exciting... 

The End