Hi, hi. I am so normal, totally normal, completely normal. (/lies)
A night or two ago, I decided to read over my last few skit story arcs. I haven’t read them over in a while actually. I missed doing that.
And can I just say? I find it so convenient that I have the “skits” label on my posts that feature skits. Genuinely. I like how I did that. Good job, past me. That made things a lot easier.
I reread these skit story arcs: Explain Yourself at the Help, I Have No Home / Take Me Home, Who Are You?, and Bathroom Discussion.
I plan on discussing each of those skits (or at least each skit story overall) as well as the skits I wrote so far this month (March 2023) at some point in this post. It might be too much, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I made a part 2 to this post.
But I first have to say that I will be swearing in this post. So yeah, strong language warning.
… … … … … … … alright.
First things first. I haven’t had motivation and inspiration to write a new skit story in such a long time. I like that I finally have a new one now (what I’ve been writing this month). Yes, it’s a new skit story. Sure, it’s messy, but that’s kinda the point.
Before I dive deep into anything else, I just have to say this: Holy shit. I did not expect myself to get actual chills when reading those skit stories I mentioned earlier (not Bathroom Discussion as much but the other ones.. damn). I haven’t looked at any of these skits again until the other night. I forgot that I went there, went that far in my writing, with these skits. I can’t believe I got the chills reading them over. I can’t believe they still affect me strongly to this day. I really wrote those skits and came up with those stories, huh. That’s crazy.
I probably sound egotistical, but I really do mean it. These skit stories, man, what the fuck. Like.. shit, man! I am so normal about my skits! So fucking normal! Ahhhhhh!!!!!
*takes a break* //
… ok ok ok.
Simple context for my skits in 2023: I’ve had lots of the content in these new skits planned out for a while. I’m not sure how long. However, I didn’t plan everything that happens in them. I can’t even say most; some of the stuff that grows into this whole big thing hasn’t been planned for that long. Stuff just happened. I won’t explain farther than that.
Also, in these new skits, it happens after the events of the previous skit stories I mentioned. Most importantly the Who Are You? one. But in general terms, these new skits are supposed to take place during (are mainly inspired by) the plot in my vague idea of (book) story 2. And not just then but a lot into it, say the halfway point at the earliest. That might be pushing it.
This is why in these new skits, I have to clarify some things: 1) Stella = Twinkle. Sabrina = Sparkle. Luna = Fauna. 2) Bathroom Discussion was also inspired by my plans for story 2, and the events that happen in that one happen in the beginning part of the story. These 2023 skits happen later on in story 2.
3) As for my characters referring to me and calling me out in these recent skits.. *shrugs* I just added all that because I thought it was funny. Sometimes I daydream that my characters can “communicate” with me, and well.. they’re frustrated with me because of my long blogging break and not working on the whole creative writing project they’re all a part of in ages (well over a year). I still feel like my characters are writing themselves in the book and skit stories. I can totally imagine Ryen being tired of me focusing so much on Fierdan and Jack instead of developing the actual plot. But it’s okay, guys, I’m okay! :) … and lastly, point 4.
4) There is no Duke skit character anymore. Sure, saying it’s because there is no Duke in story 2 explains it, but I also like to think of it adding to the continuity of the events in Who Are You?. The main point of that skit story arc was to show the start of Integrated Fierdan into the skits. So every skit after that arc has the Fierdan skit character be Fully Integrated Fierdan.. unlike all the skits before that point. I refer to him as Integrated Fierdan, Fully Integrated Fierdan, Fusion Fierdan, Whole Fierdan. Any of those. There are so many “types” of Fierdan I like to label, but this type of Fierdan just means the Duke self (personality, memories, “soul”) is reconnected to (original, main) Fierdan. So now in these new skits, Fierdan is both old skit Fierdan and Duke. This Fierdan is also Duke. Because Duke is Fierdan. They are the same; just some weird personality split thing that happened (and how Duke was a physical person who actually existed, haha can’t forget that).
I typed “Fierdan” way too many times. Time for me to talk about another character. Hmm, who should I choose?
Oh, I know! Dylan! :)
I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately. Just in general. I feel like the first proper introduction to him in the skits was with Bathroom Discussion. But yeah, he’s pretty important in the skit story I’m currently working on. I’ve finally began to think about him properly like he deserves.
From what I’ve revealed about him so far, I made it so that Dylan really does not like Fierdan at first- and for a long while. There’s tension between the two. Fire and water don’t mix well. But not just because of their Elemental Powers. I tried to open up about their dynamic in Bathroom Discussion, but in this current skit arc, I plan on providing context for why Dylan doesn’t like Fierdan. Well, one reason. But it’s background information, nonetheless.
Dylan has his reasons, I swear. Sure, he might be stubborn and petty as well, but his reasons are still valid. In the simplest way to explain it, he feels that Fierdan replaced him as the closest to Jack. Sure, Dylan and Jack have different personality types, but they’ve known each other and were friends for a lot longer than Fierdan who compared to them has fairly recently entered the picture. And well, Dylan and Jack have history. Like.. History. (iykyk,,)
I’m not sure how much of an actual surprise it will be when the Confessions skit comes out. Hints were given. I am not afraid of discussing certain topics in my skits (I just reread a bunch of my older skits and can confirm; lots of my skits have heavy and mature content mentioned, huh).
Also (in a completely different way, I swear) Jack and Ryen have a lot of history too. They have History.
I’m saying all this because I’m trying to show that the reason for Jack’s existence isn’t only to be Fierdan’s boyfriend. That ignores so much of who he is- what he did in the past, what he does in the present, what he does in the future. He’s not just the boyfriend side character. Sure, he seems that way a lot (especially in the context and POV of Fierdan) but that’s not all he is. I am so passionate about this. Jack has affected or will at some point affect most of the other main characters. Significantly. He’s so important that I could rant about his character for hours.
Also like. He affects certain events towards the end of story 1 a lot. Things that happen with and to Stella (Twinkle) and Duke. Like, holy shit, Jack does a lot. I love him so much, damn. He’s That Man. He Does Shit.
Anyway, back to Dylan. Alright so, he’s a trans guy (FTM). I’m trying to make it connect to his EP (water) and his feelings toward it. Also, another reason he dislikes Fierdan is because he can be dense as hell at times. Fierdan,, so oblivious,, such a silly dumbass (seriously though *smh*). Yes, I am glancing at Bathroom Discussion.
When Dylan is introduced and just, well, exists for the most part.. he’s been on HRT for several months. I’m just unsure if by the time Fierdan shows up, if he would still be wearing chest binders or if he would have had top surgery already. I haven’t decided yet. I’m also adding this because in Bathroom Discussion, he was wearing a binder. Dylan does pass for the most part as a man, but when story 2 takes place, he’s still in the middle of his transition.
He’s shorter than most of the cis guys and he looks young for his age, so he’s insecure and dysphoric about that a great deal. (And what does Fierdan do in Bathroom Discussion? *smh* He really thought Dylan was a young teenage boy, like a 14 year old lmao. He’s supposed to be 19. *cough, cough*)
Dylan is also aromantic and doesn’t really label his sexual orientation. So.. keep that in mind. Or not. I don’t really care. He has strong feelings about being trans and aro though. Like, hmm boy.. boy!!
Oh and he isn’t neurotypical. Are any of my main characters neurotypical? I doubt it lmao. But yeah, just putting it out there that I can see him as autistic. Anyway, fuck stereotypes, goodbye.
Moving on to something else…
The character I called Red in the last skit. Yeah, she’s not just a skit character. She’s a story character. I’ll show an avatar I made of her in a Picrew whenever I make that post. She exists, I swear. Her real name isn’t Red though. I still don’t know her name, and she is disappointed in me for that.
Red and Ryen are friends. Yes, Ryen has a friend. It happened. This is real. (trust me, bro)
Since I recently reread the Explain Yourself at the Help skits, I feel like I should explain that… Yes, Red works as a receptionist. Yes, there was a receptionist at the Help place in that skit arc. No, they are not the same person. They are two different women, I swear. It would be funny if they were the same person, but they’re not.
Now it’s time for me to speed-run. Ahh!!
*dumps thoughts out in no particular order*
I love how I basically turned Stella’s personality in skits into someone who constantly disses Fierdan (and Duke). I think it’s funny. Sure, she might be mean, but come on, it’s Stella. I love her. She’s been dissing Duke and Fierdan for years now. Good for her lmao.
She likes being like “*points to Fierdan* You have abandonment issues” because it’s true. He really does. Especially Integrated Fierdan. Goddamn, Fierdan be showing symptoms. What are you? Severely traumatized and mentally ill or some shit, Danny boy? I kid.. he is. Very. Help him.
I forgot what skit I put it in (maybe it was in I Have No Home / Take Me Home) but I was surprised to reread that I included my thoughts about considering Fierdan having BPD. That was an actual thing. I put it into a skit already. Damn, I totally forgot. Yes, I’m still considering. And not just that but several traits from other Cluster B personality disorders. Because hoo boy, Fierdan sure does have traits.
I feel like I still have to emphasize how unstable his relationships are (any type) and his fear of abandonment and being alone. Like, it’s severe. It’s why he acts the way he does in story 2 and pretty much as soon as he’s escaped from Cincernum and Soulless’s control. Honestly, you guys, Fierdan (talking about Integrated Fierdan) can be and is such a clingy bitch. A person he perceives as leaving him? Oof! Leaving him alone for a Period of Time? Oof! Not a good idea! He will and has had mental breakdowns over it. He’s not okay!!
Soulless.. hmm…
Soulless and Taurel from that recent skit. Yeah, they’re pretty much destroyed and dead by the time story 2 happens. The reason why they were in that skit was to show them haunting Fierdan in his dreams. Danny boy ruminates too much on the past, I swear.
I also added a bit of inspiration from my own intrusive thoughts into how Soulless and Taurel behaved in that skit. I sometimes like visualizing my intrusive thoughts as shit either of them would say. They have the potential. They can be intrusive thoughts if they want to. I believe in them (lmao, what am I saying).
They seriously are that way though. The shit they said in that skit? It’s accurate to their characters in the story. They would totally say that kind of shit if they had the chance.
As for what Fierdan said about Taurel’s eye, it’s referring to what he (as Duke) did to Taurel’s other eye. Duke stabs one of Taurel’s eyes and rips it out. At that point, Duke does a lot more graphic gruesome fucked up shit because he’s Demonic Duke, was tortured, and just completely lost it.
As for the whole thing between Fierdan and Soulless, especially certain lines Fierdan said in that skit from the other day.. hoo boy, is it really that surprising? I’ve been implying it for years. Including when I was still writing and posting Twinkle’s Story chapters. I forgot which chapter I put it in, but it’s in the story canon, written down and all (not explicit but implied and can easily be assumed). And this shit is from 2017. It’s been a thing. I’ve just kept been avoiding talking about it. Until this year.
[THE NEXT PARAGRAPHS WILL INCLUDE MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND ACTS OF VARIOUS TYPES OF ABUSE, INCLUDING WITH CHARACTERS WHO WERE MINORS AT THE TIME.]
… …
… …
Because of Soulless (the creature it is- Soulless is not human) and how no other characters (only Duke and Fierdan) have had direct contact with Soulless (because others can’t- and Dawn has amnesia and lots of dissociation regarding her past), it makes Duke and Fierdan (but especially Integrated Fierdan) dismiss all the trauma he has from Soulless to be “real” and legitimate. Fierdan dismisses his trauma a lot and says how the other characters suffered from “real” trauma. He does this so much with Dawn and Duke because both of them were sexually harassed and assaulted by other humans, the first time happening when they were children (like, young kids).
I wrote what happened to Duke in the Help skit arc. I never really opened up about what happened to Dawn, but she was sexually abused a lot when she was very young. It’s horrific. It’s the main reason why she has amnesia about her past especially involving parental figures and her childhood in general.
I’m saying that.. that Z. (Ryen and Fierdan’s shitty father who caused the deaths of hundreds or thousands) did horrible horrible things to Dawn. He sexually abused her lots of times.
Somehow (this is during the Pre-Fierdan days, so he and Dawn are very young) Fierdan back then found out what Z. did to Dawn and just how far he dehumanized and violated her. And all of this fueled the raging fire of how Fierdan grew up, under Soulless’s influence which made him become such a violent individual even more so, to hate Z. and inflict his vengeance and “justice” on him. Fierdan never forgot those memories unlike Dawn. Learning what Z. did broke him. Z. hurt her.
Z. also was abusive to Ryen, but I’m not getting into that now in detail. Anyway, my point is that out of the three of them, Z. probably treated Fierdan the “nicest” (and by that I mean Fierdan doesn’t really see Z. as having had terribly abused him). Z. abused and traumatized his siblings greatly, but Fierdan? What did he do? Just call him weak and pathetic and shame him for his interests? What’s that compared to being repeatedly abused sexually (Dawn), or being forced to not have any life outside of working on a huge project and having your entire self-worth depend on your work ethic for years- and add emotional/psychological abuse and sexual abuse in a different way (Ryen)? Like no wonder Fierdan thinks he’s had it the easiest and isn’t justified in his trauma because Z. didn’t do certain things to him. Sure, how Z. treated Fierdan (who I call Kid Danny or Pre-Fierdan) could be called abusive and he definitely traumatized him, but he (Fierdan) doesn’t see it as bad enough, severe enough.
So that also plays a part. While Z. didn’t do it, Soulless abused Fierdan in all kinds of ways for years. Particularly during the time they spent in Cincernum- the years spent there. And since no one else could’ve really intervened, no one could stop what happened. But the abuse could’ve started before then too- leading up to Fierdan killing Z. or in the year afterwards but before Cincernum.
Anyway, Soulless fucked Fierdan up badly. Manipulated him, threatened him, touched him certain ways. You name it. And yeah, Soulless was pretty much like a fucked up parental figure and teacher to Fierdan and Dawn (mostly just Fierdan though) during their childhood and teenage years. The impact Soulless had on them, it’s a lot.
And just like. How Soulless treats and touches Fierdan in Cincernum. Damn, it’s fucked up. I call Soulless an evil demonic bastard for a reason, people. The way Soulless talks about Fierdan’s body. Just.. wtf. So no, Soulless and Fierdan weren’t a cute “problematic” thing. I’ve been calling their relationship dynamic whatever the hell they had toxic and abusive for reasons, damn it.
This all happened for several years: Soulless messed with Fierdan’s head. Soulless punished Fierdan for not listening to it or acknowledging it by putting him through immense physical pain. Soulless criticized Fierdan for being weak and powerless without it (using it/its pronouns for Soulless here), called him pathetic, and treated him like a toy (iykyk). For years it was very hard for Fierdan to know whether Soulless touching him the next time would be with an intent to hurt the living shit out of him (think burning from the inside out, cuts and bruises, being lashed and beaten)… Or whether Soulless would touch Fierdan all over until its touch was all over and in him (without his consent of course) in order to prove a point in how weak/powerless/small/pathetic he is and how unmanly he is (which ties into his interests as Pre-Fierdan and even his body post-puberty). So that was basically Fierdan’s life in Cincernum with Soulless. It fucked him up a lot.
To conclude, fuck Z. and fuck Soulless. They are evil and cruel and just very bad characters (because of the shit they do; it’s interesting to develop them as characters from me being the messed up creator of this whole cursed mess).
Then add the layer of Fierdan dismissing everything that Soulless did to him because it’s Soulless and not a regular human. And then add the mind fuck of Fierdan (integrated) wondering if he made Soulless all up (how? wtf? but also if that were the case, then he is the very definition of mascochist, which.. hello wtf!!). Soulless is totally a real character that totally existed. Trust me. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!
But really though. Duke wouldn’t be Duke and turn into what he became if Soulless wasn’t a separate entity from Fierdan. Mm probably.
Danny boy, please. Soulless abused you emotionally and psychologically, physically, and sexually for ages. Fierdan, I am begging of you to realize you are justified in being severely traumatized. It’s not just the trauma from what happened to Duke. Stop comparing what happened to Duke during the torture arc and what happened to Dawn before you even called yourself Fierdan to what you went through. You didn’t go through shit and are too weak and dramatic.. shut up! Lies! Shut up goddamn!!
[WARNING CONTENT OVER.]
I am so normal. I am so normal. *screams*
Reading over old skits and realizing how much and for how long I wrote about Fierdan and Jack. Hoo boy! Damn! I can’t believe it’s been a thing for quite a few years already. They’ve been together for years now! Ahh! (That’s not how it exactly works *smh*. Shh! Shush!)
The number of skits I have including them using sexual innuendo. Uh,, hello!! *insert flushed face emoji on repeat*
Reading some of my skit lines I wrote for Fierdan to or about Jack and vice versa. Damn!! *spams the letter h* hhhhhhhhh-
I am so normal. I am so normal. I am man. I am guy. I am dude. I wish I were Dylan. Gonna steal all of their genders and gender expressions actually (Dylan, Jack, Fierdan). Mine!! *spam the letter a* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
I then proceed to pass out. Dang, I’m sleepy now.
*collapses onto bed and passes the fuck out*
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