Confessions 6 (skit)

Hi, it’s now June. That’s wild. 

My June hasn’t been that good so far. It still feels like it’s the end of me. I’m just buying time. 

Anyway, uh, well… 

Happy Pride Month! <3 

It’s June already, and the month these Confessions skits take place is in.. what? Some point in February? March at the latest? Hmm yeah, I think so. Mid to late winter in the Northern Hemisphere. But it’s June now. I should’ve written these skits faster or more frequently, but sorry, that’s not possible. Bear with me. I’m trying, I swear. 

I finally have some ideas for this skit part. Yippee. Wahoo. *slow claps* 

And.. I’m sorry but. I lied. There will be mentions of sexual content in this part. I’ll just include it here. Get it over with. I think it makes more sense to put it in this one. 

Yeah, I’m going through it. They’re going through it. Emotions, emotions and feelings. Man. Man! 

Breathe. I need to breathe. Yes.  

**WARNINGS: strong/explicit language, (mentions of) sexual content, smoking, brief mentions of transphobia and homophobia.  

——————————————

[It’s the afternoon the day after, probably early afternoon so between 12 and 2 pm. The setting is Fierdan’s apartment. He looks like a mess and the stench of smoke lingers in the air. He’s still wearing the same clothes he did at the end of part 4: a loose-fitting tank top and pajama pants. He’s standing at the kitchen counter, pouring coffee creamer and another spoonful of sugar into his cup of coffee. After stirring, he sighs, takes a sip, relaxes his shoulders, and walks to the room near the apartment’s front door, his fingers wrapped tightly around the mug’s handle. He takes another sip of coffee and sits down on a couch, shoving a pile of papers to the side to make room. Then there’s a muffled voice on the other side of the front door; it’s hard to make out each word being spoken.] 

Jack: —Dan? You’re home now, right? … come in? I want to talk about… *digs through his pockets and pulls out a key, steps closer to the door* Aha! Knew this would come in handy. I’m going in. 

[Jack inserts the key into the keyhole and turns it. He closes his eyes as the door creaks open. Fierdan is on the couch, drinking coffee and flipping pages of a magazine. His eyes shoot up from the page he was reading, and he becomes aware of how his heart is beating even faster. He quickly stands up, stumbles over a short stack of papers, and mutters a series of curses. Then he sighs and drinks more of his coffee. Jack steps into the apartment and spots Fierdan and what he planned on saying goes over his head since what happens instead is this…]

Jack: You look like shit. 

Fierdan: *puts down his cup on the nearest flat surface to rub his temples* Thanks for the observation. *groans* Why are you even here? How the hell did you get in? 

Jack: *holds up the key* You gave me a key to your place. Remember? 

Fierdan: *glares at the key dangling from Jack’s fingers* What? No. What the fuck—

Jack: *sighs and puts the key back into his pocket* I told you and reminded you over and over. I know it’s no longer morning, but I did say we would talk as soon as possible. Yesterday left me exhausted, so I woke up a little later than I had planned. 

Fierdan: Last night.. fuck. *reclines on his seat on the couch* 

Jack: *raises his eyebrows* Did you just wake up? Is this a bad time? I’m sorry.

Fierdan: What? No, of course not. *picks up the cup of coffee, stares at it before taking a few more sips* This is my third cup of the day. Or is it the fourth? I don’t know. It’s been.. fuck, I don’t know, that’s not important. 

Jack: Oh.. Oh uh, that’s good then. That I didn’t wake you up. *walks toward where Fierdan is* 

Fierdan: *scoffs* Does it look like I got any sleep last night or this morning? 

Jack: *stands still* Well, I.. *lowers head* no. 

Fierdan: Yeah, no shit. Why else would I be drinking so much coffee? The caffeine’s keeping me awake since I sure as hell am not planning on getting any sleep any time soon. My heart feels like it’s gonna explode out of my chest, no thanks to you startling me, but that’s just the price I have to pay.

Jack: *walks closer to the couch* I’m sorry. I thought you knew. Please don’t be mad. 

Fierdan: Why would I be mad at you? *snickers* At least you didn’t enter while I was naked or some shit. 

Jack: That’s not as awkward as you think it is. I’ve seen you naked countless times. 

Fierdan: *smirks* Oh, so you wouldn’t mind sneaking into my apartment and finding myself jerking myself off? Or would that just turn you on? 

Jack: *lets out a breath, glances around the room* Your place is such a mess. *looks back at Fierdan who is crossing his legs* And so are you. *sits down next to Fierdan on the couch* Ugh, you reek. 

Fierdan: *in a flat tone* Thanks. Now could you please tell me why you’re here? 

Jack: *ignoring Fierdan* It smells like something was burning for far too long. The stench of smoke is still in the air. You and your place really do look and smell like shit. *sighs* You need to take care of yourself, Fierdan. 

Fierdan: Hey, I do take care of myself. I showered earlier, and I took my meds. *sighs* Well, I had another breakdown after midnight, and… *groans* 

Jack: *looks sympathetically at Fierdan* Oh, you poor thing. You really can’t sleep alone, huh? You need to sleep with me in order to not… *gestures vaguely* 

Fierdan: Yeah, yeah. I’m a wreck without you. I’m too clingy and dependent. I can’t be left alone. Whatever. 

Jack: *stares at the shirt Fierdan is wearing* By the way, is that mine? 

Fierdan: *looks confused, glances down at the shirt* Huh? Oh, this? 

Jack: *nods* You borrowed it from me that one night. 

Fierdan: Okay so, do you want it back? 

Jack: Well, yeah. I forgot you still had it. 

Fierdan: So it’s not another gift from my boyfriend. Darn. 

Jack: That’s not what I intend—

Fierdan: Fine, it’s fine. Have it. *takes off the tank top, hands it over to Jack* 

Jack: *digs his fingers into the fabric, gives it a quick sniff and gags* Yep, this is going straight into the wash. I need to do laundry soon anyway. 

Fierdan: *picks up the cup again and quickly drinks the rest of his coffee* 

Jack: I just realized something. I shouldn’t be insulting the state your place is in. You spend the majority of the time outside of it, and most nights you spend at my place anyway. Was last night the most recent time you slept in your own bed in.. who knows how long? 

Fierdan: Yeah, I guess. It’s been a while. *stands up* It’s fine. I know this place is a mess. *kicks a short stack of papers* I don’t know why I have so many papers all over the damn place. 

Jack: Want me to help you clean up? 

Fierdan: What do you mean? 

Jack: The papers. All this shit you have lying around. 

Fierdan: *looks skeptical* Since when do you care about being neat and organized? 

Jack: I don’t. No, not really. But.. damn it, Fierdan. *inhales and coughs* There’s still so much smoke in here. And on you. 

Fierdan: It comes with pyrokinesis. Fire, burning, smoking. 

Jack: Or would you rather have me be useful another way? 

Fierdan: *faces Jack* And what way would that be? 

Jack: Do you want me to.. uh.. bathe you? Or help clean you in the shower? 

Fierdan: *smirks* You want to have shower sex, huh? 

Jack: *blushes, stammers* N-Not what I exactly meant, but if you—

Fierdan: I’m kidding. Besides, I seriously don’t want to be touched right now. Even by you. *sighs* I’m sorry. I don’t think I can tolerate physical contact. 

Jack: No, no. That’s completely fine. No wonder why you weren’t affectionate when I came. 

Fierdan: Hmm.. yeah. Late last night and this morning have been rough. Sorry.  

Jack: No need to be sorry. 

Fierdan: *nods* Well, I’m going to take a shower. Stay or leave, I don’t care. You can watch me shower as long as you don’t touch me. I feel like a ticking time bomb. 

Jack: *picks up one of the stacks of papers, frowns* I’ll try to make your place more habitable. 

Fierdan: Well, thank you. I’ll be back later, hopefully looking and smelling a lot better. See you in a bit. *has his empty coffee cup in one hand, raises his other arm to wave while his back is turned to Jack as he walks into the kitchen to put the cup and spoon into the sink before walking to his bedroom and then the bathroom* 

[During the next 20 to 30 minutes, Fierdan spends the time in the shower or drying himself afterward. In the meantime, Jack moves a few stacks of papers, magazines, and similar items from the couch and all over the floor to better places such as on top of an office desk. He also gathers scattered papers and makes a new stack out of them. He doesn’t observe them too closely nor does he wonder why Fierdan has so many. He is just glad to help. Jack then takes out the note that Fierdan left outside his door, reads it again, and flips it over to where he wrote “Tell him about Dylan” in blue ink (Fierdan wrote in black ink). Jack stuffs the note back into his pocket just as Fierdan enters the room, this time wearing dark gray jeans and a black hoodie.]

Fierdan: *looks around* Oh wow, you really did help clean up. Damn, Jack, thanks. 

Jack: *nods* Yeah. And you.. uh.. look better. *inhales, exhales slowly* Smell better, too. 

Fierdan: *grins* Glad to hear it. *walks over to the couch, sits down next to Jack* So. 

Jack: *looks confused* Yeah? 

Fierdan: There. *points* In your pocket. What do you have? 

Jack: Huh? The key? 

Fierdan: No, not that. The other thing. 

Jack: *swallows* Oh. You mean this? *takes out the note, unfolds it* 

Fierdan: *stares at it, bites lip* Yes. 

Jack: Well, you left it under my front door at some point last night. I know it’s yours. It’s in your handwriting. No one else would say anything like this anyway.  

Fierdan: *frowns* Of course it’s mine. You read it, I assume? 

Jack: *hesitates before nodding* Yeah, I did. Look, we can talk about—

Fierdan: It’s stupid. I should’ve known it couldn’t be me. 

Jack: Let me explain. I mean.. uh.. do you want me to? 

Fierdan: Yes! *shakes head* No. *his hands form fists* I don’t know. 

[“Don’t trust the master manipulator.” plays over and over in Fierdan’s head. Jack notices Fierdan appearing a lot more distressed all of a sudden, and he gives him a concerned look. Fierdan glares back at Jack, nearly jumping off the couch to increase distance from him. Then he puts a hand into his hoodie pocket, taking out a pack of cigarettes before opening it and grabbing a cigarette before sticking it in his mouth.]

Jack: *frowns* You just showered and got rid of the smoke smell. Are you sure that you want to do that right now? 

Fierdan: *responds by lighting his cigarette, smokes, one hand pressed firmly to the nearest wall after he stuffs the pack back in his pocket* 

Jack: What happened to you? Why are you smoking so often these days? 

Fierdan: *grabs the cigarette between his index and middle fingers, exhales and a puff of smoke escapes his lips, and he frowns at Jack before aggressively sticking it back in his mouth* 

Jack: What the hell? Why are you doing this shit? 

Fierdan: *takes out the cigarette* Don’t be a hypocritical piece of shit. And don’t shit with how I cope. 

Jack: I.. I’m sorry. Please, Danny, just tell me what’s wrong. You can talk to me. 

Fierdan: *leaves to dispose of the cigarette* No thanks. I can’t handle this shit. I’m done. 

Jack: What do you mean? 

Fierdan: *grits teeth* I mean I’m done. I am fucking done!

Jack: No, you have to tell me. What is it that I did wrong? 

Fierdan: Everything! What don’t you get? Go to hell, you toxic and manipulative son of a bitch. 

Jack: *rubs his temples* Your mood swings are such a pain. They’re much faster and severe in intensity now than they used to be. Maybe you need the dose of your medication adjusted.  

Fierdan: I can’t.. I can’t take this shit anymore! Fuck! *kicks the wall* 

Jack: *flinches at the noise of the wall being kicked* Your words hurt, you know. Fierdan, you can really be an asshole. 

Fierdan: You just came to my apartment uninvited to torture me! Of course I’m mad! 

Jack: *frowns deeply* That’s right. You are mad. Not just as in angry. You’re crazy. 

Fierdan: To nobody’s surprise! Who doesn’t already know that at this point? 

Jack: *takes a deep breath* Alright. So you want to know why I came. Yes? This is why. *flips the note over and shows Fierdan* 

Fierdan: *reads* “Tell him about Dylan” means what exactly? 

Jack: I was going to tell you, but since you’re being an ass, maybe I won’t. 

Fierdan: I spent a few hours last night with Dylan and Stella. Does it have anything to do with that? *panic replaces hostility on his face* Oh shit, did they tell you what I said? I was just messing around. It wasn’t serious, I swear! 

Jack: Do you still want me to go? 

Fierdan: Ugh, stop manipulating me. You’re a dick. 

Jack: So are you. 

Fierdan: Ugh, just tell me already! 

Jack: I’ll tell you after you calm down. 

Fierdan: *sighs* Fine. Fine! 

[For some reason, Fierdan thinks about some things Stella and Dawn told him in recent conversations. Then he starts thinking about how Dylan reacted to some things he said last night. And some things Dylan said as well.] 

Fierdan: *takes a deep breath* Okay. You can tell me. 

Jack: Nope. Not yet. 

Fierdan: What do you mean, no? Do you want me to get all pissed off again? I have a quick fuse. 

Jack: I know. It’s just that it’s a long story. I need to provide context. 

Fierdan: Okay? Then do that. 

Jack: Okay so. Remember what I said that other night? 

Fierdan: You have to be more specific than that. 

Jack: You’re right. Remember what I said about Dylan and me? Be.. Before you really entered the picture? 

Fierdan: Uh.. *scratches head* I think so? You told me you used to be close friends.. I don’t know about best friends.. but I knew you said you two were close and hung out a lot. Probably doing nerd shit. 

Jack: Nerd shit? 

Fierdan: You know what I mean. Playing video games, card games, board games.. shit like that. 

Jack: *frowns* So you think playing games is nerdy. I thought you enjoyed playing them with me. Am I not cool enough for you? 

Fierdan: Ugh, you’re making it seem like I said something offensive. 

Jack: That’s because you did. I’m a gamer. Not as much as I used to be. *sighs* All this work and these missions, and just.. you. You’re such high maintenance. I mean, I know that and always did, but like.. god. *sighs again* I love playing games. No, not toxic manipulative mind games or whatever the fuck you were on about. I wish I had more time to play. Dylan is obviously a gamer too; it’s not like he hides it very well. Him and I.. well.. we used to play games together all the time. I mean, very often. 

Fierdan: So.. why don’t the two of you still play together? Or like, at least hang out since you’re good friends? 

Jack: We.. We can’t. 

Fierdan: Why? 

Jack: Because.. *breathes out slowly* Because of you. 

Fierdan: Because of.. me? 

Jack: *nods* That’s right. Well, also because of what became of us. It’s just.. I don’t know. Things got awkward fast and so complicated. I’m sorry. 

Fierdan: Stop saying sorry and just tell me already! So much build up, and it’s probably no big deal. 

Jack: No big deal? I.. I don’t think so. 

Fierdan: That’s what I said. Dylan and I talked last night, and I might already know what it is that you’re struggling to tell me. I have my suspicions.  

[Some time passes. I’m not sure how long exactly. It could be anything from 5 minutes to an hour. Jack has been explaining things to Fierdan about himself and Dylan. Fierdan has become more mentally stable, or at least he gives off the impression that he’s calm and relaxed.] 

Jack: To be completely honest, Dylan and I weren’t always ‘just’ friends. Not long before you came here, the two of us had this.. this special arrangement. 

Fierdan: You can just tell me you were—

Jack: No! We never dated. We were never in a romantic relationship. Dylan set that boundary in stone and kept making sure I knew it was nothing more than what it was. 

Fierdan: I know that, dumbass! Dylan is aromantic and romance repulsed. 

Jack: *rubs the back of his neck, laughs awkwardly* Oh, you knew. That’s good. 

Fierdan: *sighs* Do I have to say it out loud for you? *pauses* But then again, it would be extremely awkward if I’m going to the wrong conclusions. 

Jack: *takes a deep breath before facing Fierdan* Okay. Okay then. You deserve to know. It’s been far too long.

Fierdan: *is about to say something then decides against it and keeps his mouth shut* 

Jack: For a few months, Dylan and I were friends with benefits. We stayed in a friends with benefits relationship until.. until just before you and the rest of them arrived here. We cut things off, and there’s nothing between us anymore. *pauses* Wait. Do you know what friends with benefits means? 

Fierdan: *sighs* Who do you take me for? 

Jack: *looks worried* Umm…

Fierdan: Of course I know. 

Jack: *blurts out* I’m sorry for hiding it from you for so long. Oh god, this is so awkward to talk about. Like.. you guys. Fire and water. Opposites. And I had sex with both of you. Ugh, I’m sorry. Why can’t I shut up? Please don’t hate me for this. It was a long time ago. 

Fierdan: Well, yeah, I feel weird and awkward as hell if I think about it in detail. I mean, you’re my boyfriend and we’ve been together for several months now, and he’s a friend of mine as well now.. I mean, acquaintances. Are we friends? I’m not sure. But like.. we know each other and see each other often. It’s not like we’re strangers by any means. 

Jack: Ah yeah, that’s fair. *fidgets with his hands* Dylan found out that I talked to you about our friendship, then he found out I never told you that big detail, and he put pressure on me to tell you. I mean, it is better for me to tell you than him, I suppose? He probably could say it more eloquently, but it’s fine. This is fine. Now you know. Please don’t kill me. Or him for that matter. 

Fierdan: Stop overthinking. I don’t hate you for what you did, and I’m not going to kill anyone. Slow down and breathe. 

Jack: So.. So what do you think? 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow* And what’s that supposed to mean? 

Jack: Just.. how does learning all this make you feel? *taps fingers on the edge of the couch* 

Fierdan: Why do you care so much about what I think? We weren’t together when you were having sex with Dylan. We probably didn’t even know the other existed back then, so tell me. Why the hell would I give a shit? 

Jack: Because we’re a couple now. And.. and…

Fierdan: Look, Jack, here’s the thing. I don’t have enough fucks to give to get all caught up and emotional over everyone you fucked or got fucked by before me. I know the list is longer than just Dylan and myself. You’re acting silly. 

Jack: Ah yeah, that’s true. You know me well. I guess I got so worried because it was with Dylan and not with some random guy you never met or heard of. And.. well, it’s stupid but…

Fierdan: Hmm? *scoots closer to Jack on the couch* 

Jack: I’ve been in rather shitty gay social circles in the past. And I just know that if they ever found out that I had sex with Dylan, they would say I’m a fraud and shouldn’t call myself a gay man. So what if I’m attracted to men only and Dylan is a man? That’s not what they’ll think. *sighs* They’re transphobic pieces of shit, those guys, but they messed me up badly and I’m paranoid they’ll find me again. I shouldn’t care what they think, and I disagree with them on so many things now, but.. I’m scared he’s going to find me again. I’m a white cis gay. I have privileges. I’m just scared of them finding out about my friends, those I care about.. you. 

Fierdan: *covers Jack’s fidgeting hand with his own, gives a gentle squeeze* Those guys are pathetic assholes. They’re the ones in the wrong if they think Dylan is a woman. *sighs* Trans men are men, trans women are women, and nonbinary people are, well, whatever genders they say there are. 

Jack: Heh. I just know that those shitheads will hate you too. If you’re not a white cisgender gay man or lesbian, they’ll hate you. *sighs* Yeah, they were racist. 

Fierdan: So they would hate me for being bisexual? It really is such a crime to not be exclusively attracted to the same sex, huh? What a sad life they must live, believing bigoted exclusionist shit. *puts one of his legs over Jack’s* And not just that. Are you saying those pricks would also hate me for being mixed? That’s fucking sad. *pauses* Where did you even meet and get involved with people like that? 

Jack: Yeah, they were bad. I hope they changed their ways, but I have no motivation to check. I’m probably dead to them already for so many reasons. Especially him. *his hand starts trembling* 

Fierdan: *squeezes his hand again* It’s okay. If they consider you dead, then they’re dead to us too. Except if you want to be ghosts and haunt them. I’d be up for that. 

Jack: Thanks for the support. *looks up at the ceiling* As for your questions, I met them a long time ago. I forgot how many years it’s been since then. *sighs* I had a rough journey to come to the point where I am now. Like, you know, being so accepting and not a bigoted asshole basically. It also took me years to embrace my sexuality and not see it as a source of shame and trauma. I did lots of things I regret because of it. I didn’t really deny it, but I suppressed it and kept it to myself for my own safety and survival for years. And me being a closeted kid who didn’t know any better, who lived such an isolated life and didn’t know anything beyond that small world.. when I finally did find a gay social group, they ended up being bigots with the only difference being these ones were gay. I didn’t know any better. It definitely didn’t help that the world I grew up in was very.. not diverse. It was very old-fashioned, stuck in the past. Like, decades upon decades in the past. 

Fierdan: I don’t know what to reply with, so can I give you a hug instead? 

Jack: *looks down, faces Fierdan* Are you fine with that? 

Fierdan: I’m the one who offered. And no, I don’t feel like my skin is on fire anymore or that any touch will scar me. I’m better now. *closes his eyes as he smiles* 

Jack: *smiles back* Okay then sure. You can hug me. 

Fierdan: Great! *climbs into Jack’s lap, his arms wrapping around Jack’s neck or shoulders, his legs wrapping around the other man’s torso* 

Jack: *blushes* Oh, you meant this. And.. *grimaces* Be careful where you’re sitting, damn it! You’re on my groin. 

Fierdan: *grins deviously* I’m feeling horny again. I need to be touched. Only by you. 

Jack: Damn it, Fierdan. 

Fierdan: What? Do you not want to? I can stop—

Jack: *blushes more* No, don’t stop. It’s just that your sudden changes in mood, emotions, attitude.. all of it.. can give me vertigo. It’s a rollercoaster. I need time to process. Sure, my mind is usually racing and lots of trains of thought are happening at the same time, but still. 

Fierdan: Yesterday.. god, you have no idea how much you fucked me up. We can discuss the note I left you later. I still need to talk about it with you, but now.. *brushes his bangs away from his forehead* we have more pressing matters. 

Jack: Fuck… Why do you somehow look even hotter when you move your hair like that? It should be illegal. 

Fierdan: I’m already illegal, darling. *pauses* Shit, shit, shit. Not like that. 

Jack: Because of what we do. Because you were a wanted man and a killer. Because you’re you. Hell, I did lots of criminal things myself. 

Fierdan: Yes, that. That’s exactly what I meant. 

Jack: We’re adults who are nearly the same age. What else would it be? 

Fierdan: *responds by leaning close to Jack so their foreheads touch, then pulling away and giving him a quick kiss on the nose*  

Jack: A nose kiss? I didn’t expect that. 

Fierdan: Darling, I’m unpredictable. You should know this by now. 

Jack: Yeah, of course. If you wanted to know how my nose piercing felt on your lips, then who am I to stop you? You do you. 

Fierdan: Well.. hmm.. it tastes like metal. 

Jack: *laughs* You’re so silly, Danny boy. 

Fierdan: It’s so cute when you call me Danny. It’s like yes. I am your Danny boy. 

Jack: *kisses Fierdan on the lips* 

Fierdan: *blushes when Jack’s tongue slips into his mouth, starts moving his hips while sitting on top of Jack* 

Jack: *pulls away several seconds later* Now that’s how it’s done. 

Fierdan: I.. I see. *stops moving, tries to regulate his breathing* Damn, my heart is still beating so fast from all the caffeine. You’re also making my heart race, so rescue it if it beats out of my chest or explodes. 

Jack: Take off your hoodie. 

Fierdan: Good idea. We should unbutton our pants while we’re at it. 

Jack: I mean, yeah, we should at this rate, but just your hoodie is enough for now. 

Fierdan: Sure. Hold on. *takes off the hoodie, revealing a T-shirt underneath* Want me to take my shirt off too? 

Jack: It’s good enough. 

Fierdan: For what? 

Jack: *presses his palm to Fierdan’s chest, closes his eyes as he feels his heartbeat* Mm, I’m not sure what a fast heartbeat really is anymore because of my meds, but I’m pretty sure yours is beating faster than it usually is. I assume so anyway because of all that coffee. And myself. 

Fierdan: Do you feel it? It’s so fast. Maybe we should stop. Ugh, I don’t want to though. 

Jack: Stop exaggerating. Your heart isn’t gonna explode. At least I highly doubt it. 

Fierdan: *rolls eyes* Wow, you’re so reassuring. 

Jack: *grins, starts touching Fierdan in other places* 

Fierdan: *blushes again* Oh.. oh fuck! 

Jack: Hmm? *bites lip seductively* 

Fierdan: Is it fucked up that I’m feeling this way after you told me the news about you and Dylan? Did I curse myself? 

Jack: *face looks blank for a few seconds* Oh.. fuck, I don’t know. 

Fierdan: Also, when you told me, I had to stop myself from saying “I figured”—

Jack: What? You’re still thinking about all that while we’re—

Fierdan: Ugh, I’m sorry. It would’ve been weird of me to say “I figured” in response to you telling me you two were friends with benefits. That’s just weird. 

Jack: *arches eyebrow, frowns* And you mentioning it now, in the middle of our.. activities, is less weird? *shakes head* Was it that obvious that we had that kind of relationship? Or did he just end up telling you himself? You spent hours together last night, right? 

Fierdan: No, no. Dylan never told me outright. It was just easy for me to come to that conclusion based on how he reacted to some things I said. 

Jack: What the hell did you two talk about? 

Fierdan: I was just messing with him, that’s all. You know how he is. 

Jack: What did you do last night, Fierdan? 

Fierdan: No more ‘Danny boy’ then? 

Jack: *looks annoyed* Fierdan! What the hell did you do? 

Fierdan: See, it’s funny. I asked him if he wanted to have sex— not anything romantic, of course— like a hate fuck to release some.. tension, and he freaked out. He was all like “I have standards” and that killed me. Then I kept dragging the joke on— after I told him I wasn’t serious and how he isn’t my type, mind you— and then he got in on it, and we both ended up joking about me fucking him. It was just a fucked up joke. He even made a comment about me giving you head. Sucking your cock. It was hilarious. He’s a dirty, sly bastard like we both are. 

Jack: *frowns* So you still want to fuck him? Because you found out I used to? 

Fierdan: No, no. I started saying that shit before I found out. 

Jack: So.. So what does that mean? 

Fierdan: Nothing! It was just a joke.

Jack: *yells* Who the fuck says that kind of shit? What the fuck is your problem? 

Fierdan: Why are you so worked up? 

Jack: Because you really are an asshole! *shoves Fierdan off his lap* 

Fierdan: *rubs his side* No need to be so harsh. 

Jack: *laughs coldly* You’re funny if you think I’ll still be willing to have sex with you. 

Fierdan: What? Why? 

Jack: The fact that you’re asking… *punches a cushion on the couch* Fuck you, Fierdan. Fuck you. 

Fierdan: I could only assume that you and Dylan shared some.. history after I saw his reaction when I talked about how sexual I am with you. It would be better with more context, but this is what I basically told him: “It further proves how much Duke is influencing me. Except not really. Duke can’t take all the credit. I’m sexual enough without Duke interference. Ask Jack.” And he.. hearing me say your name in that context made him react. Like, oh shit. There had to be something going on. And my suspicions were correct.

Jack: You are really testing my patience. 

Fierdan: I’ll explain then! You should also know that my current state of existence.. this version of myself.. is a combination of my Duke self and my Cincernum era self. At different times, it feels like they’re controlling or influencing me more than the other. I mean, I’m still my own person. I’m not either of them, not exactly, but I have like two souls and sets of memories now. I don’t feel like I’m a single entity. I’m not normal. I know that. Hey, are you even still listening? 

Jack: You’re not normal. You’re insane. What else is new? 

Fierdan: What are you on about? I’m talking to you about how my mind works. 

Jack: Good for you. 

Fierdan: Are you being passive aggressive on purpose? 

Jack: Me? Passive aggressive? Oh no. 

Fierdan: Stop that! You’re starting to get on my nerves. 

Jack: You shouldn’t have said that shit to Dylan or me. In what world do you think I would let that shit pass? You need to be called out for it. Damn it, it’s not fucking okay to do that! 

Fierdan: Why are you so angry? 

Jack: You’re one to talk about anger. You and your brother… *laughs coldly* 

Fierdan: Jack, wait. I’m sorry, okay? I love you more than any—

Jack: If that’s how you act when I’m not around, then how can I trust you? 

Fierdan: Trust? What? 

Jack: Do I have to define ‘trust’ for you? 

Fierdan: Of course not. *glares at Jack, tone of voice changes, stands up* You really are a fucking hypocrite. You talk about trust and how you can’t trust me when.. when you… *tears form in his eyes* How can I trust you when you’re constantly tormenting me? Am I a puppet again? Are you my new puppet master? 

Jack: *stands up and takes a few steps back* What are you pulling now, Fierdan? 

Fierdan: No. What are you pulling? Manipulating is what you do best. It’s how you survived in this cold, cruel world. Creating illusions, messing with people’s perceptions.. that’s what you do. *sighs* You are the master manipulator. I was warned not to trust you. I’m done. I’m sick of being treated like a toy that everyone can mess around with. I’m fucking done! You hear me? I am done. 

Jack: *looks less angry and more scared* What are you talking about? I wasn’t manipulating you. It’s not a lie. 

Fierdan: How can I trust you? You’re the master manipulator, after all. 

Jack: God.. what does that even mean? Who told you that? 

Fierdan: Why should I tell you? *sighs* They did. 

Jack: Who? 

Fierdan: You should know. I know what you did. 

Jack: And what did I do? 

Fierdan: *yells* The dead should stay dead! 

Jack: Fierdan, I mean it. What are you talking about? Are you struggling with psychosis again? It’s not real. Or Soulless is haunting you again. It’s gone now. Soulless can’t hurt you anymore. 

Fierdan: It wasn’t Soulless! It was them. Those three who died. I didn’t exactly murder them, but they all died because of me. I miss them, yeah, but it doesn’t mean you have the right to trick me and the rest of us into thinking they’re still alive or somehow came back to life. That’s not right! 

Jack: You are sleep deprived and running only on caffeine. I’m going to leave, so you can rest. Okay? 

Fierdan: You can’t just leave now! What the fuck? 

Jack: *grabs the shirt* Oh, really? Then watch me. *opens the front door and exits through it, closing the door behind him* 

——————————————

What a rollercoaster. 

That was a lot. 

End of Confessions, part 6. 

~ Shan / Shyrah