Hi, I'm back. *insert some kind of intro here*
Alright so, I found out something. I'm able to comment signed in to my Google account when I'm on my computer. So that's good. But my phone said no. My phone won't let me. So that's not good. It's annoying and I have no way to fix it.
*sigh* cowboy sad *sigh*
(... what?) (just go along with it)
I'm typing this on my computer. I haven't done this in ages. Yes, I've been typing all the skit posts on my phone. I have problems, okay.
Anyway, what did I want to talk about? Hmm...
Well, it's the last day of May 2023. It's already June in most places, but I'm in America, so.. yeah.
Where did the time go? I have no idea. My birthday was around a week ago. I'm a year older now. That's crazy. I keep getting older, and I hate it. I hate being an adult and having to do adult responsibilities. Also like, who and what the heck am I? I have no clue. Inside my head feels clouded and like there are fish swimming around in circles.
About my mind, I realized something a few weeks ago. It's this: I have a few brain cells left. And each one is a character in my recent skits.
They are constantly bickering in my head and thoughts. It's funny, yeah, but it's also obnoxious. Look, I get that he's an asshole. That's the point. I hate him lmao. *cough* Fierdan *cough*
Oh wait. Let me start over. My last few brain cells are these: Stella, Dylan, Fierdan, Ryen, and Jack. There is a ton of conflict and bickering. It's funny though. Like hahaha, you know?
My last three brain cells: Stella, Fierdan, and Dylan in my recent skits. Yes. It just is.
They are all very different from me, but they're also all me. It's weird and makes no sense, but that's just how it is.
(Yeah, I'm not okay right now. lmao XD)
... I feel like clarifying the ages of my characters in my skits yet again. Okay so, this is how I view their ages:
- Fierdan: 22-24 years old
- Jack: 23-25 years old (is a few months to a year older than Fierdan)
- Dawn: 20-22 years old (is nearly 2 years younger than Fierdan)
- Ryen: 26-28 years old (is 4 years older than Fierdan)
- Stella: 18-19 years old
- Dylan: 19-20 years old (is around a year older than Stella)
Uh.. so yeah. Those age ranges. Mhmm. 20s vibes. Yeah. Mhmm.
... I'm joking about the brain cells. You know that, right? Right, guys, right? I'm not being completely serious.
It really does feel like those three (Stella, Dylan, Fierdan) are different sides to my personality/self-perception. They're all so different, so it's pretty funny. Yeah lmao, I have no idea who or what I am. Identity issues, woo! *insert a keysmash here*
Stella is probably most like me but off. There are major differences between me and her. So maybe I'm most like Dylan. We're similar but not the same. Like okay, if I wasn't ace/ace-spec and am a binary trans guy instead of nonbinary gender *flails hands and shrugs* genderqueer, then yeah, maybe I would be Dylan.
Oh, I know! My thoughts about my sexuality are on a metronome ticking between Stella and Fierdan. I thought I was like Stella. Lots of what she is and says resonate me (being asexual and sex-repulsed or averse). But for a while now, it's been confusing for me to figure out. Like, screw it, maybe I'm bi or pan. idk anymore. I'm not straight, that's all I know lmao.
Of course I'm not like actually like Fierdan because.. come on, he basically fulfills the role of my impulsivity (violent and self-destructive edition). Impulsive thoughts toward sex, maybe love (??), and drugs and alcohol. Yep, that's him. Oh and the relationship difficulties and identity disturbances (well, kind of). He fills that role. I like to put all that shit onto him, and he makes it his own until I don't see myself in him anymore (or at least no one else can).
Fierdan also really just embodies my intrusive thoughts, but in another way from how Soulless and Taurel do. Like, he suffers from intrusive thoughts from all his trauma, but his existence also makes up my intrusive thoughts (the violence, the homicidal intrusive thoughts, the urge to burn everything (destroy it all), the borderline of becoming an addict). Yeah sorry, it's hard for me to articulate. I doubt I'm making any sense. Oh well.
He doesn't have OCD though. I've been wondering if Dylan and/or Ryen have/has OCD, but I'm not sure yet.
Does Fierdan suffer from psychosis? Maybe? Who the hell knows? *shrugs* Mentally unstable.. mmmffghfghfh.
... So far, this is the only dialogue I have planned for the next Confessions skit part. I haven't decided which character says it yet. (lmao)
Character @ Fierdan: You look like shit.
Who says it? I'm not sure. Will it be Jack, Brock, Dylan, Ryen, or some other character I haven't thought of yet? Well, only time will tell. *shrugs*
And what's Fierdan doing? Why does he open his front door? Does the other character just barge into his apartment? I don't know. I can imagine Fierdan drinking coffee or smoking a cigarette when it happens.
It's funny because Fierdan was just dissing Dylan's outfit the night before and the next day he looks like shit and smells like burnt trash. How ironic. He looks and smells like shit. Take another shower, Fierdan, please. *smh*
I also can't decide on whether to make Fierdan and Jack's first interaction be silly and not-that-serious, or if I should crank up the angst and hide my tears from falling down. It's a disaster, and they're impulsive as hell with histories of being manipulative just in different ways. Problematic impulsive couple for real! Ahhhhhh—
I have lots of thoughts about Dawn as well. I'd rather keep them to myself for now though.
Dawn, making me question my sexuality. *smh, smh* Why is she so pretty and gorgeous and lovely? Like, shit, you have no idea. Damn..!!
And we all know how I (mostly as a joke, I swear, but it's not entirely, even I know that) have a crush on Fierdan. We all know, okay (*crying, sobbing, rolling on the floor*).
But like it's gay. With Dawn, it's gay. With Fierdan, it's gay. I am girlboygirlboygirl boygirl but also nothing. Yes. Me.
But with Dylan now too. Because.. he! His attitude, his personality.. how he's also autistic. Like, mm okay.
... *head is empty, stares at screen with a blank look in my eyes* huh.
~*void*~
Picture time! Wahoo!!
*insert self advertisement here about how these are my products (they're mine!) and something about my joke of an Etsy shop :3 meow meow meow~*
~more void~
!!!
I took these pictures on her birthday this year. My kitty cat baby is 11 years old! My Thelma baby (wahhhh)!! <3
I bought the tuxedo cat stuffed animal because it kinda-but-not-really looks like Thelma.
No, every tuxedo cat I meet looks like Thelma. They're all her. Every cat is the same. *smh, smh* (am kidding, please laugh like hahaha :) yes)
meow meow meow meow meow me—
... "Oh deer!" haha I'm so funny. mood. that's me. you look at me and go "oh dear!" but it's a deer, so it becomes "oh deer!" :D hehe haha XD
meow meow me-ow ~*~*~
Anyway, have these pictures of some of my characters with absolutely no context. Them! Look at them! You must!
(Actually, I don't really care. I'll make an official Picrew post later.)
Actually, have these too. :')
hehe :3
Main or better known characters of mine coming later. Let these fellas have the spotlight for once.
(The last one in that ugly green sweater is Brock. Just thought I'd put it out there.)
It's the end of May.
End of May. End of me.
It's the end.
~ Shan, Shyrah, whatever my name is.
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