So… Nostalgia. That sure is a feeling. An emotion. An experience. I’m feeling very nostalgic right now.
Today for some odd reason, I decided to check my reading list on my Blogger Dashboard for blogs I followed way back when. And so, I did that and checked the most recent posts for some of those blogs. Most of those blogs are dead (no new posts in years). That didn’t surprise me that much. What did surprise me was finding other blogs with new posts in 2019 and 2020. I found quite a few “return” blog posts from 2019. That was surprising to see. I didn’t expect to see those bloggers ever coming back.
Man, I miss some of those people…
I then found out that I checked Animal Jam in 2019. I didn’t even know I checked AJ that year. I bet that was the last time I checked it. I don’t even know if I still have an AJ account since I haven’t logged in since then. I think my spare account got deleted or something since I remember trying to log in to it a few years back but couldn’t. I don’t know what happened. The only thing I actually remember from the last few times I checked AJ (whenever that was) is how it affected my computer. I remember it making my laptop fan get loud and my laptop feeling very hot. That was kinda uncomfortable lol
By those blogs on my reading list, I mean old Animal Jam blogs. I was also surprised to find one of those blogs still active to this day… or week. Basically, there are still new posts there. Made me feel like :’) basically.
Sometimes I struggle a lot with identifying and describing my emotions. I use emojis or keyboard faces to describe how I’m feeling sometimes. So that’s that. Ah, alexithymia, how fun /s. (/s means sarcastic tone. Alexithymia isn’t fun. This year I learned I do in fact have it and struggle with it more often than I initially thought.)
I’m also thinking about AJ because I have to admit something. Well, here goes nothing:
Sometimes I still call myself Cutepups. If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know, my AJ username was cutepups522. I even remember my password, which is weird when I think about it.
Like, to come back after so long and say I used to go by Cutepups… that didn’t take any effort from me. I remembered that fact easily. Like, yeah, I used to go by the name of Cutepups on my blog and on other blogs. I’m not sure why it feels like some vital information in my long-term memory, but it is.
I haven’t been checking any of this blogging stuff in many months, yet I still would sometimes call myself Cutepups while in my room doing tasks or getting ready for bed even when I wasn’t checking AJ or my blog or anything like that. I guess Cutepups is just one of my old nicknames that stuck.
I’ve also been thinking about my wolf character, Precious, on AJ and how I developed (if I can even call it that) her character during the first few years of this blog. Like, I don’t even know. Sometimes I find myself randomly thinking about how I made a crazy hyper AJ wolf character who was obsessed with marshmallows and causing havoc. It’s been pretty funny to contemplate over. I could be doing my nighttime routine and think “Go to bed, Cutepups.” or I could be in bed unable to fall asleep and start laughing to myself over how ridiculous Precious was. Do I miss her? Possibly lol
Basically, memories are weird. Mine is anyway. I remember all this stuff but at the same time, the rest of my blogging-related memories from 2019 and earlier seem virtually nonexistent. I can’t remember those things as well anymore. This morning I checked some of my early 2019 posts and couldn’t remember writing them. Some of them even felt like fever dreams. Then again, some of my posts were crazy, so… lol *shrugs*
I felt like this a few years ago when reading some of my posts from 2014-2016. And wow, the same thing happened when I looked at my 2019 posts. (I haven’t checked any of my posts from other years, so I’m not sure how I feel about them.)
Memory lane, huh? Mine sure is bumpy. It’s been a rough ride to get to this point. :’)
Wait. Maybe I can barely remember early 2019 because, well, it was 2019. The middle of that year was rough. I remember my mental health plummeting to an all-time low that year. I’m not sure anymore though. I also might have had some unresolved trauma from 2019 and 2020, so that’s probably why I can’t remember things from those years that well. (I worked on it. Things are better now. For the most part, I think. About those things, I mean. Yeah, it was more than one traumatic thing. My brain perceiving them as traumatic, I mean. Ok, uh, yeah.)
Uh… Anyway! Maybe I’ll make a few update posts to talk about some things. I don’t know though; a lot happened after I started taking my long hiatus. I even considered never coming back here, but as you can see, I did. I’m alive. I still live.
Well, I’m going to take a nap now. I get tired in the afternoon.
I’ll probably be back soon. Bye for now.
Nostalgia is one of those things that (at least to me) feels impossible to fully put into words. I love it, and learned to be able to turn one of my weaknesses into strengths because of, as my bad memory often makes me feel nostalgic for things that happened only a few months ago. I've been wanting to write a long list of things that still make me feel nostalgic from over the years and the backstory on why
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate with missing a lot of those people, it feels like many of them dropped off the earth entirely, myself included I guess
AJ deletes accounts now if they haven't been used for a certain amount of time and they never had membership which is a shame to say the least. I still play a lot, but only Play Wild (the mobile version of aj) and it's become my favorite game of all time, I grew up with aj classic but still think pw is leagues better
No idea if it's something you'd want to look at but I could add you as an invited reader to my old aj blog, maybe it'd bring back more memories or something
I can definitely relate to the name thing as well on some level, I've gone by so many different names over the years and occasionally I still try to call myself one that I "buried", I guess I miss going by some of them sometimes
I also agree, memories are weird. 2018 is a super nostalgic year for me but both 2017 and 2019 are a complete blur to me. There's bits and pieces I remember from them but honestly can't tell what years those memories are from half the time. Sometimes something that happens last month feels like an eternity ago, sometimes a few years ago feels like yesterday
I can also relate on the trauma stuff, I subconsciously try to block stuff out which makes it harder to remember certain points in my life but sometimes I feel like it's for the best
And in response to your last post, it seems like you got it figured out now if you ever need blogger help with stuff like that feel free to ask me
Yeah, the more I think about nostalgia, the more it reminds me of love in that it’s hard to fully define it in words alone. Just how I feel about everything I have nostalgia for is a huge mess of a mix of complicated emotions. It’s all so complicated. I miss a lot of people from the older blogging days, and I also feel like most of them just dropped off the face of the earth. I wonder how they’re doing these days. Even I feel like I dropped off the face of the earth regarding all this blogging related stuff, like what you said basically.
DeleteI’m not sure why but hearing that AJ deletes inactive accounts makes me a little sad. Well, that’s unfortunate. On the App Store on my tablet, I have AJ Play Wild as a recommended game to get, and I kind of considered getting it, but I’m not sure if it’s worth it or if I’ll even enjoy playing it. I do miss parts of AJ though, I’d admit.
And yeah, memories are confusing and I doubt I’ll figure out the reasons behind the ways mine work. I likely subconsciously repressed/blocked out lots of memories from the last few years (or more like how long I ran this blog lol). I don’t think there’s that much logic, if any, to how memory works, actually.
DeleteThank you. I’ve been updating/editing lots of blog stuff these last few days, and I had to look up other things for more help and advice.
I definitely get what you mean, some things I feel like just don't have ""proper"" explanations for lack of better words, that's actually how I chose the elemental system for my series - the elements are all things that are different to explain, like love, memory, and art
DeleteIt's sad and confusing seeing how everyone we used to know from those days are just kinda... gone. I have a mental list of all the people I miss from those times that I wish I could talk to again or at least thank, but sadly most of them just vanished. I always just assume they wouldn't remember me anyway or that we would've grown to be incompatible by now anyway
Yeah, it's sad and honestly kinda frustrating how AJ just deletes accounts now. Obviously I have bias towards it but if you ever have literally nothing better to do it might be worth giving Play Wild a try. If you have no interest in the original aj anymore and just want to move past that part of your life then chances are you won't get much out of it though. At its core it's the same game as the original but very different at the same time with so much more and there's always something to do in it now (sometimes i just have it going afk in the background while i do other stuff) but if you're looking for reliving memories it probably wouldnt do that for you either. There's a surprising amount of older players, but to be fair most of them are moms lol
(sorry if it feels like im trying to convince you to join or something, i really can't say if you'd get much out of it either)
I honestly can't remember if i said this already (my brain is super fried at this point) but i use objects/pictures to help preserve my memory of stuff. I don't think I can explain how I do it, it's just kinda something I do subconsciously I guess. I'm just able to attach memories to specific things, and most of the time I'd completely forget about the memories if I didn't still have the things I attached the memories to
Yeah, I get what you mean (no worries!). I have a mental list of people like that too, though I hav forgotten some of their names since my memory can be pretty bad tbh. It’s sad to think about how they and myself included have all moved on. I bet most of them forgot all about that part of their lives when we interacted a lot. And same about the memories; I have to think of specific events and pictures involving them to remember them. Most anyway
Delete(also no need to delete my comment's anymore, unless you want to)
ReplyDeleteHaha, glad to know I'm not the only one feeling nostalgia right now <3 Since September is the month I created my UV blog, I've had AJ and childhood memories at the back of my brain lately. Like... it's quiet thoughts, but it's still there all the same.
ReplyDeleteI haven't tried logging onto Animal Jam for years- and the last time I did it was to give one of my little cousins some furniture and clothes she wanted from my account (stuff that couldn't be bought anymore XD) and I haven't touched it since.
Memory lane is a funny thing. It's not always well-traveled or smooth, but it's a time nonetheless. <3 And I'm glad your still alive Shyrah, despite everything you've been through.
I’m a bit relieved that you can relate or at least feel similar about feeling nostalgic for AJ. These memories springing back and just thinking about the game in general feels pretty random to me.
DeleteI didn’t know September is your blog anniversary month! That’s sweet. :’)