Computer Posting is Back! (for now anyways)

Hey guys, I'm back!

Whoa, a picture. In a blog post. Could this be..?

. . . . 

Yeah, that's right. My computer finally (after like forever lol.. though I didn't check for over a week either lol) started to function (well, turn on completely after its stupid restarting "updates") today.

Which basically means pictures in posts (well, besides when I make an art post). 

So anyway, you may or may not already know that I changed my Blogger profile picture. So yeah, I did. I got tired of being portrayed as a blue fox, so I changed it to a human. Still blue because I also am called Blue by some of you guys (such an unoriginal name I know). Haha, deal with it, kiddies. c:

Now on other blogging matters. I'm gonna try to change the header banner soon to a more winter-themed one (possibly monochrome as well.. idk yet). I'm in the mood to find monochrome (anime) people that could resemble the main characters in Twinkle's Story as humans. And then they're standing so determined-like in the snow. Yeah.. lol idk. :p

Oh and I'm also thinking of finally making that love/support/relief posting segment soon. As well as that one I mentioned quite a while ago about starting a completely new story (NOT RELATED TO TEO IN ANY WAY) where you guys comment how it should be continued. Yeah, please comment if you have any story topic in mind. 

What else? Oh yeah...

I'm posting less often than I used to because I'm also doing/working on a lot of other things. Haha, I actually have a life other than daily blogging. At long last. XD

Whelp, there's all the blogging updates for now! I'll try to remember to make more computer posts now. ^-^'

So I'm working on planning out Duke's POV for the next chapter (Chapter 50 :o). Haha, all his POVs are confusing as heck. c;

Now have some quotes! By the way, all of these pictures (besides the signature) were found on Google.

I think I'm not the only one who needed to read those. <3 :')

Stay beayoutiful.

My Recent Poems

Hi, I am here with my more recent poems. Reposting all of these from my DA (and the appropriate ones only lol). Ah yes, let's start! >;D

. . . . . .

HAUNTING

Locked up away
Everything is astray
Four a.m. and still can't sleep
Lost my count of how many sheep
Staring at the ceiling wide awake 
This world is fake
I can't sleep, I can't dream
So all I do is scream
Walls enclosing around me
I don't know who I'm supposed to be
All I hear is my heart pounding in my chest
All I want is for it to end like the rest
Whispering voices pass by
Too shy to ask them why
So I let them dance above my bed
The demons have been fed
All I see is them dancing in the night
Wrapping their ghostly arms around my throat real tight
I can't breathe
I can't leave
Even when the night departs
Their fingers won't break apart
Daylight doesn't help
I forgot how to yelp
Dark shadows all around
I don't make a single sound
My heart has stopped beating 
I'm just cheating 
I'm made up of scars
Every night lacks stars
Torn down walls
I'm petrified, petrified and small
Let me out, let me out
Are the words I want to shout

Don't you know what it's like?
Don't you have your demons, too?
Don't you know what it's like to have your past haunt you?
Don't you know what it's like when all you see is the dark?
Don't you know that feeling when you want to break?
Don't you know what it's like to me?

WE ARE

We are the broken
We are the whole
We are the saviors 
We are the sinners
We are alive
We are dead
We are from heaven
We are from hell
We are unique
We are cliché 
We are young 
We are old
We are the fighters
We are the healers
We are the whisperers 
We are the screamers
We are the peace
We are the war
We are the hope 
We are the disaster
We are your friend
We are your enemy
We are different
We are the same
We are the light
We are the dark
We are the Others
We are extraordinary
We are the change.

EMERALD EYES

Sweet, crisp aroma 
Breathing you in
I lose sense of reality
Getting lost in your eyes
Used to be my anitidote 
Used to be warm
Used to be welcoming
Used to know love
Now have become anything but
Now a drug, my sweet addiction 
Leaving us two lovers
Numb of all feeling
Poison, that's who you are
Happy, innocent childhood 
I believed it, all your lies
Little did I know that you were
Killing me from the inside
Emerald eyes,
They bring all those lies you hid
To light.

LULLABY 

The world outside is rotting itself 
You're safe now
I will never let you go
Back to the outside
Back to the planet's destruction 
You're inside now
I will never let them touch you
Close your eyes
Hush child, it's okay
They can't ever get you
You're safe with me
Listen to my voice, child 
Hear my lullaby
Hear Death's lullaby 
Death won't let them hurt you any longer
Child, don't you know
You were dead before I have claimed you as mine
The world outside is rotting itself
Its people are killing themselves 
The world has been dead for a while now
Filled with unnecessary cruelty, violence, terror
Everyone has been living dead for years upon end 
I, Death, am your friend
Yes, I have made you "pass away"
But now all your sufferings are over 
Embrace me and let me sing to you
The lullaby dedicated to the dead.

. . . . . . 

All these poems, except "Lullaby", are related to the TEO series. (Oh them character feels ;o;) 

Tell me what you think of my rushed poems. It's my own style of poetry, so deal with it. 8D 

Oh and which one is your favorite? (Tell meee >:U)

Bye.

~ Cutepups the writer 

wassup yo

Hey. I'm back from DC. What's up? (Nothing much. The sky..?)

I'm too tired and lazy to make an official post with photos right now. So yeah, just deal with me.

Even though my friends were in a ton of drama on Friday and Saturday, this weekend (today too) was pretty amazing. We made new friends and met new people (all our age.. except for the chaperones lol) all over the country. We saw historical landmarks and key national sites in the nation's capital (aka DC lol). We presented our speeches about all the crisises affecting the US today (gun violence prevention for me; presenting it and all went very well).

All in all, the experience, the community was phenomenal. Despite the drama and other people teasing me and a few of my friends (the new ones too), this weekend was awesome. I loved it! :)

Oh and more news I'm happy now is because...

It's Hanukkah! :D (Yes, I'm Jewish.. yes brah. Yes, I went on this trip because it's for this Judaism thing. Yes, I'm part of that program. Oh yes, brah.)

Lol I did so much official political stuff this weekend. It was very busy. Like busy from 8 in the morning to 12:30 at night. For each day. And the group activities wouldn't end until at least 11:30 at night. Busy, busy, busy.

Goodbyee~

-- Cutepups the awkward one ☆

Clarification Shiz

Hey guys. First off, sorry if I seem annoyed in this post. (*cough* crappy phone camera, irl drama with friends *cough*) yeah...

So anyway, I've been trying for the past few days to, you know, think more positive things. And just be happy.

Yeah, doing that does help me to feel better. But, actually, it's hard. To, you know, always think about the positive side of things.

I wasn't lying. I still mess up. I still stress out about things that aren't that much of a deal. I still can't help feeling anxious that I mess up everything I do. I hate knowing that I never know what to say- to anyone.

I feel lonely and awkward when I'm alone and away from other people. I feel stupid and awkward when I'm around other people. No matter what, I feel awkward. Socially awkward, to be more specific.

It's so freaking annoying when you know you can't decently socialize with anyone (and I mean anyone)! It's hard to ignore the fact that so many people (including friends or whatever) laugh and make jokes about how awkward and quiet you are! It's hard to ignore the fact that you stutter whenever you talk! It's hard to ignore the fact that you're public speaking to members of Congress on Monday and feeling really anxious about doing that even though you haven't went through all the committees and wrote the speech yet!

Guys, avoiding looking in their eyes doesn't help solve much. The thing is, I constantly fear I'm gonna make a mistake, or stutter, whenever I'm publicly presenting. And having to do this in a professional manner in front of some US senators and other members of Congress.. the thought unsettles me. And add the fact that literally everyone else in this group program thing is loud and outgoing and such extroverts while I'm the opposite of all that.. it sucks.

Wait, no. It's not a fear of messing up. I know for a fact I mess up. It's so much easier to think about all the negative things than the positive ones. I know what the positives are, but I don't know if they're just pretending to tolerate me. I'm as quiet and boring as a white wall. I know what the negative ones are as well, by the way.

Oh and no. I can't just go out and explain why I feel like this. I can't freaking talk casually without stressing out in my head on how awkward I must be (anxietyyy).

I feel like I can only be real with you guys. You friendly strangers across the internet, across the world. Just venting and posting this online makes me feel more real than with anyone I speak with irl. Because I can't put into words what I'm exactly feeling.

I'm nothing. Good night. <3

Reposting from my DA

Yooo, I'm gonna be away for a few days. Yep. I'm nervous, I'm excited. The italics in this post are from my DA journal because I'm too lazy to type a whole other thing up on here saying the same message. So yeah. :)

Hey guys. I guess this is a good time to tell you guys this. So yeah, I'm gonna be away for a few days.

Well, more specifically from tomorrow (December 4th) to Monday (December 7th). Well, there will be wifi in the hotel room. I'm just saying I'm gonna be gone because I will be very busy where I'm going and will not be able to check here as often as I usually do (if I even can at all). 

So anyway, where I'm going. Well, I'm going on this trip to Washington, DC for this 10th grade confirmation trip. I'm also a bit nervous of what we're (well, me lol) gonna do there. Basically, my group and I will have to go to these committees to learn about the nation's political issues. And then each one of us will have to present parts of our speech(es) to some members of Congress and U.S. Senators (and/or their advisors/aids). And me being anxious me, I get a bit nervous about the idea of doing that. Wow.. :0

Hey, you can read all the poems I made in the past 24 hours (and older ones too I guess) when I'm gone. Because, I know you'll miss me. ;D

Well, this trip will be quite an experience! ^-^'

Goodbye. <3

. . .

Mhmm yeah. That's where I'm going, and that's one of the activities I'll be doing there. I'm also gonna go to some museums, go shopping, services, and yeah, that's it basically. Seems like a lot of work. Pretty cool. I might post some pictures I take. 

I also came back from somewhere (oh yes vagueness yay) at around 9-ish. There were these 3 chubby kittens with their tiny tails in our garage. The cats were tiny compared to Thelma. Do you guys even know what that means?! Thelma is a tiny cat. And these kittens were tiny compared to tiny cat Thelma. Yeah, they were adorable! >w< 

Byee! 

~ Cutepups :3 

Old Posts That Make Me Laugh, Cringe, and Cry

I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm posting this on my iPad because my computer is still being a stupid butt. So anyway, I'm bored and in the mood to display some of my old blog posts from last year that I just reread. All of them make me laugh, cringe, and cry. Maybe you (lol like what 3 people?) remember these posts. Maybe you don't. I was.. ah.. different back then. Just.. um.. okay whatever, I'll just link the posts. XD

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/09/random-polar-bear-eating-carrot.html

(A post that is literally just a photo I took on my summer vacation in California of a polar bear eating a carrot.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/09/tries-to-do-aj-related-post-idk-o3o.html

(I think this is the very first post I made a Twinkle and Duke skit. Ah, them electro-flies and Duke though. *insert nostalgia here ;)*)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/09/candle-hats-daily-craziness-in-jamaa.html

(Duke though.. so fab. I actually changed a lot of the story plans from what I originally planned back then.. you better thank me.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/09/noticing-things-on-aj-precious.html

(Some AJ update stuff, and then this Precious thing with my buddy and Duke. Rainbow's single comment on the post.. I have always admired it.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/08/things-jammers-say-and-do.html

(An AJ post that still makes me laugh every time I see it.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/09/more-of-them-silly-jammers-tho.html

(It's basically Part 2 of the link above this one.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/08/is-this-normal-3.html

(A special post with Enchanted and Fauna from my alternate account.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/06/just-letting-you-know.html

(A post I made to tell people I was going away for the weekend for my brother's soccer tournament.)

http://thejamaamist.blogspot.com/2014/10/this-post-makes-no-sense-whatsoever.html

(I honestly have no idea how to describe this post. It's pretty swag though.)

. . . . .

Well ok then. That's enough posting memories from 2014 for one post. Even though I cringe from how immature and dorky I sounded in my posts back then, I still miss those old commenters from back in the day. I miss them so, so bad. 

On other news, I got my mom's birthday gift today. It's this thing that has these air scents that are supposed to make you feel more calm and less stressed when you breathe it in. Hey, let's see if it'll actually work with me when I'm feeling, like you know, how I vented for over a week a few weeks ago. Yeah that. Those were dark times. 

Yesterday, my classmate and I were talking about our favorite bands. Then we ranted about how mainstream (like music on the radio) is crap compared to our favorite bands' music. It was pretty fun dissing those pop singers with her. c:

So yeah, here are some of the (more recent) bands I'm obsessed with. (By that, I mean the ones I haven't posted about 5000 times already. And by obsessed, I mean listening to their songs on repeat ever since I come home from school till I go to sleep. And not listening to any other songs by other music artists.)

Haha yes, I'm one of those people. Cool, man, cool. :)

So, the bands (<3): Twenty One Pilots, Get Scared, Black Veil Brides, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Bring Me The Horizon, and All Time Low.

I love their music so much. (*whispers* Thank you in real life friends. ;v;)

If you like rock/alternative music, I recommend listening to them if you haven't already. 

See ya! :D

~ Cutepups 

Wow Have I Changed

Hi. It's December. Wow, I remember posting last December.. it's been a whole year since then?! Whoa, there, whoa. 0.0

I'm very tired right now. But I still have a lot of stuff to do. Because, life.

Wow, have I changed since last year! Last year I was posting about all the AJ updates and the daily Jamaaliday gifts. And I seemed to have this "awkward happy" feel in my posts.

And then there's me now who hasn't been bothered to go on my crappy computer for like a week now. And has kinda basically quit AJ. And abandoned that "awkward happy" feel of fakeness to make posts where I'm more honest and real. And changed the topic of this blog entirely.

Haha, yeah. A lot can change in the course of one year!

Hope you guys kinda have a better understanding of the characters because of my previous post. It took me a while to type all that up.

I'm so busy this week. So tired...

Sorry for all these boring, picture-less posts.

Bye guys. <3

~ Cutepups