Me Me Me | A.A.

 Hi. It's September. Wow.

I feel strange posting something new. Uh.. hi guys. I'm back. It's been another week. 

I'm going to say some things on my mind lately. Ok.

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Another Picrew post. Yes. 

https://picrew.me/image_maker/332600

I designed myself and all of my main characters on this Picrew. I really like the art style, haha. 

I only feel like focusing on me for this post. 

I think this Picrew avatar of myself looks the most like me out of all the Picrews I used so far. It looks like me. It's me. This is me. Me, me, me. 

Ok, ok. I'll insert the image now. :')

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This is what I look like. I'm considering changing my Blogger profile picture to this one. Maybe. 

Hi, I'm Shan. I have a black phone case. I wear glasses like the one I put on my avatar. I'm Jewish. I'm aroace. I'm aromantic. I'm asexual. 

This is me. I'm still on the long, winding journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

For the past few days, I've been thinking about my asexual identity. I haven't been thinking about it that much until recently. Now it's been stuck in my head. 

I'm aroace. I'm not just aro; I'm ace too. Both orientations make up so much of who I am. 

And so does being Jewish, but I'm not here to dive into talking about my religion and my slightly messy personal religious and theist beliefs. 

Ah heh. ^-^"

So why the sudden focus on asexuality? Well, I found another person who's asexual in-person. I have a new ace friend. And that makes me happy and excited. Yes, yes. :D

My roommate is ace and has an ace flag hanging on one of the walls of our dorm. That just makes me so happy and excited (which I just said). We also have common interests. *cries happy tears*

Last night, I was so happy that I was energetic and couldn't fall asleep. I barely got any sleep at night. The most I got was 4 or 5 hours. 

I finally fell asleep after 4 am. And I woke up on my own (with no alarm clock) at 9 am. I also didn't take a nap during the day, today. 

I had the urge to walk and run at 3 and 4 am. So yeah, haha, that's me. Just having the urge to pace around in the dead of night. Hyper. Restless. Not consciously aware of anything bringing me anxiety. I just had lots of energy then.

I'm starting to get tired now though. *yawns*

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I'm not exactly sure why, but the other day, I was suddenly hit with how I'm so unlike straight (hetero- romantic and sexual) people. It hit me so hard that I really am not straight. Nothing about myself is straight. That just isn't me. I don't relate to straight experiences. And that made me feel weird. It's hard for me to articulate my thoughts into words.

I don't, nor never have, experienced romantic and sexual attraction. I just don't know what those attractions feel like. 

And that doesn't mean I'm not whole. We all intrinsically matter. We are all intrinsically whole. 

I don't need anyone to "complete" me. I'm my own person. 

I'm not broken. I'm not broken. I'm not broken for who I am.

I am not automatically childish for being aroace. I'm not (like) a child because of my personal thoughts on sex and romance regarding myself. I'm not childish for having personal repulsions for those things. 

Kissing another person's lips, having sex... it's not a sign of maturity for everyone. It's okay if those aren't my things. That I'm not interested in those things. It's okay that I didn't do those things. I'm okay, I'm okay, I am okay. 

I am not broken. I am not broken. I am not broken. I am not broken.

I am not wrong. I am not flawed. I'm not a child because of my identity. I am not in need of fixing. I am not a robot.

~ Shan; A.A.