Duke but...

It’s Picrew time! This one made me laugh. Why—

If you can’t tell from the title, I made Duke from the avatar maker thing.

he. hehe hehe hehe. he!

Link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/81574

So here’s Duke but with long hair and he’s drunk. Long-haired drunk Duke. Yes.

(lmao why)
(because i can >:3)

lol look at this guy.

Dude, you look wasted. Duke, honey....,,,,,,, 

(i’m so sorry...)

ok that’s it. bye now. 

trying to draw again...

... and it's vent art.

(mm omg)

I've been in an artsy mood for around the past hour. I didn't draw anything new in who knows how long.

And so, I have tried to art.

I'm going to try to make this a finished piece, but I'm not making any promises on that.

Hmm. So this is what I can draw in 10 minutes. Not bad for someone who hasn't really sketched anything new in a while, I suppose.

<3 </3

Yeah. That might be me. 

I don't know for sure. I don't know anything. Heck, I don't know what I'm doing.

Prepare to be spammed with lots of short posts. 

lol bye-

Twinkle’s Birthday :)

Hi. Today is April 23rd. Know what that means?

It’s Twinkle’s birthday! :D

Twinkle’s/Stella’s birthday!

What’s her name? Both. Both are.

Ayy nice! :)

I’ve been listening to her music playlist today.

It’s good. Y’all should listen to it. ;D

haha ahaha ahh yes

Now I’m going to insert some of my favorite versions of her I made through avatar makers.

:3 bluey blue bop :P

<3 <3 <3 <3

Pictures. Heck yeah! XD 

Happy birthday. :’)

very short update post kinda

Yeah. What the title says, basically. ^ 

I’m still sad and grieving and all that. Listening to music helps me cope. That’s all there is to it. 

Because of social distancing and all, only my parents attended the funeral in-person. My sister and I just watched it from her computer at home (there was a video for it).

Not being to a funeral of a pretty close family member in-person... it’s kinda surreal. It’s so strange. 

Oh, the funeral was this morning. It was a short service just at the funeral parlor. Or whatever that place is called. You know what I mean, right? 

On another note, I finished and sent in (emailed my professor) my essay. Finally. He got it and is pretty understanding, so I guess that’s good. 

I’m doing alright. Just trying to cope with these life circumstances. 

So.. my grandma on my mom’s side is now gone. :’( 

I think I wrote posts about my other grandma more often on this blog. So if I mention her in a post about us doing something together or something, now you’ll all know I’m referring to my grandma on my dad’s side. 

Uh....... That’s all I have to say for now really. 

I’m glad to be done with one of my essays. :’) 

Oh yeah. Yesterday was 4/20. lol 

And tomorrow is Earth Day. 4/22. 

Which then means it’ll be a month until my birthday. I’m turning 20 this year. 20! :0 

Take care of yourselves. Stay safe. 

~ Shan <3 

quickly posts this then leaves

*quickly posts this then leaves* 

Hi. I felt like saying this now. 

(umm ok lol) 

I started feeling a little better later in the afternoon yesterday. I was able to go a store and buy a new phone charger, so I can properly charge my phone. Yay! 

......... yeah—

*listens to “Show Yourself” and “Into the Unknown” (both versions) from the Frozen 2 soundtrack on repeat* yes lol <3 

A week or two ago, I watched the Frozen 2 movie. And oh my gosh, I love those two songs. 

I also added some songs from the Frozen movies into Twinkle’s music playlist (“blue ice + blue fire”) on my Spotify. 

I think I only mentioned it way back in 2014, but after watching Frozen 2, I connected my original thoughts that I saw Twinkle (Stella, my beloved blue girl with ice-fire powers) be kind of like Elsa. 

(Yes, there are similarities between my character and Elsa. Shh..) 

Way back in 2014 (and early 2015?), “Let It Go” reminded me of Twinkle a lot. 

Elsa inspiration? Oh hmm... Perhaps. XD 

......... ok but like. Every Frozen song I mentioned in this post reminds me of Twinkle. 

Hhhhhhh hahaha aaaaaaaa

————————————

“A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the queen. ... Don’t let them in, don’t let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know... Well, now they know! Let it go, let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go! Turn away and slam the door. I don’t care what they’re going to say, let the storm rage on. ... And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all. It’s time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through. ... Here I stand and here I stay. ... My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around all around, and one thought crystallizes like an icy blast. I’m never going back, the past is in the past! ... I’ll rise like the break of dawn! ... That perfect girl is gone!” - Let It Go 

Twinkle (Stella) and Elsa? Heck yes! 

<3 <3 

“I can hear you, but I won’t. Some look for trouble while others don’t. There’s a thousand reasons I should go about my day, and ignore your whispers which I wish would go away. Oh whoa. You’re not a voice; you’re just a ringing in my ear. ... I’m sorry, secret siren, but I’m blocking out your calls. I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new. I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow you. Into the unknown (x3)~. ... What do you want? ‘Cause you’ve been keeping me awake. Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake? ... Every day’s a little harder as I feel my power grow.” - Into the Unknown 

Mmmm hmmm 

.......... time to go to my Shakespeare online class and discuss Hamlet. 

(yeet!) 

Another Post About Death

idk what to say. idk how to phrase things. idk what to say. idk how to process this. idk what to think. idk what to do. idk how to do it. idk how to say it. idk what to say.

....... so I'll just get to the point.

*sighs* ok look. here's the thing.

Things really aren't that great. They're pretty terrible, actually. I'm trying to cope, but that's hard to do.

I'm struggling. Ok. I'm struggling.

I'm very stressed and overwhelmed with a lot of things.

For my classes, I have late papers to write (which are all over a week late at this point). Not writing them is stressing me out, but so is thinking about writing them. It's extremely hard for me to focus on schoolwork at home, then add in my personal situation, and it seems nearly impossible. Just attending my online classes feels like I have to put a lot of effort in. Never mind having to write long essays.

I don't feel okay. I don't know how to handle everything I have to do. I'm already so late in sending assignments in.

I feel like crap. I'm trying not to fall down into another depressive episode, but it gets harder by the day. I want to sleep all day, but I can't. Because I have things to do, and my body physically won't let me stay in bed all day.

I know things will turn out okay eventually. But nothing feels okay now. Nothing is okay!

I have a headache (thankfully, the ibuprofen I took is kicking in now). I had issues charging my phone for around a week at this point, and today I found out that my phone is completely dead and won't turn on at all.

Ugh, I hate this! The charger really doesn't work now! :(

.......... anyway. *points to the post title* yeah.

This is another post about death.

(just get to the point!) (ok..)

I'm just going to type it out. I don't know how to say it any other way. I might not go into details in this post, but I feel like maybe you viewers should know what's going on.

............................... another family member passed away. and-and-and—

My grandmother died from the coronavirus/covid-19 a few days ago.

That same day when I attended one of my online classes, my professor told our class that one of our classmates died from the virus as well.

Having to hear about two deaths in one day... That hurt. A lot.

My heart has been hurting. Losing people I know personally from the coronavirus hurts. Not being able to see nor hear from them again is heartbreaking.

And because of all the restrictions, it's hard to even mourn and grieve properly. Physical socialization restrictions, I mean.

Last Thursday really, really sucked.

idk what else to say.

Maybe I'll vent in another post. I don't feel like writing anymore.

~ Shan </3

1. Fools

The number in the beginning of the post title for posts this month refer to the day and order of poems for napowrimo. It’s April. I have poems now.

This one is called “Fools”~ 

————————————

The year is 2020–

and the joke’s on us. 

High hopes, heads up,

new decade, fresh start— 

2020 will be our year. 

Well, the joke’s on us. 

Double 20,

I don’t have 2020 vision—

I never could have seen this coming. 

The months change, and each one 

lasts an eternity. 

Time is infinite, 

and time isn’t our friend. 

Oh, the joke is on us. 

2020 isn’t our year— 

we never asked for this. 

March changes to April,

and we’re fools.

Fools, fools, fools.

2020 laughs in our faces

and tells us how wrong we all are.

Only fools fall;

we all fall down.

Fools, fools, fools. 

In 2020, we are all fools.

We are April Fools. 

Joke’s on us—

2020 fooled us all.