Another Post About Death

idk what to say. idk how to phrase things. idk what to say. idk how to process this. idk what to think. idk what to do. idk how to do it. idk how to say it. idk what to say.

....... so I'll just get to the point.

*sighs* ok look. here's the thing.

Things really aren't that great. They're pretty terrible, actually. I'm trying to cope, but that's hard to do.

I'm struggling. Ok. I'm struggling.

I'm very stressed and overwhelmed with a lot of things.

For my classes, I have late papers to write (which are all over a week late at this point). Not writing them is stressing me out, but so is thinking about writing them. It's extremely hard for me to focus on schoolwork at home, then add in my personal situation, and it seems nearly impossible. Just attending my online classes feels like I have to put a lot of effort in. Never mind having to write long essays.

I don't feel okay. I don't know how to handle everything I have to do. I'm already so late in sending assignments in.

I feel like crap. I'm trying not to fall down into another depressive episode, but it gets harder by the day. I want to sleep all day, but I can't. Because I have things to do, and my body physically won't let me stay in bed all day.

I know things will turn out okay eventually. But nothing feels okay now. Nothing is okay!

I have a headache (thankfully, the ibuprofen I took is kicking in now). I had issues charging my phone for around a week at this point, and today I found out that my phone is completely dead and won't turn on at all.

Ugh, I hate this! The charger really doesn't work now! :(

.......... anyway. *points to the post title* yeah.

This is another post about death.

(just get to the point!) (ok..)

I'm just going to type it out. I don't know how to say it any other way. I might not go into details in this post, but I feel like maybe you viewers should know what's going on.

............................... another family member passed away. and-and-and—

My grandmother died from the coronavirus/covid-19 a few days ago.

That same day when I attended one of my online classes, my professor told our class that one of our classmates died from the virus as well.

Having to hear about two deaths in one day... That hurt. A lot.

My heart has been hurting. Losing people I know personally from the coronavirus hurts. Not being able to see nor hear from them again is heartbreaking.

And because of all the restrictions, it's hard to even mourn and grieve properly. Physical socialization restrictions, I mean.

Last Thursday really, really sucked.

idk what else to say.

Maybe I'll vent in another post. I don't feel like writing anymore.

~ Shan </3