skit story time # (lost count)

Hey, I’m back. I have motivation to make another post now. 

By that I mean I came up with another skit story after forever. Technically it’s continuing from the last two posts but whatever. And so, it is skit story time # (I lost count). Yes. >:)

I tend to write skit posts late (after midnight). That’s when I start. I enjoy finishing my skits with a character or few saying “Good night.” because it’s so fitting. I finish the skit part, publish the post, and then I pass out (sleep for a few hours). It was funny with the last one (the one I posted on Sunday) because I ended up being busy all day. So funny. I went to sleep a little after 5:30 am. Got at most 4 and a half hours of sleep, probably less. And I wasn’t in an awful mood all day. Nice work, me. 😆

I swear, the only way I think about my characters these days is if I plan and write skits. I don’t obsess over my characters if I don’t do that. This isn’t surprising at all. Hi hello it’s me. I am trying to revive my special interest here. Damn, I’m autistic! Wow! 😳🫣

Oh wait, I still add songs to my characters’ music playlists. That’s still a thing. I love music so much. Hell yeah! 

🌝🌚 A few points before this post’s skit:

1) They really do play video games in my plans for the story canon. Obviously it can’t be any actual video game any of us can play because the characters are fictional and their setting is fictional. I’ve been wondering how my characters would react to playing Mario Kart if they had the chance, so I decided to make Jack and Fierdan play that. I like to imagine it being one of the first times Fierdan played it.

I chose the characters they played as (Baby Luigi and Dry Bones) randomly. But also I know some gay Luigi memes, so I thought Fierdan playing as Luigi would be funny- and making him play as Baby Luigi would be even funnier. As for Jack, I can imagine him playing as Yoshi or Dry Bones. I don’t know why. Just a hunch I have, I guess. I haven’t actually played Mario Kart in a while, so my apologies if anything is wildly inaccurate in the skit. I miss playing it. This is yet another very unsurprising fact.

I’m not sure which console they’re playing it on, but I imagined them playing it on the Nintendo Switch when I wrote it. Obviously I can’t name the video game console they play on that (something something copyright or trademark, idk, stuff like that). 

2) I keep thinking that I’m a manipulative person and a liar, so that’s one reason why manipulation came up. I’ve also been thinking about how manipulative they (Jack and Fierdan) were and are. They sure have histories of engaging in manipulative behaviors. 

What? Jack isn’t wholesome? He also did very bad things? Uh.. well.. yeah. He’s done some Things that I don’t approve of. Jack X Fierdan problematic men couple for real. I say that half-jokingly. Pretty much all of my characters have done problematic shit. Suspicious things, lacking morals. They’re not good people. When I say all of them, I mean all of them. 

3) What is with that fourth wall shit? Yeah man, I have no idea. I just thought it was funny, so I started adding that in. Yes hi, I’m Shan, and I’m problematic. 😔😭 *is actually laughing* 😈 

4) Shan, hello?! What the fuck was that last skit? Hello?? 

Ehehheehehheheheheee eeeeeee 🫣😳 

Uh what- 

*insert gibberish here* 

5) That ending with Dylan. Oh boy, Jack and Dylan have history. Oh shit! 🤯 

(I also don’t know why I’m adding emojis. I haven’t made blog posts in a while. I need to express my feelings! Grr roar ahhh!! (wtf) *insert more gibberish here*)

Alright, I’m done. That’s all I felt like I had to say before this post’s skit. 

Thank you, yes, I am completely sane. 🙂 (might be questionable) 

Yes, I’m dumping thoughts about my characters I’ve stored up in my brain for a long time. 

Yes, I feel like I dissociate when I write my skits. The characters are writing them themselves. They’re too alive. Girl, help— 

… I don’t know what to name this skit story. I’m not good with naming stuff. Too many things happened, happen, and will happen. It’s too much. 

Introduction and commentary over. Skit begins now. 💥 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Time: Unknown. Probably some hour in the middle of the night when Fierdan finally is asleep. Very late. Location: Fierdan’s dreamscape. It’s very dark literally and figuratively. It’s giving some Cincernum vibes. SKIT WARNING: lots of profanity, mentions of trauma and death and sexual content, homophobia.] 

Deep but also androgynous voice: *speaks in an accusing and mocking tone* Do you have to swear so often? All this potential.. wasted. You’re so pathetic without me. So weak it disgusts me. You make me cringe. 

Another voice joins in, a man’s voice: He speaks so profanely like it’s his mother tongue. I can’t say I’m surprised since he came from Hell. He was and is inhuman, a demonic creature. Attempts at exorcizing him failed, and he left me this bad scar. *man walks into an area that’s less dark, he has an eyepatch covering one of his eyes and one of his hands is made of metal* 

First voice: A merely mortal human man against him. You should’ve known you would inevitably fail. *sighs* To be fair, I did contribute in helping him back then, but we are separated now. He broke our agreement. They both did. 

Second voice: And look at us now, meeting up together. The tables sure have turned. 

First voice: Indeed they have. 

Fierdan: *finally appears in his dream, mutters under his breath while looking at the speaker of the first voice and then the second* Soulless. Taurel. 

Soulless: *in a cheerful tone* The boy has returned! 

Taurel: *in a not-cheerful tone* The Fierdan has joined us. *stretches his arms up and behind his back* What did you want to lecture him about? 

Soulless: *nods to Taurel, then faces Fierdan who is much smaller in size than the other two* Must you swear? Every other word I hear from you is a swear. 

Fierdan: Since when were you concerned with my language? You raised me this way. *stares defiantly up at Soulless*

Taurel: Raised?

Fierdan: Shut up, Taurel. 

Taurel: Still fiesty—

Soulless: *cuts him off* Shush, you. I am speaking. Wait your turn. 

Fierdan: I heard you earlier. I am the best version of me with you gone. I haven’t been better. 

Soulless: *laughs* That’s a good one! You are nothing without me. Then and now. I would say nothing has changed but you got worse. It’s like you’re devolving back to your young childhood self before I educated you properly. 

Fierdan: What did you educate me on exactly? 

Soulless: Tons of things. I was your parental figure and your teacher for years. I raised you like you were my child. Her as well but not as directly. *stares more intently at Fierdan* But I am specifically focusing on your.. lifestyle. Your clothing choices, your romantic and sexual choices… Frankly, it makes you weak and pathetic. You lost all your potential, and your current life disgusts me to my core. Well, if I had one. You call me ‘Soulless’ after all! 

Taurel: He swears like a sailor and he’s frequently sexual with a man. Not as nature intended. It further proves my point that he is a creature from Hell, escaped from there, and will return there some day. He is a sinner through and through. 

Fierdan: *eye twitches* I wear whatever the fuck I want. I don’t care if some of my clothing choices are gender non-conforming. I wear whatever I like. My outfits make me happy. 

Taurel: *yells* You are a man! Stop dressing like a freak of nature! 

Fierdan: Shut the fuck up, you piece of shit before I pull your other eye out of your goddamn eye socket. 

Taurel: Continuing threats of violence, I see. How fitting of your character.

Fierdan: Funny how you think I’m just speaking threats. *hands clench into tight fists, tries to get closer to Taurel but Soulless blocks him* 

Soulless: Calm down, the two of you. 

Taurel: *glares at Soulless* He swears too much and is way too sexual. And on top of that, he chooses to make love with another man! 

Fierdan: We get it. You’re homophobic. 

Taurel: *laughs* Homophobic, he says! *turns to face Soulless* What did we talk about earlier? How he is degrading himself by turning himself into a creature of lust and sodomy? 

Soulless: That is true. I wonder if he likes the thought of being fetishized and seen as nothing but a sex toy. 

Fierdan: *scoffs* Sex toy! You’re one to talk considering all you did to me in Cincernum. Remember the ways you touched me? I haven’t. Your marks still haven’t left my skin, below the surface, no matter the number of times I’ve cleansed myself. I could have someone else touch me, with love and care, and could make love with them a thousand times, and your touch won’t go away! I could fuck and be fucked by anyone other than you over and over again, but the ghost of you, your fingerprints and whatever else, won’t disappear! You ruined me! 

Taurel: *takes a large step away from Soulless with a clear look of disgust on his face* 

Soulless: Ugh, stop being so dramatic. You’re both man-children. 

Taurel: Perhaps you caused him to be hypersexual. 

Fierdan: I’m not! 

Taurel: Oh, you’re not? Soulless has told me otherwise, right Soulless? 

Soulless: That is true. The truth is I have been watching you, Fierdan. 

Fierdan: *starting to shiver* I-It’s not true! Shut up!

Soulless: *chuckles* You’re so funny. I have in fact been watching you. All you do in that new place of yours is play video games, wear terribly not masculine clothing half the time, drink alcohol and smoke, and kiss and have sex with that… What was his name? Oh, that’s right. Jack. *sighs* Laziness. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. That’s all you do; that’s all you are without me. And you say you’re happy this way? Don’t fucking lie to me. This lifestyle of yours needs to end. Now. 

Fierdan: You’re just jealous that I found someone else to touch me in those places. 

Taurel: *face reddens* How obscene! Sinners everywhere! Sins in abundance! With a man… *shudders* 

Fierdan: *stops shaking, faces Taurel* Taurel, hey, I have to tell you something important. 

Taurel: What is it? 

Fierdan: Suck my dick. 

Taurel: *looks so offended that he just runs away* 

Fierdan: *smirks as he sees Taurel leave* Finally. 

Soulless: I bet you would like that. Taurel is a man after all. 

Fierdan: Shut up! Go away! 

Soulless: *snickers* Sex isn’t a personality trait, Fierdan. *pauses* Honestly, I couldn’t care less about your sexuality. *sighs* God, that Taurel guy is so fucking annoying. How did anyone like him? 

Fierdan: I have no idea. I would say his charisma, but holy shit, he’s ugly as fuck. He’s homophobic and a bunch of other kinds of bigot, so I can’t say I’m surprised.  

Soulless: Oh look, we can get along after all! I absolutely adore this. 

Fierdan: No, I still and will forever hate you. 

Soulless: If I had a heart, I would be heartbroken. *stretches* What else was it that I wanted to talk to you about? 

Fierdan: Fucking leave me alone! 

Soulless: No, not that. What was it? Ugh…

Fierdan: *starts walking away* 

Soulless: Oh, that’s it! 

Fierdan: *turns around to face Soulless* 

Soulless: I’m not sure how, but you somehow convinced the others that Finny is with you. Stop manipulating them and yourself and accept the truth! 

Fierdan: *speaks softly* Don’t say it, don’t say it…

Soulless: Stop living in denial! He wasn’t with you then and he won’t ever be with you again. *crouches down to be eye-level with Fierdan* Your first crush as Duke no longer exists. He died. You killed him. 

Fierdan: Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop—

Soulless: You, as Duke, caused the death of Finny. Your best friend, your first crush that you suppressed so well that you made that girl with you be convinced you were straight. Did you ever really love her, or was she just a pawn in your game? 

Fierdan: *thinking back to his Duke self* I.. I think so? 

Soulless: You think so? 

Fierdan: No! *shakes head* Fuck. No, I did. I genuinely did love her. I didn’t expect Stella leaving and hating me to hurt me so deeply. 

Soulless: So you can be attracted to women? 

Fierdan: I mean, yeah, I’m bisexual. I’m romantically and sexually attracted to both men and women. 

Soulless: I can just imagine Taurel saying how that adds to your sexual depravity.

Fierdan: He would probably say that. I bet he would scold me for being in a relationship with Jack as if it’s a choice I fell in love and feel the safest with another man. 

Soulless: We get each other so well. *gets up* Ugh, I got distracted. My point is your first friend, your first love— who betrayed you, may I add— is dead. Finny died, Fierdan. 

Fierdan: *tears appear in his eyes* And you think I don’t know that? Do you honestly think I could really forget that? Fucking hell, he’s dead because of me. Sure, you corrupted my Duke self so badly, but fuck. Fuck! I could’ve saved him! If I only.. if I only found him faster. *stares Soulless in the eye* We killed him. He died because of us. It’s not just me. You.. you…

Soulless: You were the one in control, more than I was. Duke is a part of your identity; you’re Duke, not me. 

Fierdan: You made Finny get sick, but I failed to save him in time. Fuck.. I miss him so much. Is it really bad of me to trick the others into thinking he made it here? That he survived? 

Soulless: Are you really asking me? 

Fierdan: No! No, I don’t know. *falls on his knees* He did things no friend should have done, but he didn’t know better. Taurel tricked him. He.. He rejected me when I opened up about my feelings toward him. I don’t care that he’s straight and doesn’t see me that way. I don’t care! I just.. *tears are streaming down his face at this point* I loved him regardless. I miss him so, so, so much. 

[Waking world. Time: Early morning. Location: Jack’s apartment. Jack and Fierdan are in bed together.]

Jack: *makes a sleeping Fierdan get up and lean his head into Jack’s chest, wraps his arms around Fierdan’s back* 

Fierdan: *eyes closed, body trembling, eyes and face wet from crying* 

Jack: *to himself more than to Fierdan* Another nightmare, huh? There, there. *hugs Fierdan tightly, making his chest act like a pillow for him* 

[Several hours later. Dylan takes a deep breath in and out. Then he knocks on the front door to Jack’s apartment.] 

Dylan: *under his breath* Remember. Like we rehearsed. 

Jack: *opens the door ajar, sees that it’s Dylan, and opens it further* 

Dylan: *lowers the hand he knocked the door with*

Jack: Dylan! Hi, what are you doing here at my place? 

Dylan: Are you home alone right now? 

Jack: *looks back into his apartment* Uh.. yeah. Why? What is it? 

Dylan: *looks where Jack was looking, then looks at Jack again* I heard what you said—

Jack: *cuts him off* You heard us? Were we that loud last night? 

Dylan: *blushes* No! Not that! *looks disgusted* Don’t rub it in my face. God!

Jack: Oh, you don’t mean that. Ohh.

Dylan: I meant to say I heard what you told Fierdan about how we used to hang out together, just the two of us, and how we were close friends who played video games—

Jack: *arches eyebrow* How did you know? 

Dylan: [Redacted] was away on a mission and as she passed by your place, she overheard you and him. 

Jack: *sighs* I figured. And since I mentioned you, she told you. Right?

Dylan: *nods* Look, Jack, you have to tell him eventually. The entire truth. We have history, and you and me both know it. 

Jack: I thought you kept saying that we were friends and nothing more. I’m sorry I thought you wanted to be more than that, but don’t say I’m lying when I tell him we used to be much closer friends. Look, Dylan, I miss you. I miss you as my friend. I hate how distant you are. 

Dylan: You know what I mean. You can’t hide it from him forever. Or else he’ll find out by other means. And believe me when I say that none of us wants that.

Jack: *raises voice* You said we were only friends! I let him know we were friends! What’s the big deal? 

Dylan: You know what I mean! We were friends and nothing more, that’s true, but when most people think of friends, they don’t come to the conclusion that friends do.. what we did. And I don’t just mean playing video games together. 

Jack: Oh, of course. I should’ve known you meant that. 

Dylan: Fierdan has a right to know. He’s in a relationship with you, so you should be the one to tell him. You’ll sound more credible than me anyway. 

Jack: I guess that’s true…

Dylan: You’ve been in a relationship for a while now. It’s been at least a few months. 

Jack: I’ll.. I’ll think about it. 

Dylan: Jack, come on! Fierdan is so dramatic and loud and just fucked up, but come on! He deserves the right to know! 

Jack: I know, I know. I just—

Dylan: Just make sure you do it. Tell him. 

Jack: I will, I swear. 

Dylan: You better. I swear to god, Jaysen. 

Jack: I don’t go by that anymore. How would you feel if I called you by your deadname? 

Dylan: It’s nowhere near the same thing. The only way people will treat you completely seriously is if they call you by your full name. 

Jack: *rolls eyes* And where did you get that from? Ryen? He used to only refer to his brother as Daniel, and we all know how much he hates being called that. And we know how much Ryen hates being called Aeryen. *sighs* Birth names suck for lots of us. We’re not trans, but—

Dylan: Ugh, I get it. I’m sorry. Whatever. 

Jack: *sighs* 

Dylan: I really am. *sighs* I really do miss playing video games with you. I miss our gamer days. But I know you can’t just leave Fierdan. If I’m playing and he’s there too, then… It feels suffocating to be there knowing that he doesn’t know what happened with us. I just can’t get close to him if he never knows. It doesn’t sit right with me. *takes a deep breath* And no, I’m not jealous that you moved on to him. Or anyone else really. I couldn’t care less who you date. We never had anything romantic between us. You’re allowed to have other friends. But.. you know. 

Jack: *nods* I know. Sorry, I can be such a dick. I just don’t want to hurt him. You don’t see him when he sleeps with you. You could think he’s so happy, he really is happy before he falls asleep, but then he screams and cries in his sleep, and it’s.. it’s terrifying, Dylan. The things he says. His past was so tragic and just so fucked up. 

Dylan: Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know. But if you keep this secret from him, you will end up hurting him. 

Jack: You’re right. I know. This shit is so hard. *zones out, shakes head* I’m not over what I overheard him mumbling in his sleep early this morning. God, it feels like his past was an endless nightmare. So much violence and trauma. It’s horrible. 

Dylan: You have your own share of trauma. 

Jack: Nothing compared to what he went through! 

Dylan: Stop that. Listen to me. Your past fucked you up, and Fierdan’s past, no matter how fantastical it may seem, doesn’t dismiss what you went through. What happened to you. *sighs* Can’t believe I’m defending him. Maybe I don’t hate him. *laughs* 

Jack: I know you just have a cold exterior. Of course you don’t actually hate him. 

Dylan: Don’t test my patience. 

Jack: *smiles* Well, we’ve been talking for a while just outside my door. Want to come in? Have a snack and play a round of something? 

Dylan: No thanks. I really should be going. 

Jack: Fierdan isn’t here. It’s okay for us to hang out. It won’t be awkward. 

Dylan: Things will always be awkward between us. I’m sorry. 

Jack: Oh.. oh okay. 

Dylan: I know I’m blunt. I just.. sorry.. it’s just that I promised I would teach Stella something.

Jack: So you made a friend, huh? 

Dylan: Maybe. So what if I did? 

Jack: Nothing. It’s nothing. Have fun with whatever the two of you are up to. 

Dylan: Uh.. thanks. Goodbye Jack.

Jack: Alright. See you later. 

Dylan: *walks away, waves*

Jack: *takes a deep breath, enters his apartment, letting the door slowly close behind him* 

————————

March 2023 (03/2023) // XX

Hi, it’s new post time. I haven’t checked here in a hot minute. Yet again. *insert pensive emoji here* 😔 (yes.)

Well, it’s March now. March 2023. 03/2023. *thinks too much about the number 3 for a minute* 

… … … 

Anyway. I still haven’t fixed the commenting malfunction thing that happened to me again. I don’t know why after every few months, Blogger won’t let me comment while signed in to the Google account I have for this whole blogging thing on my blog. It’s very annoying. I don’t like it. I have to fix some settings or whatever. Yet again. *sigh* 

I also keep forgetting to make posts with Picrews I did with my characters. It’s been several months at this point. I just keep forgetting. Head empty if you will. Godddd I suck at remembering to do this blogging thing. Like, I put so much effort into putting ads on here and for what? For me to not even post? Bloody hell. 

:/ :/ :/ ……………

Now since it’s been haunting me since I made that skit in the last post, take this trash. Pretend it’s possible for my characters to reflect on what they said then. I have no idea when or in what dimension it takes place in. Is it happening a day, a week, or a month after the skit? No idea. 

Again, my head is empty and I’m dumb as crap. Oh wait, that’s just my digestive issues saying hello post-midnight edition. brb ✌️ 

… *a few minutes later* ok, let’s go. skit time! 😏

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Time: Between midnight and 3 am. Location: Jack’s apartment. Warning: Contains profanity and suggestive sexual content.]

Jack: Why did you have to word it like that? 

Fierdan: Like what? 

Jack: Quoting from the last skit, “I have no drive.” Sounds suspicious. 

Fierdan: Suspicious, huh? Lmao. 

Jack: *arches eyebrow* Did you say say “el em ay oh” (lmao)?

Fierdan: *stares back at Jack* Yes. So what? 

Jack: *face has been blushing more and more ever since whatever this is started* N-Nothing. It’s nothing. I just don’t want them to get the wrong idea. 

Fierdan: Wrong idea? Who? I’d kill them!

Jack: *sighs, stops blushing* I thought we went through this. Threatening to kill people, even if they inconvenience us, isn’t a good thing to do. And don’t you have trauma about killing anyway? 

Fierdan: Right. Yeah, okay. *stares at the wall behind Jack for a minute or two* You said “psych-manipulation as powers” and I think that’s funny. Psych-manipulation? Psychological manipulation? Of course it’s psychological. 

Jack: I was talking about how me and [Redacted 1 and 2] have psychic powers compared to most of you guys with your physical Elemental Power. Come on, pyrokinesis is more different than the abilities of my powers. Like, yours and Dylan’s powers are more similar than how either of yours is to mine. 

Fierdan: Fire and water. Hmm, I guess you have a point. “Psych-manipulation” still sounds funny though. Want to know why? *grins, reaches out and pokes Jack’s nose piercing with the tip of his fingernail* 

Jack: *responds by wrapping his arms around Fierdan’s neck and shoulders, bringing him closer to him on the couch they’re sitting on* Sure. Why? 

Fierdan: Because we’re both manipulative. We manipulated people countless times. *breaks out of the hug, moves an inch away from Jack* We’re not good people. We’ve both done shady shit. 

Jack: Sometimes lying is necessary for safety and survival. Besides, the times when I was doing manipulative behavior the most was far before we met. My teenage years.. oh boy, I was like a different person. 

Fierdan: Haha, I was actually a different person as a teen compared to who I am now. I mean, Duke is a significant part of my personality now, but still, two different people. Well, sort of. 

Jack: You know, it is pretty weird how I met you at two different times. Once as Duke, once as Fierdan back then… Well, and then as the Fierdan you are now. So.. hmm.. three times then?

Fierdan: *shrugs* I guess. I don’t really care about that much. What were we talking about again? *smirks* Oh yeah, about how you were a manipulative little fucker. 

Jack: Well, yeah, I was, but— 

Fierdan: I’m kidding; don’t take it harshly. *reaches out and pats Jack’s head, ruffling his hair* I’m the last person who can judge you based on your past. No matter what you did. *lowers arm, stares at his hand* By the way, are you gonna ever reveal to the skit readers what exactly you did? 

Jack: *does the same thing (reaching out, messing up Fierdan’s hair with his hand, lowers hand a few seconds later)* I’m not sure if I’m ready to. Shan has a general idea of what happened, but I don’t feel like sharing in a space where others can read it yet. 

Fierdan: That’s fair. 

Jack: To put it vaguely, I manipulated some people to get me what I want when I was basically living on my own on the streets in [name of city]. Being homeless is rough, then add the layers of being queer and neurodivergent, and.. yeah, shit gets rough. I know I still have privileges though like being white and a man. But still, there were people out there who wanted to assault me and people like me. With my powers, of course I was going to take advantage of making sure I was safe and that every time would be consensual. With mine because I ain’t getting.. you know.. when I can mess with people’s perceptions. Didn’t make what I got into healthy and safe completely because that’s far from the truth. Fuck, I forgot what I was gonna say next.

Fierdan: It’s okay. *grabs one of Jack’s hand, intertwines their fingers, and squeezes in comfort* I love you even if you’re problematic. 

Jack: *laughs* Problematic? Shut up. You’re one to talk, problematic king. 

Fierdan: I know. I’m reclaiming “problematic” it’s mine. 

Jack: Reclaiming it. *rolls eyes* Okay. 

Fierdan: Ahh no, don’t hate me! 

Jack: Of course I don’t hate you, dummy. It’s just the way you talk about certain things—

Fierdan: I love you. Uh.. uh.. *avoids eye contact* Your eyes are so pretty. 

Jack: My eyes? What? *raises Fierdan’s head by prodding a finger under his chin* No, your eyes are gorgeous. Blue eyes are overrated, and I don’t care if you have a thing for blue eyes. I love my problematic babe, my Danny boy. *gives Fierdan a quick kiss* 

Fierdan: *blushes* Oh yeah. We have to remind them that we’re partners. Of course we do. *kisses Jack back, then gets up and starts taking his shirt and pants off* 

Jack: Dude—

Fierdan: What? Just insert a pun about how I’m hot and fire. Both are true. *makes tiny orange flames start appearing down his back, chest, arms, and legs* Look Jack, I’m fire man. 

Jack: *smiles* You sure are. And it doesn’t hurt? 

Fierdan: *shakes head* If it’s my own fire, then no. Very warm, yeah, but it won’t burn my own skin. *stretches arms* Oh man, I missed this. I bet the readers forgot I could do this. Heck, maybe Shan too. *takes a deep breath in and out, and then arms-length wings shoot and unfurl out from his shoulder blades* 

Jack: Damn, that’s hot. Literally. I’m sweating. 

Fierdan: I forgot why I have this as a fire ability, but it’s cool as fuck to pretend to be part-phoenix or fire fairy sometimes. Wings of fire is some hot shit. I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with doing the other colors of fire in my inventory, but classic orange/yellow/golden flames still look pretty cool. Black fire wings… *shudders* 

Jack: *nods* Yeah, mhmm, I’m paying attention to everything you’re saying. Of course I am. 

Fierdan: *wings casually flapping in time with the whir of the fan in the corner of the room* Whatever you say. 

Jack: I’m gonna turn the fan on high. *gets up and starts walking towards it* 

Fierdan: What? No, my plans! *tiny flames over his body grow slightly bigger* 

Jack: *stands in front of the fan, turns around to look at Fierdan* What are your plans? To make it so hot in here that I take my clothes off? 

Fierdan: Come on, you know you want to. Just wearing boxers is better than wearing all that. Let’s just hang out in our underwear. 

Jack: Uh, what—

Fierdan: What the hell am I even saying? *shakes head*

Jack: I have no idea, dude. That was weird. 

Fierdan: Haha, shut up. Please. You’re ruining the vibe. 

Jack: No, you shut up. *laughs then sighs* But for real though. These sweatpants are so uncomfortable. *pauses* Screw it. *takes off shirt, slips out of pants* 

Fierdan: *bites lip* That’s what I’m talking about. Hell yeah. 

Jack: Happy now? 

Fierdan: Yeah, of course I am. *stares at the fan behind Jack* Hey, turn it on high. It’s only gonna get hotter from here. *smirks* 

Jack: *turns the fan to its highest setting* But the start of this skit? What would they think? 

Fierdan: *walks towards Jack, his wings flapping wildly behind him* I don’t give a fuck. Let them think we’re “suspicious” or “inappropriate”— they don’t matter. 

Jack: If you say so. Can I even touch you when you’re covered in flames? 

Fierdan: Try it. 

Jack: I don’t want to get burned. 

Fierdan: You do know I’ve made myself get covered in flames even without being fully conscious of doing so a number of times when we slept together. And I know you know what I mean. 

Jack: *face getting red* Of course I know! Of course you did. Fire… *slowly reaches his hand out to touch Fierdan* 

Fierdan: We’ve done this a dozen times. There’s no difference when we’re standing. I promise I won’t hurt you. 

Jack: I don’t know. It just feels different. *his fingertips gently make contact with a part of Fierdan’s chest with a ring of tiny flames just outside where his fingers touch his skin* It’s warm but comforting. It feels nice. 

Fierdan: Mhmm. *grabs Jack’s wrist, pulling him closer so his fingers press into Fierdan’s chest, then he presses their bodies close together so one wing looks like it’s almost wrapped around one of Jack’s shoulders* 

Jack: Oh, oh okay. I like this. *moves the fingers on Fierdan’s chest up and uses them to trace part of Fierdan’s jawline, then kisses him there* 

Fierdan: *starts tracing over some of Jack’s tattoos with the tips of his fingers, slowly and deliberately moving them lower and lower* 

Jack: *does the same thing but substitute tracing tattoos with just barely avoiding tiny flames covering his partner’s body* So Fierdan, do you have a “drive” tonight? 

Fierdan: Bringing it back to what I said back then, I see. *sighs* Right now? Are you serious? 

Jack: *tries but struggles to not laugh* Completely serious. 

Fierdan: Move your fingers a few more inches down, and that should confirm it. 

Jack: *doesn’t do that* So what is it? Yes or no? 

Fierdan: *says under his breath* Lower your hand, damn it. *says louder* Yes! Obviously! You have more experience with this kind of stuff than me, yet you’re somehow dense as a brick or some shit. 

Jack: I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I know you’re turned on as much as I know that I am. 

Fierdan: I don’t know about you but you do a great job of affirming that I sure am allosexual and horny as fuck. For you. Fuck.

Jack: Obviously, I have a ton of sexual attraction to you. *stares into the flames that make up Fierdan’s wings* So hot.. you’re so hot. Damn. *pauses for several seconds* So, “drive” huh? 

Fierdan: Are you hyperfixated on that word or something? 

Jack: Yes… No. No, I’m not. 

Fierdan: Yeah sure, Jay-boy. 

Jack: *smirks* Want to mess with them? The rest of them? 

Fierdan: I just want to get to.. well, you know my dirty thoughts. *pauses for a few seconds* Sure, let’s mess with them. 

Jack: Alright. *turns to face the direction of a camera or TV screen (if there was one, there’s not), then uses his hand not touching Fierdan and forming it into a gun sign, pulls the trigger* 3, 2, 1.

[Static fills the screen (the skit readers’ screens) and eventually turns into a black and white chessboard. Then the screen clears to reveal Jack and Fierdan sitting back on the couch, fully-clothed and no fire.]

Jack: I don’t know what they were all thinking. Everyone’s so silly, huh? 

Fierdan: Definitely. The “drive” is about playing video games. Obviously. 

Jack: Yes, of course. Now, which type of vehicle thing and wheels should I make my character ride in? 

Fierdan: Just choose whatever. I don’t care. I’m gonna beat your ass. *taps his fingers over the game controller in his lap*

Jack: Keep dreaming, Danny boy. *finally makes a decision on a “vehicle thing and wheels”* 

Fierdan: Finally, let’s go. 

Jack: Okay but first don’t you find it funny that I messed up everyone’s perceptions of us? Like, we’re playing Mario Kart now. Totally didn’t make them perceive us at another time. Anyway, I’m gonna drive around the track a third time while you’re just starting your second. 

Fierdan: Shut up, damn. I know the controls now. 

Jack: *laughs* Yeah sure, buddy. 

Fierdan: I’m gonna beat you. Make sure we’re doing Rainbow Road. 

Jack: Because it’s the gay course? 

Fierdan: Because of all the rainbows and shit? Of course! Who do you think me and Baby Luigi are? 

Jack: *starts crying from laughing so much* Baby Luigi. God. I can’t. You chose Baby Luigi. 

Fierdan: Are you mocking me? You chose that skeleton creature. He’s not better than my favorite green man in baby form. 

Jack: You.. You mean Dry Bones.

Fierdan: I don’t care what his name is. You usually choose Yoshi, so choosing him instead is a huge disappointment. 

Jack: You’re killing me. Okay, ready to start? 

Fierdan: Yes, let’s go! 

[And so it begins. The characters start racing on the rainbow track. A few minutes later.]

Fierdan: Come on! Go faster! 

Jack: Oh no. *Dry Bones rides over a banana peel* 

Fierdan: Haha, I’m beating you now! Hahaha! 

Jack: Ugh, come on. Yes, go! 

Fierdan: *a shell hits Baby Luigi’s* Ahh fuck! Who did that? Was it you? 

Jack: What, me? No, no, no. I bet it was Bowser Jr. Look! 

Fierdan: *Bowser Jr. creeps up next to Baby Luigi* Oh, hell no! This fucker is going down! 

Jack: *laughs as Dry Bones suddenly sneaks past Baby Luigi* 

Fierdan: You’re evil. Doing that is evil, Jay-boy.

Jack: Sucks to suck. Be a crybaby like your Baby Luigi. 

Fierdan: My baby doesn’t cry! *screams at the TV screen* 

Jack: I loved how I introduced you to video games. Mario Kart is such a classic. 

Fierdan: Haha! Yes! Go, baby, go! *meets up with Dry Bones, uses a Golden Mushroom* Fuck yeah! Baby Luigi can drive better and faster than you! 

Jack: See, this is the “drive” we meant! Obviously! 

Fierdan: I have no idea why you keep saying that. It’s getting old. I’m gonna beat your ass in this race. 

[A few minutes later.]

Jack: Fine, I let you win. I’d beat you in the next one. 

Fierdan: Ahahaha! Baby Luigi and I are superior! *throws down game controller and pumps fist into the air* 

Jack: Okay, okay. I admit I haven’t had this much fun playing this in a while. *places the game controllers on the coffee table in front of them* Now I wonder… 

Fierdan: Wonder what? 

Jack: Who would win? You, me, or Dylan. 

Fierdan: Dylan? What about him? 

Jack: We used to hang out a lot more often before you came around. We spent days and nights together playing video games. He was so competitive. It was hard for me to beat him. Not just in this game but every one basically. 

Fierdan: Damn, I didn’t view him as that kind of guy. 

Jack: You barely know him. If you two ever stop bickering over who knows what, you would get to know how he’s a chill dude. 

Fierdan: You call him competitive; you call him chill. Make up your mind! 

Jack: You’re one to talk, Fierdan. You and your.. *gestures vaguely* everything you have going on. 

Fierdan: Ugh, okay. I get it. You two were friends. 

Jack: *nods, leans back on the couch* He got me into so many games. Playing with him is fun. We should all play some time. Probably at an earlier hour like before midnight, but I’m fine with any time really. 

Fierdan: Okay, that does sound fun. 

Jack: Mhmm… 

Fierdan: *stares at the ceiling* Friends, huh? 

Jack: *also starts staring at the ceiling* Yes, friends. I don’t care how unbelievable it is. Sure, the two of us are different types of queer and neurodivergent, but it also makes us relate to each other. 

Fierdan: Hmm yeah, I guess that makes sense. 

Jack: Yeah… 

[Meanwhile in Dylan’s room. Separate apartment. He’s in his bedroom, in his bed.]

Dylan: *rubs his eyes and checks the clock on his nightstand* 3:30 am. Geez. *sits up with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed and his feet on the floor, reaches for the water bottle next to the clock, grabs it* Almost empty? *drinks the last drops of water in it, sighs, then positions his hand over the top of the bottle in a particular way* Still thirsty. I hate getting that sudden urge to drink water at 3 am. *water starts pouring out of his fingertips like mini faucets until half of the water bottle is full* There. *drinks from the bottle, sighs, puts it back on the nightstand, stands up, earbud buzzes in his ear* Someone is thinking about me. Interesting… *stands by the door* I hate it. Just “friends” he says? Funny. He didn’t think that for a while back then. There was nothing more between us except for that, and what did he think? That we could no longer “just be friends”? Haha, first playing with water and now playing with fire. Hahaha. He can’t keep it from him forever. *paces back and forth in front of the door* Bullshit. I’ll hang out with you again when things aren’t so heated with things unsaid between the three of us. He’ll find out soon enough. *adjusts earbud* Thank you for letting me know. Yes, yes. Good night. Do the actual job you were assigned for. Good luck. Good night. 

——————

idk what this is either (january 2023 version)

Hi. It’s January 2023. 

idk what this is either (january 2023 version)

It’s now been a whole year since Mr. Zo died. Can’t believe it. (He was my grumpy boy cat.)

Blogger signed me out when I try to comment on my blog. And other Blogger blogs. Again. Gotta check the settings. Again. *sigh* :/  

I have no idea how I’m feeling physically and mentally right now. Not good?? Neutral?? idk!! 

I’m at that weird state where I haven’t obsessed over my characters in months, but I still add songs to their Spotify playlists since songs still remind me of them. Also, lots of times when I’m trying to fall asleep, I randomly get thoughts of them. And I feel like an intruder spying on them. Yeah, I just.. I don’t even know. 

I also still design them on various Picrews. I even have a Picrew from the middle of last year where I created avatars of many of my characters. I keep forgetting to show it here. I’m forgetful and busy, haha. 

Special interest weird zone these days. I feel so weird…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

… 

[Setting: Bar but it’s nearly empty. A few people are sitting on stools at the bar. I don’t know how to describe things anymore. I feel blank—]

Fierdan: *wraps his hand tighter around his nearly empty beer glass* I don’t know. Is it irrational of me to fear being forgotten? 

Jack: Well, I—

Fierdan: *cuts Jack off (smh), stares at the last drop of beer in his glass* But at the same time, I’m too tired to care. I have no more energy left to care. 

Jack: We’ll all be forgotten some day, but being afraid of it… I wouldn’t call it irrational. *sighs* I’ve been feeling tired lately as well. Apathetic. *takes a long sip of beer from his glass* 

Female voice from the entrance to the bar: Stop projecting onto your characters, Shan— 

Jack: *turns to face that direction* Oh. Hey, Dawn. 

Dawn: *walks over to them* Hey. 

Finny: Did she just break the fourth wall? Also, who’s Shan—

Me: *randomly appears sitting on another stool* I did not expect myself to be here, but okay. Where’s the bartender?

Ryen: There is no bartender. This is a liminal space you created for us— and for you— to exist in. 

Me: Ryen? What are you doing here? This is a bar! 

Ryen: Liminal space. 

Me: What? 

Stella: *points to Fierdan* You have abandonment issues. 

Me: Wow, so blunt. 

Fierdan: Yeah, I know. *finally drinks the last drop of beer in his glass* 

Me: Wow, such a chill response. 

Finny: Sorry, but who are you again? 

Stella: You can’t just say that, Finny. 

Finny: Huh, why? 

Stella: You just can’t. It’s common courtesy. 

Me: *is at a total loss for words* 

Fierdan: Well, it has been a while since we, you know, talked. Things changed. Like, I’m more chill now. 

Stella: *scoffs (is that the right word?)* More chill. Ha! 

Jack: *rolls eyes* You have to admit it. All of us are not as emotionally charged as we used to be. We’re less of a collective wreck than we used to be. 

Dawn: Yeah, that’s true. There hasn’t been drama in a while. 

All: *nod in agreement* 

Me: *stares at everyone blankly*

Finny: *points to me* Is this Shan person okay? 

Me: You can just talk to me. 

Finny: *gasps, stares at the ceiling* 

Me: Uh… okay. 

Fierdan: I’m just so tired. 

Dawn: Shan, go to bed already. 

Fierdan: Like, where’s the passion? The motivation? Who am I without—

Jack: You’re my boyfriend, and I love you.

Me: *gasps* Romance! In this liminal space?

Stella: I know right. Anyway, go to bed. Listen to Mother Dawn. 

Me: *looks even more confused* Mother—

Dawn: Want me to make you my famous tea I forgot the flavor of? 

Me: Uh—

Dawn: Well, too bad. I can’t even do that now. 

Me: What? Why? 

Ryen: Liminal space. 

Fierdan: *stares blankly at Dawn, Stella, and me* I was going to say vengeance. 

Random Girl: You were going to say “anger” actually. 

Me: Who was that? Where’d she go? 

Fierdan: *startles* I didn’t know you were joining us, [redacted]! *sighs* I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. 

Me: To what?

Redacted: Just appearing. Saying anything really. 

Me: Uh… okay. So what’s your name? 

Other Random Girl: You haven’t named us yet, so you’ll only hear our names as [redacted]. 

Me: Wait, what—

Random Girl: You’re not that good at deciding on names, Shan. 

Other Random Girl: *nods* Yeah, Shan really isn’t good at choosing names. 

Me: *looks to one and then the other* Wow, you two— Are you—

Jack: Twins? Yes. 

Other Random Girl: *rolls eyes and sighs* Yeah, me and [redacted] are twins. 

Me: Ah, I see. Okay.

Jack: *is suddenly behind the two girls, wraps his arms around their backs like an awkward group hug or something* They’re members of the cool kids group. *clears throat* I mean they also have psych-manipulation as powers. 

Random Girl: I don’t feel comfortable with all this attention on me. 

Jack: *takes large step away* Oh, right. I can’t believe I keep forgetting. 

Random Girl: It’s only natural. You’re just trying to introduce me to Shan. 

Me: Uh… *raises hand and waves* Hi. 

Random Girl and Other Random Girl: Hello. 

Ryen: *blinks slowly* Yeah, they tend to do that. 

Finny: *still staring at the ceiling* Yep. 

Fierdan: Well, it’s refreshing to not be the only one—

Stella: You make no sense. 

Fierdan: Yeah, I know. Being so hypervigilant and yet the twins startle me every time they appear.

Stella: Yeah, you should work on that. 

Other Random Girl: Well, with our— [redacted] and my— powers, it’s not that weird. We’re pretty much spies, so…

Me: Wait. Spies? 

Finny: Yeah. So crazy. 

Me: *nods, doesn’t know what else to say* 

Fierdan: Does this mean I’m not forgotten? That none of us are? At least not yet? 

Ryen: Ah great, I’ve turned you into another philosopher! 

Me: I can’t tell if that was sarcastic or not. 

Ryen: Neither could I. 

Me: Uh… okay then. So, uh, you and Fierdan? You get along now? 

Ryen: Well, kind of. Things got better. 

Fierdan: We don’t want to kill each other, so I’d call that a major improvement. 

Ryen: Yeah. We’re not at each other’s throats anymore. 

Me: *suddenly has tears in my eyes* That’s beautiful. Like, actually… wow. 

Ryen: Uh… yeah, sure. 

Fierdan: I mean, we both do find philosophy interesting. Because, you know… *gestures vaguely* 

Me: What? 

Fierdan: I’m tired and don’t have energy. Words are hard right now. 

Random Girl: Projecting. You’re projecting, Shan. 

Me: *sighs* Okay, okay. I’ll go to bed. 

Dawn: Even I knew you were projecting. 

Me: Okay, okay. Geez… 

Jack: *whispers to Fierdan* Are you really tired, or—

Fierdan: *steps away to talk to Jack privately* Tired. I have no drive. Not tonight. 

Random Girl: *snickers* 

Fierdan: Well, I’m glad I still exist. I don’t know my personality right now, but I know for sure we all still exist. Shan hasn’t forgotten us, so that’s worth celebrating. *remembers [redacted], turns to face her* Can you stop that?

Random Girl: It’s hard to turn my brain feature off. I can’t exactly drink either because… well, you know why. 

Fierdan: *sighs* Fine. 

Jack: *grabs Fierdan’s wrist* Come on, let’s head to my place.

Fierdan: *nods, follows Jack out of the liminal space bar* 

Dawn: Are we gonna go? I forgot why we all decided to stay here. 

Stella: *rolls eyes* Main character Fierdan syndrome. 

Dawn: No, I legit forgot. *gestures vaguely* 

Stella: Oh, shoot, sorry. 

Me: What just happened?

Dawn: I don’t know, but I think we should all go to sleep. Good night. 

Me: Fine, I’ll go to bed now. 

Stella: Finally! 

Me: Why are you so rude, Stella? 

Stella: *shrugs* You made me turn out this way. 

Dawn: Stop it. *yawns* This isn’t the time. 

Stella: Okay, fair. *looks at Finny* Are you okay, dude? 

Finny: *rubs eyes* Yeah, why? 

Stella: Well, you were staring at the ceiling for a while. 

Finny: Oh, right. No, I’m fine. I’m gonna head back to my place.

Stella: Oh, alright. Good night, Finn. 

Finny: Good night. *leaves* 

Me: *yawns* Good night, characters who changed while I was gone. 

——————————

mind: blank

Goodbye 2022

Wow, it’s already the end of the year. That’s crazy. 

2022… whew, what a year. 

I wasn’t here for most of it. lmao

So, uh, yeah. Happy New Year! 

Hoping 2023 will be better than 2022. At least for January. 

Eh, I doubt it tbh. I ain’t an optimist. 

Anyway—

Goodbye 2022! Hello 2023!

~ Shan / Shyrah / whatever my name is 

idk what this is nor why i’m writing it

So… it’s December. The winter/summer solstice happened. It’s officially winter now. Wow. 

It’s been yet another hot minute since I stepped in here. Made a post. So, uh, I’ll say “hi” to the void. Hi, void. Hello, world. 

I’ve gone through lots of changes lately. It’s almost 2023. That’s crazy. I have a part-time job, and I’ll be starting a Real Job (that’s also remote which I like) pretty soon. It might be the closest thing I ever had to a “dream job” I have to admit. 

I feel like we’ve all grown up. I never really counted myself as part of that, but yeah, I really have grown up. I’m starting, slowly but surely, to feel more like an actual adult. Barely, but now it’s way more than 1%. 

I’ve also been working on my Etsy shop. I put up two new listings a few hours ago. So… that’s something. 

I think it’s crazy that I keep remembering December 19th as being Duke’s/Fierdan’s birthdays. I swear, it’s become a date I just randomly remember, like how I remember the birthdays of the friends I lost or my former classmates that I haven’t been in contact with for years. Anyway, December 19th was a few days ago. It wasn’t a good day for me, if I’m being honest. Not all bad but… well, I had lots of frustrations and inconveniences that day. December 20th was much better. And today (December 21st) was just “meh”. 

About Fierdan, I remember I kept saying that I see him as a 22 year old but that he’s also always gonna be a few years older than me. And now it’s 2022 which means I’m 22, and… this all sounds so crazy. In my head, of course; this is probably irrelevant to anyone else. But recently, I started visualizing Fierdan as being my peer, my same age or very close to it, and… it doesn’t feel weird or creepy anymore. It just… is. 

Know what’s also crazy? I haven’t been obsessing over him or my other characters for a while now. As in a long time. I’m a bit afraid that I’ll forget them and everything I created involving them. It’s a pretty scary thought. Like, what if all of this is a phase and it’s ending soon? Yeah, uh, sorry about that. I’m not making sense, am I? 

What else, what else? … It’s Hanukkah. I sometimes daydream about Ryen saying “Happy Hanukkah” which feels absurd yet comforting to me. Don’t ask why; I don’t know. 

*rapidly changes topics again* Oh and I’m autistic. It’s a totally unsurprising confirmation of a surprise if I say so myself. Can’t understand that last sentence? Exactly. That’s the point. 

I’m not sure if I ever actually said it on the blog since I got my diagnosis, so there it is, out in the open. I feel like it probably explains a lot of my behavior and my obsessions in my blog posts over the years. Like, geez, no neurotypical blogger would blog like this (*gestures vaguely at my whole blog lmao*). 

Also, confession time: I lost the number of times that I felt scared of checking anything having to do with this blog. Another unsurprising surprise. I can’t believe I felt so much shame, embarrassment, and fear over this very small corner of the internet that I created for myself. And for what? Why did I let this happen and not do anything about it for so long? 

To anyone who commented anywhere on this blog in 2021 and 2022 and never received any acknowledgment from me… I’m sorry. I kept running and hiding away from here. I refused to see you. But now I do. I see you. 

… I have no idea what I’m even writing tbh; just go with it. 

This has to be both and equally the best and worst thing I’ve ever created. What exactly? All of this. Everything. 

Etsy Shop and related accounts added

Hey, I'm here just to say I finally added the links to my Etsy shop and the social media accounts I created for it (trying to do some promoting lol ahh-) to my Contact Me page. 

Now they're all on one place on this here blog. Yay! :)

And of course, here is the link to the page: https://shyrahwritingspace.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.html 

Ok so yeah. There it is. 

I'll end this post with some pictures from my shop to make it more interesting or whatever. I'm selling these items. Yes, yes. :D

----------------------------------------------------

** All products listed here belong to me (Shan, Shyrah, @spiritixswart). **

Lights in the Dark (poem)

Well, here is the poem I referred to in the last post. It’s a hopeful poem about creativity. Hope you enjoy it. Something positive~ <3 

———————————

Lights in the Dark

Ideas emerge like random sparks of light

in the abyss of my creative soul.

The void— the emptiness, the darkness stretching for what seemed like infinity— felt like home to me;

that it was all I would and ever be.

Yet brief flashes of light have recently returned,

shining brightly in the dark.

Inspiration, motivation, creativity— I thought these lights burned out long ago,

never to flicker on again.

And somehow, the lights are turning on again.

Brief flashes at first, random sparks in the dark, 

slowly gaining confidence and glowing brightly for longer as the days pass by. 

I don’t know for certain, but I think it is possible 

for my heart to feel less heavy,

and for my soul to light again. 

——————————————

Alrighty! That’s my new poem. :D 

~ Shan/Shyrah