I feel very disgusting, annoying, lonely, and like a total burden! Again! : )
So since I'm listening to sad/lonely-like songs, I'm just gonna post those here.
I feel awful and I want to, that's why.
I don't own anything from them, obviously.
Why did I say that?
I'm desperate to not be so lonely/alone. Music sure can be relatable.
People are at parties. Ehh, I'm not a party person. Which shouldn't be a shocker if you know me at all. My sister wants me to go to one though. Lmao yeah right.
Being easily prone to a whole lot of anxiety/social anxiety and depression symptoms while being at college is.. it's not good lmao.
Like god ok, I feel like I literally have to put on a Fake TM face every time I go out. It sucks. I hate this shit.
I've been trying. I'm fucking trying. And for what? Nothing. Jack shit.
Being extremely introverted while at college isn't a good mix. Like ok, how the hell do introverts thrive in college? Everyone else around me is so extroverted, and goddamnit, I hate how easily tired I get while around people. And on top of that, I feel like I have to be Fake around everyone because of course I don't want strangers to actually know the real piece of shit person I am.
It fucking sucks! And I also have to be the one who asks to exchange phone numbers and who has to be the one to initiate plans. That's not the kind of person I am! Why do I have to try so fucking hard to try and make friends? I was never good at doing that, so how can I be good at it now? I'm not!
And I know some people are annoyed at me. Like idk, "oh, it's her again *sighs, rolls eyes*" like ok lol don't think I didn't see that. And what I do say is so stupid and annoying, and I'm probably a burden on everyone in my life.
I don't know how my siblings (especially my brother) fell in love with being in college immediately. I really don't get it. Heh, must be weird that if I could go back home, I would go in an instant.
I'm not really that close with anyone here. I tried to, but I realized I'm being Fake and everyone else is also being Fake. Because we're all strangers. Of course we're all Fakes! That's what that college life is like!
Oh, you're supposed to be close to your roommate? Well, that's not how it's going for me. She's not even here this weekend, so when I say I've been alone the majority of today, I mean it. I don't even have the energy to go out because I'm sick and tired of just walking around by myself since everyone else I'm in contact with is apparently busy.
About roommates, we don't even really know how to talk to each other. That's how bad it is! I'm so fucking lonely, oh my god!
"Oh stop it, Cutepups. You have their phone numbers. Just text them first."
Ok yeah sure. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?
Well, I did and still do. But it's hard to want to actually send that first text to hang out or whatever the hell friends do when I am so caught up in believing I'm an annoying burden who is full of insecurities and self-doubt.
Why do I have to be the one to ask to hang out? Why do I have to be the one to do it for everyone? It just makes me believe I really am a burden and that they don't really want me around.
It's like walking on a tightrope, to be honest. About honesty, it's like I can't ever be honest here. Gotta pretend.
......... ........ ........... .........
To make up for the garbage I just made you read, have the following to listen to.
<|3 •~•~•~•~• <|3
This Is Home~ Cavetown
Talk To Me~ Cavetown
Drown (Live from Maida Vale)~ Bring Me The Horizon
Suicidal Thoughts~ Jake Hill & Josh A
I'm Sorry, I'm Trying~ Nothing, Nowhere
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