Hmm...

Hey guys. 

So, I've been thinking of drawing some newer TEO pictures. Like, perhaps some of the scenes in the more recent chapters. Heh, only if I want to actually go out and draw them. It really depends on a lot of stuff. 

And maybe quick comics too. Because, why not? Those are fun, right? Maybe those can substitute RIM commercial skits? And they can be both funny and serious? Ooh, how about comics with story scenes? Ooh, I like that idea! I can just draw them cartoony and all digitally. I've been kinda thinking about doing this, but oh well... Just wait and see. 

Yeah, and I'm still really deep into that "unsure" part in my life. Like, I mean despite writing. But it mostly is writing nowadays. I don't know anymore. Thanks for sticking with me, that's all. I know I can be quite a bother sometimes. 

Ugh, what else? This post seems too short...

Oh. There's a meaning behind the blue and orange fox image in Chapter 50. 

... Yeah, I bet you're thinking it's some romance shiz with Twinkle and Duke. (I almost said their human names lol oops.. Cutepups storyplanning in the vaguest way possible). Like, duh.. that can be a part (of course it is) but it's more than that. 

Lol what. Haha, how do I get myself out of this mess? 

Um.. I was daydreaming in a boring class (actually all classes are boring lol) the other day. So it was about Soulless being a physical person. And it was like on Danny's birthday. So Soulless is like, "Happy birthday, baby." And Danny runs into the wall. And he's like "oh crap". And then Soulless is all like, "I missed you, honey. Did you miss me?" And Danny's thinking all like, "wtf no you perv" (don't ask why). And then Dylan walks over and is all like, "Haha, you're such a loser nerd, Danny senpai." Since only Danny can see the demons (Soulless), they all think he's having a flashback from his hell life or something.

And then his brother who I still don't have an official name for yet comes over to him, and he's all like, "Dear, dear bro, it's all gonna be okay, bro." And then Danny looks up at his brother suddenly with this smile on his face and says, "I wanna f***ing die." (bleeps and all c;). And brother is all like surprised. And Danny's all like, "Are you kidding me? You never heard me in the middle of the night? Wow, well, um--"

But he's interrupted by Soulless suddenly kissing him. So Danny has this disgusted/petrified look on his face, but since no one else can physically see Soulless, they think he's even more weird. And then Soulless is all like, "I know you want me to come back inside of you, don't you baby?" And Danny's all like, "wtf ew no you perv go away." 

But then Dylan pushes brother out of the day, goes up to Danny, pushing Soulless out of the way without realizing it and is like, "Yo, if there's some imaginary perv in your very strange head of yours, I'll kill them for you." And Danny's looking at him like "wtf are you saying". And Dylan's all like, "I love you, man." 

Then Danny runs away from him because Dylan wants to kiss Danny too. (Where are the female characters during this? Maybe it's in the male dormitory.. I don't even know.). 

Yeah.. I don't know either. There. That's today's entertainment from Cutepups.

Bye!

Chapter 50 Info

Hey, read this. Phew, no one commented yet. Read this post before you comment on the chapter. But after you read it. Okay thanks. 

So all the POVs start a day later from Chapter 49. And at nighttime. I've been on writer's block because I didn't know how to continue the story. So I decided to not type all those fillers, and just skip to all the action parts. Which makes it all the more confusing as heck. Heh...

Fauna found this fog called the Jamaa Mist. Fierdan communicated with her from Cincernum, and they're planning some things. So mysterious...

Calliah is with the rest of the Fierdan hunters like Taurel, Risak, Sparkle, Finny, and all the rest of those guys. They're planning the kidnapping and torturing of Duke, and are planning on doing it in a few days' time. Calliah was forced to be part of Taurel's team, but of course, she's an outsider and hates them. Finny and Sparkle got recruited to join Taurel's team because he told them they would be doing an act of justice if they betrayed their old friend, Duke. They thought doing that would save Jamaa. But once they got to this building, the rest of the adults in Taurel's team and himself talked about how their plan of attack would work. So Finny and Sparkle find out. And Finny starts disagreeing with Taurel's views, but Sparkle tries to tell him that what they're doing is right. But soon after, especially with how cruel Risak is, she also starts disagreeing with Taurel's views. And then Calliah interferes. Ooh...

Twinkle had this traumatizing dream with explanations and more questions. I can't really say what that nightmarish dream was about, but it was about her role and relationship in TEO. And how she's worth so much, even more than Duke or Fierdan. And she really wants Black Raven to explain, but she can't. Then she had another flashing thought that told her to break her tailpiece because it was holding her back. So she had this unnaturally strong energy, and she completely destroyed it. And she had this look that Duke gets, but instead of it being orange or black, it's blue. And slightly different. Like more ice-like. With bigger wings because of the ice, for example. And she falls asleep again, only dreaming of this image of a simple blue fox and orange fox. When it leaves, only endless blackness remains. But it won't let Twinkle wake up from it. 

Duke was in nightmares and memories for all of the italics part. If you think the sentences and thoughts don't make that much sense and are unclear, then that's great. I intended it to be that way. He later wakes up with Dawn looking over him (yes, with clothes on... heuheu). And his mind is growing even more unstable. So his thoughts are not straight and clear. So he believes he's actually on this dark gray cloud, and not on the ground where he really is. Then he dreams he's in this hospital/therapy room with this therapist he once talked to for real. But it was strange because she knew everything about him, even things he never remembered telling her. And the room was weird. And some guy stole his clothes. So Blossom asks Duke questions that would usually make him refuse to answer. But here, he answers them all like a lifestory. So Duke laughs and talks like it's no big deal, when he tells her he almost killed himself when he was only six for the first time. Then he went on explaining how he would be so happy if this thing in his heart got out. And then how he wanted to tear his heart if it got to that. Ever since age six, officially. Which then, of course, resulted him in not thinking clearly as usually. Especially with all the family trauma he was witness to and endured himself. And now with his mind being played with by Soulless and Fierdan, he's even more unstable. And since Fierdan really wants to die even through everything, Duke feels that way more than ever. Then Duke goes on about drugs, explaining all of this in this blurred, toxicated voice to the therapist. Then about Twinkle and Dawn. And she only nods at him, not saying anything. Then the room disappears and the dark gray cloud is back. And he kinda has this mental breakdown about how he's sorry for everything and misses the past. Haha, his POV is kinda confusing. 

So yeah, that's basically Chapter 50. Skipping to more interesting story parts. 

See ya! >;)

~ Cutepups 

Twinkle's Story: Chapter 50

*Time for a new chapter! It's been a while, huh?*

*I'm still on semi-writer's block.*

*Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Confusing as usual. Duke's POV has triggers.*

*Okay, time to write...*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

FAUNA

Higher and higher, through the last of the clouds, so far away from them all. Everything below growing smaller. Everything but the wide, open sky. Flying closer, closer, closer...

With one last push, I fly through the last remaining clouds of heaven. I gasp at what I see there. Through all the white fluffiness, there's this thin layer of fog another skylength away. Taking a quick glance downwards, I easily spot heaven and Jamaa far, far below it. 

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

 I surpassed heaven. After all this time, I have found what he wanted me to. The fog, the misty layer, another skylength away. I'm only halfway there, but it's in my view now. It's so beautiful. I can't believe I'm doing so much for him. But I did it anyways. He caused my death back down in Jamaa, but I'm still doing this for him. I owe him that much. 

Another deep breath. Then a smile. 

I have found it. Our way back home. His home, my home, our home. He was right. Even though I found it astonishing that he could actually communicate with me, he told me what to do for my part. Clarifying that the Jamaa Mist still exists. 

I open my eyes and whisper out loud. "Now do your half of our vow. Do whatever it takes. No matter how much it hurts the two. Keep your promise, and I'll continue keeping mine. I won't even tell her. Be careful out there, okay? Good luck, Fierdan."

Now all I have to do is wait. For him to destroy the world we know as Jamaa. Once and for all. 

Right paw over my heart, I say, "We'll be reunited in this life. The Extraordinary Others will be together again. Just like we vowed."

CALLIAH

I overhear the two of them talking. Is that worry in their voices? Did they finally realize the wrongs they've been doing? 

I hear Finny speaking. "Are you sure going to the extremes is really that necessary?" 

Then Sparkle. I cringe when I hear her voice. "What are you saying? Of course it's necessary! You don't want him to--"

She's cut off by Risak. Risak, I hate him more than Taurel. He's more bloodthirsty than Taurel. Bloodthirsty for torture. 

"It's most definitely necessary, kid," he says, "You don't want our world to fall corrupted again, don't you? You want Jamaa to thrive, don't you? You want to make a vital difference for the better, don't you? You want to be a hero, don't--"

Suddenly, the quiet and rushed voices vanish. Someone kicking the floor, someone punching the nearest wall, someone crying. Possibly all one person. 

I cautiously move down the hallway, and I dare to peek a look from behind the corner I'm hiding behind. 

Sparkle, still looking calm. But the other two...

"Your plans are sick! You're monsters; you can't just do that to a person! You promised I would be contributing for the greater good! This wasn't part of the deal!"

Risak holds tighter onto Finny's wrists. "If you still have feelings for your insane friend, Fierdan, then you should go rot in hell!"

Tears streaming down his face, Finny cries, "His name is Duke, and he has done nothing wrong! Fierdan is a completely different person! There's no need for all this! There really isn't!" 

Risak squeezes Finny's wrists even harder. "You don't get it, kid. Duke isn't a normal fox, there's something about him. He's dangerous; he's growing to become a heartless murderer just like his prior self! There's something about him we also want to figure out, but that's not for you two kids."

"No, he isn't! No, no, no! No!" Finny desperately shouts, trying to wriggle out of Risak's reach. Unfortunately, the older fox's strength exceeds Finny's. "I'll show you--"

Before he can finish his sentence, I watch in horror as Risak lifts Finny off the floor by his two wrists. I stare wide-eyed at the sudden look of terror on his face. A second later, he is thrown at the opposite wall. 

As Finny slumps onto the floor with a thud, my hatred at Risak and Taurel grows even more. Then I look over at Sparkle, now looking less calm. 

"What was that?" she says and then hurries over to where Finny fell. "Oh my gosh, is he unconscious?!" 

Risak stands where he is. He looks totally calm again. It's not like he literally just threw someone at a wall. Oh right, he did. "So be it. You know just as well as I do that he deserved it."

"No, no he didn't! You're taking things way too far!" Sparkle says, desperation in her voice. 

With a feeling that Risak will harm her as well, I take a breath and run into the room they're in. 

"That's enough! Hurt her and you're gonna highly regret it," I say, clenching my fists at my sides. "Like you said, I've been known to be quite the abusive mother. Do you need me to show you how abusive?" 

The seconds tick by in utter silence. Sparkle steps closer to me with a fresh look of fear on her face. 

What have I done?  

TWINKLE

I wake up in a bed shivering yet also sweating. Breathing heavily, I sit up in the bed. Before anything else, the black bird sitting on the bedside table drops to the floor.

"Nightmare?" she asks as soon as she fully morphs into a fox. 

I rub my eyes, immediately noticing the concerned look on her face. It's none other than my affiliate for my ice-fire Elemental Power in the aerial ability. None other than Black Raven. 

"Twinkle dear, are you okay?" she asks, deeply concerned. 

A minute later, I realize I never answered her questions. "Y-Yeah, a nightmare. I... I..." I sit up straight in bed and face her directly. "Why is it like this? Why am I so special? Why am I being protected and all this? Who are you? Why didn't anyone tell me who I really am?!" 

I take a breath and continue spilling the questions out. "Why do I possess a combination of two Elemental Powers? Why is Fierdan doing this for me? Why is he going so far in protecting me? How is every thing he did a way of keeping me hidden? Why am I so wanted anyways? Why are they after him and not me? What happened before? Who are we, subjects in a test? Why am I always hidden from knowing anything more? Why, Black Raven, why!" 

"Oh dear..." she murmurs, about to put her paw on my shoulder.

I push her arm down. "No," I say, "Tell me the truth. Tell me everything you know. Now."

"Sorry, no can do," she says.

"No. Now."

She gives me a solemn look. "I'm sorry, I really can't."

If I didn't just have that dream, I wouldn't care as much. I would have more patience. But now that's all gone. My patience is gone, and I care a whole lot. I will even fight her in order to get something out of her. I won't stop until she says something. 

I'm about to calmly ask her one more time, but before I know what I'm doing, I pull the tailpiece off my tail. Suddenly my mind focusing on destroying it for once and for all, I throw it on the floor. 

Several stomps and punches later, the once rounded shaped tailpiece is nothing but a flat sheet. Panting, I glare down at it. I destroyed it. I grin. I feel so much better now. 

"Now my tail isn't held back anymore," I say through staggered breaths. "Nothing can hold me back anymore."

Black Raven looks slightly horrified at the sight of me. It makes me feel all the more satisfied. 

I tilt my head, even hearing my neck crack in the process. It doesn't hurt at all. "I'll never be like how I was in the past. I'll never be that poor, weak, pathetic girl ever again."

Then Duke's signature look washes over me. Every inch of my body gets covered in a cold blue ember,  my eyes blaze intensely blue, my tail gets saturated in this blue ice-fire as well as my paws and ends of my hair, and my wings come out at full force. Once ridged wings stuck in place now move just as smoothly as Duke's. But mine are still more on the ice side than the fire side, though the blue light is still there. 

When I blink open my eyes again, I notice Black Raven isn't there anymore. I look all around the room, but I don't find a single sign of her.

"Darn it!" I mutter and then kick the former tailpiece to the other side of the room. 

Afterwards, I fall back onto the bed. Relaxing so only my tail and wings are the glowing blue parts of my body, I eventually fall asleep again. 

Two fox figures. One simply orange and one simply blue. They have no features except for their colors. They look like they're about to kiss. The blue one has its face tilted slightly up at the orange one. Their legs are curled in the same way, toes nearly touching the other's stomach. Below that are their tails entwined together, the blue one twisting around the orange one. Their arms are bent forward in front of them, and their paws are holding the other's. The blue fox in the lower right and the orange fox in the upper left. The blue one is halfway sitting up and laying down on its back. The orange one is halfway just sitting and arching over the blue one. 

Then a popping sound. A blue aura appears where the blue fox's shoulders would be; an orange one in the same spot for the orange fox. 

Another popping sound, and they disappear, leaving everything dark. 

But no matter how hard I try, I can't get myself to wake up.

DUKE

Floating, surrounded by a dark gray cloud keeping me afloat. Nowhere near the ground, nowhere near heaven, it's just my own hell. That's all. This place is nothing but another version of hell.

I blink. She's there. Therapy room from all those weeks ago. I smirk when she looks over me. Under this thin blanket is my body. Someone, I don't know who, stole all my clothes. Wasn't her name, Blossom? I hear her voice, she's so close, her voice is so far away. 

"You need help," she says.

I continue smirking. Where are my clothes? Why is a therapist here?

"How long have you been cutting?" 

I laugh. I totally forgot about those... those red lines. Why did I ever stop? Living is tortuous; life is a living hell. Blood is fun to play with. I tried to cut into my heart when I was... when I was... "Since age six," I reply. 

I laugh again. Smiling, I say, "I tried to go and find it. Yeah, pull it out. When I was six. The same day, I nearly killed my family member."

I pause, no longer smiling. "I nearly sent him drowning. They all called me a murderer. Not that I can blame them. I am one. Everyone I come in contact with... yeah, they all die. You'll die. I'm a bomb. Haha, I'm no fox. I'm not a living being. I'm... just... nothing."

I take a breath. "It was so freaking stupid of me to try and pull it out. To get it out successfully, I'd be dead. It's lodged too deep inside. If I could live without a heart, the organ I mean, then I would be the happiest person ever. All I want, ever since I can remember, is to get rid of that thing or my entire heart. That's how they're controlling me. I'm such a melancholic puppet. The thing's like a battery. It's why I'm alive. I need it out. I could comprehend that when I was six. I'm fifteen in a few months. What is it now? July, August..? Then I started wrists a few years later. I couldn't fully stop. No, not until that day. Well, I moved out. Slept on this one skyscraper. Sixteen stories but that building was tall. We called it the Tall Tower. I don't care about heights though. The higher, the better. Some days, yeah, I thought about jumping. But actually over the barrier. That girl, she's a life saver. Finally someone to live for. You know? The first few nights we were together, back when she didn't sleep with me, I would... take some things. Haha."

She never spoke when I was talking. I shrugged and continued. "I never really wanted to live. I'd take drugs. I'd cut. All I wanted was to destroy my heart. But that made my brain messed up real bad too. So, you know, I was screwed. So why not just die to make it easier? The first night we slept together, same place I mean, I gave us both alcohol. Well, kinda. I mean, wow, thoughts weren't straight. Tossed those cups over the edge. They shattered. Then I thought my mother said she murdered my father for no reason except she's a cruel, old vixen. When I lived with her, she abused me. You know? Because I'm a puppet bomb. Good for her. I love her. I really do. Wanna kill her too. Yeah, fun. Thought she was in a relationship with this arctic wolf at one point. Drugs, they get to you. About that girl, I love her. I screwed up so many times. So, so many times. She's different. She's kinda like a sister to me. Like we're destined to be in each other's life since... I don't know when, but it's written in the stars. I rejected every other girl that wanted to go out with me. They're all the same, all fake. But that one girl? She's different. I don't exactly remember how, but she saved my life so many times I can't count them all. Because I'm screwed up. When she told me she felt similar to how I felt underneath my fake coolness, I had to play the motivating role. That they have a reason to live, that they're beautiful, that someone out there cares... then I realized that for myself. And yeah, she's amazing."

I look up at the ceiling. "I screw up everything. I love her, I really do. Kissing her was a million times better than that other one. But, wow, I couldn't stop. The mint is like my new drug. I got addicted to it. I screwed up. I hate guys like that. That don't care about their partners. But... I'm not thinking clearly. I hallucinate sometimes. Like, that last one. I told her to run. Those guys were mad. Wanted to shoot her, kill her, who knows what. I ran at her side, but they only wanted to shoot her. I was confused because everyone wants to shoot me nowadays. Haha, fun. They wouldn't stop though. We thought we outran them. But then she was shot. Because I was a fool and stopped. I shouldn't have. I wanted to die. But I wanted her to live. I couldn't tell if she died or lived. I... I really hope she survived."

I turn my head towards the therapist. "Does that answer your question?" 

She just nods. What kind of therapist only nods after you give them your life story about how you're such a screw up? What kind of therapist disappears when you--

Wait. I blink again. The dark gray cloud replaces the hospital bed again. That therapy room was weird. I miss it though. Her too. All of them. I miss those good days. Oh wait... what good days? Those days when Soulless and Fierdan didn't occupy my brain. When I didn't know I was... evil. Everything got so dark. 

Oh gosh, I miss those days. I miss home. I miss those easier days. I miss it. I can't stand it. I miss it way too much. More than I should. I never apologized. I never apologized for being me.

I'm sorry I'm such a disaster. I'm sorry you were forced to hate me, to hurt me. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I hurt myself. I'm sorry I'm so lost. I'm sorry I cheated. I'm sorry for everything, including being me. I'm sorry my name only brings up death. I'm sorry for being this dark gray cloud. 

But I miss you. I miss you. Come back. You don't even have to be happy. I miss you so much, darn it! I can't stand being alone like this! I need you! You are your own person, but I need you. Little kid, teacher, therapist, parents, friends... I miss all of you so much. I hate not being able to communicate anymore. I hate being so cruel. I'm not okay, okay? I never was. But you made it better. 

Thoughts... thoughts.... thoughts. I left everyone behind. And Twinkle, oh gosh, I am so sorry I'm a fail. I know they're looking for me. I don't care if they shoot me down. I just want to go back. And apologize for being me. To every single one of you. Especially you. 

I keep my eyes open. Then I start falling. 

When I reopen them, I'm back on the ground. I get up with a start, my heart beating so fast in my chest; it feels like the bomb finally started ticking. And it hurts. All over, it hurts.

I rub my eyes. Then I see Dawn there.

 "Nightmare?" she asks.

I just stare at her, unsure if I'm breathing or not. I can't even tell anymore. I don't even know what that was. It was just... the truth. 

I never told her all that. It was all a dream. That started when I flew into the sun's horizon. It was all fake. 

Still staring at her with no emotions, I say, "No, not a nightmare. Nightmares don't hurt as much."

She never asked what happened in my dreams, nightmares... whatever they were. 

I'm not even sure if that's good or bad. 

This must be it then. When I start breaking apart, even when I'm having my own thoughts. 

It was all true. Every single part of it. 

And knowing that hurts the most. 

Cutepups Support: For Those Who Need It (Semi-Repost)

Hello! :)

I'm in the mood to make another self-care/advice kind of post. This post won't have any links in it, but I'll make future posts in this segment that do. And are just simply better than how I say things.

Anyway, here's a list of 5 self-care tips I posted at the end of a post in November. Reposting them because.. because...

The message I say in them is so, so important no matter who you are. Everyone has those struggling, bad days sometimes. Maybe not as often as other people. But we all still do.

~*~*~*~

1. SOCIALIZE. This is coming from someone who is extremely socially awkward and such an introvert. Believe me, guys. If you've been feeling upset (whether that be physically, mentally, and/or emotionally), talk to someone. Online chatting might not be enough. Talking to someone you know and can trust in real life (IRL) can make all the difference. It makes you feel far less alone. Oh and if you're doubting me, then you're the one who's wrong, not me. It might not be your immediate family, it might not be friends, but please believe me that someone, somewhere cares a whole lot about you. And they're supporting you. And if no one else does, then I do. Even if you have no feelings for other people, I care. Honestly, that's how I am IRL. I've learned it the hard way. There's no point in bottling your feelings up inside yourself just to rot. It's far better to just tell someone. And if you really can't IRL, then please talk to someone online. Support blogs, support websites (like the dawn room- thequietplaceproject), even me if you really want to. Hiding your feelings away really doesn't solve anything. You are loved. Okay? Okay. 

2. Listen to your favorite music, or listen to some soothing sounds (like rain for example). Like, for me, I've been listening to Twenty One Pilots (and a few other bands). And while listening, I felt kinda better. And besides, listening to some specific sounds has been scientifically proved to make you feel more calm and less anxious (like listening to cats purring lol). Anyway, who doesn't love listening to their favorite songs? I don't know about you guys, but listening to some of my favorite songs motivates and inspires me. Haha, yeah.

3. If it's cold, snuggle up in some cozy blankets and wear comfortable clothes. Maybe even drink a hot beverage as well (lol gotta love some hot chocolate, right? or like tea or something.. idk). And stroke your pets or stuffed animals.

4. VENT. Yeah, just go out and vent. Write down all the reasons why you're upset and then rip it up. Draw a picture and do the same thing. Vent through writing or drawing and post it online. If you feel like you're not ready to go out and tell anyone (IRL) what you're feeling yet, then at least get your feelings out by venting. No one even has to know what you put. No one ever has to see your vents.

5. Just do any activity that distracts you from thinking your negative thoughts. Read a book, take a shower/bath, go on a run, do anything you enjoy. Even if you think you're not interested in doing your favorite activities anymore, just do them. Obviously I mean not anything that's harmful of course. It most likely is just negative feelings (ex. depression) that makes you feel not interested in doing activities you like. But please remember, that's not you. You are not your negativity. Your feelings will pass. You'll love your favorite activities again one day. It might not be tomorrow, next week, or next month, but that day will come. You'll feel better. Believe in yourself. You can and you will. 

You are not your symptoms.
You are not your disease.
You are not your bullies.
You are not your backstabbing friends.
You are not your abusive (physically, emotionally, and/or mentally) family.
You are you.
And that's all you need.

Life can be real crap.
Life can be confusing.
I know life can suck.
But I also know that things will change one day.

No, I'm not saying it will 100% get better. I know that's BS. Not everything has the ability to get better. I know how that feels. No one will ever truly understand what it's like to be you. You will never truly understand what I think about everything. Our feet may be the same size, but they can only walk in our own shoes. "Take a day in another person's shoes." Well, that's not 100% possible.

You are not alone.
Someone cares about you.
Someone out there loves you. (Just validating romantic love is BS.)
Your feelings are valid.
You, as a human being, are valid.

~*~*~*~

Take care.

~ Cutepups <3

My Poisonous Remedy

This is a very personal and sensitive poem. Yes, it is about me and my emotions. Not my characters, not my friends, not my family.. solely me. You can relate to it of course, but I intended it for being about me. Some parts are exaggerated- the drowning, the blood, the very slight suicide mention. All in the poetic way I have with my thoughtful and intriguing poems. Especially the part about suicide. I don't say it like that though. I'm not sure if you'll even catch it. You will if you look at it hard enough.

I'm expecting mature comments on this post. Comments that relate to at least part of this post. If you can't do that simple task (or just not comment at all), then I don't believe you to be mature enough to handle the poem. Just be glad I'm sharing with all of you my hidden thoughts. About.. well, you'll see when you read the entire poem. It's free-verse. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

My Poisonous Remedy

[A writing piece by S (aka Blue, aka Cutepups) written on January 6, 2016]

Isn't it funny how one 
Concept, thought, thing
General idea
Can look so, so
Simple
And become so, so
Complex
The deeper inside you go? 

Isn't it funny how this one concept
Can cause two polar opposites
Two extremities
At war with each other
Changing like the seasons
Depending on how severe it is?

Isnt it funny how it plays
With your emotions
So many times that you become
So lost in yourself
Lost in who you are
That you don't know
What is real and what is fake?

Isn't it funny 
How every beautiful, elegant thing
Has its thorns
That make you drown
In a pool of your own blood 
When you come in contact with it?

Isn't it funny how it can be both
Friend and foe
Ally and enemy 
Relief and stress
Savior and traitor
Poison and remedy
Pacifist and sadist 
Angel and devil
Good and evil
Purpose and waste
Help and struggle
Positive and negative
Light and dark
White and black 
Life and death 
Everything and nothing
And anything similar to this list?

By all of this
I mean something
That this is an example of 
And it is called
One word:
Writing 

Writing is my poison 
Writer's block
Fear I have no real talent
Fear I'll never be "good enough" 
Cringing at past writings from yesterday's past
Dark thoughts in my unstable mind
Thinking of ripping up all those writing plans
Tearing the pages apart into little, jagged pieces
Due to the sole purpose of seeing it all as a pathetic joke
But not just quitting
Deleting the future from being born
Deleting the past that brought me here
Deleting the present from ever getting better
Deleting it from ever being revived 
And most of all
Deleting it like ending my own life
Just like drinking the cup of poison set for me
By that one thing called:
Life.

Writing is my remedy 
So many ideas spontaneously bursting out of my head
Being scribbled onto pages of paper in a notebook 
Spark of hope that writing is the thing I searched for so, so long
My true talent, hope, happiness, and sense of purpose 
Thoughts as bright as the sun in my stable mind
Making me feel like I can accomplish anything 
Making me feel like I'm on top of the world
With just a pen and paper by my side
Feeling so alive
Forgetting how dead I feel inside underneath it all 
Making me enjoy life and want to carry on living
Life.

This is what my crazy relationship with writing is
Just my poisonous remedy 
My poison but also my remedy
Dying and reviving
Time and time again
Nothing more, nothing less
But a work of art.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Until next post whether that be tomorrow, 2 days from now, 3 days, or a week...

Goodbye. 

oooooh

What. Oh, oh hello! I'm here now. You guys can stop worrying now. It's okay now; I'm okay now.

What the--

Point is, I'm losing interest in blogging at this time. Thus, the lack of daily posts. So here I am, 2 or 3 days (I forgot which) later, with a new post. So that's that.

(I'm typing this on my phone and my fingers are cold.. onto that in a second.)

Okay so. Weather.. what the heck. Where I live, the average temperature in December was in the sixties (degrees Fahrenheit). Now in January, it's in the twenties. It was 9 degrees this morning. Cold.

Weather.. why you be so unpredictable. Stop it. The weatherpeople  (haha yes) said it would be 17 degrees this morning. They lied, it was 9 degrees. We're talking about the same time in the morning, by the way.

Haha, it's pretty rude. It's all warm and sunny in the mornings during winter break. And now when school starts again, the weather suddenly drops down 40 degrees. Now school starts just when it becomes really cold outside. See, kids? School is tortuous in more ways than you think.. *single tear rolls down cheek*.

Okay, moving on...

Well, kind of.

Hehe. XD

Since I was extremely bored in class and my hands were cold, I had a TEO thought. So.. storytime, kids.

So that mini-daydream took place in the sequel that I have barely anything planned out. So, the scene (haha, oh goody)...

Oh crud, I forgot major spoilers. Time for me to type about this as vaguely as possible with horrible writing style techniques. ;)

Stella (aka Twinkle) was searching for her best friend (haha) Danny (aka Duke/Fierdan). Because he has been gone from the rest of the the Extraordinary Others gang (how swag) for a few weeks now. (I just realized this thought contradicts a story part I posted on DA.. oh well). And Stella couldn't take it anymore, so she decided to go look for Danny. So she exited the secret hideout where the TEO base is, and went into the main part of this hospital-like/government-like (that's where the majority of the sequel takes place lol). So, as she runs through all the hallways, she looks and calls everywhere for Danny.

Then suddenly this large guy with a creepy vibe (not swag creepy like Fierdan, ugly creepy) wraps his big ugly arm around Stella's back and forcibly makes them enter a smaller sized room.

Then he holds her hands and says, "Oh my, aren't your hands cold!"

And Stella just smirks and rolls her eyes.

Then he says, "You want to know why Mira named you Stella and Twinkle in Jamaa?" in this smooth and sly voice.

Stella just glares back at him.

Then the guy is saying, "Because you're a star. Ever wondered why you have the names that you do?"

Stella, for the first time here, finally speaks. "No," she says in this curt and serious tone.

He then smiles in a way that unsettles her. "Well," he simply says, his hands together. "You're a very special girl."

Stella frowns even more when he says "girl".

Then he says, "About your hands, I know the perfect thing that'll heat them right up."

Then he pushes this button out of nowhere it seems, and this hidden door deep inside the room opens.

And with this look that's foreign and robotic in his eyes is Danny.

When he robotically walks closer to them, the man says, "I also believe you were looking for Daniel. He'll gladly heat your hands up for you, and you'll never remember having cold hands ever again."

Stella immediately notices the mad but solemn look in Danny's eyes as he, which looks like under some control from TEO's enemies, walks even closer to her. And she knows he isn't pretending any of it.

Still shocked at seeing Danny after so many weeks, especially like this, she faces the man. And she yells at him, "What the hell did you monsters do to him?!"

And she repeats, "What the hell did you do?!" time and time again.

........

So. That's the thought I had. I like it. Well, with more detail and better writing and all. Haha, yeah.

I have to leave now.

Bye guys. <3

~ ☆Cutepups☆ ~

New Year's Skit

Yes, I am here! Yes, yes, hi there! First post of 2016! Yes, yes, yes!

And like I said, I'll be making another skit. So here we are! ;D

Oh yeah. It doesn't make that much sense because it takes place in the New Year for 2016 while TEO takes place hundreds of years later than today's time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Setting: Living Room like in all them RIM commercial skits

Finny: Hmm...

Sparkle: What now?

Finny: Hmm...

Sparkle: I don't know how much money was spent in 2015.

Finny: What are you talking about? Are you interested in the economics and statistics now? That warms my heart, but I wasn't thinking about that.

Sparkle: *stares at Finny* Then what are you "hmm"ing about?

Finny: Well.. uh.. I...

Dawn: *magically appears in scene via glowing green aura* Oh, I know!

Finny: *blushes* Shut up, Dawn!

Sparkle: Uh...

Dawn: *walks away* Spinny...

Sparkle: *faces Finny* Why is she saying our ship name like that?

Finny: It's.. uh.. an hour to midnight. *blushes furiously*

Setting: Hallway right outside living room

Dawn: Why hello there! You two look.. um.. snazzy tonight!

Brock: pushes in front of the two of them* Why thank you, Dawn! Have you seen Cashier-Girl-No-Lady by the way?

Dawn: Um.. no. Neither has Sparkle. Actually, she's not coming here.

Brock: What?! Oh no, that's a shame. Well, I'll be off. *walks gloomily away*

Dawn: You look very snazzy!

Twinkle: *stares at Dawn*

Duke: Where is it?!

Dawn: *stares at them*

Duke: Where am I?!

Dawn: Uh.. Sparkle's house.

Duke: Who am I?!

Dawn: Um.. my Fierdan sweet?

Duke: Nah... *staggers away from Twinkle and Dawn and bumps into wall* Hello.. *swears*!

Twinkle: *whispers to Dawn* I think he's drunk...

Night: *magically enters scene* Brother.. oh dear... *lifts up Duke who is swearing at wall* WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?! GET OUT OF IT, DUDE!

Twinkle: Um...

Dawn: Uh...

(5 awkward minutes later)

Duke: *glares down at Night* Put me down.

Night: *puts Duke on floor* Good.. now stay sober, kids! *stares at everyone and magically disappears*

Twinkle: You guys are too weird for me! *enters living room followed by Dawn and Duke*

Sparkle: *talking to Finny* Yes, but what about-- Oh.. hey guys.

Duke: What are you talking about?

Finny: Uh.. uh.. nothing! *blushes again and hides behind couch*

Dawn: *goes up to couch* Hey, midnight is only in forty minutes. I think she'll like--

Finny: *still blushing furiously* Shut up! They're all here now!

Dawn: Okay sure, but get out of there.

Finny: Ugh fine. *stops hiding behind couch*

Twinkle: Well then.

Duke: Hey, Dawn!

Dawn: Yes, what is it my Fierdan sweet?

Duke: Uh.. we're over that now.

Dawn: Okay.. then what is it, Duke Fierdan?

Duke: That's better.

Sparkle: *sighs* What do you want, Duke?

Duke: Oh yeah, Dawn. Can you make me a cup of mint tea?

Dawn: *smiles* Yes, of course!

Twinkle: Make me one, too.

Dawn: Okay! *skips into kitchen*

(10 minutes later)

(Everyone is sitting on the couch, and Duke and Twinkle have just finished their cups of mint tea)

Twinkle: Whoa.. that tastes pretty good!

Dawn: Yeah, it's my special recipe!

Duke: Yeah, yeah, okay. Bring the cups back.

Dawn: Oh okay... *returns to kitchen, places cups in sink, returns back to living room*

Sparkle: *sighs* I'm the one who has to clean up afterwards.

(5 minutes to midnight)

Sparkle: It's almost midnight. *turns on TV*

Dawn: Goodbye, 2015.

Duke: Yes, this awful year is almost over!

Finny: *blushes*

Sparkle: You okay there, Finny? *holds Finny's paw*

Finny: *blushes furiously*

Dawn: *gets off couch* Aww, you guys are so cute!

(3 minutes to midnight)

Twinkle: *whispers* Everyone be quiet. That TV person is finally saying something important!

TV Person 1: Ah yes, it is currently 11:57 pm.

TV Person 2: It's almost time for us to welcome 2016. What's your resolution, Helen?

TV person 1: Just.. you know...

Finny: Wow, 2016, wow... *stares at TV screen where the two boring TV announcers are discussing their New Year's resolutions*

(1 minute to midnight)

(Finny, Sparkle, Duke, and Twinkle are sitting on couch while Dawn sits in the reclining chair, and they're all counting down the seconds to midnight)

(On TV, the ball is gradually descending)

Everyone: 33.. 32.. 31.. 30...

(20 seconds later)

(Finny holds tightly onto Sparkle's paw, Sparkle holds Finny's paw, Duke holds Twinkle's paw, Twinkle holds Duke's paw, Dawn just sits in the chair, and they're all counting down the seconds to midnight as they stare intently at the TV)

Everyone: 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6... *leans forward in their seats*

Everyone: 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1...

(On TV, the ball hits the platform on the ground and fireworks light up the night sky)

Everyone: *jumps off their seats* HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Dawn: *fires confetti gun that magically appeared out of thin air*

(Duke and Twinkle kiss, Finny and Sparkle kiss, and Dawn fires more confetti into the room)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...... That's how my skits go, right? I haven't made one in so long. Oh look, the Spinny. How cute... >w<

So yeah. That's how my New Year skit ended up. 2016.. it's been okay so far. School's on Monday, and I still have to finish my homework I got for over break.

(I know I forgot a few commercial skit characters.. oh well.. deal with it.)

Well, bye guys! XD