Sunshine ;w;

Hi, I'm here to post the pictures of Sunshine that I mentioned a few days ago.

My 15 year old puppy dog. ily <3

We were just hanging out in the backyard. 

Yes, she's 15 years old. Yes, she's my puppy dog. 

Sunshine! :D 

She doesn't look as good at other angles. But we're just gonna ignore that. She looks cute here, and that's all that matters.

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There, have a happy post. There might not be another one in a while. 

Yeah. Uh. Oops. Bye.

Character Ages at Events | April 2020

Hi, I don’t have time to write this post. But I’m doing so anyway. I’m writing this on impulse. Because I have thoughts I feel like sharing with you viewers. Preferably the ones who know my characters and stories.

It’s April 2020, so that’s why I included that in the post title. I’m here to list and briefly discuss the ages of my characters during certain events. To summarize what I’m about to say, my characters are young. Like, young-young. Yeah.

Reader discretion is advised.

———————————————

1. Fierdan

• Current age in the (main) story timeline (revealed secret: there’s more than one timeline. ooh ahh~): 22 or 23 years old. 

• Age Fierdan kills Z (his father): Between the ages of 15 and 17. This could mean he commits patricide when he’s 15, 16, or 17 years old. Fierdan kills him while he’s a teenager. 

• Z forces Fierdan to enter his project world and stay there when he’s between the ages of 7 and 8 years old. 

• C (his mother) abandoned him when he was only a 1 year old. 

• This means that Fierdan was without parental guidance and supervision for at least 7 years. I’m too lazy to check the math on that. 

2. Duke 

• Current age in the story: 17 years old. For the entire duration of story 1.

• Therefore, Duke first becomes a murderer at age 17 when he kills Risak (and Taurel too? hmm..).

• Duke dies when he’s 17, soon to turn 18 years old. 

• Duke might not be like a typical 17 year old, but just think about his existence is the combination of Fierdan (who’s years older than Duke) and Soulless (a demonic creature that Ryen helped create). I guess you could say that he existed, with the Duke identity (“DUKE”) for 17 years. And so, Duke has been alive for that long. 

3. Dawn 

• Her age is more complicated because I keep overlapping and confusing myself with the different timelines. Is she a minor (under 18) or not? Well.. it depends. 

• She is always the youngest out of C’s three children (Ryen, Fierdan, Dawn). Her exact age is complicated, however. 

• When Dawn was born, Fierdan (then who I nicknamed “Kid Danny”) is a little under 2 years older than her. Following the current timeline going on for Fierdan where he’s 22 or 23, that’ll make Dawn be between the ages of 21 and 22. Or maybe she’s 20. Eh.. it’s around that age. I think. I can’t do math. 

• So yes, Stella (aka Twinkle) is the youngest main character out of all the characters I listed so far. Duke is a few months older than Stella. They’re both 17 year olds. 

• If Fierdan was 7 or 8 years old when he first entered the project world, Dawn would’ve only been 6 or 7 years old then. 

• Dawn lives with C and her father until she’s 5 years old. Not immediately when she turns 5; it’s a few months later. 

• Z “adopts” or “takes custody” of Dawn (idk how that happened lol that’s fucked up) when she’s 5. And so, Dawn stayed with Z being her “parental guardian” (they’re not biologically related btw) for at most 2 years. If I’m doing the math right. 

• This is gonna be hard for me to say, but I’ll just say it now. [CSA warning ahead] Under Z’s parental “care” (lol there was no care, you know what I mean though.. I hope), Z sexually abused Dawn. And verbally and a little physically too. But the sexual abuse had to have been the worst for Dawn. That didn’t start right away though; he started abusing her when she was 6 years old. 

• Because of this, Dawn has repressed memories (and she simply cannot remember) from her childhood. Mainly before entering the project world with Fierdan and for the beginning of the time they spent there. Add what Z did to her, what happened to her parents, and living alone with no adult guardians to are for Fierdan and herself when they’re young children, and yeah.. Dawn has a dissociative disorder and (C?)PTSD. So yes, Dawn and Fierdan have (C?)PTSD. Well, at least PTSD. They definitely have that. 

—————— 

So.. I have to go now. I have to attend an online class, and my phone is at low battery. 

Ages at certain events. Oh boy! :’}

*publishes post and runs to my computer* 

Ahhhhhh Blog Anniversary Time

AHHHHHHHHHH

I almost completely forgot. I mean I did. But hey. It's not midnight (in my time zone) yet.

Anyway, it's blog anniversary time! If my calculations are right, this cursed blog of mine has now existed for 6 whole years. Wow!

6 YEARS OF ME BLOGGING!!!!!! :O

I don't know what else to put. XD

For the first time in the last few days, I don't feel extremely tired. This started only a few hours ago. Before then, I was also very tired today.

For the past few days, I've been randomly waking up at 4 am. I don't like it. I don't like that at all.

I went on a long walk with my dog this evening. Being outside. Feeling the cool evening air. That was nice. I liked that.

Ooh. I have pictures I took of Sunshine a few days ago that I want to show you guys. I took good pictures of my dog while we were outside. From a few days ago. Not today lol.

What else, what else.........

Actually, last Monday wasn't that bad. It was an okay day. I was still pretty upset over the nightmare I had, and I think that was the first day I woke up at 4 am and then took Benadryl.

Benadryl,, makes me sleepy. zzzzzzzzz

Oh yeah. It's Passover.

Heck,,

............... ye ah.

I don't know what else to put here. I guess that's it.

Happy 6th anniversary, blog. I never thought I'd stick around with you for this long.

(Yes, I just talked to my blog as if it were a person. Deal with it.)

I will return here sometime in the near future. Bye for now.

(+ Shan)

update on my well-being: messed up

Yeah. Pretty much. Update on my well-being: ??? I’m messed up. 

[This is going to be an obvious “stream of conscious” style post. Expect profanity.]

Sunday was definitely not my day. Sunday.. god, that day. Big yikes. 

It wasn’t all bad. But damn, did it mess me up. 

........ *breathe in* *breathe out* *breathe in* *breathe out* breathe. breathe. breathe. Breathe. BREATHE. 

I’m fucked up. Sunday fucked me up. 

I’m ok. I’m (not) ok. I’m ok. I’m (not) ok. — I don’t know anymore! 

Have a list of things that might be about me somehow: 

*shrugs* lol 

(btw, I’ll be talking about drugs. so, uh.. yeah.) 

ah fuck it let’s start 

• I keep on telling myself to continue the most recent skit story, but I keep delaying it. Now it’s two months later (I think). I want to. I’m just not writing it. I’m tired of waiting too, believe me. I think I lost motivation and inspiration again. 

• At 4 am on Sunday, I woke up with allergies bothering me (nasal congestion, itchy eyes), so I took some allergy medicine. That was a mistake. I think it caused me to have the most intense and longest nightmare I had in a long time. It terrified me. I don’t know why or how, but it felt so realistic. It fucked me up for the rest of the day, ngl. 

• The only allergy medicine I can find in my house is Benadryl. Taking Benadryl at 4, nearly 5, in the morning was not a wise decision, I can tell you that. 

• Having both Benadryl and Lexapro (my prescription medication) in my system (body) at the same time. Yikes. I think that really fucked me up. 

• That dream was terrifying to me. *inserts words and phrases related to my nightmare because I can’t even properly explain it several hours later* not believed. overdramatic. crybaby. avoiding responsibility. angry father. camp. kids. computer. dream within a dream. crash. broken computer. red stairs. red stairwells. bombs. explosions. chainsaws. guns. gunshots. ptsd. buildings collapsing. trying not to die. dying. typing on computer. late to class. friends. not saving them. not being saved. being killed. 

• I wrote this about it early in the afternoon: I woke up at 4 in the morning, took some allergy medicine, eventually fell back asleep. Then I had a nightmare and that dream terrified me a lot. And then that nightmare became a dream within a dream (in another dream, I wrote down what happened in the nightmare), then everything I wrote about it disappeared because the computer I was typing on broke. It was so scary. Anyway, I’m a mess right now. 

So.. yeah. That happened. :’}

On a positive note, going on a walk outside helped me feel a little better. The weather was gorgeous, too. 

But I’ve been feeling tense and anxious for the majority of the day. My body just wouldn't let go of those physical signs of anxiety I usually have. 

It was so bad. Sunday was a shitty Sunday. I hated it. I’m a little reluctant on falling asleep again, even though I’m so tired.

I could ramble about another reason I think I’m so fucked up and broken, but now I don’t want to do that anymore. 

All I can say is I’m not normal by any means. 

Seriously. It sucks. 

So, yes. My mood can shift from being happy and chill to the next day being so tense and nervous and terrified and having a goddamn anxiety attack. My thoughts and feelings are fluid. Always changing. Nothing is static. I could feel fine in one moment, and the next moment I don’t feel okay at all. 

It really, really sucks. 

There. That’s my shitty personal update that no one asked for. Goodbye.

 ;-;-/-;;-::-,-;,:,-;,//-,,;:-,/:;.-:-:-.,/-,,/ 

Corona Tunes for these trying times

Corona tunes for these trying times.

Ah yes.

(Thanks to my sister for showing me some of these songs.)

*offers you silly music in these trying times*

Yes, these are trying times.

Will you... Will you have some corona tunes in this time of coronavirus pandemic? uwu

*uwu intensifies*

Oh yeah, let's go!

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(The "HELP ME HELP ME" part is my favorite. XD)

(The lyrics are gold. asdfghjkl)

(aaaaahhhhhhhhh)

(Disney! :'D)

(Another iconic corona song. XD)

(That's so beautiful omg,,)

-----------------------------------------

These made me laugh. :'D

Maybe I'll make more posts later. Maybe not.

Now I'm off to reading more of Hamlet for class!~~

Stay safe. Bye.

~ Shan :P

Sunshine’s 15th Birthday

Hi. Today’s April 3rd. Know what that means?? 

It’s... It’s... SUNSHINE’S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! 

She’s now 15 years old. Wow. It’s her 15th birthday. Wow. 

I don’t have much else to say, so have this picture of her and my cat from January that I took on Snapchat. 

She’s doing much better now than she was in January. That was a rough month for her. 

But she preserved. She survived. She’s living. And thriving. 

Haha yes. :D 

<3 <3 <3 

xx

I might create another post later; I haven’t made up my mind yet. 

What a time we live in. 

What to do in these unprecedented times... 

Well. I started reading Hamlet. So... 

(Eww, college assignments I have to do. :c) 

Today’s Sunshine’s day. That’s what matters. :’) 

Bye for now. Stay safe. :) 

~ Shan 

In 2020, We Are All The April Fool

Yes. We sure are.

Hi. Hello. Hi. Hello.

In 2020, we are all the April Fool.

2020- what a year. Oh, it's only April? Whatever.

Coronavirus. Covid-19. What a time.

I'm on my second week of online classes. Mm, not a fan. No thanks.

............. Before the post continues:

This post will have profanity.

............. fyi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On last year's April 1st post, I see that I had said that one of my classes was canceled that day. 

Guess what happened today? One of my classes got canceled! 

But is it even class anymore? Everything's online. Nothing feels real. Is time real? Discussion Board, BlackBoard, all these goddamn Boards. 

Anyway, I'm FUCKED. 

Nothing feels real. Is time real? Fuck! 

[Note: I'm going to be changing topics a lot in this post.]

-x-x-

Remember Animal Jam? I don't. 

Anyway, this Adventure is somehow a coronavirus/self-quarantine/2020 mood. 

I don't remember anything from AJ. I don't remember this. Why is my blog URL this? It's a fucking mystery, buddy. 

*breathe in* *breathe out* BREATHE.

PSA: If you're out there, Bunny, I miss you so much. 

</3

.......... Where the hell are those Adventure screenshots?? 

Who is he?? What the fuck happened to him?? 

lol look at these sad emo kids 

also,, march 2020 mood.

Damn. I miss the person who made this. :-(

Anyway, that quote was the peak of my writing success. 

It's such a deep quote. Fucking hell.

"There's a part in all of us that wants to be free." 

me: *goes apeshit*

2020 (self) quarantine mood. 

We just wanna be FREE, FREEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

.......... anyone else thinking of the social commentary that can stem from that quote? 

Free from what? Capitalism. 

*insert other words here too that I'm too lazy to type*

abcdefghijklmaonopeqrstuvwxyz 

-x-x-

YES, I FOUND THEM.

(AKA the Adventure chat screenshots)

Plot twist: This is actually about covid-19. The coronas are out to get us, so stay inside! 

Ok, have more nonsense.

-x-x-

AAAHHHHHHH

-x-x-

Anyone remember my Enchanted bunny avatar? 

Me neither.

She seems iconic though. 

-x-x-

.............. PEAK FASHION!!!!!

Anyone remember my Precious wolf avatar? 

She's a marshmallow obsessed freak.

Oh wow.

-x-x-

I have way too many random AJ screenshots saved on this blog. XD

Moving on now......

I have no ideas for any pranks. I'm old, I'm tired, time isn't real, and I'm screwed. 

:'(

-x-x-

.........................

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~ void ~

~ gotta keep moving to avoid falling down down down........ ~

~ into a depressive episode ~

~ oh fuck. ~

~ void ~

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This is the most important website. If you want to be caught up with what is happening all over the world, you have to check it out. The news is updated faster than you can say "blobfish"- guaranteed!

I can't focus. I can't read. I can't focus. I can't focus. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Attention span who?

It's getting harder by the day to avoid falling down, down, down into a depressive episode. These times remind me too much of the summer when I have my summer depression. Self-isolating. Staying home all day. 

Thank god I've established basic morning and night routines, so I have some structure to my days in these chaotic times. 

But I'm not gonna lie. I'm terrified of the depression coming back again. I know I haven't made that many posts these past few months, I know I haven't had the motivation to create new content here, but I actually haven't felt depressed for a good while now. I'm scared of sinking back low. I was doing so good, then this virus shitstorm happened. I'm trying so hard to cope, but it's hard. Everything is a struggle. 

I've been having stressful dreams that stress me out again. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm worried. I'm terrified. I'm bored. I'm anxious. I'm okay. 

I fucked up again. I keep fucking this shit up. 

I don't know what to look forward to anymore. When this pandemic ends? I guess that. I don't know anymore.

Well anyway. Take care of yourselves. I'm really trying to, and so should you.

Sometimes my eyes, with my glasses or contacts on, choose not to focus on reading words right in front of me. It's like, everything feels out of focus. And then I can feel my eyes focusing again. 

It's a weird experience. 

I forgot what I was going to say next. 

Haha, I should take my medication. Ha, ha. 

Stay safe. We're all in this together. 

Alright, alright! Now the post is over. Y'all can leave or write a comment below. 

<3,

~ Shan