Confessions 3 (skit)

Hi, I’m finally back with part 3 of the Confessions in the current skit story arc. 

I haven’t been feeling that great physically these last two weeks. (Darn it, seasonal allergies.) I still don’t feel the best. 

It’s been long enough, and I had this skit idea for a while now. So I’ll just post it.

What the heck; why not? It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine. 

I’m not sure why I put so much pressure on myself about writing this part. Does anyone beside me even care? I doubt it. But what do I know? 

It’s May now. I can’t believe it. The time these recent skits take place in is winter; I’m thinking any point in February or early March. When it’s still cold out (to those in the northern hemisphere like me, anyway). But now it’s May here in the real world. That’s crazy. It’s been spring for a while. 

Time… Man, that’s crazy. 

Anyway, I should start this thing already. Of course, before that, the list of content warnings for this post’s skit. I like including them just in case. Lots of stuff happens in this one. Content in general, I mean. But also stuff that I typically indícate warnings for. 

Uh, well, okay then. Time to start the skit. I still have lots of character and plot-related thoughts to dump out. 

I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. :’) <3

Alright, alright. I’ll start for real this time. 

**WARNINGS: strong/explicit language; mentions of acts of violence (including murder and attempted murder), romantic and sexual content (including assault, no graphic details, but it’s talked about), possible ableism, and drug use. 

—————————

[A few hours after the end of the last skit. The time is between 8 and 10 pm. In the hours between the end of the previous skit and when this one takes place, Fierdan and Stella did their own things. Fierdan went to his apartment to shower, brush teeth, change clothes, take medication, and possibly other mundane activities. Fierdan also spent time writing and rewriting a note to Jack on a small notepad— things he wants to confess to Jack. When he finished writing the note, he ripped the paper off the notepad and stuffed it into one of his pockets. He then got ready to meet Stella at her apartment, like he planned.]

[Meanwhile, Stella also changed her clothes and went out to have dinner with Dawn and Dylan. It’s been at least an hour since then, and now Dylan is hanging out with Stella in her apartment. They’ve just been talking. They have a lot to talk about. This skit is starting after they have talked for a while.] 

Dylan: Let me get this straight. Fierdan acted pissed out of nowhere, called Dawn a bitch, and you acted on impulse and slapped him across the face because he insulted her. Right? 

Stella: *hides her face in her hands* For the last time, yes. How many times do we have to repeat this? 

Dylan: You’re all so.. *hesitates to think of a word* interesting. 

Stella: *groans* 

Dylan: And you didn’t feel as angry when he insulted you by calling you the b-word and other things yourself? 

Stella: Ugh, I don’t know. I guess? Drop it already. 

Dylan: *lowers his arms, his fingers brushing the couch he is sitting on* I find it amusing how you said you wouldn’t fight him after you got upset and hit him in response to his words. *faces Stella* You’re a funny one, Stella. 

Stella: I shouldn’t have hit him. I know what he— Duke and him— went through in his.. no, their.. past. And yet.. yet I did it anyway. 

Dylan: Don’t ruminate on it. What’s done is done. 

Stella: *raises her head, faces Dylan* You’re really starting to get on my nerves. First, all that shit, and now this? 

Dylan: Look. His past and his mental illnesses do not excuse his actions. It’s never okay for him, or anyone for that matter, to treat you or anyone else like he did. He’s an asshole who needs to be called out for his shit. If I’m the only one who is willing to get the job done, then so be it. *sighs* It’s not normal. I swear, none of you are. 

Stella: *frowns* Stop antagonizing him.

Dylan: Well, maybe he deserves to be. He’s such an entitled, egoistic brat that has “main character syndrome” and god, he’s so obnoxious. 

Stella: No, he isn’t. *sighs* He apologized to me. And I haven’t been the kindest towards him either. I’ve been a jerk too. Why do you hate him so much? 

Dylan: *glares at Stella, frowns* Because he stole him from me. 

Stella: *raises eyebrow* Oh?

Dylan: *face gets slightly red* I mean, he just gets on my nerves. His personality is annoying. He’s just… *groans, looks down at his hands and taps his fingers on the couch* 

Stella: For someone who hates Fierdan, you sure enjoy talking about him. What is it? Are you into him? 

Dylan: Has everything I told you flown over your head? Romance and I don’t mix. I’m not interested in getting into a romantic relationship. I don’t get crushes; I don’t get the whole “falling in love” shit. 

Stella: So you’re not like that. Okay… 

Dylan: I told you I’m aromantic. I don’t do romance. 

Stella: What about.. *blushes* the other way? You know… 

Dylan: What the fuck is that supposed to mean? *pauses then shakes his head vigorously* No! What the fuck? That’s not how this shit works. It makes no sense. I’m not like you people; I actually make sense. *sighs, hands forming fists* Why would I… *shakes head again* Why have you been acting weird ever since I told you that we’re not alike, that we’re not the same? 

Stella: I’m just wondering… 

Dylan: *looks frustrated, clenches his fists* I don’t do between-the-lines shit either. I don’t like him, and there’s no secret hidden meaning to it. 

Stella: Okay, sure, whatever you say. 

Dylan: And to think I was helping you figure out your feelings regarding your sexuality. I’m respectful and listen to you when you talk about how you’re questioning things, and you act ignorant and refuse to listen when I talk about mine? 

Stella: *frowns, hands turning into fists* I thought you understood. I thought you were like me. 

Dylan: And I kept telling you that we’re not the same! Get that into your head. For fuck’s sake. *lets out a long breath* Just because I ruined your false perception of me by revealing to you that I’m romance-repulsed but not touch-repulsed and sex-repulsed doesn’t mean everything I talked to you about romantic attraction— or the lack thereof— a lie. 

Stella: How was I to know? I thought I could talk to you about how I think I don’t understand and experience sexual attraction. I thought you would get it. 

Dylan: Ugh, I don’t know what to tell you. Romance and sex aren’t the same thing. 

Stella: I know that! 

Dylan: Then why are you being so weird and intrusive about how I live my life just because I don’t live up to your expectations? If you want to talk to someone who gets it, someone who can understand what it’s like to be questioning being on the aromantic and asexual spectrums, then consult Ryen. He’s aroace. I’m not. 

Stella: Sorry, my mistake. I should’ve done that instead. 

Dylan: Alright. Do that then. *pauses* But just so you know, I’m still the same person. I just happen to be someone who’s had sex. 

Stella: I really don’t care about that. I just.. assumed you were also ace and sex-repulsed. 

Dylan: Well, I’m not. Besides, being ace isn’t synonymous with being sex-repulsed. 

Stella: Hmm, I see. Thanks for letting me talk about everything and just.. for all you did. I really do appreciate it. And look, I also just like hanging out with you. It’s not just because of all that stuff. We’re friends, Dyl. 

Dylan: Friends, huh? 

Stella: I’m sorry if I used you as a mentor. I see you as a friend. You’re my friend. 

Dylan: *looks across the room at nothing in particular* I guess that’s how it works. I suppose that’s what friendship is. I see…

[A little later. Any time between 5 and 15 minutes later. There is someone knocking on the door to Stella’s apartment.] 

Dylan: What the hell? Who’s at your door at this hour? 

Stella: Oh shit, he was serious? I nearly forgot he said all that. *groans* Why couldn’t he have just gone to sleep? Insomnia? But it feels like he planned this from the start. 

Dylan: Sorry to get you out of your head, but what happened? *shakes head* Never mind that, just answer the door already! 

Stella: *in a panicked voice* I am, I am! *gets up from her chair, quickly puts on a pair of slippers, and hurries to the front door* 

Fierdan: *taps his foot as he waits outside the door* Uh.. maybe she’s not home. *starts turning around*

Dylan: *mutters to himself* How can someone be that fucking dense? 

Stella: *looks flustered as she unlocks the door, smiles awkwardly at Fierdan* Uh.. hi. Well, you.. you look better now compared to before. Are you feeling better? I hope.. I hope you are. 

Fierdan: Hey, I told you that I’d meet you here. 

Stella: Yeah, mhmm, you sure did. 

Fierdan: Alright so, what’s on your mind? Spill it. 

Stella: Uh.. want to come in first? 

Fierdan: Oh, that’s right. May I? 

Stella: Of course. Right this way. 

Fierdan: *enters the room, notices Dylan, looks back at Stella* Oh, is this a bad time? 

Stella: *face reddens* No, no, not at all! It’s fine. Everything’s fine. 

Dylan: *frowns* What is he doing here? Get out. 

Stella: No, no. I said he could come. It’s alright. 

Dylan: *ignores Stella again* What the fuck is he planning on doing? *rubs his eyes* And why is he dressed like that? Did he really get all dressed up to talk to Stella? *shakes head* No, he’s got some ulterior motive. I can’t leave her alone with him. 

Fierdan: *steps towards Dylan, stops possibly a little too close in front of him* I’m right here. 

Dylan: *swallows* Get out, you’re never good news. *sniffs* And what is that smell? 

Fierdan: Cologne. It’s cologne. It smells better than smoke and bodily fluids. *grins* Don’t worry, I showered. I just put this on for extra measure. 

Dylan: *coughs* Sure, okay. How about you just continue on your way to the club? Leave Stella and me out of it. 

Fierdan: I didn’t intend to go there. I only wanted to talk to her. *looks at Stella* 

Dylan: Then why are you dressed like that? 

Fierdan: *faces Dylan* What? I can’t look nice? 

Dylan: You’re suspicious. You have an ulterior motive. I won’t let you do anything to her. 

Fierdan: *glares, steps closer to Dylan* What are you getting at? Tell it to my fucking face. 

Dylan: I know there’s still a part of you, in what you all call Duke, that hasn’t let go of Stella. You still have feelings. She told me what you said. 

Fierdan. Let me repeat myself. What the flying fuck are you getting at? *makes intense eye contact with Dylan*

Dylan: *quickly looks away* I won’t let you hurt her. I know you did questionable stuff to her when you were Duke. 

Fierdan: Why are you thinking these thoughts? It’s disturbing. 

Dylan: I’d do anything to prevent her getting assaulted by you again. That’s why. 

Fierdan: *stares intensely at Dylan, has a look on his face that just screams vicious* You dare to say such a thing, to make a wildly harmful assumption, and yet you can’t even fucking look me in the eye. You have some fucking nerve. *leans forward so Dylan is forced to look in his eyes* There. Now say that shit one more time. 

Dylan: *speaks softly* It burns. It hurts, it hurts. I can’t do direct eye contact. I can’t, I can’t… *his eyes start getting red and watery* 

Fierdan: There you go showing your true colors. *takes a step back and laughs coldly* Everyone acts so tough, but it’s just an exterior. Everyone’s weak and pathetic pieces of shit.. like me! 

Dylan: *quickly rubs his eyes* You really are an asshole. 

Fierdan: *stops laughing, stares at Dylan again* I’m the villain in everyone’s story. I killed people again and again. I’m a murderer. You have every right to be wary of me. *steps forward again* But don’t go around saying I sexually assault people. You don’t get to fucking say that. 

Dylan: *takes a few steps back, doesn’t face Fierdan* What the fuck is your problem? God, my eyes hurt. 

Fierdan: My eyes aren’t actually made of fire, you know. I know what eye pain and trauma is. You don’t. In fact, you don’t know shit—

Dylan: Ah great, the “woe is me” all over again. No one has it as bad as Fierdan. 

Fierdan: Have you been poked in the eye with syringes? How about with scalpels? *pauses* No? I thought so. 

Dylan: It’s not a fucking competition, asshole! Eye contact can get painful for me. Of course it’s not as bad as whatever the hell you went through. 

Fierdan: *sighs, reaches into his pocket intending to take out a box of cigarettes only to remember he didn’t bring it with him, lets out a long breath, speaks in a lower voice compared to before* Fuck. I didn’t come here for this. I have such a short fuse with my emotions switching from.. something pleasant, I guess, to just wanting to burn the world. I get so fucking angry and pissed, and god.. what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m sorry. Fuck. 

Dylan: *turns around, stares blankly at Fierdan* That.. That isn’t normal. It can’t work like that. Stop being so unrealistic. None of it makes any sense! 

Fierdan: You don’t have to understand it. I don’t either, to be honest. I really don’t intend to be cruel and such a dick, and yet… 

Dylan: Get your shit together. 

Fierdan: I.. I know. I’m trying. 

Dylan: Trying isn’t good enough. You actually have to. 

Fierdan: You’re right. 

Dylan: *has a small smile* Wait, we’re on the same page? Great! 

Stella: *finally intervening* Oh, uh.. maybe I should’ve intervened sooner. Are we all good now? *twirls a few strands of her hair around her finger* 

Dylan: I.. I think? I don’t really know. 

Fierdan: Just one more thing. I am genuinely upset that you see me like a sexual abuser. When I was Duke, I never forced Stella to do anything. In fact, there were lots of things I wanted to do, but I didn’t because she wasn’t comfortable with that, and I respect people’s boundaries, damn it. 

Dylan: What? Boundaries only matter when it’s about sex? 

Stella: *blushes* Huh? What? What are you talking about? I didn’t—

Fierdan: I’m big on consent. Of course not only when it comes to doing anything sexually, but that’s what I’m talking about right now. 

Stella: Actually, I.. uh.. have some thoughts. *swallows* Never mind. 

Fierdan: *still not acknowledging Stella* Also like.. I hate people who touch others sexually without their consent. I hate sexual abusers to the core. They’re fucking scum that deserves to rot. I’d be willing to kill another. 

Dylan: I like the passion, but kill? Is that a bit… 

Fierdan: Too much? Not really. I did do that in fact. I also, not actually on purpose, nearly caused an older kid to drown after he attempted to strip me of my shirt and swimming trunks. Wait, maybe more than one kid. There were accomplices. They wanted to see me naked. Damn, people really were obsessed with Duke’s body since forever. I was so young back then too. I knew at least one kid wanted and tried to touch my body— Duke’s body— under my clothes. Well, Duke’s. *shakes head* I’m Fierdan. I’m also Duke. This shit gets confusing. I, as little kid Duke, really attempted to drown someone. *laughs* What the fuck! 

Dylan: That’s disturbing. All of it. Everyone involved. What the actual fuck. 

Stella: Yeah, I’m never gonna get used to hearing about that. Like, holy shit. 

Fierdan: That just counts the times when it ended in me engaging in killing or at least what seemed like attempted murder. I’ve always been insane. *laughs* 

Stella: Uh… *shakes head* No, never mind. I’ll just let this play out. 

Fierdan: I have so many more examples of people using either my or Duke’s body as fucking play-things. I lost count of how many times we were violated in total. I know what it’s like to be sexually violated, so it adds fuel to my fire of how much I hate those fuckers who do that. Look, I know it doesn’t mean I can’t ever do that stuff, especially less severe stuff, but just.. *pauses for a few seconds* know that’s how I feel about people like that who do that shit. It’s very, very negative. I don’t want anyone to go through what we went through. Never again. 

Dylan: *staring at Fierdan’s body, focusing on his outfit* Okay, I see. I get it. 

Fierdan: *notices Dylan staring at him, his facial expression changes, he smirks* What are you looking at? Ways you can use me? 

Dylan: *is a little distracted* What? No. No! 

Fierdan: Good. 

Stella: What’s happening? *rubs the back of her neck* I’m lost. 

Fierdan: *talking to Dylan* Does my appearance mesmerize you that much? Damn. *brushes a few hairs from covering his forehead to the side* Except if you’re into that sort of thing. I know that look. 

Dylan: *blushes* What are you doing? The hell? 

Fierdan: Aww, you’re blushing. That’s cute. 

Dylan: Because you’re looking and acting and speaking seductively. 

Fierdan: *grins* Good, we’re on the same wavelength. 

Stella: Why do I feel so awkward in my own home? Like, this is my place. You guys know that, right? I live here. And of course I’m being ignored again. This is fine. *goes to the couch and sits down* 

Fierdan: *basically acting like Stella isn’t also there* Okay, Dylan, want to hate-fuck? Have some hateful, angry, passionate sex? Just to fuck? Let’s see how incompatible we really are. 

Dylan: *face is red* Oh my fucking god. What the fuck? Dude! 

Fierdan: Good? Okay, when do you want to do it? Now? 

Stella: *face is also red* G-Get out. Both of you. Now. I’ll kick you out. *says that but doesn’t move from her seat on the couch, is too confused and is frozen in place* 

Dylan: *stammers* N-No. Never. I.. I have standards. 

Fierdan: *laughs so much that tears form* Standards? It’s only because you have standards? I can’t. Holy fuck. 

Dylan: What the fuck is wrong with you? Do your emotions and moods change that fast? For real? 

Fierdan: I always wanted to mess with you like that. Oh god, that shit was so worth it. Your face is making me crack up. 

Dylan: *grimaces* A joke? That’s your idea of a joke? 

Fierdan: Just towards you? Yeah. *turns face into a neutral facial expression* Don’t tell me you seriously want to try that? 

Dylan: No, no. Definitely not. 

Fierdan: Thank fuck. Because I was just kidding. For one, I’m in a committed relationship now, and cheating by fucking you… That sounds like a nightmare. No offense. 

Dylan: None taken. 

Fierdan: Good, water man, good. 

Dylan: *frowns* Water man?

Fierdan: People jokingly call me “fire man” or “Fire Dan” and it fits. So… 

Dylan: You’re so weird. And that’s coming from me, so it must mean something. 

Fierdan: *frowns* I have no idea what you mean, but okay. *moves the parts of his hair he moved earlier back to their usual place* Besides, you’re not my type. And I do have standards, by the way. 

Dylan: I.. I see. 

Stella: *finally gets up* Okay, okay. Is any of this necessary? Did you have to do it here? At my place? I’m right here, you know? I’ve been here the whole time. 

Fierdan: *brushes his hands on his pants then rubs them through his hair* Actually, yes. This was all part of my plan. 

Dylan: You’re joking, right? 

Fierdan: Nope. Not at all. 

Dylan: *looks confused* Huh? 

Fierdan: I’m being serious. Completely serious. 

Dylan: Look, dude, I’m not the best when it comes to sarcasm. 

Fierdan: Oh, I’m not being sarcastic. 

Stella: Then what was the point of all that? That was extreme, even for you. 

Fierdan: No, look, let me get to the chase. Earlier, you were talking about how you fear you didn’t love properly and that you can’t. I know you also mean it in a romantic context; I’ll get to that soon. Look, how do I put this. When I was Duke, I really did love you. The feelings were there. At least in the beginning before I became corrupt, I did my very best to prioritize your safety and comfort before any of my wants. There were so many things I fantasized of doing to a partner, but I knew.. I knew we couldn't do some of those things. And I’ve been fine with that. I still am. It’s okay. 

Stella: Sorry, I’m dumb. What are you saying? 

[Several minutes later. Fierdan explains it properly to Stella (and Dylan who is still there). I’m struggling too much to include the whole conversation. Writing is hard. Lots of dots are connected with lines. A lot is explained.] 

Dylan: Wow, he actually did it. He somehow made most of the shit he said and did make sense. He kind of, sort of succeeded. 

Fierdan: I know, I know. *grins* I’m what they would call a genius. 

Dylan: *having a deadpan expression* No. 

Fierdan: Blunt as ever, I see. 

Dylan: I swear, just being around you is making me feel less sane. You make me look normal in comparison. Me! Normal! The one they all called a weird and abnormal freak because of how my brain works and how I’m queer. 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow* Oh, is that so? I’m interested. Do tell me more. 

Dylan: And you just.. you just communicate weird. The way you talk, the way you act.. all of it. It isn’t normal. Nothing you do makes any sense. It’s getting to my head. 

Fierdan: Well, of course. Even I know I do.

Dylan: I didn’t expect you to say that. 

Fierdan: Why? It’s true. Not being raised properly by my.. *clears throat* parents and then spending years in complete isolation from the rest of the world… Well, yeah, it probably screwed over my communication skills. And other things. 

Dylan: Hmm, I guess. 

Fierdan: Try having only a sadistic demon for company that made every moment of your life a living hell. Sure, I wasn't technically all alone; I lived at the mercy of a merciless entity who only used me for its own sadistic pleasure. Let’s see how you’ll make it out. It’ll inevitably fuck with your head. *sighs* I think I’d much rather spend all those years totally alone than having been a puppet of melancholy. 

Dylan: *sighs* Of course you’d bring that up. 

Fierdan: Yeah, well, what do you expect? 

Stella: *has been struggling with words for the last few minutes* Uh, is your bickering necessary? And who are you guys referring to by “they”.. who are they? 

Dylan: It’s nothing important. 

Fierdan: Yeah, we should stop. *turns to face Stella* So, what do you think? 

Stella: What do I think? 

Fierdan: Yeah. 

Stella: Well, it’s not a surprise to any of us that I avoided certain touches. I mean, like, you know I avoided anything clearly sexual. You know how I feel about sex.. for myself, I mean. *scratches the back of her neck* But I didn’t expect you to be doing all that just for me. I thought you would’ve been averse to sex yourself just because.. you know.. what you’ve been through. I’m just referring to your Duke self, of course. Obviously. 

Fierdan: Yeah, I never related to being sex-repulsed or ace. I’m too much of a perverted, dirty-minded bastard. Did I really surprise you by clarifying that? 

Stella: *lets out a long breath* No. Not at all, really. I’m more shocked to learn you really did have romantic feelings toward me. 

Fierdan: What? You thought I— at least as Duke— was aromantic? 

Stella: *blushes* No.. No, that was stupid. It’s just how things developed with us were.. unusual. I thought you were also using me as an experiment to feeling romantic love and being in a relationship. But apparently you never kept thinking “what is love?” or “is this love?” during it. I.. I still don’t know what love is or if I really do feel it. I felt like I was playing a character. *her fingers tremble* I just want to know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I know for sure? 

Dylan: Hey, I’m aro. It’s not a death sentence. 

Stella: That’s not the point! 

Dylan: Sorry? 

Stella: *faces Dylan* No.. shit.. I’m sorry. I don’t know if I want to label my romantic attraction— or lack thereof— just yet. It’s all so confusing. Like, at least with sexual attraction, it’s to the point. I think I’m fine with calling myself ace, but aro-spec? I.. I don’t know. 

Dylan: I never told you that you need to fit yourself into a label. Not labeling is entirely fine. You don’t need to confine yourself into a box. *scratches chin* And besides, I’m not interested in labeling my sexual attraction. Sure, I’m into guys, but.. in the end, labels are just words. It doesn’t matter that much to me. 

Stella: Interesting. That means a lot, actually. 

Dylan: No problem? 

Stella: *nods* I bet I’m going to regret asking this, but *turns to Fierdan* did you ever, as Duke, look down on me as someone who couldn’t *blushes, avoids his eyes* who couldn’t satisfy you properly? God, I’m sorry. I just felt like such a hypocrite. Me, not wanting sex but enjoying those other things. Me, not knowing if I understand romance and feel love.. but that.. it really did make me feel good. 

Dylan: Sorry, what? 

Stella: *hides her red face in her hands* I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense. If I was normal, I would’ve hated it, no questions asked. I did feel something, but I still don’t know if it was genuine love. Maybe it was just a natural body reaction. Fuck, this is so embarrassing to talk to others about. 

Fierdan: *sighs* I had to collect my thoughts. Look, Stella, we both know the initial purpose of my character was to be a lustful creature only interested in violence and sex. Bloodlust— craving blood, being defined by my lust— defined me, and it still does to some degree. I’m kinda like an incubus—

Dylan: What the hell are you talking about? 

Stella: *lowers her hands, faces Fierdan* Yeah, uh.. sorry, Fierdan, but I’m also lost. 

Fierdan: Well, not really an incubus. A gay one, perhaps. No, one who doesn’t care about gender. And consent is definitely a priority. Incubi are shady—

Stella: What the fuck are you blabbering on about? 

Dylan: Yeah, seriously? Be normal for once. 

Fierdan: Alright, alright. Damn. *faces Stella* Despite all of that, I don’t crave sex nor need it to live. I’m talking about me now but also as Duke. It’s not a need. I was fine not doing any of that stuff with you. Really. It’s fine. 

Stella: I know I was willing to kiss, and I was really into it too. 

Dylan: Oh, kissing. That’s what you meant before. 

Stella: *to Fierdan* And I know you did your best to respect my boundaries, but… *shakes head* I wouldn’t call it assault, but… *sighs* Sometimes, when Duke really got into the moment and things got all hot— pun may or may not be intended— the lines between things I felt comfortable with and what I wasn't became blurry. 

Fierdan: *sighs* You’re right. I admit that I got carried away at times. You told me— well, Duke— that you were fine and enjoyed kissing, but you didn’t know how you felt about kissing with tongue. We did, you said you didn’t like it, but I did it again and again at later times. You didn’t say anything about it during the later times, so I thought it was fine. But it wasn't, and I shouldn’t have assumed. I fucked up; I’m sorry.

Stella: Oh, so you did get it. I mean.. I get it was hard to control your urges in the heat in the moment, but— 

Dylan: Ugh, don’t make excuses. He still violated your boundaries. Sure, don’t call it assault, but he wasn't the king of doing everything consensually. And that’s not okay. Even for little things. 

Stella: You’re right. Sorry. It’s just.. I don’t know.. it’s so stupid how I feel so different about kisses, including on the lips, but feel so weird and uncomfortable when it involves tongue. It’s like it crosses the barrier into being sexual contact, and I.. I can’t do that. It repulses me too much. It isn’t.. me. And I’m sorry that it can’t. 

Fierdan: He’s right. I’m the one to blame. Don’t blame yourself for how you felt. 

Stella: I just.. I just feel like shit that I couldn’t do that stuff with Duke. If I were someone else, I would be very willing to have sex. You.. him.. whatever wanting sexual contact isn’t a surprise at all. Like, I knew Duke wanted sex. And yet.. I just couldn't. 

Fierdan: Again, it’s fine. 

Stella: But it wasn’t! It isn’t! 

Dylan: Stella— 

Stella: What the fuck is wrong with me? I didn’t even really mind feeling his.. *looks at the floor* hardness.. his you-know-what.. against my body when we were making out, yet.. yet the thought of actually having sex. Hell no, I could never. I guess there really is a difference between having clothes on and not. *face is red again* Oh my god, why am I saying this? He’s right here. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Fierdan: There is a difference between having clothes on and off. I won’t say I understand the psychology and physiology of what happened to you or even myself, but… *sighs* I don’t know what else to really say. 

Dylan: *pacing back and forth* Okay, so uh.. I said I would stay, but I just feel like I’m intruding now. I don’t get how you ever liked him— Duke, whatever— and I still think that he’s a pain in the ass. I won’t ever understand you two and your weird ways of being. Anyway, I’m gonna get a snack. *walks away*

Stella: Oh my god! I wanted to talk about other stuff too! *sighs and groans* 

Fierdan: Like what? 

Stella: What are romantic feelings like for you? What made you fall for me? We weren’t even friends when we were in school. You didn’t exactly treat me like shit, but like.. I don’t get it. *looks at Dylan in the kitchen* I don’t even know how I feel about Duke. Was I so lonely and desperate for a friend that I just accepted whatever he wanted? Did I even want the romance? The kissing though.. fucking kill me. 

 Fierdan: Okay, this is getting excessive. 

Stella: What? 

Fierdan: It’s been several months. We both moved on. I have a boyfriend now. Shit, Stella.. we broke up. I can’t even say ‘we’ since it wasn't even me as I am now. Duke is gone. Why are you so caught up in how I felt about you as Duke all that time ago? 

Stella: I don’t know! *shivers* This isn’t even about romance or sex. I don’t know how to even bring it all up. It scares me. I’m so scared that I’m heartless and unable to love anyone. I can’t form attachments to anyone. I’m such a shitty person. 

Dylan: *walking back to the room where Stella and Fierdan are, holding a bag of mini pretzels* I found the pretzels. *notices Stella* What the hell happened when I was gone? What did you say to her, Fierdan? 

Fierdan: Nothing. She got all emotional out of nowhere. 

Dylan: *rolls eyes* Yeah, sure. 

Fierdan: You really do think I’m the worst, huh? 

Dylan: Because you are. *grabs a fistful of pretzels and starts eating them* 

Stella: *has a wild look in her eyes* I’m fatigued. My social battery is drained. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t handle it. 

Dylan: Oh, we can leave. 

Fierdan: Of course not! She needs to not be alone right now. 

Dylan: She wants to be alone. Let’s go. 

Fierdan: No. *sighs* Stella, tell us what’s wrong. You look like you’re about to cry. 

Stella: Fuck! Why can’t I fucking feel anything? Why didn’t it affect me? 

Dylan: What do you mean? 

Fierdan: Is this about how you felt about Duke? 

Stella: No, no. This isn’t about him. It’s about me being an emotionless and heartless piece of shit! *starts crying* 

Dylan: Well, I’m so confused right now. She didn’t just want to talk about her questioning her sexuality? 

Fierdan: Hmm, I guess not. I don’t really know what she’s getting at. 

Stella: *yells* I felt fucking nothing! That isn’t normal! 

Fierdan: Then let’s talk about it. 

Stella: I don’t know how! That’s the problem! *sighs* I can’t believe I’m saying this, but spending time with both of you together in my apartment is making me want to get a drink. But wait, I don’t have any alcohol on me! *groans* 

Fierdan: Are you.. okay? 

Dylan: Of course she isn’t, you dense piece of shit. 

Fierdan: Ugh, why do you always have to do that? 

Dylan: Do what? 

Fierdan: Whatever you always do with me. 

Dylan: *sighs, eats more pretzels* 

Fierdan: You’re the one who’s a jerk. 

Stella: Stop fucking arguing! For crying out loud, can you two fucking quit it? 

Dylan: *chews pretzels, glares at Fierdan* 

Fierdan: Ignore him. How long have you been keeping all of this bottled up? 

Dylan: *in an annoyed voice* Hey. 

Fierdan: *sighs* I’m sorry about before, Dylan. 

Dylan: Whatever. That was fucked up though.

Stella: *rubs my eyes* Fine, fine! I’ll talk if that’ll stop your petty arguing. But first, pass me the pretzels. 

————————————

I’ll end it here. I can’t think of a better place to end it unless I continue this skit part for even longer.

This feels like a very long one. It’s long enough.

Things will continue in Confessions 4. More confessions.. oh boy.

Alright then. Bye. 

~ Shan / Shyrah / the person who wrote whatever the hell this was (What’s a name? *shrugs* I’m me. There’s no one else.)

April ‘23 random character thoughts

Hi. It’s April 23rd. Almost the end of the day for me but whatever. It’s fine. 

I’ll go into why I’m saying that in a bit. First I have to clarify that this isn’t a skit post. This is just another post where I list random thoughts about my characters and skits in no particular order. Haha.. yes, that again. 

And so, let’s begin. Yippee… *sneezes* I keep sneezing today. I hate allergies. Grr— 

I can’t find any relevant old post with the date, so I’m not completely sure if it is the correct date. I think it is though. Whatever. 

Huh? What? 

It’s this: I planned on making Stella’s birthday be April 23rd. 

It’s April 23rd. I think this is the first time that I remembered her birthday on the actual date— and made a post on that day. This is a first, I feel like. 

I’ve also been thinking about my skits pre-2020 (or any skit story arcs that ended in 2019.. I think? years are confusing; too much is happening). What I mean is when I wrote my characters in my skits as aging in our modern age (current times, you know? that). For so long, I wrote my skits where Stella (called her Twinkle back then, of course) was my age. Anyway, if I continued all that, Stella would be 23 now. That’s crazy to think about. 

It’s less than a month till my birthday. I’m turning 23. I hate this. I’m getting old, and I feel like a fake adult since I missed lots of typical adult (and teenage too ngl) milestones. Ugh, I hate the passage of time. Boo. 

Ahahahahahaaaaa— Enough of that, onto something else. 

I start planning the next part of the skit story (Confessions right now) very soon after I publish the skit part (started planning part 2 right after finishing part 1, same goes for part 3 right after finishing part 2.. you get it). 

I need there to be a few hours break between the end of Confessions 2 and (the majority of) Confessions 3. It’s been a few weeks since I started planning it, and one of the first ideas for the break was to have a character (Fierdan or Stella) take a shower. Anyway, I think it’s funny because on the day I wrote and posted Confessions 2, it was so hot out and I really needed to take a shower by the time I finished writing the skit. 

I didn’t mean for Fierdan’s last sentences in the skit to have me projecting, but it came off that way. I planned on having there be a shower break for days before I posted the skit, but alas.. idk, a coincidence? Is it? No idea. I just thought it was funny. 

I don’t think anyone cares. Oh well. I’m just writing into the void. I’m writing all of these for myself at this point. It’s fine, this is fine. Aaaaaaaaaa— 

About what I said before, since I start planning the next skit part very soon after finishing one, my brain plays it like this: Those “coming soon” clips on what to expect in the next episode of a TV show. It’s like that but with my Confessions skits (and my March 2023 skits). I find it entertaining at first, but it replays in my head a lot and gets repetitive quickly. I swear, my brain plays my skits as TV episodes. Yeah ok, whatever, heck. 

I should clarify that I don’t plan every single character line in the skits beforehand. I plan some of them, but others just happen spontaneously as I’m writing the skit. I think I said this before. I kinda feel deja-vu right now. Uh.. anyway! Moving on now. 

I have so many thoughts I want to dump out in my Confessions skits. It’s a lot. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to include everything I planned on including in Confessions 3 into that skit part. I might have to put some of it into a part 4. I don’t know how many Confessions skits there will be in total. More than three. I know that much. 

Confessions 3 especially is gonna be a lot. So much happens. Personally, Confessions 1 and 2 are pretty boring. Not much actually happens. But Confessions 3? Shit goes down, things are talked about, characters confess things to each other. Like.. you have no idea. 

I’m a little scared of messing things up, so I’m kinda hesitant on posting it. Because.. Because.. I can’t even say except it’s a lot. 

Before I forget, let me say this: Compared to my first draft ideas of the events that happen in what I called “Twinkle’s Story” (aka story 1), the ages I have for Stella (Twinkle) and Duke are 18. I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad for them to be 17 either, but having them not be minors puts my mind at ease a little. Lessens my anxiety. So.. uh.. yeah. They’re young adults. Ok.. ok. 

Dawn is also an adult. Of course. Just putting it out there. I just can’t see the three of them as children (because teens are children). I just can’t. That’s just.. nope, no, can’t and won’t do it. 

Ok !! :-} 

Confessions 3 will of course have strong language since all my characters swear a lot (especially Fierdan as always, ugh). It’ll also feature characters talking about ~love~, including romantic stuff and uh.. well.. mentions of sexual content. A little different than my recent skits and for a longer amount of the skit length, but nothing explicit or too detailed, I promise. Just.. I have to let my characters talk about certain things. It’s part of the whole confessions thing. It’s relevant.

I need to dump out my thoughts about my characters in an entertaining way where the characters themselves dump out the thoughts. 

I need to, okay? I’m normal (/lies). 

This is definitely not related at all to what will happen in Confessions 3 (/lies): I’m currently reading the book Loveless. The book about that girl discovering she’s aroace. That one. Yeah. It’s totally not affecting things. 

But seriously though. I’ve been viewing and planning on Stella discovering she’s not straight for a few years now. It’s been in my mind archives for a while. Yeah so uh.. Stella isn’t cishet. But it’s also.. different? Like, well, compared to some other characters. It’s hard to explain without spoiling anything. I’m projecting onto her but also not really. We have different experiences and feelings. But there are some similarities. I’ll say that. 

Oh and Dawn isn’t straight either. Straight people don’t do what she does. ~is intentionally vague~ 

I still have straight characters, haha. But lots of them are queer. Well, at least the ones I think about the most. 

I’ve also been thinking about Dylan a lot lately. He’s in Confessions 3. I platonically love him so much. He calls that shit out. Hhhhhhhh just thank him. We need him. Ok, I’m normal, totally normal aaaaaaaaa—

Psst, guys, idk if you know this but Fierdan is an asshole. He’s problematic. He has flaws. But omg is he an asshole! He’s not a good person. Don’t forget!!

The way he’s been acting in recent skits.. I know it’s messy and makes me cringe at times, but it’s on purpose. I swear I’m doing this shit on purpose. 

Also, like, I know parts of the conversations with the three in recent skits (Fierdan, Dawn, Stella) are very awkward and don’t make much sense. I know, it’s supposed to be weird. That shit isn’t normal. They’re all weird. I know! 

I like thinking about Dylan calling them out. It’s funny in a strange way to me. 

I also enjoy thinking about the drama and hatred between Dylan and Fierdan. They’re not compatible, haha, they’re like opposites. 

Oh and I like thinking about Dylan and Jack and then Dylan and Stella hanging out together, talking about stuff. Fierdan is intentionally excluded. Dylan and Jack, Dylan and Stella.. hhhhh yes! No, I don’t ship them. It’s more like a friendship thing. Maybe not just that. Heh, heh.. that’s spoiler territory. 

Pretty much every character besides Fierdan, Dawn, Stella, and sometimes Jack lack common sense, I swear. I need my other characters, such as Dylan, to knock it into them. Like jfc, why do they act so weird! Be normal, dammit! *smh*

An example from the last skit lmao: 

Fierdan: *suddenly becomes an asshole to Stella and Dawn*

Stella: How dare you say that to Dawn!! *somehow slaps Fierdan across the face while he’s pissed off and doesn’t want to be touched* 

Fierdan: *gets even more angry out of nowhere, like 0 to 100*

Stella: No, I’m not going to fight you. (I know he’s just having one of his moments/episodes.) *after she slapped him* 

Fierdan: *passes out or something like that, idk* 

Stella: *does stuff and makes it seem like Fierdan is skinny and weighs nothing, idk* 

Fierdan: *becomes calm again as quickly as he got pissed off* 

… lmao what. hello ?? 

Weird. They’re weird! And that’s just from Confessions 2. God!! 

Dylan addresses this in Confessions 3. hehehheeee

I have so much pressure about that skit part. Why did I put this pressure on myself? What the heck. Is anyone even reading my posts? I don’t know!!

Dang, I’m so tired right now. I’m gonna sleep right after I finish this post. It’s not even midnight yet, but I don’t care. I want to sleep. Ok, ok! 

… ok. 

Happy birthday, Stella, my blue-orange haired ice-fire legend! Happy birthday, Stella! <3 

//I’m not normal either.//

Confessions, confessions… 

~ Shan/Shyrah (names, whatever, it’s me.)

Confessions 2 (skit)

Hey, I’m back with the second confessions skit in this skit story arc. So yeah. Hey. 

I was going to write this skit the day or two after I posted the previous one (Confessions 1), but I got busy. Well, I also binge-watched a few Netflix series and watched a lot of anime since I haven’t done that in a while. Eh whatever. I’m here now. 

It’s been so hot out these last few days. Including today. The weather where I live. Oof. It’s too hot for April. I don’t like it. 

About April, I think it’s been another year. I think the anniversary of my first ever blog post here was a few days ago. I think it’s April 11th, but I don’t feel like checking to make sure. April 11th feels right for some reason though. 

It’s 2023. I started in 2014, so that would be 9 years. Wow. I doubt it counts since I didn’t blog for around a year and was inactive for months on and off for a while. And still kinda am. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been blogging for nearly a decade. I mean, it hasn’t really. It feels more like 5 to 7 years. That’s what it feels like to me. Then again, I’m not even sure if I can call what I’ve been doing, well, blogging. What other blog does the stuff that I do? This doesn’t really feel like a blog. This is just a place for me to dump out my thoughts and writing chaos. 

That’s all this is. Chaos. 

Anyway, it’s time to start the skit. 

Warnings for strong language, drugs (well, smoking and drinking), vomiting, and brief mentions of sexual content. That should be it. 

——————————

[This skit is happening an hour after the end of the last one. The location is in one of the hallways where the main characters’ apartments are. Yeah, they live in apartments. That’s how it is. Fierdan stops pacing back and forth the length of the hallway, reaches into one of his pockets, and takes out a box of cigarettes. He isn’t aware of how tight his grip is on the box; a side of the box is dented. He takes a deep breath, staring at the box and then the ceiling.] 

Fierdan: Well, I’ve been stalling for long enough. It’s time for me to face the music. I need to tell them. It’s been going on for too long. I’ll tell Jack first. He’s the safest to, and besides, he told me that he had to tell me something this morning before we left to do our tasks. I wonder what he has to tell me. *leans against the wall and looks down at the box in his hand* But first… 

[Fierdan takes out a cigarette from the box, puts one end in his mouth, and stuffs the box back into his pocket. A warm yellow-orange light glows at the tip of his right middle finger, and a few seconds later, it grows into a flame just large enough for him to light his cigarette. Then he smokes. Nothing else to say about that. A small puff of smoke escapes his lips, and he plans on sticking the cigarette back into his mouth. Before he can, a sudden ringing in his ears and a wave of nausea hits him. Forgetting the lit cigarette in his fingers, it hits the floor as he presses his hands over each ear and he clumsily falls on his knees. He has a coughing fit, coughing for the next several seconds. Footsteps are heard approaching from around the corner but then stop.] 

Fierdan: *finally finishes coughing* Ow, ow, ow. My head… 

Stella: *walks closer to Fierdan, quickly glances at Fierdan on the floor, spots the cigarette on the floor and steps on it before gently picking it up with her fingers* What happened now?

Fierdan: *lets his arms fall to his sides, looks at the place where the cigarette must have fallen, sees that it isn’t there anymore, quickly stands up* Ah, shit. 

Stella: *a pale blue light wraps around the fingertips of her fingers holding the cigarette until the very last bits of fire burn out* Hello, Fierdan. *the blue light fades away, she pinches the cold and bent cigarette between her fingers, walks toward the nearby trash can* 

Fierdan: *watches the blue light fade completely from Stella’s fingers, has a blank look in his eyes as he sees the remains of the cigarette fall into the trash can* Uh.. hi. 

Stella: *walks back to where she was before, sighs* I’m not even gonna bother asking what that was all about. 

Fierdan: *finally realizes it’s Stella* Oh great, are you going to chastise me now? *the ringing returns and he presses his hands to his ears*

Stella: You should properly dispose of them instead of littering, and there’s no use in me telling you that you shouldn’t drink and smoke so often, but— *notices Fierdan covering his ears, rolls eyes* And you aren’t even listening to me. 

Fierdan: *the ringing temporarily stops* No, I can hear you just fine. I was going to, but I.. then I… *the ringing returns, louder than ever, lets out a cry from the pain* 

Stella: Uh.. are you okay? *reaches into her bag and takes out a water bottle* 

Fierdan: *not looking at anything in particular* What the fuck? This fucking shit— *gets cut off by another coughing fit, tears are in his eyes* 

Stella: I have no idea what’s wrong with you this time, but here, drink this. *thrusts the water bottle at Fierdan until he grabs it the moment he stops coughing* 

Fierdan: *twists off the cap and drinks from the bottle for the next few seconds, then offers it back to Stella* Thanks. 

Stella: *shakes her head* No, keep it. 

Fierdan: *hesitates, shrugs, then takes another chug of water* Alright, well, thanks again. 

Stella: I’m glad it helped. What exactly happened? 

Fierdan: Dawn. *sighs* Dawn happened. 

Stella: You met her for lunch or something like that, right? How is she? 

Fierdan: *shrugs* Dawn is Dawn. A mystery as always. 

Stella: That’s ironic coming from you of all people, considering you’ve been around each other the longest. If Dawn is a mystery to you, then what are the members who you don’t even really know? 

Fierdan: Honestly, everyone is a mystery to me. Well, except Jack. Maybe. I don’t get people. 

Stella: *looks at the floor* I also don’t get people. I constantly feel like an outsider. No, an imposter. 

Fierdan: *gives Stella a sympathetic look, then shakes his head* What are you doing here? Why are you helping me? 

Stella: I was just walking by, overheard you, and came over to make sure that you’re alright. That’s all. 

Fierdan: *blushes, turns away from her* I thought you hated me. 

Stella: I don’t hate you. My feelings toward you are.. complicated, yes, but I still care about you. Well, I don’t like witnessing people in pain. Of course I had to do something. I’m not a cold, heartless bitch. 

Fierdan: *stops blushing, faces Stella* That’s reassuring. Good to know. 

Stella: I struggle being aware of and fully acknowledging my emotions and with expressing.. well, anything really. I don’t like this cold exterior I have. *sighs* Maybe I really am heartless. Loveless. I’ve never been good with relationships. Socializing, I mean. Ugh, what am I doing? I meant to ask you about Dawn. 

Fierdan: About how she’s been acting strange lately? I know at least partly why, but I’m not going to tell you. Trauma and mental health shit can really fuck you up. It makes conversations between us feel so tense and awkward. Since I know her history, and she doesn’t because she repressed her shit, dissociated from it. *sighs* I know it’s not the same thing as forgetting, but I’d be so grateful that I forgot if I were her. I’d do literally anything to forget my traumatic memories, to not even remember all those words and touches. Why would she even want to remember being violated and treated far, far less than human? 

Stella: I don’t understand, but I hope she’s okay. I’m a little concerned. I just.. *her hands become fists* I hate that you two had to go through so much horrific shit. I don’t know what happened to her, but I just know it had to be a living nightmare. Based on what you’ve said. *hesitates* Is it a result of the dissociating? Because of it? 

Fierdan: Something to do with dissociating. Maybe it’s dissociating itself. Dawn’s is more severe than mine. *suddenly another wave of nausea hits him* Ow, fuck! *runs to the trash can, lowers his head over the edge and gags* Get out of me, you bitch. This fucking shit— *tries vomiting but nothing comes out, kicks the side of the trash can* Fucking hell! *then he feels like he was punched in the stomach and kicked between the legs, nearly falls face-first into the trash as he vomits* 

Stella: *rushes to where Fierdan is, reaches out her hand to grab his forearm* 

Fierdan: *abruptly moves his arm out of her reach, grimaces, his tone of voice changes* Don’t touch me. 

Stella: *notices Fierdan’s tone sounding harsh or irritated* Fine. Deal with your shit yourself. Never mind all that. If you’re gonna be an asshole again, then I’ll just go. 

Fierdan: *gets up, wipes the sides of his mouth with the back of his hand, glares at Stella* What the hell are you staring at? Am I amusing you? Do you find my pain entertaining? Like every other mother fucker—

Stella: *glares back at Fierdan* What the fuck is your problem? I thought we could finally talk and have a decent conversation. I guess I was wrong. You fooled me once again! Good for you! *tears appear in her eyes, clenches her fists* 

Fierdan: *grits teeth* It fucking hurts. What did she do to me, that bitch? Fucking Dawn. *kicks the trash can harder and punches the wall behind it* 

Stella: *gets up close to Fierdan and slaps him across the face* Dawn is not a bitch. 

Fierdan: *his eyes burn with rage* You bitch! 

Stella: *takes a deep breath* No, I’m not going to fight you. I’m not—

Fierdan: Do you want to fight? Fight me, bitch! 

Stella: Don’t call me a bitch. If I hear you say that one more time, I’ll make the pain you felt earlier feel like bliss compared to what I’ll do to you. 

Fierdan: *tries setting parts of his body on fire but the sparks don’t grow into flames, so a faint trace of smoke hovers over his skin* Ugh, what the fuck? *the ringing in his ears and the pain in his stomach return, he stumbles, gripping the edge of the trash can to prevent falling, stands there for several seconds, breathing slowly, sweating* 

Stella: *shakes head* No, I can’t fight you. Not like this. *stands right behind Fierdan* 

Fierdan: *whispers* I hate my mood swings. That shit really had to trigger them. Damn it. *his fingers loosen* I feel so weak. I’m so.. tired. *his fingers slip, he starts falling since his feet aren’t in any position for him to stand upright* 

Stella: *catches Fierdan the moment before his face hits the floor and his head collides with the trash can* I got you. 

Fierdan: *is too tired and weak to fight off Stella as she helps him sit down on the floor a few feet away from the trash can and against the wall, his eyes are closed and his head droops* 

Stella: There, there. *brushes the strands of hair out of Fierdan’s face, takes out a tissue from her pocket and wipes the spit and vomit from around his mouth, tosses it into the trash can* You’re okay. You’re safe. 

Fierdan: *slowly opens his eyes, whispers* I’m so sorry. I don’t know what overcame me. My mood swings are so sudden and so intense. My splitting or whatever it is. I hate my brain. I hate how I am this way. I have to do better. I’ve hurt you enough. I’m sorry, Stella. 

Stella: *takes a step back, sighs* We’re both fucked up. What even happened to us? 

Fierdan: You found out that I’m a monster. I am a bad person, after all. 

Stella: I’m not going to argue with you over whether or not you’re a bad person. 

Fierdan: It’s fine. I know I am. 

Stella: No, I mean the binary of people being either “good” or “bad”— it’s stupid. No one is entirely “good” or “bad”.. and yes, that includes you. At least that’s what I believe. 

Fierdan: Hmm, I see. Thanks, I guess. 

[A few minutes later. Fierdan has calmed down and has enough energy to stand and walk again. Stella is standing next to him. They’re both leaning against the wall.] 

Stella: By the way, why were you so pissed at Dawn after you threw up? You were so chill before, but then you just snapped. 

Fierdan: It’s nothing. 

Stella: It’s obviously not nothing. Tell me what’s going on. 

Fierdan: *sighs, puts his arms behind his head* Fine, okay. When I was at Dawn’s place earlier, we had tea. You know, the tea she almost always has on her. 

Stella: Yeah, and?

Fierdan: The ringing in my ears, the body aches, the nausea, the vomiting… It just.. I don’t know, I started believing Duke’s skeptical thoughts about Dawn’s tea. He had a hunch and maybe he was right. That he wasn’t just being a paranoid, untrusting guy. 

Stella: I find it funny how you refer to Duke like he’s a totally different person, meanwhile he is you. You’re Fierdan, yes, but you’re also Duke. Duke is a part of you, and you share his memories. They’re yours. 

Fierdan: *sighs, stares at the ceiling* Yeah, I know. I swear, you understand it better than most people. 

Stella: Of course. Duke and I were very close. Well, for a while anyway. And I was there. You know, when it happened. The stabbing, the execution. 

Fierdan: *suppresses a shudder, or at least there being more than one* Ah.. yeah. That. 

Stella: *changes the topic since she can tell he is getting uncomfortable* Wait. What does Duke’s thoughts about Dawn and her tea have to do with what you said about her? 

Fierdan: *looks at Stella* Oh, right. When Duke first met Dawn and she offered him tea, he was skeptical of her and it. It was before he got my memories of my history with her; he didn’t understand why he felt so drawn and connected to her; of course he was confused. 

Stella: Hmm, and then what? 

Fierdan: I’ll just get to the point. Duke didn’t trust Dawn at first. He thought Dawn attempted to poison him when she offered him a cup of tea. And.. well.. I started thinking that maybe she put poison in the cups she gave me. That the poison took a while to kick in, and it’s why my mind feels weird whenever I’m around her when I’m drinking it. And it’s why my body hurts all over. Oh and the ringing in my ears. It’s so painful. It really did hurt like hell. Not the worst shit I’ve experienced, of course, but it came out of nowhere. I didn’t expect it. 

Stella: *laughs* 

Fierdan: *frowns* What’s so funny? 

Stella: *her hand covers her mouth* Sorry, it’s just funny how you don’t know. Well, you’re probably just doubting it. You have to know. You can’t be that clueless. 

Fierdan: What? What are you talking about? 

Stella: *lowers her hand* Dawn didn’t poison you. Come on, think about it. Why would she? You and I know her very well, and we know she wouldn’t do that. 

Fierdan: How do you know? 

Stella: *stares at him* I just know. She isn’t that kind of person. She’s not like you and Ryen— men caught up in anger, vengeance, and grudges. 

Fierdan: *frowns* Hmm. 

Stella: Just be grateful that you can meet with your siblings easily now. You know very well that I can’t with mine. That it’s a lot harder. Being in different realms and all. 

Fierdan: Okay, fair. You have a good point. 

Stella: Of course I do. 

Fierdan: Hey, maybe you’re right. My body felt lighter when I was drinking the tea. I felt good for a while afterwards. *frowns* But then the same could be said for alcohol. I feel great when I’m drunk, but the hangovers are shit. It’s the price to pay. *sighs* 

Stella: You’re not immune to hangovers? Don’t you drink most days of the week? 

Fierdan: That has nothing to do with it. I still get them. I wish I didn’t, but I’m no god. *pauses* Remind me of that when I forget. 

Stella: Before I forget what I planned on saying again, let me just say that I’ve had her tea plenty of times. I’m not sure why it makes you feel weird but pleasant. Maybe it has to do with your history. I don’t know. What I do know is her tea helps with my pain temporarily. It isn’t a drug or made with drugs.. you know the types I’m thinking of. 

Fierdan: Hmm, I think I get what you mean. Okay. 

Stella: *takes a deep breath, faces Fierdan* I have another reason why Dawn didn’t poison you. And why she won’t. 

Fierdan: What is it then? 

Stella: Dawn is a healer. She doesn’t fight like you and I do, like most of us do. She heals people. That’s where the abilities of her Elemental Power lies, where her strength lies. Whenever she wanted to fight, she used weapons, relied on other people like the two of us. *scratches the back of her neck* I know you and Duke saw her as a witch. Maybe you’re right. I can see the resemblance. She works with plants and can manipulate them, she makes things out of them.. she is able to relieve pain from others. 

Fierdan: Dawn’s a witch? Is that what you’re saying? 

Stella: No, I’m not saying she is one. But you have to admit that she shares some traits with witches. Not all witches are evil. She would be a good witch. 

Fierdan: A good witch, huh? *laughs* 

Stella: Why don’t you ask her if she’s a witch? See what she says. 

Fierdan: You’re so funny, Stella. 

Stella: I didn’t mean to be funny, but I’ll take this over you yelling and swearing at me. 

Fierdan: I’m sorry about that. 

Stella: Sure you are. 

Fierdan: No, really. I want to fix what’s broken between us. *hesitates, swings his leg back and forth* I heard what you said before. You mentioned wanting to talk about some things and have a decent conversation. Did we do that?

Stella: I mean, we are having a decent conversation now. But it isn’t what I wanted to talk about. Not entirely. 

Fierdan: And what did you want to talk about? 

Stella: *avoids Fierdan’s gaze, stammers* Uh.. it’s.. umm…

Fierdan: Is it about feeling like an outsider and imposter? 

Stella: That’s one thing. 

Fierdan: Why do you feel that way? 

Stella: *uses her arm to cover her face* I just do, okay? I feel like I don’t belong here. That it shouldn’t be me. *sniffs, rubs her eyes* I don’t know why it’s me. How it’s me. Why does it have to be me? It’s too much. I didn’t ask for this. 

Fierdan: None of us asked to have superpowers. 

Stella: I know, I know. I just… Fuck, I’m trying not to cry. Why do I have to be the one with ice and fire as my Elemental Power? How did I become the person with the combined type? Damn it, why! Why do I have to be the special one, the chosen one.. the “key” to saving the world? *lets out a laugh* Well, this one. At least stop the divide between us and them. Somehow. Maybe we were always meant to be on opposing sides. You and Soulless destroyed the other world. And I’m meant to be the one who saves this one. 

Fierdan: Maybe not save. 

Stella: *lifts head* What do you mean? 

Fierdan: Maybe you’re meant to be the one who provides true peace. And if that never happens, as in it can’t just be put on you as the only one responsible, then maybe you’re the “key” to creating a new world for us. Where we can live and thrive. Be safe. All of us. 

Stella: It’s so much pressure. I don’t know if I can. 

Fierdan: Well, we’ll be right there with you. You’re not alone. It’s what we’ve been working towards. *puts his arms behind his head* Supposedly. At least that’s what they said. 

Stella: Heh. *faces Fierdan* Thanks. 

Fierdan: *nods* Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about? 

Stella: Maybe another time. I feel embarrassed to talk about the other stuff now. It’s getting late anyway. I should get dinner. 

Fierdan: I don’t think I can handle food. *picks up the water bottle, twists off the cap, drinks from it* 

Stella: Ah yeah, that’s fair. Perhaps you can take medicine for it? If it’s still bothering you, I mean. Or maybe something for the ringing in your ears. Or your cough. *pauses* Or was that because you smoked? 

Fierdan: I doubt it, but who knows? *shrugs* 

Stella: Well, are you still in pain? 

Fierdan: I’ll just say that I can tolerate it now. *steps away from the wall* I should take a shower. I feel gross. 

Stella: Oh, right. Totally. *steps away from the wall* 

Fierdan: Want to talk more afterwards? Like, in a few hours? Or is tonight too soon? 

Stella: Don’t you spend the nights with Jack? 

Fierdan: He’s away on a mission somewhere with Elias and the twins today. He told me that he’ll probably return well after midnight. And I don’t plan on studying my parents’ books for the rest of the day. 

Stella: Maybe you should just relax. Spend some time alone. 

Fierdan: Alone, ha! That’s a good one. *swings his arms* If I’m too tired after showering, then I’ll nap or sleep for the night. Well, if my insomnia lets me get any sleep. 

Stella: *nods* That sounds like a good plan. 

Fierdan: But if I’m not, then I’ll knock on the door to your apartment, you’ll open the door, let me in, and you will tell me what’s bothering you. Something is, I can tell. 

Stella: *blushes* I’m not sure…

Fierdan: No. Ever since we came here, we’ve been ignoring each other. I want the tension to end for good. We will open to each other. I will listen to you. 

Stella: But why? I said rude things to you. I acted like a jerk. I’m also to blame for things falling apart between us. 

Fierdan: To be fair, Duke is gone. That has to play a part, right? 

Stella: Heh, you’re right. 

Fierdan: About Duke, maybe I want us to talk and spend more time with you because.. because *blushes* Duke is influencing how I feel. You two became close friends. Duke.. he.. Duke loved you. Despite everything. He wouldn’t have done the things he did.. or not do the things.. if he didn’t care about you, if he didn’t love you. 

Stella: *blushes more* What are you saying? We broke up long ago. We couldn’t last; we both know that. And.. and you have a boyfriend now. Don’t you love him? 

Fierdan: Of course. More than anyone. 

Stella: And you— Duke— still loves me. Somehow. 

Fierdan: *hesitates then nods* Yes. 

Stella: How? Why? Don’t fucking mess with me. 

Fierdan: I’m not. 

Stella: If it’s because I’m the only girl you were ever attracted to, and you’re too attached to give up the bisexual label instead of going “hey, maybe I’m just into men” then.. then…

Fierdan: That’s not it. Sure, you were the only girl I ever had a relationship with so far, but I’ve been attracted to others. Not as many crushes, though it’s occasionally happened. But I’ve thought many were hot, and I would sleep with them if I could. I’m definitely attracted to both men’s and women’s bodies. Both are hot. *pauses* Personality also matters, of course. But I could totally have sex with another man or woman and not have any romantic feelings for them. If I was single, I would have hooked up with some of the women at that bar. Maybe a few men, too. 

Stella: *turns around, blushes* Okay, okay. I get it. Sorry. 

Fierdan: No, I was rambling. I’m sorry. 

Stella: *starts walking away, speaks softly* I’m sorry I couldn’t love you— Duke— properly. I’m sorry for ending it so abruptly and not talking about certain things with him when I had the chance. I’ve been an asshole, I admit it. *stops walking, takes a deep breath* I felt left behind. I wanted to know what love was like, but I was just tricking myself. I.. I don’t know if I ever loved you. I was just so desperate to not be alone. I wanted a friend, and if friends can become lovers, then so be it. But did I ever genuinely have romantic feelings for Duke? I don’t know. I wish I knew what genuine love and romance felt like. And.. and… I’m sorry for messing with you with my loveless heart. The ghost of Duke’s lips on mine haven’t left, and I can’t forget, but I can’t love properly. Something is wrong with me. Fierdan, Duke, I’m so sorry. *runs away* 

Fierdan: *scratches the top of his head with a fingernail, sighs* Well then. A tiny part of me feels rejected, but most of me doesn’t care. No, not care. I think she’s too hard on herself. She doesn’t need to apologize for who she is. *looks down at his shirt* Damn. I need a fucking shower. *leaves to go to his apartment and shower* 

———————————

End of Confessions 2. 

More confessions coming up. 

~ Shan/Shyrah

Confessions 1 (skit)

Hi, I’m back!

It’s time for the next part in the current skit story I’ve been working on. I have a sudden burst of inspiration. 

This part won’t be as silly and random as the previous one. It’s more heavy. I have a lot on my mind, and I finally found a way to write them down— through skits. Anyway, it’s more fun this way. Feels more entertaining. 

This and the next few skits are all in the same skit story I’ve been writing since March, but I now have a title for them: Confessions. Since this is the first one, it’s called Confessions 1. 

That’s all I wanted to say. Now it is warnings time for this post’s skit. 

WARNING: strong language (profanity), alcohol/drugs and mentions of addiction, mentions of negative body image, discussion of traumas, mentions of sexual content including sexual assault (nothing explicit).

——————————— 

[This skit is taking place a few days after the events in the last one. The time of day is in the middle of the afternoon. Dawn and Fierdan are alone in a room, sitting on chairs across from each other at a round table. On the table are two teacups. They have been talking for a while, including about their mother and her Books of C.] 

Dawn: *sighs, stares into her teacup* All of this would be so much easier if I could remember. Every day I wish that I could remember. 

Fierdan: *stares at his hands on the table* What good would remembering do? 

Dawn: I was the last child of C. If I had all my memories back, then maybe I could recognize any hints she left. She must’ve written at least some parts of her Books of C. when I was young and she was raising me. 

Fierdan: *looks up* Like I said, what good would remembering do? What’s the point? 

Dawn: *meets Fierdan’s eyes* So I can help us understand our mother better. 

Fierdan: *turns his head, laughs humorlessly* And what would a child who isn’t even six years old remember about their mother’s diary? A kid wouldn’t pay attention and recognize any of that shit. This is the Books of C. weren’t talking about. No kid would be able to comprehend it, including you and me. Ryen too, I bet. *faces Dawn* Believe me. Nothing good comes out of remembering and reminiscing about the past. That I can promise you. 

Dawn: I’m not you, Fierdan. I want— no, need— to remember my past. It isn’t only about trying to understand C.; it’s so much more than that. I have to know for my own sake. 

Fierdan: And I already know that remembering everything from the past would only make you feel so much worse. *sighs* I don’t get it. Why do you even want to remember? 

Dawn: *raises voice* Because I have no sense of identity! I have no idea who I am. My sense of self is fluid and transparent as water. I just have to. I just have to remember. 

Fierdan: *also raises voice* No, you don’t! Remembering will only be a shackle, a weight pulling you down, and it’s stuck deep in your heart and back of your mind. Once you remember, you’ll do anything to forget. God… *stands up* I want so badly to forget. I’ll do anything to forget! 

Dawn: *frowns* I am not you. Look, I get it. You wish to forget; I wish to remember. I don’t need you to protect me anymore. We’re well past that. 

Fierdan: *slams his palms on the table, causing drops of tea from his teacup to spill onto the table* This isn’t about fucking protecting you! Remembering your past won’t give you all the answers you’re searching for, and they sure as hell won’t help with your identity crisis issues! 

Dawn: At least you know about your past and who you are. I don’t. 

Fierdan: Bullshit! How dare you even imply— *steps away from the table, shakes head* I need a drink. Do you have any alcohol on you? It helps me forget, and I need to— 

Dawn: You don’t need to forget. *sighs* And no, I don’t keep bottles or cans of alcohol on me. 

Fierdan: *grits teeth* Of course you don’t. You’re the good and unproblematic one. Dawn is such a good girl. 

Dawn: Oh please! You see me that way because I’ve heard detailed accounts of what happened to Ryen and Jack. Their strong desires to forget things from their pasts drove them down the path of addiction. All of us can recognize the signs, and I sure as hell will do my best to prevent you from going down that same path. You’re developing an addiction. Heck, you probably are addicted at this point. 

Fierdan: And since you can’t remember your past, you will never understand why we needed to rely on alcohol and other drugs to escape, to forget.. for our own fucking sanity. 

Dawn: I don’t want you to turn out like your brother or boyfriend! I care about you, Fierdan, I really do. 

Fierdan: Then why won’t you listen to me when I tell you it’s better to not know than do? Listen to your older brother. 

Dawn: *rolls eyes, says sarcastically* Oh, aren’t you such a great older brother? You and Ryen are such great role models. Especially you! Should I give you a gold medal?

Fierdan: Shut up, I did so much for you. 

Dawn: Like what? Traumatizing me? Because you did a really good job at that. *quickly finishes her cup of tea, gently places the cup back on the table* I hate to admit it, but even after all this time, you still scare me. I’m afraid of you. I doubt I’ll ever not be. 

Fierdan: *continuing his point before Dawn cut him off, his eyes are blazing as he faces Dawn* I killed Z. for you. You were a great motivator for me to. *stretches his arms* But of course you lack any of the context since your brain blocked out all the memories of what he did to you. 

Dawn: You violently murdered your father. I stood there helpless, unable to do anything. Of course I’m scared shitless of you. 

Fierdan: If you knew what Z. did to you and so many, including our mother, would you still see me as a monster? Someone beyond saving? 

Dawn: I never said you’re a monster. 

Fierdan: I know that’s what you think. I don’t blame you. I split part of myself to create Duke, I had that whole thing with Soulless… Fuck, was Soulless ever real, or am I just so fucked up that I…

Dawn: Of course Soulless was real. Sure, it was way more attached to you and the two of you spent years in isolation in the realm you call Cincernum, but Soulless definitely existed. I vaguely remember Soulless being a kind of teacher for us when we were still little kids. I can remember fragments from the past, just not.. well.. everything. *sighs* Having dissociative amnesia isn’t a good thing. Having large parts of your life erased isn’t fun. I really don’t have any fucking sense of self since I don’t remember so much from my childhood. From before then. Forgetting isn’t all good. 

Fierdan: I’m not sure if I should be relieved that you know who Soulless was and not just from me talking about it. You have your own memories of Soulless. It’s not just something my twisted mind conjured. *sits back in his chair, stares at his hands again, starts shivering* 

Dawn: *arches eyebrow* What’s up with you now? 

Fierdan: I.. I… *laughs* Of course you don’t know! I’m so glad you can’t remember! 

Dawn: What? Remember what? 

Fierdan: Just because our minds can’t remember something, it doesn’t mean that our bodies did. *shivers harder* Body memories are the worst. *buries his face in his hands* I hate how the ghosts of Soulless and Taurel’s touches never left my skin. No matter how much I clean myself, the marks never left. I’m tainted and violated, and my body won’t let me forget. I’ll do anything to make sure you don’t have to go through the same thing. Once you know everything, you won’t be able to un-see and un-feel the marks all over your body and inside your body. Sure, no one else can see the marks, they’re no longer physical, and yet.. and yet they won’t fully go away and disappear. *slouches deeper in the chair* It’s like the blood. There’s always blood on my hands. I’m the only one who can still see it. But it’s there and will never wash away. I have bloody hands, and I’m an impure tainted creature of sin.

Dawn: I never knew you feel that way. I… 

Fierdan: I’m a man, yet I had people touch me like I was a doll, an inanimate object. Not a human being. *raises head* Like how Z. treated you. 

Dawn: *shakily picks up the teacups* I.. I’m going to get us more tea. I need more *pauses* tea. 

Fierdan: *ignoring Dawn* What’s fucked up is I wasn’t a girl; I’m not female. This shit doesn’t happen to boys and men, yet it happened to me several times. I feel insecure in my masculinity as it is because of my fucked up body, and my trauma from Soulless doesn’t help. I hate how well I can make myself look androgynous or like a woman. Sure, I like to wear feminine outfits sometimes, but it doesn’t automatically make me not a man. And what Soulless— others too but especially it— did to my body shouldn’t make me feel any less of a man, but it does. 

Dawn: Sexual assault is not just a thing that happens to girls and women. Anyone of any gender can be affected. *pauses* It wasn’t hard for me to know that’s what you’re getting on about. I had my own share of that kind of trauma and you don’t want me to remember and no longer dissociate from those memories, right? You don’t want me to fully remember whatever Z. did to me. 

Fierdan: *nods a few seconds after Dawn finished talking* You got me. You’re right. 

Dawn: *smiles sadly* Of course. I’m Dawn after all. 

Fierdan: *whispers* I’m sorry. 

Dawn: For what? 

Fierdan: For making you be afraid of me. For not knowing what you were going through when the abuse was happening. Yeah, we were very young, but you’re my little sister, even if we didn’t know we have the same mother back then and didn’t find out for many years. And you know what? That too. For not protecting you from him.. from all those sick fuckers. I’m so sorry. 

Dawn: Oh please, don’t add any more guilt. I couldn’t save you from Soulless or Taurel or anything related to the two of them. I’m really sorry you had to go through so much shit, but I can’t be guilty for something totally out of my control. 

Fierdan: *glancing at another part of the room* I.. I guess. *sighs* I hate how my body can’t let go of the ways it was abused. I hate how I can’t forget the ways Soulless touched my body, all over and inside. Fuck… *dips a finger into one of the drops of spilled tea on the table* Jack is respectful and listens to me and.. he’s just an amazing partner, but I can’t help feeling self-conscious of how I flinch and just can’t handle him touching my body in certain places or in certain ways. I want so badly to replace the harmful touches of Soulless and Taurel with his, but I can’t and hate myself for it. I want to open up my body fully to him like he did for me, but… *frowns, sighs* Having so much trauma really fucking sucks. 

Dawn: Definitely. Being severely traumatized sucks ass. *stares at a part of the wall, zones out* What’s my personality? What do I really look like? What’s my role? Even Shan doesn’t know for sure. I used to have light brown hair; now it’s dark brown. Shan can’t decide on what my body looks like— skinny or curvy? How short am I? Sometimes I think I’m fat, but am I really? What’s my body type? Who even am I? 

Fierdan: *is distracted* Huh, what? I was thinking about how my traumatized and fucked up piece of shit self really frustrates me sometimes when it comes to Jack and me in sexual contexts.. the foreplay and the actual having sex. Stupid trauma not liking certain places and ways my body can be touched. I hate how it can trigger me, how my body treats it like an act of violence and my brain dissociates from everything. Like damn, tell my brain and body to chill. I’m just trying to have sex with my favorite person. I love him. *shakes head* So complicated. 

Dawn: *turns around to face Fierdan, her eyes are unfocused, she grins* Shan really made us exist to be creatures of lust, and that’s all we’ll ever be. Something sexual involving us always follows us. We originally came into being because of lust. We can’t escape it! *laughs coldly* 

Fierdan: *shakes head, grimaces* Why the fuck did I say that to you? Fucking hell.

Dawn: Impure tainted sinners violated of our innocence. That’s what we are. 

Fierdan: I mean, it’s true, but are you okay? You’re acting weird, Dawn. *gets up and walks toward her* 

Dawn: *shakes head* Huh? What the… Oh yeah! The tea! Why does tea always have to be involved whenever we’re having a deep conversation? What is with my tea? *shrugs* At least it tastes good. Sure, let’s continue bonding and confessing things over tea. *picks up the cups again and leaves to refill them* 

[Several minutes later. Dawn comes back with the two cups of tea. She places them on the table, passing one to Fierdan who is sitting back at the table. Then she sits down in her chair at the table.]

Dawn: *cups her hands around her cup, slowly takes a sip of the tea* 

Fierdan: *does the same thing* Your tea really is good. 

Dawn: Of course. It’s a symbol of us connecting over something. 

Fierdan: Uh.. sure. *takes another sip of tea* So… 

Dawn: It’s so weird. Having amnesia I mean. Like I could remember parts of our childhood better than you, yet I can’t remember other parts of it at all. 

Fierdan: Soulless manipulated me and gave me some kind of amnesia or some shit. You helped me get out of it and remember. Again, thanks for that. Truly. 

Dawn: Are you thinking about those gardens that Z. let us play in so we wouldn’t bother him and Ryen? 

Fierdan: Yeah, and how we would attempt to make flower crowns and how we would feel the blades of grass beneath our bare feet and between our toes. And how I would dance with the insects among the flowers. *smiles* It had to be the best part of our childhood. I miss how I was back then all those years ago. *drinks from his cup of tea for a few seconds* 

Dawn: See? The past wasn’t all awful. I still find it incredible how you refused to hurt any creature, a boy who wouldn’t kill a fly or ant, grew up to be.. well.. you. 

Fierdan: Gee thanks. *drinks more tea* 

Dawn: How are you drinking it so quickly? Mine’s still so hot. 

Fierdan: It’s fine. I have pyrokinesis. Heat is nothing to me.

Dawn: Says the one who nearly had heat stroke. 

Fierdan: Hey! I was Duke back then, and it happened right after the black flames consumed him for the first time. Some Duke evolution and breaking the amnesiac barrier between me and him. Black fire is especially hot and painful, even for us.. Duke and me.

Dawn: *slowly sips her tea* Sure thing, whatever you say. 

Fierdan: Just another thing that happens to me, the fire man. But instead of being a firefighter, I create fires. *laughs* 

Dawn: Fire man, huh? How about I start pronouncing your name like “Fire Dan” from now on?

Fierdan: Oh no, please no. I hate that. *blushes and drinks the rest of his cup of tea* 

Dawn: Okay, Fire Dan. 

Fierdan: Stop! It sounds.. sounds… *breaks out in laughter* It sounds so stupid. I’m not that cheesy, I hope. 

Dawn: Seeing and hearing you and Jack trying to be wholesome out in public is making me not sure. You two made the other become such a softie. Heck, maybe if I met Jack a few years ago, he would intimidate me like you do. Maybe he would scare me more than you do since there are no gardens memories with him and me.

Fierdan: If only we could bring him there. *smiles* 

Dawn: Trying to be funny, huh?  

Fierdan: No.. I… *rubs eyes* What the hell is Shan doing to us? Our dialogue is strange. Anyway uh.. the memories of the gardens and flowers are great and all, but there are details from your past that I wish you didn’t recover so you didn’t have to relive them again. 

Dawn: You don’t need to protect me. I’m older now and can handle them. 

Fierdan: I know, I know. I just don’t want to see you so miserable and in so much pain ever again. Is it really worth it to know the details of what Z. did to you, including how you entered our lives? He stole you from your parents. He ordered for them to be killed. He did unspeakable things to you. 

Dawn: I’m not going to enjoy the memories if I ever remember them, but at least having a fuller picture of my past will make me feel less as a person full of holes in my identity or someone who just came into existence at a random age beyond young childhood with no past context. I can feel real, more like an actual person. *shakes head* I can’t phrase it any better. *drinks tea* 

Fierdan: Back to C.

Dawn: I just feel sad that I can’t remember anything about her and my dad. I hate how I can’t remember them at all. I like to think that they were good parents who loved and cared about me. But I just.. I can’t be sure. I’ll never know for sure. Mom sure was a character, but my dad? I want to believe he really was a good guy. A good person. But was he? 

Fierdan: Your dad was probably a good man. He had to be better than mine, right? 

Dawn: That’s not saying much. Z. was… I can’t even come up with adjectives that serve him justice* 

Fierdan: Like you said before, I killed him. So the father-son relationship wasn’t the best, I say. 

Dawn: Well yeah, patricide shouldn’t be normalized. But yeah.. it was Z. 

Fierdan: Yeah. Killing him really did fuck me up though. Like yeah, I did go through with it and have Soulless pressure me constantly to do it, but still. He was still my father. Family bonds.. they fuck me up. Having a normal family— what’s that like? 

Dawn: I’m the last person you should be asking. 

Fierdan: Okay yeah fair. I should ask.. uh.. Brock. I bet he has a normal family and a healthy relationship with his parents and siblings if he has any. 

Dawn: Wasn’t he involved in some argument involving his family a while back? 

Fierdan: What? Really? 

Dawn: No, I don’t know. My memory is shit. 

Fierdan: Oh. *laughs* 

Dawn: It’s not funny. We were talking about how I wish I could remember stuff. I wish my memory wasn’t so inconsistent. I feel like my brain makes zero sense. 

Fierdan: Well, my brain makes zero sense too, so I can’t help you with that. 

Dawn: *finishes drinking her cup of tea* Hmm… 

Fierdan: What? 

Dawn: Just thinking about how much my tea affects you. 

Fierdan: What do you mean? 

Dawn: You just seem more chill and relaxed since you drank your cup of tea. 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow* Did you drug me? 

Dawn: *sighs* No, but—

Fierdan: But what? 

Dawn: Shan never really talked about it, but do you also have issues with physical pain? Chronic pain of some sort? 

Fierdan: Huh.. I guess. Some parts of my body almost always hurt. I bet it’s the trauma from Taurel and Soulless putting my body through absolute hell. 

Dawn: No, that makes sense. Anyway, did your pain ease or become a little less severe ever since you finished your tea? 

Fierdan: Uh, I think? Probably. Slightly. 

Dawn: Ah, that’s good. I use the tea to help with my own pain. I think it’s the anti-inflammatory properties. Probably other stuff too, but Shan doesn’t know much. 

Fierdan: Shan doesn’t know much, huh? 

Dawn: Shan just has to think about things more. Like yeah, it shouldn’t be a surprise that we have issues with pain. Our severe, traumatized as shit selves. 

Fierdan: And it’s probably another reason why I have urges to drink alcohol and do other drugs—

Dawn: Hmm maybe. 

Fierdan: Am I an addict? 

Dawn: I can’t tell you. If you really are concerned, maybe talk to Ryen or Jack about it. 

Fierdan: *scratches the back of his neck* Good idea. 

Dawn: We care about you and your health, you know. 

Fierdan: Huh? We? 

Dawn: Not just me. All of us. 

Fierdan: Oh.. oh okay. 

Dawn: *stands up* Well, thanks for spending time with me this afternoon. It’s been a while since we talked, just the two of us. 

Fierdan: *also gets up* Yeah, it’s been way too long. This was nice. Being able to say stuff that I bet the others wouldn’t understand. 

Dawn: Yeah, definitely. I feel the same. There are some things that even Ryen can’t fully understand since he didn’t experience what we did. You know? 

Fierdan: Yeah, I get it. *swings arms back and forth* So.. are you still scared of me? 

Dawn: Our relationship, our history, is complicated, but in this moment, I can only see you as my first and closest friend. I can’t fear the version of you in front of me right now. 

Fierdan: *smiles* I’ll take that as a compliment. Well, I should go. I should work on some tasks. 

Dawn: Does that mean hang out with Jack? 

Fierdan: *is about to leave the room* No.. uh.. maybe. 

Dawn: *rolls eyes* Whatever. See you around. 

Fierdan: Dawn, you’re the kindest and most understanding woman I know. I’m so grateful that you’re still a part of my life and still involved in it, even though I’m a massive neurotic jerk at times. Well then, that was sentimental. All of this. Take care.

Dawn: Alright, have fun with Jack. 

Fierdan: *blushes* Uh.. right! Yeah. *leaves the room* 

Dawn: Well, that was odd.

Fierdan: *mutters the word “confessions” to himself as he walks away* 

——————————

I don’t even know. I’m sleepy now and my head feels kinda weird. 

Good night. 

It’s April!

Hi, I’m back. It’s April. Wow, time flies. 

I’ve been very tired all day and don’t have anything planned for April Fools. So this is just another boring regular post. Alright. 

I’ve been brainstorming ways to continue the current skit story. Man, I have so many thoughts I want to dump out. I have certain feelings about some of my characters. It’s.. it’s a lot. 

(Psst, it involves Dawn. That’s all I’ll reveal.)

Another skit-related thing I want to talk about is that I recently realized I’ve been making Brock call Ryen “Ry Ry” as a nickname for a lot longer than I thought. Like, it’s been a few years since I started that. I really did bring back the “Ry Ry” this March, huh. Haha nice. Epic move on my part. 😎

The “Rye Bread” part in the last skit though. Brock lmao.. 😂 🤪

I honestly really like Brock. He’s so silly and quirky. He’s a breath of fresh air compared to the majority of my story characters. He’s great. 😆

Actually, I’ll now clear up stuff from the last skit. I was gonna do this earlier, but I’ve been busy. Family stress and tension, work and work stress, fatigue… Oh! Fun fact: I was a vendor at my first craft fair event last Saturday. That was pretty fun and cool. I sold some of my products (*glances at my Etsy shop link*). 👏

Anyway, skit clarifications (no particular order): 📝

** 1) Is Brock becoming a story character? Hmm, I’m not sure. I briefly considered it but not that seriously. It’s not a zero percent chance possibility though. Brock would just be a skit nickname. I don’t know what his name or purpose really would be in the story world context. All I know is he would be an ally towards those with Elemental Powers. Those kinds of people are cool and ordinary people (the allies, not sure what else to call them). 

** 2) I forgot to add that these dialogue lines were supposed to be said sarcastically. I thought it was obviously sarcastic but now I’m not too sure if I got that across. These ones (not including the more obvious sarcastic lines):

Fierdan: And it’s a curse. Twice the trauma. Love that for me. 

Stella: Wow, for a whole day? Can you manage it? 

Fierdan: Yeah, that’s so crazy. Totally out of left field. 

… though I can also read that last Fierdan line in a genuine tone. I think it’s funny either way. 

Which brings me to #3~

** 3) What’s Brock’s sexuality then? Hmm.. idk dude. Bi-curious, I’m thinking? 

It’s really up to my characters to “come out” to me. Some of them *thinks about Dawn* haven’t “told” me their sexuality yet. For her and characters like her, I just call them unlabeled. Because like.. I genuinely don’t know hers. I think she might be pan, but I can also see her as lesbian or sapphic. I doubt she’s straight.

(A queer person making their characters queer?! Omg what is this! Grr 🐯🙀)

If anyone who’s been reading my blog posts for the past few years is still surprised, then idk what else to tell them. 😶😐

Oh yeah lmao, lately I’ve been daydreaming of some conservative men looking at (my characters obviously) Stella and Dylan and calling them “blue-haired liberals”.. like, you know, queer teens with blue hair that old conservative men especially hate. I find it funny imagining them angrily pointing fingers at Stella and Dylan, calling them blue-haired queer liberal teens. Haha, “liberal” like that’s it. Funny. 

I can also imagine conservatives calling them heartless and loveless and “breaking what is romance in our modern society among our youth” (idk, something along those lines) because they’re both aspec (on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums).

It’s funny to daydream about. Wait, what else did I want to talk about? 😂 🤔

** 4) I was thinking about the phrase “I have a bone to pick with you.” when writing that last skit. This comes as no surprise. 

It sounds so weird. Just me? Ok… 

I was also thinking about and listening to the song “Rubik’s Cube” by Athlete. I don’t know why, but I can imagine Dylan playing with Rubik’s Cubes or the equivalent under a different name for fictional purposes for fun. And that he plays with them a lot and is great at solving them. He just gives me those vibes. 

Meanwhile I have no idea how to solve a Rubik’s Cube. I’m like Stella. I’ll probably glare at the cube and throw it in frustration if I were in her shoes. 💀

** 5) The Ryen and Fierdan with the Books of C. stuff is a story thing. It’s something that happens, but I don’t know the details and won’t reveal any specifics anyway. There are several volumes of something called Books of C. There are lots of books, each of which is a thick book that’s dense and hard to comprehend. It’s a lot. Lots of words. 

The same could be said about the Books of Z. but about different things. Still complex and confusing to understand. But yeah. Cruel parents (C. and Z.) writing several books about their thoughts and plans for such and such. Possibly the main thing they have in common. 

** 6) It’s been a while, so I feel like stating the ages of my characters in the skits/stories. Well, age ranges. But to put it short, they’re young adults. Adults. Obviously. But for specifics, this is how I view their ages in the recent skits: 

Fierdan: between 22 and 24 

Jack: 23 or 24 

Ryen: between 26 and 28 

Dylan: 19 or 20

Stella: 18 or 19 

Dawn: 20 or 21 

Brock: 18 or 19 

Red: between 25 and 29 

Finny and Sabrina (aka Sparkle): 18 or 19 

I think that’s it. Alright so yeah. Late teens, early to mid 20s, maybe late 20s. 

… idk what else to say. That’s all I planned on talking about regarding my last skit. 

I can’t believe it’s April. 

Happy Autism Acceptance Month! ❤️♾️👏

~ Shan/Shyrah ✌️

some silly skit about things

Hi again. I have returned with another skit post. 

I’m trying to be silly this time but continuing the theme of using my characters to call me out. I’ve been thinking about all this a lot these last few days. Help, I’m… 

Also, like, dang. I keep doing that. Why can’t I stop? *glances at the previous post* 

Every time. I throw in some heavy content. Goddamnit. 

Thoughts.. shh shh shh. Shut up omg. 

I don’t know. Something is wrong with me. I have issues. </3

Anyway, it’s skit time! hehe~ 

Strong language. That should be the only warning. Wait, add mentions of alcohol and smoking. Now that’s it. 

——————————

[Continuing the skit with Ryen and Red, this skit is starting less than an hour after the end of that one. Ryen is walking down the hallway to his apartment. He is tired and wants to take a nap. Then he hears a guy’s voice from behind a corner.]

Guy’s voice: No need to be so hard on Shan. 

Ryen: *groans, turns around to face the direction of the voice, sighs* What are you even doing here, Brock? 

Brock: Hello to you too, Ry Ry. 

Ryen: *scratches his head* I told you to not call me that. 

Brock: Okay, Rye Bread. 

Ryen: *looks so disappointed and tired* What do you want? I’m tired and want to take a nap.

Brock: Why is everyone so disappointed whenever I show up? Everyone here is so mean. *pauses* Oh, that reminds me—

Ryen: *interrupts* No, seriously. What are you even doing here? You’re just a random skit character whose existence doesn’t really matter. You just exist to make the skits funny.. at least that’s what Shan claims. 

Brock: Did you just say my existence doesn’t matter? Wow, you’re so rude. 

Ryen: *sighs* Look, Brock, I’m tired. Go find someone else to annoy. 

Brock: *stretches his arms and legs* Just so you know, it’s not set in stone that I won’t ever be a character in the story canon. Maybe I’ll be a story character just like you. Will I be valid then? 

Ryen: You? In the stories? Don’t make me laugh, Brock. And with that name—

Brock: Hey, maybe Shan will change my name. Besides, Brock is a nickname. 

Ryen: A nickname? Really? Then what’s your real name? 

Brock: Uh.. Shan forgot. *fidgets* 

Ryen: *in a sarcastic tone* Wow, who would’ve thought. 

Brock: What’s that supposed to mean?

Ryen: Shan only cares about two characters: Jack and Fierdan. Shan doesn’t prioritize literally anything else about story content. It really does frustrate me. 

Brock: You don’t have to be so hard on Shan, y’know? There are probably reasons why—

Ryen: At this point, I really don’t care. 

Brock: You don’t have to be so mean. Shan is doing their best. 

Ryen: *frowns* No, they’re not and they know that. *sighs* Shan is like Fierdan in that they just do nothing all day. 

Brock: Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder! I was gonna ask you where Danny boy is? I have a bone to pick with that guy. 

Ryen: How would I know? I don’t keep tabs on him. 

Brock: Damn, alright, so you don’t know where he is? 

Ryen: No. *mutters under his breath* Why do I feel like everyone uses me to get to my brother? I’m my own person and not everything has to involve him. I’m so tired of this shit. 

Brock: Sorry, I’ll just ask somewhere else. Hope you have a good rest, Ry.

Ryen: *doesn’t reply, just walks away to his apartment door, takes out his key and unlocks and opens the door, and enters* 

Brock: Well, I better be on my way. 

[A short time later. Brock encounters Jack walking somewhere. So specific, I know.] 

Brock: *points his finger* Hey, you. 

Jack: *takes out an earbud* Huh? Who’s there? 

Brock: *walks until he’s in front of Jack* It’s me. *puts his hands on his hips* 

Jack: Oh, uh.. you’re.. you’re that guy. From way back when. Uh… *looks confused*

Brock: My replacement doesn’t even remember me! My life truly is a tragedy! 

Jack: Uh.. hold on. *takes out his phone, pauses the song playing on his music playlist, takes out his other earbud, stuffs his earbuds and phone into the pocket on his hoodie* I’m Jack and you are.. hmm.. *scratches chin* I can’t remember. 

Brock: *frowns* I’m Brock. Don’t you forget it!

Jack: Uh.. okay. 

Brock: You replaced me as comic relief. I was the first one to be the dumb and silly guy to make situations less dark and heavy. 

Jack: Are you calling me dumb and silly? Sorry, I’m not following. 

Brock: I’m the clown in the skits, not you. 

Jack: So you admit that you’re a clown? Because I’m not. 

Brock: Ugh, shut up. I have a bone to pick with—

Jack: *arches eyebrow* Who still says that? “I have a bone to pick with you.” 

Brock: No, not you! I mean, I’m upset that you don’t remember me and how you are my replacement, but—

Jack: *sighs* I don’t have time for this. I’m trying to find—

Brock: Fierdan? 

Jack: Huh? Uh, yeah. Do you know where he is? 

Brock: I have a bone to pick with him. 

Jack: What’s with you and picking bones? 

Brock: I miss bantering with him. 

Jack: I don’t understand.

Brock: It must be sad to be out of the loop. 

Jack: Me? Out of the loop? 

Brock: Yes. I used to banter with Duke, and I miss him. From what I’ve heard, Fierdan became Duke, so he is the reason why Duke is gone. I need to give him a piece of my mind. How dare he take Duke away from me!

Jack: Uh.. what? Duke is Fierdan. 

Brock: *raises voice* Shut up, you! I mean Duke the individual, Duke the person. I want him back! 

Jack: Okay but why though. Do you not want Fierdan to be whole and complete? 

Brock: *groans* I don’t have time for this. *storms off* 

Jack: Huh. Well then. 

[Jack is about to take out his phone when suddenly Stella appears fidgeting with a cube.] 

Stella: Brock is still heartbroken since Duke left. I think they had a crush on each other. 

Jack: *takes his hands out of his hoodie pocket* Oh, hey Stella! How’s it going?

Stella: *tone flat* Fantastic. What’s up with you? 

Jack: Just.. Just looking for Fierdan. Have you seen him? 

Stella: *sighs* Why does everything have to be about him? Think of something better for once in your life, Shan. 

Jack: Sorry, geez. I’ll look for him myself. 

Stella: No, I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated because of this stupid cube. I want to throw and break it, but he’ll get mad at me. 

Jack: Who? Dylan? 

Stella: Yeah. He said this would be fun. *glares at the cube* It isn’t. 

Jack: Ah yeah, he’s good at solving them. 

Stella: He told me he could solve this in five minutes or less. *sighs* I’ve been working on this for the past hour! 

Jack: It took me a while to get the hang of it. I can try to solve it for you. 

Stella: No thanks, I’m fine on my own. I’ll solve this Rubik’s Cube eventually. At some point. Some day. *stares at the cube and throws it on the floor* 

Jack: I see, I see. Well, good luck with that. 

Stella: Thanks for the support. *crouches down and picks up the cube* 

[Some time later. Probably a half hour. Fierdan is walking and behind him, holding onto the bottom of his coat is Brock.] 

Jack: *looking at Fierdan* There you are! Where have you been all day? 

Brock: I found him, guys! He was doing some nerd shit. 

Fierdan: *sighs* Can someone get him off me? 

Brock: Do I not mean anything to you? 

Fierdan: Get off! *tries to yank his coat out of Brock’s grip* 

Brock: So mean. *sighs and lets go* I miss the old you. I miss how Fierdan used to be. I miss Duke. 

Fierdan: I don’t have time for this. 

Brock: Duke…

Fierdan: *verbally snaps* Shut up! Duke is gone! 

Stella: Someone is in a grumpy mood. Is someone sober for once? 

Fierdan: *turns to face Brock* Duke is a part of me. He became me. What can I do to satisfy you? I can’t bring him back. 

Brock: I’m sorry. *hands tremble* 

Jack: Think of it this way. Fierdan as he is now has the memories of both his own past and Duke’s. It’s not the end of the world.

Fierdan: And it’s a curse. Twice the trauma. Love that for me. 

Jack: *in a sympathetic tone* I know, I know… 

Fierdan: I’m sorry. It’s been a long day, and I didn’t have time to get a drink. 

Stella: Fierdan is sober and bitter? I definitely missed this.

Fierdan: I didn’t have time to drink. I’ve been busy. 

Stella: Doing what? And what’s up with the coat? 

Fierdan: Trying to figure shit out. Maybe my brother can be proud of me for once. 

Brock: Oh, he went to his apartment. Said something about wanting to take a nap. 

Fierdan: I don’t blame him. The work he does each day is exhausting. 

Jack: *looks surprised* Were you trying to find answers like Ryen? I had no idea you were also curious.

Fierdan: I have no idea how to find any answers. I kept scrolling through the volumes and couldn’t find anything that he and I don’t already know. Then I left the building and tried to find those marks. 

Stella: Wait, Shan hasn’t thought any of this through. Slow down! 

Fierdan: *rolls eyes* Ryen and I just want to solve this mystery. Dawn too, probably. We want answers. *starts taking off his coat* As for the coat, it’s winter. It’s cold out there. I spent a few hours walking outside. Then I came back to the library, and that’s where Brock found me. 

Brock: Yeah! He was reading this big fat book. What even was that? 

Stella: I thought Shan’s plans consisted of us being trapped in this giant vague building. I didn’t know we could just leave. 

Jack: Of course we can leave. Did you really think we could never go outside? 

Stella: For missions, yeah. But for other reasons? Isn’t it too dangerous?

Jack: We have to be careful, of course, but it’s unrealistic to say we can never go outside for any other reason. *looks at Fierdan* You were careful, right? Didn’t grab anyone’s attention? 

Fierdan: No. And besides, I went out to a club a number of times. You don’t seriously think I’m getting all my shit from inside this place, right? 

Brock: What shit? 

Jack: Alcohol and cigs. 

Fierdan: *nods* I didn’t go there or to any drug store today though. 

Stella: *frowns* Such a good influence. *rolls eyes* 

Fierdan: Shut up. 

Brock: Drugs aren’t cool, broski. 

Jack: *stares blankly at Brock* 

Fierdan: *frowns at Brock* Yeah, okay. 

Stella: Brock has a point actually. You shouldn’t rely on them. 

Fierdan: *frowns at Stella as well* Funny how you’re both talking to a former drug addict. As for me, I have some sense of self-control. I didn’t take anything all day. 

Stella: Wow, for a whole day? Can you manage it? 

Fierdan: Don’t shit on how I cope with all my shit.

Stella: It’s a shitty way to cope. 

Fierdan: *sighs* Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass? Let me live my life. 

Stella: Whatever. Bye. *walks away* 

Jack: Well, that was pretty harsh. I don’t want you to turn out like me or your brother. 

Fierdan: I know.. I know. *shakes head* Thinking about the Books of C. all day is getting to me. Why did she have to do all that shit? 

Brock: Ahem. Well, this is awkward. I’m still here. 

Jack: Oh, that’s right. You’re still here. 

Brock: *ignores Jack, nods* So.. the Books of C. Were you reading from one of those volumes? 

Fierdan: Yeah. Volume 3. 

Brock: I don’t understand, but that’s nice. 

Fierdan: Yeah, it’s nice that you don’t understand. Trying to read through it might break your brain. 

Brock: Huh? Why? *pauses* Are you calling me stupid? 

Fierdan: Actually no. C.’s writing is just so fucking dense and hard to comprehend. You have to reread lines over and over. *groans* Why did my shitty parents have to write so many books about the shit they thought and did? So many volumes that are illegible. I wish she could write like a normal, sane person, not like someone in the peak of a manic episode. 

Jack: Maybe I can help you figure out what she said? 

Fierdan: Oh please no. I can’t make you go through that. It’s just family shit that Ryen and I are trying to piece together. 

Brock: Ooh, family drama! 

Fierdan: Please, for the love of God, shut up. 

Brock: *gasps* You changed so much! I thought you hated God. 

Fierdan: *sighs* It’s an expression. *turns to Jack, facial expression softens* I can stop by your place, right? 

Jack: You practically live at my place. You know that, right?

Fierdan: Ah, true. The point still stands. 

Jack: *laughs* Of course. Want me to order dinner? 

Fierdan: Sure. Honestly, I feel like I could pass out any minute now. I’m so tired. 

Jack: So you don’t want to play some Mario Kart? 

Fierdan: *laughs* Maybe another time. Are you that eager to lose to me again? 

Jack: I let you win last time. 

Fierdan: Sure you did.

Jack: I did! 

Brock: Video games, huh? I wonder why Shan only shows boys playing video games. First it was with Ardere, and now it’s with you two. When will any girls be allowed to play? 

Jack: I’m pretty sure they’re allowed to play video games. 

Brock: Of course they should be allowed to. But do they play?

Jack: I don’t know, ask them. I bet Stella plays video games. 

Brock: Because she’s a tomboy? 

Fierdan: Since when is she a tomboy? 

Brock: Look, I don’t know. She’s not interested in romance ever since the disaster between her and Duke, and she doesn’t like girly-girl things, right? *stretches arms* She’s so different from Sparkle.. I mean Sabrina. 

Fierdan: *arches eyebrow* What does have to do with anything? 

Brock: I don’t know. I spent time around her and Dawn earlier. She kept asking Dawn questions, and she kept saying she doesn’t know. 

Fierdan: *frowns* Questions about what? 

Brock: *rubs the back of his neck* Well, it’s kinda awkward. 

Fierdan: Questions about what? Do I need to have a word with her? 

Brock: She just wanted to know about Dawn’s sexuality, the type of people she’s into, whether she has any crushes. 

Fierdan: Oh.. Oh uh. Okay. 

Brock: Know what’s also weird? People keep acting like I had a crush on Duke. Crazy, right? 

Jack: Wait, what? 

Fierdan: Yeah, that’s so crazy. Totally out of left field. 

Brock: Did Duke like me? *fiddles thumbs* I know we had something—

Fierdan: Fuck. I don’t remember what he thought of you back then. It’s been so long. 

Brock: Damn. That sucks. 

Fierdan: Also, like, I thought you were straight and were only interested in that cashier at that store. 

Brock: Yeah, we dated. Our relationship didn’t last long. 

Fierdan: Because you had a crush on me? 

Brock: No, on Duke. 

Fierdan: Wait, so you—

Brock: *face reddens and stutters* No. I.. I…

Jack: Well, I feel awkward. 

Brock: Like I said before, you are the replacement. 

Jack: Uh… 

Fierdan: *blushes* Let’s go, Jack. Brock is being weird as usual. 

Brock: *cries* As usual? I’m not that weird! You’re all so rude to me! 

[Jack and Fierdan ignore Brock and walk away from him.] 

Brock: *sounds disappointed* Wow. I see how it is. Just wow. 

—————————

I’m ending the skit part here. 

It’s pretty chaotic. I got distracted and lost my original train of thought. I’m also bored of writing this, so here is the ending. 

Brock is so silly. :3

That’s all. Until skit part # (some number, I lost count)…

~ Shan