explaining but not really

Uh.. hi. 

I’m going to be explaining things but actually not really. So yeah.

I’m much more active on my tumblr than on here these days. You can find a link to mine somewhere on the blog. It’s really not that hard to find, haha.

So umm. Yeah. 

Less than an hour ago, I looked at my clock (not my phone) and believed it to be 11:30 something. Then I thought “huh, it’s early” because I was about to turn off the lights and go into bed, under the covers. 

But I also had the vague idea that I saw the time on the clock say 12 something (past midnight) what also seems like a while ago. 

Anyway, time is confusing, and I’m maybe a little time blind I guess. It took me a few minutes to read the time correctly and realize it was actually a little past 1:30. 

Yeah, whatever, misreading 11 for 1, no big deal. But I genuinely thought I was going to bed with the lights off early (anything before midnight is early to me) when it was actually nearly 2 am. I completely had the memory of checking the time and seeing it say 12 something slip my mind. 

I thought that was peculiar. Not a very interesting story, but oh well. There you go. 

Oh wait. I wanted to explain something. That’s right. 

Well, I’m alive. Barely. At least it feels that way. 

blahblahblahblahblahblah

I don’t plan out and write posts in advance. My blogging style, I guess, is writing on impulse. What I write is how I feel in the moment when I’m writing it. 

Like right now, I’m not fully thinking through what I’m typing. My mind feels empty, and it’s hard for me to really talk with any amount of quality these days. So uh. Huh. 

I don’t filter what I say on here. What comes out, comes out. 

(what am i even saying? wtf) 

If it’s not already overwhelmingly obvious, I felt mad and overall like a piece of shit when I impulsively typed out the last post. 

I didn’t read it over and wait for my emotions to pass by, so the result is whatever the hell I wrote in that post. 

I’m not reading over what I’m saying here now either.

I guess you can say my blogging writing style as being a raw, no filter, stream of consciousness type of thing. 

............ I forgot what else I wanted to say. Ah shit.. 

I’m on tumblr more often (because I’m pretty much a piece of shit who hates myself). 

*shrugs* idk 

I’ve been stuck on how to actually like talk to people lately. Like.. it’s really hard to? It sucks. I hate being like this. 

Serious topics. It’s so hard for me to reply decently in conversations or even reply at all. 

Talking is hard. Heck, texting is hard. Communicating is hard. 

Most of the times it’s because of all that for why I take so long to reply to your comments. 

(I seriously can’t even fully think right now, so who knows why I’m making this post.) 

Uh. I’m still alive. Ok. 

Bye guys.