trying …

Yeah. I don’t know. I’m trying. 

Trying to figure this stuff out. Trying to not be too pessimistic. 

I’m not as optimistic as I was earlier about this whole ~putting ads on my blogs~ thing. I’m a pessimistic person. I doubt it’ll actually work. I’m tired. 

Man, this whole process is complicated. I feel like I have some ~violations~ or ~restrictions~ because.. uh.. *gestures to my blog*. And like. Some things about this whole thing confuse me. It says to insert a code, I did that, yadayadayada. Other people talking about the same thing (AdSense) say to not manually insert the code yourself if you’re applying through the Earnings tab on Blogger. I don’t know. I’m dumb and confused. 

I edited the HTML code for this blog when doing that, and it ended up messing up the mobile format of the blog. I don’t know how to change it back. It won’t let me or something. Same thing happened with my other blog. I really don’t like this. It got rid of the background colors and the different colored text, so now it’s just a plain white background and black text in a boring font. Well, at least it didn’t ruin how the blogs look on the website/computer version. *sighs* 

I found another website where ads can potentially be put on blogs. I think I’ll finish that whole signing up process after I change the blog link and all that jazz. I have a lot of work ahead of me. 

Blogging work, I mean. I still don’t have an Official Job TM. I might have gotten a referral from my cousin who works at a job for a company I might want to work for (same career field and all that). So, hopefully good news..? idk, I’m pretty much a pessimist. It’s hard for me to feel optimistic about anything. 

I’m also trying to find my blogging personality again. I know it can’t be the same as before, but.. idk. I’ve been struggling with identity and personality stuff for a while. For different reasons unlike my 15 and 16 year old self this time around. A lot has happened. But also, not much has happened. I don’t know what to think. 

I also came back here because my mind wouldn’t let me leave permanently. Thoughts of blogging again kept plaguing my mind for months. I even had a few dreams about blogging and about my story and characters while on that long break. And so, I’m back. Yay. 

Oh and… I also left for so long because I lost one of my online friends, and that person kinda reminds me of this blog and still does to some extent. So.. blogging feels weird somehow. Friendships end and the memories that keep replaying in my head f— messed me up. A lot. 

Well, it’s been over a year since then. I’d like to think I’m doing much better now than back then in the early days. But alas, I do not know. How about I just insert a shrug emoji and move on? Ok? Ok. 

What even are my plans for this blog? Posting some pictures here, possibly making a photography blog, writing some updates about all the life crap that happened in the past 10 months or so (I lost count and I’m bad at counting), attempting to write poetry and skits again..? I guess. 

Is this good enough? Am I worthy enough? Am I worth anything? Is any of this worth it? I don’t know. 

I just wish I could be me. I wish I could be myself unapologetically. I’m tired of constantly having to hide and suppress myself. I want to be loved and cared for unconditionally. I’m tired of not being listened to and understood by the people in my life who should be the closest to me. I just want to be accepted and feel like I belong in my [family; life]. 

Lots of crap happened this year. So much. Too much. 

It’s been a long day. Thursday was better. 

You all can still call me Shan btw lol

Shyrah is just something a little more personal and meaningful to me. 

Better posts coming soon. Hopefully. Maybe. Probably. 

testing 1 + blogging news

Hey~

So I'm still getting used to how Blogger works these days after not checking it for months. I've been checking and doing little, mostly behind the scenes, things on my blogs and Blogger account. I've also been a little busy doing things irl. I have to get back into the groove of checking and reading comments and replying in a timely fashion. I know. I'll work on it.

*takes a deep breath* ok-

I'll be testing some things out later in this post, but for now, I want to talk about other things. 

So, first of all, a lot has happened since December. I'm not in college now. I've been searching for jobs (preferably a job related to my degree / what I've been studying in college). Job searching is hard, especially for more "official" work jobs. I applied for a lot of jobs. I got some employers who were interested and a few who I did interviews with, but I got rejected / didn't get the job for all of them so far. So that sucks. Obviously. 

Anyway, I'm trying to earn money. Obviously. Blogging is somewhat related to the field(s) I want to get into for my career. Then I remembered that ads is an option to put on Blogger blogs. Another reason I came back and plan on making all these changes on this blog (such as the name change *cough, cough*) and my story blog is because I thought about starting that AdSense thing that lets ads come on a Blogger blog (and other things; idk that doesn't matter to me lol). I considered it a couple of times a while ago but didn't want to do that.

Well, that was back then. I finally gave in the other day. I made an AdSense account, connected to the site, and put the ads settings for my blogs. I have no idea if I'll be approved, so I'm wondering if updating my blog name and URL will increase the chances..? idk. I'm really hoping I can make some extra money by blogging. If so, that'll be great. 

I know ads are annoying, but like.. I need money. I'm like so old now, you guys. 22 and looking for a new job. hhhhhh so old /says half-jokingly. But yeah. Can't believe I'm 22 now. It's the start of the -ber months in 2022. That's crazy. 

I'm not in the mood to check to see if I'm making any sense. idc, this is my cursed blog!! 😤

I'm trying to make it less cursed. I'm trying here, ok,,,,,,

Oh yeah. I'm also considering starting a new blog. I'm thinking of creating a photography blog. Like, just photography stuff. I have lots of photos that I got compliments over. Lots from the months I was away from here, and lots from way before then that I never shared here before. I have many, many pictures. I'm not sure if creating a new blog and putting AdSense on it will increase my chances of getting ads and viewers clicking on them, resulting in me eventually getting money. If I do that, I'll make another page toward the top of this page linking to that new blog. So basically the same thing I did with my story blog. And both blogs (story blog and potential photography blog) can be found as links on my Blogger profile. 

I don't know. I have a lot to think about. Adulting is hard, ok. Being in the 20s is hard, ok. *sigh* 😔

What else, what else..? Well, I have the idea of making a pet updates post or two. A lot happened since last December. hhhhhhnnfffnfgfnfghhh 

Ok, it's testing time! eeeeee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inserting pictures from my Photos app works. Good, good, good. ✅

And yes, I started collecting Squishmallows this year. The strawberry husky is Ryan, and the pear fox is Fifi. I got them on vacation. :3 🍓🍐

And the other photo is strawberry bubble tea I got at the mall this summer. It was good. 👍

-_-_-_-_-_-

........ inserting pictures from my Google Photos also works. Good, good, good. ✅

And yes, that's a screenshot from the Finch app. I took it a while ago; my Zuzu bird is all grown up and looks very different now. I just found Zuzu's reaction to SpongeBob very funny when I first saw it. *Zuzu is confused.* "What kind of fruit do the unspongy Bobs live in, cheep?" ... New Discovery: *Dislikes Spongebob* 😭💀

Their name is Zuzu because it's such a cool name. Zuzu. That's so cool. (idk what I'm even doing-)

-_-_-_-_-_-

Here's Precious btw lmao 

(inserting pictures from Blogger works- check, check, check)

Animal Jam funny pics uwu

................. ahhhhhhh asdfghjkl;sksksdksksksk

funny !! 

.... wait, why is my mind fixated on AJ memories if I want to move away from the game on this blog? huh-

*shrugs* 

How do I blog again-

-_-_-_-_-_-

Ok, one more thing I want to test out tonight. 

~ b l a n k 

s p a c e ~

b / l / a / n / k

s / p / a / c / e

hmm hmm hmm 

ok idk 

good enough 

. . . 

Other Comics To Read List:

• Purple Hyacinth.
• Sweet Tooth. 
• Rain.

Oh wow, my Notes app is properly updated on my computer. I don't remember the last time it did that. Nice. And I was able to copy and paste a part of a note into a post. Very good. This will be useful. Yes, yes. 😈

Those web comics are on my to-read list. I'm still watching the Sweet Tooth Netflix show though. I want to start the comic after I finish watching the show. 

-_-_-_-_-_-

Alright, those are all the testing stuff I wanted to do. Thanks for sticking around with me till the end of the post. I tried to insert some funny random shananigans in as well. (shananigans is a nickname pun I made online lol; my name being Shan and the word being shenanigans, of course.)

But on a serious note, two things:

1. I'm thinking about creating a photography blog. Does that sound interesting enough? Is it worth it? I'm not sure yet. 

2. All the previous years of this blog's existence, I was thinking "no" to the idea of letting ads be on my blog (this one, here, yeah, this one). After thinking about it recently, I decided to look into it and give it a chance. So far, AdSense is supposedly still reviewing my blog, and so I don't have any ads up yet. I hope I'll be approved so ads can start popping up. I know ads can get annoying fast, but if they do come on my blog, seeing and clicking on them will be a big help. I'll appreciate it greatly. It took me a long time to reach this decision, and I'm still kinda hesitating it. I don't know. I need good things to happen. If it's possible for me to earn any money by blogging, by doing a hobby I enjoy, then I think that's awesome. 

Thanks for reading. <3 

~ Shan / Shyrah / Cutepups / the person writing this 😶

So… Nostalgia

Hey guys. This post is going to be more chill than the last one, I guess. I’m making it look less “official” so to speak. I’m going to try to keep this short. 

So… Nostalgia. That sure is a feeling. An emotion. An experience. I’m feeling very nostalgic right now. 

Today for some odd reason, I decided to check my reading list on my Blogger Dashboard for blogs I followed way back when. And so, I did that and checked the most recent posts for some of those blogs. Most of those blogs are dead (no new posts in years). That didn’t surprise me that much. What did surprise me was finding other blogs with new posts in 2019 and 2020. I found quite a few “return” blog posts from 2019. That was surprising to see. I didn’t expect to see those bloggers ever coming back. 

Man, I miss some of those people… 

I then found out that I checked Animal Jam in 2019. I didn’t even know I checked AJ that year. I bet that was the last time I checked it. I don’t even know if I still have an AJ account since I haven’t logged in since then. I think my spare account got deleted or something since I remember trying to log in to it a few years back but couldn’t. I don’t know what happened. The only thing I actually remember from the last few times I checked AJ (whenever that was) is how it affected my computer. I remember it making my laptop fan get loud and my laptop feeling very hot. That was kinda uncomfortable lol 

By those blogs on my reading list, I mean old Animal Jam blogs. I was also surprised to find one of those blogs still active to this day… or week. Basically, there are still new posts there. Made me feel like :’) basically. 

Sometimes I struggle a lot with identifying and describing my emotions. I use emojis or keyboard faces to describe how I’m feeling sometimes. So that’s that. Ah, alexithymia, how fun /s. (/s means sarcastic tone. Alexithymia isn’t fun. This year I learned I do in fact have it and struggle with it more often than I initially thought.)

I’m also thinking about AJ because I have to admit something. Well, here goes nothing: 

Sometimes I still call myself Cutepups. If there’s anyone out there who doesn’t know, my AJ username was cutepups522. I even remember my password, which is weird when I think about it. 

Like, to come back after so long and say I used to go by Cutepups… that didn’t take any effort from me. I remembered that fact easily. Like, yeah, I used to go by the name of Cutepups on my blog and on other blogs. I’m not sure why it feels like some vital information in my long-term memory, but it is. 

I haven’t been checking any of this blogging stuff in many months, yet I still would sometimes call myself Cutepups while in my room doing tasks or getting ready for bed even when I wasn’t checking AJ or my blog or anything like that. I guess Cutepups is just one of my old nicknames that stuck. 

I’ve also been thinking about my wolf character, Precious, on AJ and how I developed (if I can even call it that) her character during the first few years of this blog. Like, I don’t even know. Sometimes I find myself randomly thinking about how I made a crazy hyper AJ wolf character who was obsessed with marshmallows and causing havoc. It’s been pretty funny to contemplate over. I could be doing my nighttime routine and think “Go to bed, Cutepups.” or I could be in bed unable to fall asleep and start laughing to myself over how ridiculous Precious was. Do I miss her? Possibly lol 

Basically, memories are weird. Mine is anyway. I remember all this stuff but at the same time, the rest of my blogging-related memories from 2019 and earlier seem virtually nonexistent. I can’t remember those things as well anymore. This morning I checked some of my early 2019 posts and couldn’t remember writing them. Some of them even felt like fever dreams. Then again, some of my posts were crazy, so… lol *shrugs* 

I felt like this a few years ago when reading some of my posts from 2014-2016. And wow, the same thing happened when I looked at my 2019 posts. (I haven’t checked any of my posts from other years, so I’m not sure how I feel about them.) 

Memory lane, huh? Mine sure is bumpy. It’s been a rough ride to get to this point. :’) 

Wait. Maybe I can barely remember early 2019 because, well, it was 2019. The middle of that year was rough. I remember my mental health plummeting to an all-time low that year. I’m not sure anymore though. I also might have had some unresolved trauma from 2019 and 2020, so that’s probably why I can’t remember things from those years that well. (I worked on it. Things are better now. For the most part, I think. About those things, I mean. Yeah, it was more than one traumatic thing. My brain perceiving them as traumatic, I mean. Ok, uh, yeah.)

Uh… Anyway! Maybe I’ll make a few update posts to talk about some things. I don’t know though; a lot happened after I started taking my long hiatus. I even considered never coming back here, but as you can see, I did. I’m alive. I still live. 

Well, I’m going to take a nap now. I get tired in the afternoon. 

I’ll probably be back soon. Bye for now. 

Important Blog Updates + Contact Info (Please Read!)

PLEASE READ!!

Thank you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I started implementing changes on this blog, and I decided to start revamping my story blog as well. 

What is my story blog, you ask? Well, it’s that old blog I created in 2015 and abandoned for the most part. Until now. I made the decision to update its look and change some things on the blog. There is still a lot left to get done, but I hope I’ll get to it soon. I want a satisfactory result or better. 

The link to that blog can be find on the new page I added called “Story Blog”- the link should work. 

Actually, I’ll test something out right now: Story Blog

(I hope the link works lol; I haven’t checked anything Blogger related in months.)

-^-^-

2. IMPORTANT: 

I figured out a way to change the blog title and URL without having to create an entirely new blog. 

As you can all hopefully see, I got rid of the previous blog banner. 

I plan on changing this blog URL to “Shyrah’s Writing Space” soon. I’m planning on making the change stay in a few days or a week. I want to get it done as soon as possible, but I’ll wait a few days for my precious blog readers (thanks so much for still checking here! like, that’s incredible). 

I wanted to make this change for such a long time, but I didn’t know how to until very recently. I think this new name is more relevant for the blog since Jamaa is from Animal Jam, and I.. well, I don’t really post Animal Jam content anymore. I want to be more honest and authentic about my blog. 

The Jamaa Mist blog (this one) won’t be deleted. It will just change URLs. All the content will still exist, it will just have a new blog link. 

That also means I have to update my pages and links in other places like on my story blog. 

Fun Fact: A long time ago, I planned on this concept of a “Jamaa Mist” being a very important part of my story (that has the old name of Twinkle’s Story”). That was back when I still planned on making it relate to Animal Jam. 

(THE STORY IS NOT RELATED TO THE GAME. SEVERAL STORY CHANGES HAVE BEEN MADE SINCE I BEGAN IT IN 2014. IT’S NOT THE SAME STORY AS IT WAS BACK THEN. I DO NOT OWN ANY RIGHTS TO ANIMAL JAM, JAMAA, AND ANYTHING ELSE BELONGING TO THE GAME AND ITS CREATORS.)

So, why am I changing it to Shyrah? Well, it’s one of my names I started using online. I still view myself as “Cutepups” and other nicknames like “Spirit” and “Shan” but “Shyrah” is likely to stay as one of my names for a longer time than the others. I still use “Shan” a lot, but I like “Shyrah” a little better. I still accept all these nicknames btw.

Shyrah is how I spell out my Hebrew name in the English alphabet. That’s how I imagine it looking like in English. I pronounce it “she-rah” (“ah” like the “a” sound in “awful”). I also spell it this way since it has “shy” in it, and I’m a shy person (lol). 

Anyway, I plan on changing this URL to this: shyrahwritingspace (followed by all the Blogspot stuff). 

So yeah. Keep that in mind, I guess. 

-^-^-

3. My Contact Info- how to keep in touch of me outside the blog. 

I checked and realized that my contact information I put towards the bottom of the blog is either outdated or I never actually check those places anymore. 

So consider this an update on where/how to contact me. 

* = I check it more often than the others.

My Email: shannondanc3 @ gmail . com (without the spaces, of course)

*My Discord: spiritixsw #2081 

My Spotify: spiritixsw 

*My Friend Code on the Self Care app, Finch: GS7E47DN23 

My DeviantArt (I don’t check that often anymore): BlueBlazingSpirit 

My Tumblr (I don’t check that often anymore): shyrahsw 

*My Habitica Username: spiritixsw (My Display Name is “Spiritixsw (Shan)”)

-^-^- 

Thank you once again for taking the time to read this post. I really appreciate it. <3 

Writing Paralysis | Early April 2022 Poem

Hey. It’s been A While, huh? It’s already September, and this is my first blog post here in 2022. 

Well, a lot happened. I mean, it would be weird if nothing happened. Well, some things stayed the same too. And other things changed (some for the better, others for the worst). I guess that’s Life. 

I’m not sure what to exactly put here, so I’m deciding to insert a poem I quickly wrote in my Notes app on my phone in early April. I’m not that proud of it. I’ve been having writer’s block for such a long time. But hey, it’s something. 

I have a feeling that I wanted to include it in a blog post when I wrote it but forgot about it until now. It’s been so many months. I didn’t even check anything related to my blogging account in several months. I honestly forgot the last time I checked before last night (September 4th). 

I’m planning on making some blogging changes. Some I already implemented; others I plan on doing soon. I just… there’s a part of me that tells me I have to do this. 

Anyway, here is my poem: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writing Paralysis 

Stagnate, stuck in this state 

where my movement is frozen

and my lifeblood stopped flowing.

Too many and too few thoughts

that I can’t put into words

no matter how much I 

desperately want to get out of

this paralysis called 

writer’s block.

How do you gain back that spark 

when the fire died out long ago

and there is nothing left 

to rekindle it? 

How do you make your

motivation, inspiration, and passion

return to you after so many 

who helped creative writing become 

your purpose and identity

have left you or died without

saying ‘goodbye’—

and how do you move on 

after they’re gone? 

I’m not sure but 

writing this seems like

a decent first step.

December 19th

Hello. 

Well, I lied about making another post soon. It’s been over a month. 

... oops.

Anyway, it’s December 19th. The end of the day but still. I don’t care. 

I don’t know why I keep thinking of this date, but here I am. Still thinking about them. Ridiculous. I know. 

December 19th is Fierdan’s birthday. And Duke’s because I made them have the same birthday for some reason. Weird. 

How old are they again (in the skit universe)? I don’t know anymore. 

Does anyone miss my skits? I have no idea. 

. . . . . . . . . . 

Don’t expect any soon. Don’t expect anything related to creative writing any time soon. 

These past few months, including this one, made me realize that I actually lost a ton of interest/passion/inspiration/motivation (all of those) in creative writing. In writing stories. In writing poetry. In writing... anything, to be honest. 

I guess that could be the major reason why I’ve been dead. It’s because I feel dead. I have nothing left. 

The story makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed now. I’m so disappointed. I keep fearing that I’m still doing offensive things without knowing and no matter how much I try to fix it, it can’t be fixed. And that makes me wonder. Is it worth it? Is all of this worth it? It doesn’t feel like it. 

No interest. No inspiration. No motivation. No passion. Nothing. I’m a hollow shell. I’m empty. 

It’s been this way for months. I thought I could revive the spark, but I ultimately couldn’t. My attempts to failed. 

My depression is worsening. I keep losing reasons to keep going. Lost friends. Lost interest in my story. Lost interest in what I’ve been studying. 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

I have nothing to offer any of you. I’ve been pushing off explaining this in a post for a while. 

December 19th feels like a good day to post it. With all the significance to the story and blog. 

I don’t have any more words left to say.

Goodbye. 

And I’m sorry. 

The Rest of Them :)

Hi, I'm back to post the rest of them. :)

The rest of my characters I designed on the same Picrew I mentioned in the last post. And then how I designed myself.

Yeah. Without further ado, it's picture time...~

I like this art style. I like how they came out. (in order: Stella, Dylan, Ardere, Dawn, and Ryen)

Dylan has acne from being on HRT (testosterone) because I said so. Ok. And I like how Ardere's freckles look. Oh and the thinking emoji, which I nicknamed the "hmm" emoji, reminds me of Ryen. Because it just does. It fits him well. 

So yeah lmao. There they are. My children. <3

And here's me:

yo ✌

And now, bye again. I'll hopefully return soon. 

peace ✌