blahh

Hey look, I'm typing up a post in the morning.

Yeah. Hi.

Yesterday I had a headache. For two days. Again.

Then I took ibuprofen and felt less sad and #time-to-die.

I feel myself getting another headache.

*finger guns*

Uh.. what else is there?

I went driving yesterday. And like. There were so many idiotic drivers out there. Unbelievable. At least three. One decided to make a U-turn in the middle of the road. One drove when I had the right of way. Wtf no you're not supposed to do that. Nearly had a collision. Jfc.

Ah haha. Life. :")

Anyway. Totally different topic but. My mom got this YA (young adult) book from the library for a book challenge or something. And like. This is pretty funny.

Ok so. She thought she got a book about these group of girly girls going shopping. And she thinks it's a funny book.

Then I read the description. Yeah, it's not about a group of girls going shopping. It's not a funny book.

Yeah so then I took the book from her. I'm reading it now. Haha.

She thought the book was about shopping. Like yeah the author wrote other books about shopping. This book isn't about shopping though.

It's about a girl with anxiety and depressive disorders and how she's slowly recovering. Her family life too.

Yeah, haha, I doubt my mom actually read the description.

I was like, "Mm, this is interesting! *takes book*". Somewhat relatable content. Maybe this book is giving me helpful tips.

*takes note of what the therapist (or is it the main character's doctor? *shrugs*) is saying*

Yes.

Reading. That's a distraction. I guess. Listening to music is one too. That dopamine. Feel good hormones. That good neurotransmitter.

Uh.. yes?

Today's Veterans Day. Yes. Honor the vets. Respect.

Still disgusted with what America is gonna become. :/

Oh yeah. My mom got this invitation to go to this baby shower. Yeah and its location is in the middle of a park. My parents visited the place. It's just a park. So that's, um, nice..?

The poll I set up ends today. Still staying strong with that one vote.

Yeah man that's cool. Yeah. Sure. I mean I guess so.

Whelp. Gotta go now. Gonna see a movie.

Bye guys.

Stay safe out there. The world's a pretty (and) scary place.

♡♡

So.

Hello.

I slept horribly this Wednesday morning. Barely any sleep.

Headaches, stomachaches, heartaches.. all these aches.

I was so mad earlier today. Now, well, not as much. What's there left to say?

What is there left to say? Haha, the results. Hysterical.

Hysterical that so many people in this country would like a man that degrades and separates people by who they are as the next president.

Hysterical how the Democratic and Republican parties are falling apart in their own ways.

Hysterical how fellow Americans think it's not that big a deal if women and "minorities" might lose their rights. Their basic human rights.

Hysterical how you have to be at least 18 years old to vote and yet 11 thousand people wrote in a name of a dead gorilla in the voting ballots.

Hysterical how fellow students of mine can smile, laugh, and even celebrate the winner of this election. Boys, girls, it doesn't matter. In a blue state.

Hysterical knowing Congress and the next president will be run by Republicans.

Hysterical how thinking of overturning laws that gave certain groups of people basic human rights comes back into play in the upcoming year, 2017.

Hysterical having so many people fear for their lives.

Hysterical how there are so many acting like this is a joke.

Yeah. It's just a joke, right? The future of America is just a joke, huh?

Hysterical.

Disgusting. All of it.

Along with a lot of other people, I feel embarrassed about what's happening in the country. Can barely stand the idea of living and surviving in a country that's focused on so much hate and prejudice.

I had to rant about all this damn election politics crap 4+ times today. Why not add one more to this miserable blog?

This year. I swear. It's killing me.

Trump being elected next president by the electoral college (not even the freaking popular votes). Wow. Unbelievable.

Whelp, that's it, guys. Guess my brain would like to make that happen now that it has become a reality.

Wow, 2016. F*** you. The worst outcome had to happen.

No. I won't make it a reality. However, do I feel more like doing it more than ever now? Of course.

I'd rather want out of a world that has fallen into such hate and despair. The idea that for 4 goddamn years certain people will be fearing for their lives due to their rights being taken away.

Makes me want to- as that character of mine once said-

~I wanna f***ing die.~

Die.

Hopeless? That's damn right.

I can't fathom how 2016 can make me feel more hopeless after this.

Knowing me though, some crap is gonna happen. And bam! All new low for hopelessness and faith in humanity.

Ha, ha. :))

I was so freaking mad at everyone and everything a few hours ago that I couldn't help but hit my hands on hard objects- like walls- until they became red. Temporarily. You know. That. Because. I was mad. Still am mad. Always will be mad.

Life. Sucks.

Distracting myself with happier things doesn't really help. When I know. The world is practically gonna be in ruins.

Totally makes life worth it.

Yeah sure whatever.

Just want to leave and get out of it before any of it happens, y'know.

Is life > death really always true?

I don't know.

Love me, hate me, I don't care. It's all true anyway.

No longer gonna raise the bar off the ground for the rest of the year. But if I do, it'll definitely be when I won't be on the internet. Other than that, most likely in no other 2016 circumstances.

Bye lol kms xddd

Ok I'll stop.

Even though daydreaming me from back in July was accurate that somehow it came down to this result.

Hysterical. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Be sure to hate me. ♡♡

'Night~

.......

And the internet isn't working for no clear reason. Great! :))

.......

Ok it's working again hours later.

I Don't Wanna Know

Hi, hi. Anxiety is very high.

Rip America rip.

YouTube has been recommending this Weathersband channel for me.

Thanks YouTube.

I like their songs (Happy Pills and I Don't Wanna Know). I've been singing them around my house today. Haha.

Ha, ha.

I don't wanna know the results of this election.

Same as many other people.

I'm so glad I have a democratic family. Same political views. Thank god.

I went to the voting place with my parents. They voted for Clinton. I know. Saw.

Ha, ha. America. What the hell. 2016 why do you cause so much pain?

*gives Sunshine (my dog) a hug and presses face into her fur*

*cries*

Hot cocoa is good. Distractions are good.

My stomach is hurting.

Heck. Hell.

I DON'T WANNA KNOW. I DON'T WANNA KNOW.

Can this whole election cycle just be one huge troll? Like, can there just be a rickroll at the end of this?

Please. Let it just be a messed up meme.

This can't be reality. It can't. I refuse to believe this.

By the way. In July, I was bad. More bad then than today. During some of the very bad things (lol), I was so done. So done. Got thoughts. About if Trump becomes president. And how I'll become way more depressed than I was then (in July). And will seriously want to, well, die.

Mm, mm, mm. Those intrusive suicidal thoughts. Mm, mm, mm. Fantastic. Wow, wow, wow. And right now him becoming president seems like it could become a reality.

Um wow ok then 2016. O, f***ing, k.

"I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory..." quote from the Hamilton musical.

Ah. Death.

Oh boy.

Becoming happy and healed seems like an idea that just got thrown in the trashcan now.

I'm worrying over so many people I consider my friends right now.

America, this is not okay.

This is not okay.

I have very little amount of hope left.

Nope. Nada. None.

Ooooops, time to die.

Haha funny.

Ha, ha.

Me in July.

Ha, ha.

The only good thing left for this year will be in late December when I finally won't be in this country.

Can't wait for the cruise.

That's one thing to stay alive for, I suppose.

Can it just be Christmas already?

Throw me in the ocean.

Bye.

ohh

Hi.

My computer is back at it with the ridiculous updates. Wooooooo.

I didn't go on AJ on Monday. Lost the streak. Oh no.

However. I found out the reason behind why I saw a group of koalas chanting SPINNY and SPINNY BOIZ in Jamaa Township.

It has something to do with Julian2, I think? I'm dumb though lol.

Less than a day away till knowing who the next US president will be.

Ah heck. Heck. *cries* There are so many Heckmans, I swear.

Political stuff though.. scary. Having so many Trump signs around.. scary. The election.. scary. Everything.. scary.

I was expecting to get hate for what I said last post. And the one before that one. Huh, weird. Last year I would probably get a hate comment. I mean criticism.

Oops, I better die. I take everything personally and see criticism as hate.

Ehh, criticize me. Hate me please. Like, hey, your blog is so misleading, Cutepups. This blog.. what the actual hell is it? Why aren't you fun anymore? Stop it aaaaahhhhh.

c:

No school today. Yay. No school on Thursday and Friday. Yay.

c:

A few hours ago, I was angry and sad for no reason. Haha, mom, haha. But don't worry. I'm not gonna start ranting and venting all that ugly stuff. I drew an ugly drawing when I was angry instead.

Ah yay. Cutepups is gonna keep her awful art to herself for once.

I love oversharing on here. So much.

Just kidding, I still and probably always will hate myself for one reason or another.

Haha, what are feelings?

I'm more of a garbage mess than a human being at this point.

*fingerguns out of post*

*can't fingergun correctly*

Ah.

Bye.

daylight savings time ended

Yep. An hour back. Darkness comes early.

More proof that true time doesn't exist.

...

This is yet another inconsistent post. So what does annoying as heck Cutepups have for you viewers today?

Hmm...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

College Stuff

So today I spent the morning and afternoon visiting a college university. Got information about the arts college there. The humanities college too (for the english- writing- majors). Got bunch of papers and a bag. Went on tours too. Learned stuff. Yep.

Ask Page

I finally updated the Ask Cutepups page. By that I mean the words I typed on that page before the comments.

Animal Jam

I went on AJ again. Three days on AJ in a row. That's a 2016 record for me.

Found a bottle in Crystal Sands for once.

The cute thing sent this letter in the bottle. They're locked up somewhere, and yet they managed to bring along a gift. Wow.

This is the gift.

This is the Lava Table in my den. It's a pretty big table. The yellow gears mat is the gift I got after I completed the Hidden Falls Adventure. So that's what both items look like in a den. Now you know.

I also found out about this suspicious pinata item in AJHQ's Pixel Place den on the Epic Dens list. *cough* found out from better blogs like the AJW and the AJLP *cough*

Precious stares intensely at the pinata. Look how suspicious it is. 

The pinata is the only item sold. It's members only, oh why. Such agony. It's suspicious alright. Sold at a hidden store called ???. What kind of name is ???, AJ explain.

That's it for AJ from Cutepups the Blue Fool.

Does Bruno Mars Danny is Gay???

Hahahahahaha ok I'm still laughing and crying. I was looking at my January posts (much death, suicide said.. still makes me want to die, mm). This pup was so not okay those few months ago. Lol :^).

But apart from how I pretty much roasted myself  and Twinkle's Story at long last in the previous post, I found this amazing post.

I'll copy and paste the part I want.

:")

Um.. I was daydreaming in a boring class (actually all classes are boring lol) the other day. So it was about Soulless being a physical person. And it was like on Danny's birthday. So Soulless is like, "Happy birthday, baby." And Danny runs into the wall. And he's like "oh crap". And then Soulless is all like, "I missed you, honey. Did you miss me?" And Danny's thinking all like, "wtf no you perv" (don't ask why). And then Dylan walks over and is all like, "Haha, you're such a loser nerd, Danny senpai." Since only Danny can see the demons (Soulless), they all think he's having a flashback from his hell life or something.

And then his brother who I still don't have an official name for yet comes over to him, and he's all like, "Dear, dear bro, it's all gonna be okay, bro." And then Danny looks up at his brother suddenly with this smile on his face and says, "I wanna f***ing die." (bleeps and all c;). And brother is all like surprised. And Danny's all like, "Are you kidding me? You never heard me in the middle of the night? Wow, well, um--"

But he's interrupted by Soulless suddenly kissing him. So Danny has this disgusted/petrified look on his face, but since no one else can physically see Soulless, they think he's even more weird. And then Soulless is all like, "I know you want me to come back inside of you, don't you baby?" And Danny's all like, "wtf ew no you perv go away." 

But then Dylan pushes brother out of the day, goes up to Danny, pushing Soulless out of the way without realizing it and is like, "Yo, if there's some imaginary perv in your very strange head of yours, I'll kill them for you." And Danny's looking at him like "wtf are you saying". And Dylan's all like, "I love you, man." 

Then Danny runs away from him because Dylan wants to kiss Danny too. (Where are the female characters during this? Maybe it's in the male dormitory.. I don't even know.). 

Some parts sound so wrong, oh my god. I'm crying. This. I dreamed this. It's so gay. And I somewhat tried to deny that in the comments? God damn, me, what was with you last winter? First, Soulless is flirting with Danny. Then kisses him. But that's not all. Towards the end, Dylan suddenly starts being gay for Danny too. I bet this was the time I was trying to prove Danny's bi. But the other characters are flirting with him. I'm so confused, the heck.

*snorts* What the hell was with me.

I don't know lol

Can I just say this?

I'm so thankful to have no Trump supporters in my family. I know quite a few cool nice kids who have parents and grandparents who are Trump supporters and they feel trapped. And they can't speak up with what they want to say. I feel so sorry for all the kids out there in that position. 

But like. It just makes me. You know. Feel guilty. Like. You know. Just a lousy attention seeker. What do I have to be so sad about? Life is good. I know so many people out there who are in far, far worse situations than I can even imagine being in myself. 

And yet. I dare be so self-centered. I don't care much about important things in my life as much as I should. I purposefully made my grades drop. I don't care if I fail. At least not as much as I should. People online and in my grade at school feel like their lives are broken when they get a C or lower on a quiz or test; B or lower as a Marking Period grade.

 I can't help but not care about my life as much as I should. I gave up on trying. It's so hard for me to comprehend that I'm starting to plan my life out after high school. Planning for college. It's hard to explain. But it's like. Wow, I've lived for this long?? I'm still alive?? I'm not dead?? I have to actually think about my future because I'll be living one?? This is actually me?? It's hard to comprehend. It's messed up. I know. It's messed up having a part of my mind that's been stuck with me for who knows how many years now saying I won't make it past 18. I won't pass life as an adult. And it's like. Of course I'll become an adult one day?? I just have to accept that. That's how it is, right?? I know I have people, animals, and things to live for. I know there's a reason I exist. Sure, I don't know my purpose in life yet. Sure, I have no true-to-the-core talents. Sure, I lack good communication skills, and suck at showing empathy and the correct emotion in certain given social situations (socially inept, aahh). Sure, I hurt people's feelings and push everyone away. Sure, I'm generally a pretty bad person. But there's part of me that grows more and more hopeless in myself as time passes. And it's like. What the hell? Why? There's no logical reason for this. It's so easy to invalidate my struggles (are they really though?) every day. Which makes me hate myself even more. It's a cycle of guilt. I'm really just a liar, right? I'm just hurting people both irl and online now. Yeah right, like there's something wrong with me. I just have the worst main personality out there. I'm just the worst. That's it. I have no personality that I have slight variations of one depending on the people I'm with. Being my own person and make my own decisions?? Huh?? My mood can change a number of times in the course of an hour. What am I feeling right now? I don't know. After I say anything and send it out, I immediately start thinking of anything that could go wrong.  I regret my actions a lot. Rejection and criticism can mess me up for days at least if I'm lucky. I start assuming the worst when someone doesn't answer what I've sent them in the next few minutes. Yet there I am feeling relieved when I don't get more messages that I get pressured about answering. I want attention, but at the same time I don't. I don't know.  I get tired easily. I skip meals sometimes. I don't care about grades or much of anything that much anymore. What the hell is with me destroying myself? What the hell. Laughing at myself in disbelief that I'll become an adult in 2 (only 2- oh god-) years. And it's like. Of course I'm going to become an adult? Of course I am? That's life. I get irrational thoughts about death. But I know better than act on them. It's not like I'm going to actually go and. Kill myself. I'm not going to die soon. I'm going to go to college soon. Grow up, be an adult. That's reality. Harsh reality but that's how it is. It's hard for me to process that still. 

Getting wrapped around those stupid irrational death thoughts that I incorporate them in a story and poems. Creepily specific in that story. Ways to die. 

Wh--

I'm lucky for the life I have. I have a good life. My mind's just messing with me. That's all there is to it. Life is worth it. There's no reason for me to die due to my own accord. 

Feeling the way I do is selfish. I don't deserve to be this way. But to change that? How?? On my own?? Yeah right.

And my parents and grandparents aren't bigots (racists, homophobes, etc.) like I know so many people's parents are. They're accepting. So why do I hate life? Why...

Why am I the way I am? Why can't I just be different?

Why...

//////////

Oh and my dad told the writing professor we talked to alone that I run a blog. 

Hahahahahahahahaha.

He thinks I can write good because I have a blog.

But if he would actually check and read my blog how it is now, I don't know how I can live.

Because this isn't even a real blog.

It's just an online journal where I post what happened throughout my day. This blog is just me typing about what goes on in my head.

It's messed up so badly.

This isn't writing.

This is just thought dumps. Usually about how my brain is kinda messed up. 

If he discovers this blog for what it is now, then in a way I would have died.

...

<3 <3 

worrying and regretting starts

now.

Precious in the Hidden Falls (,,,)

Well, that was what I wanted to post about yesterday. But I couldn't. So I'll do it now.

I have some things to say first.

My computer finally finished updating, so I can be on my computer again.

I put in a new music playlist. Got bored of the other one, so I created a new one. Different songs except two. Hope you like listening to my sad music taste. What a mess. :')

I'm supposedly going to a college open house tomorrow morning. Ah.. great. College stuff.

That last post was such a mess. Ha, ha. :))

Anyway. Onto the post.

Today on AJ, I saw this big group of Jammers loudly chanting SPINNY many times. It reminded me of the ship name, Spinny, I had for two characters in that old story of mine and commercial skits. The SparkleXFinny one. Heck yes Spinny. The only pure ship (without the abuse like in the other relationships I put in the story with all that damn heteronorminity that I tried to avoid saying straightforward but was quite obvious). 

Know what's up with his name? Duke? Kinda similar to that word, right? Yeah because he is one. Lmao. Duke's a dick. : ) 

One reason out of like a thousand why I stopped making new chapters is because of that goddamn f***ing character. The other ones too, but him. Oh my god. Like no. Holy crap. What's wrong with me? Making me want to create such a scum character? With so much triggering content? Holy crap, past me, that stuff you write about that he does. That's not f***ing okay. And saying the story's not cliche when it is. Ignoring and crying over constructive criticism. When will you realize that you are never right and everyone else is always right. Haters were haters for a reason. Just because you're currently depressed then and there and want to die doesn't mean it's a good idea to vent in chapters and explain in intricate detail how certain characters hurt themselves and their suicide plans. Holy crap, that is not okay. Being so specific about suicide in a story like that is not okay. Do you f***ing know how offensive saying it like that is? And that's not all. Making that one character be in a love triangle. Holy f***ing crap. Why would you do that? Love triangles are the worst and so cliche, and you decided to make one. Why was there romance in the story anyway? You hate romance. You always had. What were you trying to prove? That one day you'll start having crushes on people? That you'll be heteroromantic and heterosexual? Haha, create a f***ed up story to try and "fix yourself", man you're so pathetic. You're not that, stop trying to force yourself to change and fit society's standards.  This story you created is just destroying yourself. Making you want to do what they did. Killing you. But no. Look what you created. Just die. Oh wait there's more. Making there be cheating and trying to hide the obvious fact that there's f***ing underage sexual content. What the fuck is wrong with you?! Holyyy shittt. 

kill me.

Anyway. Onto the actual post now. 

*bangs head against wall*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doesn't this wolf guy over here look so much like that character from Stranger Things? Isn't there such a resemblance? 

See? So alike! Totally amazing! Both wear hats! Oh my god!

*snickers*

...

*eats a Snickers*

...

You're such a hypocrite and liar, Cutepups. Stop already.

;;

There are a lot of Heckmans. Wow. There was a point in saying heck man heck man. Oh wow.

Okay moving on... *shudders*

1. Katie is casually talking to Precious who is dead in mid-air while a phantom crashed right in front of her. 2. Precious has been contaminated- look, the phantoms got her. 3. She has three hearts and they're all dead.

Precious sacrifices herself to get the key for Katie who is too lazy to get it herself. Precious dies in the process yet again.

Precious is like me trying to casually accept compliments. And another phantom is falling in front of them. Another has already crashed. Poor phantoms are killing themselves. Goddamnit, this game is sick. Oh and that random green arrow there.

Another arctic wolf passageway has appeared to Precious's demise. That sentence doesn't make sense, but I don't care. Back in 2014 when Precious was still highly intoxicated by marshmallows, she went in the first Adventure. I removed that page a long time ago. There she got very upset over the arctic wolf only passageway. Those were funny times.

That position though. 

Precious falls onto this kid. Her face though.

Precious falls off the very long ladder in an attempt to reach the other one. Or maybe the worn is making her able to fly. Wow!

A carnival tent? What's going on? I have confusion!

Oh, oh! The carnival tents are to celebrate Sir Gilbert's arrival. Precious is shocked to see him. What a surprise!

And yeah that's all the pictures I took in the Adventure. This time I didn't give away too much about the Adventure. 

Sorry for the spoilers I gave though. Oops, I better die.

Know what made me laugh? My last two blog headers were winter themes (I mean they have snow in them). So from the last time I had the last header, it was still in the cold months. And for the entire time there were warm months I kept the same header and theme. Now since the cold months are coming back, I could go back and create winter headers again.

Hahahaha so funny!!!!!! :3 *shoots that face*

These songs though. ;^; <3

That's it for this post.

PS: I should edit my Ask page.

heck

I was planning on posting on the computer today, but it decided to supposedly update. It's been over 4 hours now. Ugh, I'm so disappointed.

So I'm using mobile. Again. As always.

In the past hour, I was doodling random crap. Then the doodles turned very sad. Meanwhile I'm listening to sad songs. And then I watched the Yoyo Man vine 10 times in a row. I'm crying. It's so beautiful. Every time.

(wake me up wake me up inside save me)

Ever have this happen to you?

i: *walking down the street, not cool at all*
i: *gets hit with big black bulletin board labeled Death (tm)*
i: : " D

Same.

Jjjjjjust. Shut up! Stop! So many kids goddamnit. Ha ha haaaaaaaaa! "I want to kill myself/makes me want to kill myself/she makes me want to suicide"... umm okk suree. Repeat repeat repeat. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhgggghhhghhghhh.

Randomly hit with Mood To Die. Fffffufrick. Hhhhhellfufrick.

Anyway. Ever in the middle of singing a song. And then you just. Start coughing.

And then you're like. Hahahaha screw myself kill me already.

Because like. You can't ever do anything fully right and good enough.

Fffffucheck.

Check.

Me.

Out.

Good.

Did.

You.

Know.

What.

I.

Learned.

Today.

???????

I learned what the bees knees means. I finally understand. It's the. Bees knees. His knees. I'm crying. Bees knees sure are extraordinary. People. Wow. Bees knees are people.

Also. A big block of cheese is a boss. The big cheese. Just substitute the boss name tag with The Big Cheese. Biggest cheese.

Oh boy wowie.

And then you remember the presidential election is this Tuesday. Hahahahaha dooms day. Not ready for the madness. Nooooope. Heck man heck man it gives me a frighten. And then. You look back at yourself from a few months ago. When you had thoughtsssss. Where your shif a55 frick brain is like, "heyheyheyyy if that one *points* wins then you *dances and winks* will *slams you unconscious with Death black bulletin board* think of. It."

a55 a55 a55 woooowwww

A. Fifty. Five. a55 brain. Brain number a55.

Crying.

That feel when you walk home from the school bus stop. And then when you're home, your mom won't stop telling you how she moved lots of things around in your room. And how your room is a total mess and fail. Just like yourself. Grades too probably. Mmmmmm thanks mommmmmm.

Like. No. Ok. No. Stop saying all them stereotypical teenage girl stuff. Forced onto me. Stop that. I don't like anyone except my pets in my room. Otherwise I am nervous and upset. I was embarrassed and self-conscious the last time non-family people entered my room. And yet. She thinks I would like to invite all my friends over. And go in my room. What the living hell. Hell no. I don't even have friends lmaooo. People irl bore me so much. Every conversation I have with a potential friend person. It's boring as heck. There's nothing fun to talk about. Nothing's fun. I can't live like this. I know that. Geez.

Like. Sometimes. Honestly. I really. Like really. Hate. Being. A. Girl. Ok. I don't like them stereotypical girly girl teen stuff. No. Nooooo. Ughhhhhh.

But at the same time. Yes. ??? idfk i'm sorry. *cries*

Stop thinking I'm like that. I'm not. I can't stand girls like that. Having to be with them. Knowing I'm not like them. I don't do those things. All the time. Like they do. All the time. And also the conversations. Either grades and how all of them are hell of a lot smarter and more successful in life than I'll ever be. Or about "love" (aka romantic/sexual things). And it's like. Me. Lol can't relate. !!!. Or its just talking about gossip and drama. I hate. So much. Hate. And girly girl talk about feminine products and body. So much. Meanwhile. Not interested. At all. I'm not interested. All these standards for being a girl. I. Hate. Them. Screw them. And so. Since I'm not like most. I'm paranoid that people constantly look at me and think I'm weird. And then proceed to hate me behind my back. Again. Oh man. Always gotta be judging me. Hahahahahaha.

Hell.

I hate my computer so much right now. It has to restart its updates now. Like. Are you fufrucking kidding me right now?

I had a dream last night/this morning where there were these kittens sleeping in pet waterdishes. There was one tiny black kitten sleeping in one, and a slightly bigger white kitten sleeping in another one. They were so cute. They ended up symbolizing my own pet cats. That dream was kinda like a riddle. I guess.

So pure.

What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel so hated? I'm sorry I messed up.

Again.

It's like no one bothers with me anymore.

Lonely self, lonely blog.

Can say anything. Not a big deal anymore.

I'm cold. Bye.