heck

I was planning on posting on the computer today, but it decided to supposedly update. It's been over 4 hours now. Ugh, I'm so disappointed.

So I'm using mobile. Again. As always.

In the past hour, I was doodling random crap. Then the doodles turned very sad. Meanwhile I'm listening to sad songs. And then I watched the Yoyo Man vine 10 times in a row. I'm crying. It's so beautiful. Every time.

(wake me up wake me up inside save me)

Ever have this happen to you?

i: *walking down the street, not cool at all*
i: *gets hit with big black bulletin board labeled Death (tm)*
i: : " D

Same.

Jjjjjjust. Shut up! Stop! So many kids goddamnit. Ha ha haaaaaaaaa! "I want to kill myself/makes me want to kill myself/she makes me want to suicide"... umm okk suree. Repeat repeat repeat. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhgggghhhghhghhh.

Randomly hit with Mood To Die. Fffffufrick. Hhhhhellfufrick.

Anyway. Ever in the middle of singing a song. And then you just. Start coughing.

And then you're like. Hahahaha screw myself kill me already.

Because like. You can't ever do anything fully right and good enough.

Fffffucheck.

Check.

Me.

Out.

Good.

Did.

You.

Know.

What.

I.

Learned.

Today.

???????

I learned what the bees knees means. I finally understand. It's the. Bees knees. His knees. I'm crying. Bees knees sure are extraordinary. People. Wow. Bees knees are people.

Also. A big block of cheese is a boss. The big cheese. Just substitute the boss name tag with The Big Cheese. Biggest cheese.

Oh boy wowie.

And then you remember the presidential election is this Tuesday. Hahahahaha dooms day. Not ready for the madness. Nooooope. Heck man heck man it gives me a frighten. And then. You look back at yourself from a few months ago. When you had thoughtsssss. Where your shif a55 frick brain is like, "heyheyheyyy if that one *points* wins then you *dances and winks* will *slams you unconscious with Death black bulletin board* think of. It."

a55 a55 a55 woooowwww

A. Fifty. Five. a55 brain. Brain number a55.

Crying.

That feel when you walk home from the school bus stop. And then when you're home, your mom won't stop telling you how she moved lots of things around in your room. And how your room is a total mess and fail. Just like yourself. Grades too probably. Mmmmmm thanks mommmmmm.

Like. No. Ok. No. Stop saying all them stereotypical teenage girl stuff. Forced onto me. Stop that. I don't like anyone except my pets in my room. Otherwise I am nervous and upset. I was embarrassed and self-conscious the last time non-family people entered my room. And yet. She thinks I would like to invite all my friends over. And go in my room. What the living hell. Hell no. I don't even have friends lmaooo. People irl bore me so much. Every conversation I have with a potential friend person. It's boring as heck. There's nothing fun to talk about. Nothing's fun. I can't live like this. I know that. Geez.

Like. Sometimes. Honestly. I really. Like really. Hate. Being. A. Girl. Ok. I don't like them stereotypical girly girl teen stuff. No. Nooooo. Ughhhhhh.

But at the same time. Yes. ??? idfk i'm sorry. *cries*

Stop thinking I'm like that. I'm not. I can't stand girls like that. Having to be with them. Knowing I'm not like them. I don't do those things. All the time. Like they do. All the time. And also the conversations. Either grades and how all of them are hell of a lot smarter and more successful in life than I'll ever be. Or about "love" (aka romantic/sexual things). And it's like. Me. Lol can't relate. !!!. Or its just talking about gossip and drama. I hate. So much. Hate. And girly girl talk about feminine products and body. So much. Meanwhile. Not interested. At all. I'm not interested. All these standards for being a girl. I. Hate. Them. Screw them. And so. Since I'm not like most. I'm paranoid that people constantly look at me and think I'm weird. And then proceed to hate me behind my back. Again. Oh man. Always gotta be judging me. Hahahahahaha.

Hell.

I hate my computer so much right now. It has to restart its updates now. Like. Are you fufrucking kidding me right now?

I had a dream last night/this morning where there were these kittens sleeping in pet waterdishes. There was one tiny black kitten sleeping in one, and a slightly bigger white kitten sleeping in another one. They were so cute. They ended up symbolizing my own pet cats. That dream was kinda like a riddle. I guess.

So pure.

What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel so hated? I'm sorry I messed up.

Again.

It's like no one bothers with me anymore.

Lonely self, lonely blog.

Can say anything. Not a big deal anymore.

I'm cold. Bye.