Twinkle's Story: Chapter 51

*Just a shorter chapter; enjoy!*

*Trigger warning.*

*I'm sorry...*

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FIERDAN

Why do you want to die so badly? Don't you want to prove them all wrong? Don't you want to get out? Don't you want to live happily?

I grit my teeth. "No, I have to give him the... the..."

I look at the small paper in my paw. Even now it's beginning to get black goop splotches over it. I wipe a few areas of the goop off with my other paw and then sniff it. It smells like one of the only scents I only really know- death. I wipe the goop from my paw down on the right side of my face, and then I flick the remaining flecks off my claws. This isn't time for it to be in the way. 

I unfold the small paper. The paper's at least half my size. I stare at the blueprint that I just finished making. It has everything... my everything... our everything. 

I reread everything I put on it. I grin when I'm done.

"I'm so cruel, but one day you'll understand why. Even if it kills me and you."

Why do you want to die so badly? There's no point. You know you can't die. You know they can't die. There's no point in wishing death upon yourself in every form. 

"No," I take a breath, "I have to... they did... everyone... dies. I have to die because... because..."

Because what? Just accept the fact you'll have to suffer forever.

"I won't stop until I'm dead. Screw Zios!"

Don't you miss your family? 

"No, I have none."

You shouldn't be the one being surrounded in this darkness. You should be in the bright light. 

"Well, can't fix that. I'm best at death anyways."

You can't even kill yourself.

I growl. "Just watch me."

Funny how you say that when you and I both know you're what people call "immortal".

"You aren't any different than me. You're a part of my conscious. Nothing more; nothing less."

That is correct, though you lack to understand the fact that you can't kill your--"

"I understand, idiot. That Duke I built is part me, correct?"

Er... why yes. Most of your darkest thoughts are locked away inside him. So yes, I can conclude he technically is part you, though not an official version. 

"Then that's good enough for me. I'll just let him kill himself, so it'll be like I let myself die. With an actual result this time."

Stop lying to yourself, Fierdan! 

"No, never."

I fold up the paper again.

TWINKLE

Though all I can see is the dark, I hear this background music. It's such a light sound though. It sounds kinda like a musicbox. So elegant, so beautiful... it doesn't belong here. How can anything like this be played in a time like this?

I try to wake up again but to no avail. How long is too soon? How much longer must I wait?

"Stop struggling, little star. You're a queen, you're a star, you're worth everything. Just let your knight do all the dirty work for you."

"No, I object that."

"What do you mean, "no"? You're too weak to fight for yourself."

I growl. "I can fight for myself, and I'm not weak."

That other person's voice chuckles. "Oh yes you are. You're relying on a wreck of a person to do everything for you. Don't you know how badly he wants to die?"

"No, that's just... uh... Well, it's not him saying that!"

That chuckle again. It sends me on edge. That eerie voice. Every voice is eerie nowadays. "Ever remember why he had all those cuts and scars?"

I stare, dumbstruck. "Uh... huh? What?"

"Oh right. I should've known. Dawn. Of course."

"What about her?"

A single laugh. "Ah, never mind."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, so when can I wake up?"

Even though I can't see her, I can imagine her smiling. I don't know exactly why though. It isn't exactly happy, evil, or anything like that. I can't really tell what she's feeling. She's just a voice after all.

"You'll know when it's time."

"How will I know?"

She doesn't really answer that. Before she departs, she says, "Just keep a good watch on that rambunctious little pup. You'll love him as part of your family before you know it."

That music plays louder than ever as this glowing blue aura lights up the center of the darkness. 

I take a deep breath. The past can't be redone. We just have to learn from it and carry on. No matter how much... how much...

It hurts. 

Oh gosh, it hurts. 

It hurts knowing I can't save you. It hurts knowing you'll never be the way you used to be. It hurts living this never-ending nightmare. 

It hurts being stuck in the dark for so long. 

And, oh gosh, I'm sorry I couldn't save you from the inevitable. 

DUKE

It hurts more than ever. I'm beginning to die. I miss way too many things, way too many people. I'm lost. Why can't anyone bring me back? Why am I a curse? Why, Zios, why? 

How did I allow myself to become even more broken? It hurts so much. All I know is pain. I need it... I need it... I need it now! Kill me already! Give me it! Kill me! 

I open my eyes. Two green eyes, zero blue eyes. I look at those two green eyes and whisper, "It hurts more than ever. I'm a mistake. It hurts. Dawn, it hurts."

I only hear her murmur a few indistinct words, then I see this green aura. Then my eyes are forced shut.

A little under a minute later, I open my eyes again. I stand up in surprise when I notice I'm only left in my underwear. I think I'm about to tell her something, but I forget what when she kisses my cheek. 

"See, Duke? Your physical scars aren't under any of my healing powers right now. Which one is hurting the most, dear?" 

I tremble as I see all the scars. I look carefully at the newest ones- several small cuts on the knuckles of my right paw- as I say, "I destroyed myself, didn't I? Look at me, I'm a wreck!"

I feel her minty breath on my cheek. "At least you stopped with... with purposefully harming yourself. That's progress, Duke."

"Progress? Progress! I'm still a danger to myself, Dawn! More than when I did those things. My mind is split, I'm losing what little decency I have left. I want to die, yet I want to live! I miss the past. I mean... I mean... I... I..."

Those bruised shoulders, touching them still stings. But my chest. All those attempts. That time when I was six was only the first. The first of many. My body is covered with scars. And they all turn to my heart. Where that purple and black flame is. It's covered in so many jagged red lines. I feel dry blood on my forehead as well as my neck. Blood, no matter what form it's in, is all over me. 

These are scars. Scars, they don't heal. This is my true form, and I'll have these forever. I messed up so badly. Bring me back. Please!

"I'm not alright, okay? I was never okay! None of you even cared!"

I would usually let my fiery wings come out, but I'm too tired to. It's hard to think clearly knowing you're falling apart internally and externally.

"Every moment I'm alive is a nightmare. Sleeping and awake. And it hurts. Please, let them stop!"

My eyes widen when I feel her arms wrap around me in a hug. I feel her minty breath on my cheek again. "I'll be your temporary saver in her absence."

All I can reply with is, "Okay." 

One tear, two tears...

If I thought I had a mental breakdown before all of this, I was dead wrong.

Screaming. Never-ending screaming. 

"I'm breaking, I'm breaking!"