unorganized awful junk

That's basically this post. Yeah sure.

Mm negativity.
~~~~~~~~

I'm going to get a haircut today. I have to look pretty in a few days. But I look very ugly right now. So that's great. Ha, ha.

I feel like I'm losing it again. I can't take much more of this.

To be honest, I've felt like crap ever since my birthday. I have reasons to feel like crap. Still have more reasons. I feel like I'm gonna feel like crap forever.

I'm a bad person. Stubborn. Arrogant. A disappointment. Refuses to do the things I have to do. Pathetic. A fool. I'm not good lmao.

Poem ideas for the story: "Puppet of Melancholy (v. 2)" and "Do You Remember?"

Angst and body horror. Sure sounds like fun.

I feel like blogging and the story are the only things keeping me motivated to stay alive and not fall apart right now.

I don't like existing that much. Oops lmao. I want to sleeo my life away.

Everything is so boring. Nothing is that interesting. It's just the same boring crap all the time.

There's not much happiness in the family right now. Life sucks, okay.

Now on top of them pestering me about college, they're pestering me about getting a job.

Great. : )

Anxiety has ruined my life. I hate this so much.

I kinda hate being 17. It's like the age of recognition. In a year from now, I'll be considered an adult. I hate being old and getting older. I have to do more adult things. I don't want to do those things.

I am scared of so many things. I'm ruining my own life. My life is so close to falling apart. It's my fault.

I've been getting so many headaches recently. This is ridiculous. The other night, it hurt so badly that I had to get out of bed to take some Advil like medication. 2 am. Perfect time, pfft.

My stomach would be there. Casually hurting. Great feel. Pfft no.

So many body aches. It just. Hurts. Life is painful.

Gotta love having those dreams that make me feel worse. Gotta love those. Ha, ha.

Gotta love being reminded of a place that now has bad memories.

Gotta love when this is said to myself in my dream: "I'll be surprised if you're alive and doing something good in your life in the next 5 years."

Surprised that I won't try to kill myself. Uh wow. Thanks so much, dreams. I very do appreciate that. (Just kidding. Leave me alone.)

So many ways to die. Uh haha. Shut up, you hell brain with your terrible thoughts.

I kinda feel like I'm living in deja vu. (However that's actually spelled.)

Disconnection. From myself, from my body. Can't connect.

Same things over and over. I feel like they've happened before. But they haven't. Not exactly.

I'm so scared of failing. So scared about school and final exams.

Damn it. When will the good things come and stay?

Feels like that's only a concept.

Stop posting. This will only make people think you're being dramatic.

Screw it. Screw my life. Everything in life is a wreck.

Bye. :-)