I didn't feel like writing and posting poetry after school on Monday. Didn't feel like doing that on Tuesday either. And so here I am posting at midnight again.
It's already May. How did that happen? I have no idea. (what the heck is time?)
So that means it's been a year since I had my AP exam. It's been a year.. wow, huh.. that's weird. It's May 2nd now, apparently.
May.. wow. It's somehow May.
I think that I keep on making posts where I say, "It's somehow *insert month*" or on my birthday, something like, "I'm somehow *insert my new age*." Anyway, I'm somehow going to be 18 years old in 20 days. Now that's a "what the actual fvck" mood.
Me, haha ahh: can't ever decide if it's worth it to kinda censor swear words in my posts. yeah idk.
May 1st: college decision day. Wore my new college apparel to school. Haha, I'm going to college.. wtf.
Anyway, got a new poem idea. It's because I feel bitter about my sister lol. She's just.. ugh. Y'know? Nah?
("perfect body" yeah right smh)
Uh yeah. I'm bitter.
Actually, haha welp, uhhhhhh...... ....................... ................ ............. .. .
Instead of using my late at night (by that I mean my peak posting hour of 11 to 12 midnight) time to post on Monday, I decided to do heck or die with it.
(Proper English, Cutepups, please! I am begging you!- what I imagine my viewers crying out to me as they read my post)
Umm, haha ahhhh wtf lol?..
So instead of doing what I would typically do, I talked to my mom. About what? ...-things.
A lot. Of things. Most things. Not all.
I don't know how to feel or how she feels. I don't feel any better after telling her. I think I'm even more of a useless burden full of excessive guilt, thanks to what I overhear my dad and sister say about me.
Getting help, asking for help... umm, excuse me but. What the actual fvck is that? Like? Huh?
lol i tried telling her some things, and like. she just won't get it. like.. no, mom. that's not what i mean. and saying those things don't help. like.. smh, people gotta listen. god-
But like what if she actually seriously wants to take me to the doctor? Yikes, umm, I have a scare. As in, I'm scared.
Ugh, I also hate how she can tell me that they (in these current circumstances, my dad and sister) don't think I'm a burden on them and that I'm useless and worthless. But how they've been behaving toward me? Yeah, uh, hard to believe they don't. Like what? They'd actually confess they love me and that I'm good enough (whatever the fvck that even means) if I ever have a massive breakdown that ends with me about to die? Lol but really. Dude.
Saying everything made me realize something: Wow, dang, there's a hell of a lot wrong with me. Lmao! Wtf!
She's starting to treat me differently too, and I don't know how to feel about it but it's making me a little uncomfortable.
I.. I really don't know what to do lol.
May is mental health month. Hmm... hmm.
Bye.
Wow I cannot believe its may and its already getting warmer and I don't like that at all lmao and also sisters are so annoying most of the times especially older ones smh. Also I don't tell my mom that much because she would just come up with her own logic of it all like oh ur like this cause of this like um no lolll. And yikes college seems scary but u got this c
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's getting a lot warmer this week where I am too. I'm not a fan of hot weather either lmao. Yeah, my sister is older too. (my hecking mind: wow we have so much in common, anonymous c: .) yeah yeah, I hate how parents are like that. like seriously, can they ever listen and try to understand what we're saying and where we're coming from? like?? but it's easier for me to talk to my mom first because she's, well, easier to talk to, usually. Haha, got that right. I'm so scared for college (ah, rip ;; ) but at the same time, I feel less alone when thinking about it. (since nearly everyone in my grade is going off to colleges too lol)
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