oh the worms?

Viewers: What kind of post title is that?

Me: Hi, it's because I'll be talking about my life updates in this post and not my characters. The phrase that comes to my mind when it comes to this is, "oh worm" which is such a mood. Haha, what the heck.. mood.. me. 

Viewers: Uhh *have questionable and/or disgusted looks on their faces* sure? 

Me: And of course I can't forget how it's- Is This Post Gonna Be Published Before Or After Midnight? 

Viewers: That's just in your timezone, Cutepups. It's not all about you. 

Me: Hmm fine, I'll start the actual post content now. 

Viewers: Finally! 

..... umm so yeah, that just happened. 

I've been making plenty of posts about my hecked up characters that I haven't given myself enough time to post about myself. Well, I'm gonna do that here. 

Because why not. 

Anyway, this past weekend was pretty good. Wasn't that bad. I did things. 

I forgot if I ever mentioned on here that I got a new Mac computer. Well I did. And I opened it and started using it this past Friday night. 

It's nice lol. Cool. I finally have a working, functional computer again. 

I went prom dress shopping. Ordered a prom dress on Saturday. During the day. Not the night. Yeah lol. 

Still gotta find and buy shoes though. (Hhnfgh fancy)

I had to create a Facebook. So I did that. And I still feel so awkward about it. Because like.. people I know in person, people I haven't talked to in so long (some in years).. gotta friend or friend requested me. And I'm like, "ahh hello hi!!" all the time I check on there. (If you're wondering why, it's so I could join a group on there. Uhh.. people, college, college people.. oh heck geez.) Like wow, I don't talk about my interests and stuff I do to people irl, so the concept of me doing that is.. wild. Yikes. People really don't know me lmao. .... I also don't know how to start posting. On my own thing; on the group chat page thing. Like.. what do I say? How do I, umm, talk? (i cry, rip) 

Signed up for orientation. Oh heck geez! It's a three day thing. Mine's in July hopefully (idk the exact date I got yet), but still. That's vaguely soon. In the near future. Hmm. 

Actually, life in the now (wtf are (am) you (i) saying) is far less stressful than last year. Omg last year. I was so hecking stressed. The first week of May.. that was one big, stressful heck. Now I'm like, "school? *shrugs* heh whatever." 

Now time for more mental f_ck from Cutepups. :-) (umm wtf) 

Whenever I'm being honest and talking about myself on a deeply personal level to anyone, especially people irl that I know well, I keep on thinking I'm being manipulative. Like I know it's very bad, but the action of going to get help by telling people my problems (behaviors, thoughts) makes me think I'm lying and manipulating the person/people I'm telling. And it sucks. I hate thinking I'm being so manipulative when I'm trying to be honest about my thoughts and feelings and confess them to another person. 

Sometimes when I drive to go places by myself and I have to park in a parking lot there, I'll be randomly thinking out of the blue. And I'm like, "oh heck.. did I remember to do that?" which distracts me a little. And I know I did do the thing, but at the moment like half an hour later, I'll be wondering if I actually did. And I know nothing bad would happen, but then I'm starting to worry about if I forgot to. And it's just.. bblrghughh. Ugh. 

It's so stupid because I'll be doing my volunteer work when I've been there for a half hour already, and I'll suddenly be thinking about whether or not I locked my car doors. So when I have the opportunity to go back to my car, I always find the car doors locked. Which of course means I did in fact lock it. And I'm like, "wtf stupid brain :/" and yeahh. 

It sometimes also happens when I drive home. So I would go back outside, even though I basically just stepped inside, to check if I locked the car. So foolish me is out there double or triple checking to see if I indeed locked the car. 

Check. Check. Check. 

.... *holds imaginary clipboard up* What else did I want to talk about? 

Oh, that's right. School. 

So anyway, we're starting to learn (oh learn? *coughs*) about social anxiety and anxiety. 

And my stupid brain while I read the class agenda was like, "oh heck, that be me lol." And I'm like, "why me." 

.... I say "like" too much in my posts. I don't even say it that much when I talk. But then again. I don't talk that much in general. Hey, eyy, heyy. 

Anyway, here's a skit that's been in my head: 

Me: *swaggers into class, looks exactly like that one awkward Zac Efron (Troy Bolt, I think?) meme, maybe dabs, cries silently, and exits the classroom while on rollerblades* 

(That's the stupidest thing I've ever read in my entire lifetime.)

Thanks, I know. :) 

Umm *coughs* some people irl (so not just me now lol is that the smell of progress? or oh worms?) really think I have social anxiety. Because of.. me. How I'm.. me. Me. 

"17 and up means high social anxiety"

Me, thinking I'm being honest and *shrugs* not too over-analyzing: gets a 19 (at least but idk)

:^) *turns into that meme* 

Other people: uhh wtf 

Me: ;-) *peace sign*

Viewers: but why.. 

People? Not being scared of at least some social situations at all? Umm.. how tf? Who are you people? What's it like to be able to talk without having to replay what you want to say out loud several times before you actually say anything? What's it like to not at least be shy? What's it like to be outgoing towards nearly everyone? What's it like lol? 

Me: *thinks* What if I'm being manipulative for mentioning this on my blog post? 

God!! Hecking!! Dang!! It!! 

*reads the class agenda* 

"oral self assessment" 

what the heck does that hecking mean? oral? damn, just call me out on it. 

(rip me) 

"depression scale" 

oh, the worms. they sure are wiggling around in their mounds of dirt. 

This weekend, I had vague hopes that life might actually end up okay. Well, I hope that's true. 

I really do hope I'll end up okay. 

Thanks for reading about my messy life updates. Haha. 

<3 ^-^' <3