paint you a bright blue sky

(I'm lazy, so I'm just gonna copy and paste this thing from my deviantart.) 

I was attempting to use watercolor paints for the sky. Eh, I tried... 

(I'm not proud of this at all. I've been on an art block. Ugh.) 

Character is Duke. (I know he looks very different in every drawing of him. What is a consistent art style when it comes to my characters? I don't know, ha ha. ha, ha ...) He's my own character who I draw the most on here, it looks like. 

Oh and here's the inspiration I had (wow, I failed at this): 

_{"I turn back around and throw my head back so my face is looking directly up at the sky. Light blue, few white clouds scattered around the sky, a flock of birds flying in perfect formation across the sky. Through everything that happened, nature is still there. Nature is still beautiful." - Duke, Story 1 Chapter 53.} 

I wrote that nearly two years ago. 

I give up on trying to fix it any more. I'm done. Have this. Bye. 

------------

It's for something involving my deviantart and the group I'm a part of. Yeah ahhh. 

Duke looks too young and happy here, and I am not a fan of it. >:( 

I tried. I can't ever seem to Art correctly. Which sucks. It really does. 

I'll be back sooner or later. 

oh gosh darn it

Hi. It's me. Again. :) 

Ok so at like 1 or 2 am, I felt like working on my new Duke art. I didn't like how Duke's face looked too much like Ryen's, so I erased it and started over. 

Well to cut to the chase, I made Duke look even more like a young cute Good Boy TM. 

I made it worse! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! 

Me: Duke looks too much like Ryen, and he looks too calm and happy. :/

*erases and draws again*

Me: Damn it, why! Now he looks even more happy like nothing is wrong in his life! And he looks like he didn't hit puberty yet! D': >:/ 

I just can't draw my boy the way I actually want to. (rip) 

I'm testing out my (poor quality) paints. It's a me, painting. Wow. 

I was also listening to music while drawing, so it made me emotional. 

It really did break me, guys. It broke me. ;~; 

Those freaking songs in that freaking play though. 

... oh wait, i didn't talk about that yet. nvm lol bye. 

~ Cutepups 

when will my non-vague posts return from the war

Ah yes. Hi. 

I've been trying to Art, but it is Hard. 

Wanna know something? 

Now when I attempt to draw my boy, Duke, or my boy, Fierdan, they look like Ryen. 

Like ok, I'm trying to draw Duke, but like, he looks too much like Ryen right now. And I'm?? Annoyed. 

Me @ my art: Is it Duke? Is it Ryen? Why did I make them look so similar? They don't even look alike? ?????????? 

[It could be because I'm currently trying to draw Duke with glasses (he had sunglasses for some reason? idk why). A few months ago, I also doodled Fierdan with glasses. And it's like- my brain: hmm.. they have glasses now, so now they're Ryen.] 

Anyway.. Ryen is totally a lawful evil or chaotic evil bastard. I can't decide. But he is definitely in the "evil" alignment. 

I just.. wanna fight him. He's so.. god, I can't with this "emotionally vacant man". 

Oh yeah, and I've been haunted by this, so I'm just gonna say it now. Soulless is Not equivalent to Ryen. They are Not the same. Ryen just basically created Soulless by hacking the codes his father (my brain: Z Daddy // me: shut up you fvck) started so (Pre-)Fierdan wouldn't be totally forever alone in project world hell. Oh and hey, Ryen sure was a bitter boy full of eternal internal rage :) haha. 

Duke looks too nice and looks too much like a Good Boy TM in my most recent drawing attempt of him. And I'm like, "no!!" 

I mean I am drawing that one, very brief scene where everything is calm and peaceful and beautiful. But at the same time, shit is going down. Duke is problematic, ok? So why does he look too nice in my drawing of him? I hate this. 

And no. It's not a spoiler. It's from Chapter 53. (Haha wtf, I was 16 back then. And now I'm 18. Time.. uhh.. wtf.) 

. . . I keep on forgetting to post more of Cutepups Life Updates. Sorry for the wait! 

Hope you enjoyed reading my new skit though. Haha. :) 

'Later, 

I can't sleep until it's continued

ye ah. 

Part 3: 

[Date: July 25th. Time: 11:00 pm. Location: Somewhere in the House TM, I'm too tired for this.] 

Dawn: I hope you guys ate while we were gone. 

Fierdan: Ate what? 

Dawn: I hope you ate food today, Fierdan. 

Brock: The only thing he ate today was salt. A lot of it. 

Duke: Fierdan is one salty boy. 

Ryen: *faces Duke* Duke, please stop with your stupid remarks. 

Duke: You're no fun, Ry Ry. 

Twinkle: Stop saying Ry Ry, Duke. 

Ryen: *sighs deeply, turns around to face Fierdan* And why the hell were you eating salt, Daniel? 

Fierdan: *mutters under breath* I swear, I keep on telling you to quit calling me that in that condescending tone, but you still call me--

Ryen: What did you say, Daniel? 

Fierdan: *is suddenly yelling* Screw you! Stop calling me that, you emotionally vacant man! 

Duke: *is confused* Emotionally vacant man? 

Brock: Fierdan had.. a day.  

Fierdan: *is now calm?* Actually, I didn't eat salt. I drank it. 

Brock: *sighs* That sounds worse. 

Ryen: You drank salt? Explain how you turned sodium chloride into a liquid state. 

Duke: Ry Ry is such a nerd. 

Finny: You didn't even try to hide the fact that you just said that right in front of Ryen. 

Duke: Yeah so? He is a nerd. 

Finny: Why would you drink salt, Fierdan? 

Duke: Are you just ignoring me now? Gosh, that's rude of you. 

Sparkle: Why am I still awake? What am I even doing? *starts walking away* Good night. 

Finny: Umm.. bye. *waves at Sparkle* 

Fierdan: I was making coffee. Plain black coffee tastes awful. 

Ryen: *eye twitches* 

Fierdan: Then I wanted to put in sugar, but I accidentally put in salt. 

Brock: He nearly put a whole container of salt into a cup of coffee. 

Sparkle: *turns around* Dang.. that's like Duke's level of stupidity. 

Duke: You call me stupid, but I helped you pass math class this year! 

Sparkle: We're not talking about math, Duke! 

Twinkle: I thought you were going to your room. Why are you still here, Sparkle? 

Sparkle: Sorry, my bad. I'll leave for good now. 

Duke: Okay. 

Brock: I told him to stop drinking the salty black coffee, but he wouldn't listen. He kept on chugging down that cursed beverage. 

Ryen: Daniel, are you taking drugs? 

Fierdan: What? No! Of course not! 

Ryen: I don't believe you, but continue on, Brock. 

Brock: Then Fierdan threw up in the garbage. 

Dawn: Fierdan, are you okay? 

Fierdan: Why are we saying each other's name? I feel like this is happening too often, and I am not up for it. 

Dawn: I'll take that as a no. 

Brock: Of course he isn't okay! He wanted to drink more of the salty black coffee after he threw it up! 

Duke: Wow, Daniel, you're a wild boy. 

Fierdan: *stares at Duke* Do you want to die again, boy? 

Duke: *appears to be intimidated* No, sir. 

Fierdan: *steps back, looks cheerful?* Good.

Duke: Oh okay. 

Brock: Then several hours later, I came to check on Fierdan. I found him lying on his bedroom floor in the fetal position screaming and shaking with his eyes closed. 

Ryen: I am getting more and more deeply concerned... 

Brock: When he woke up, he told me that Fauna was in his closet. 

Twinkle: What was she doing in his closet? 

Ryen: *sighs* Fauna came with us. She wasn't home with Fierdan and Brock. 

Twinkle: Oh, that's right. 

Fierdan: And then.. Fauna turned into Soulless. I was sleeping and having a breakdown at the same time in their lap, and Soulless was petting me like a dog. 

Dawn: Uh...

Fierdan: What? It's true. 

Duke: Why was Soulless comforting you? Your relationship is complicated-- 

Fierdan: Do you want to die today, Duke? 

Duke: No, sir! 

Brock: Oh and apparently Duke has a stash of drugs in his room, and--

Duke: Brock! 

Brock: Duke! 

Duke: Brock! 

Brock: Duke! 

Ryen: *rubs eyes* Can you guys quit the shouting? It's too late, and I am tired. 

Twinkle: I like the Brock X Duke bromance. This is clearly that. 

Dawn: What the hell are you saying? 

Twinkle: They clearly have a thing going on. 

Duke: No we don't! What are you talking about, you twink? 

Twinkle: Did you just call me a twink, you dick?

Duke: Excuse me? Did you just say-- 

Finny: She said dick. 

Duke: Thanks, Finny, I have ears! 

Twinkle: I'm sorry, do you prefer to be called Puke? 

Duke: That's not funny! 

Ryen: *screeches* Stop yelling! Just shut up! 

Fierdan: Anyway.. I'll admit it. I've been stealing drugs from Duke's room. 

Ryen: *faces Duke* You bring drugs into my house?! 

Duke: No, sir. Those were mints. 

Fierdan: I stole two weeks' worth of sleeping pills from your room, Duke. 

Duke: Dude, you know those are all your meds, right? Ryen told me to keep them in my room because he thought you would overdose on them if they were in your room. 

Fierdan: That literally makes no sense. 

Finny: So they aren't mints? 

Duke: No, they're not mints! Keep up with the program, Finny! 

Ryen: *sighs* I was going to put them in the medicine cabinet, but then you stole them from me and ran to your room. 

Fierdan: That makes more sense. 

Brock: Didn't Duke say he had drugs in his room, a few months ago? 

Duke: Yeah? And I was referring to sleeping pills for Fierdan and I? 

Brock: Oh. 

Twinkle: Oh. 

Duke: Geez, you guys gotta chill. 

Twinkle: My power is ice-fire. I'm pretty damn chill. 

Duke: It doesn't seem that way. 

Twinkle: Is that so? 

Duke: Stop with that sentence! 

Ryen: I'm going to bed. 

Dawn: Me too. 

Finny: So am I. 

Duke: Thanks a lot, Finny. 

Fierdan: *yawns* I just realized something. Brock is being a lot more reasonable now. I was the idiot today. Brock.. Brock is smart? 

Brock: Why did you word that like a question? 

Fierdan: I still can't believe it, buddy. 

............Am I Funny yet? 

Ha, hA! 

*instantly falls asleep* 

lmao jk i wish 

when will my happy funny skits return

Genuine question. I don't know the answer. 

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed that in my skits I've been treating Duke and Fierdan basically the same. They're both fools who do what can be considered stupid things. It just depends on who I want to focus on more- Duke or Fierdan. Anyone notice that? I don't know if I think it's so obvious only because I'm the writer of the skits.. or if you guys noticed it too. 

Anyway, I'm here to continue from where I left off. This one may be slightly more relevant to the story than the last one. But in a different context entirely. 

(might contain uncomfy theme? idk) 

--------------------------

[Date: July 25th. Time: 5:45 pm. Location: Fierdan's room. The lights are off. Yes, Fierdan is still in his room, and yes, he was sleeping. Fierdan sleeping is very suspicious. But he just woke up again. Just imagine Fierdan with bedhead, a light gray cotton T-shirt and dark blue pajama pants on (and think, "what a boy whom Cutepups loves"). Then he hears a noise from his closet and switches on the light. He is reluctant to have the light on, but the noise from the closet gives him feelings of unease. Fierdan is about to open the closet to check what's going on, but then Fauna casually steps out of the closet. Thanks for reading my long and dumb description.] 

Fauna: *smiles* Oh hi, Fierdan. 

Fierdan: *feeling tired and suspicious* How are you in my room? I locked the door. 

Fauna: *chuckles, twists a few strands of her hair with her finger* I felt like looking in your closet. You don't own as much black clothes as you used to. 

Fierdan: You're creepy. Did you forget to go with them, or are they home now? 

Fauna: No, you're just unobservant. I didn't go with them. 

Fierdan: *frowns* Why didn't you go? 

Fauna: *stops playing with her own hair, smiles again* I didn't know two weeks can count as "a few days" but that's what you said yourself. 

Fierdan: *is getting annoyed* What are you talking about? 

Fauna: Sleeping pills. They're not yours. 

Fierdan: How else am I going to be able to sleep? Without waking up a countless number of times in the middle of the night? 

Fauna: I know you've been stealing things from Duke. And not only sleeping pills. 

Fierdan: There's no reason why Duke needs to have all those.. things stashed in his room. 

Fauna: So you steal from him? 

Fierdan: I need those things more than him. 

Fauna: You need to steal drugs? That's all I'm hearing from you. 

[Suddenly, Fierdan's stomach hurts. He slightly bends over, shaking and sweating. Fauna, now appearing taller than him, continues to smile at him.] 

Fauna: You really are getting weaker, Fierdan! *laughs* 

Fierdan: Ow... 

Fauna: *brushes Fierdan's chin and throat with her fingertips when he looks up at her* The only way to thrive in this world is to deliver harm onto others. Stealing and lying are steps in the right direction. 

[Fauna slowly disappears and is replaced by Soulless looking like a human with gray skin, darker gray hair, and plain white eyes. Soulless is much taller than Fauna, which makes Fierdan look even smaller in comparison.] 

Fierdan: I knew it was you. 

Soulless: Oh, really? *brushes a side of Fierdan's face with their long, thin fingers, stands all the way up* Glad to know our connection is still running strong. 

Fierdan: Ha, what connection? *gets hit with another strike of pain, nearly falls over* 

Soulless: *shakes head* How pitiful. You're getting more and more weak. If I stayed with you, drugs wouldn't have such a negative impact on you. 

Fierdan: It's the salty coffee. 

Soulless: That's sad to hear. 

Fierdan: Very much so. *tries to keep his composure even though his stomach hurts a lot* 

Soulless: Your stomach is hurting like that *glances at Fierdan* just because of coffee? I highly doubt that. 

Fierdan: Okay, okay. It's the pills too. 

Soulless: So you admit you've been stealing sleeping pills from Duke for two weeks now? 

Fierdan: What? No, I didn't say tha--

Soulless: Are you saying my judgement is wrong? 

Fierdan: Yes. 

Soulless: Yes? 

Fierdan: I mean you're right about the pills, but I didn't admit.. it. 

Soulless: You just did. 

Fierdan: Go die, Soulless. *is hit with another strike of pain* I'm so weak. I can't take this anymore. God, *stares at Soulless* it burns! 

Soulless: *taps a finger on their chin, looks thoughtful* I missed seeing you covered in black. Colors don't suit you. 

Fierdan: *the white parts of his eyes become red, clenches fists and teeth* It burns, it hurts, it burns! 

Soulless: Do you need me to comfort you again? 

Fierdan: Not again. I don't need *gets hit with another strike of pain* you. 

Soulless: It's okay if you get sick on me. I don't mind it at all. 

Fierdan: *screams in agony* 

Soulless: *sits down and puts Fierdan in their lap* 

Fierdan: I just want.. I just want to sleep. 

Soulless: *pets Fierdan's hair like a dog owner petting their lap dog* Then sleep. 

Fierdan: *eventually closes eyes* 

Soulless: And when you wake up, this will all be over. 

Fierdan: *appears to be asleep but who ever knows for sure* 

Soulless: And now both our debts to each other are paid. Don't forget what you gave up; what you gave to me. This is me paying you back, Fierdan dear. 

.... umm what is this 

.... bye 

haven't made a skit in so long

Hi, I haven't made a skit in so long. It's been a while. Here, have one now. 

Just.. just take it. 

Changes? Uhhhh..... yeah. 

----------------

[Date: July 25th. Time: 12:30 pm. Location: Downstairs in The House TM. All the main skit characters, except Brock and Fierdan, are in the main foyer. They're getting ready to leave the house to go somewhere that I'm too lazy to think of. I imagine them wearing formal, or at least semi-formal, clothes. A few minutes later, they're about to leave when Fierdan steps into the room they're in (just by the front door is where they are). Unlike them (except Brock who isn't even there), Fierdan is wearing a light gray T-shirt, what looks like dark blue pajama pants (or sweatpants, you guys decide), no socks or shoes, oh and he looks like he just woke up (wait, what?). Wow, that was a long and dumb description. Whatever, that's it, bye.] 

Ryen: *looking at Fierdan, sighs* Look who finally showed up. 

Fierdan: *yawns, then says with no hesitation of course* Screw you too, Ry. 

Sparkle: Ry? 

Duke: Aww, I didn't know you had a cute nickname for your big bro--

Fierdan: *cuts Duke off* Why don't you shut the f--

Ardere: *is the hero everyone needs, stops Fierdan from swearing for no real reason again, is an observant boy* It looks like he just woke up. 

Twinkle: Nah, Fierdan never sleeps. 

Fierdan: *looks confused* Wait, what time is it? 

Finny: *takes out his phone from pocket* 12:30.. in the afternoon. *puts phone away* 

Fierdan: It's already the afternoon? Well, shi-

Ryen: I thought you knew we were meeting with our allies this afternoon, but I guess you forgot. We're already late. Just stay home and only blame yourself, Daniel. 

Fierdan: *is getting angry* Fine, then go! I'll just stay here, and *yawns* be happy without you. 

Twinkle: *whispers to Dawn* Did they get in another fight last night? 

Dawn: *whispers to Twinkle* I don't know? 

Ryen: *overhears Twinkle and Dawn* We didn't get into any fight! I'm just upset that he woke up late when we have to go somewhere important today. 

Sparkle: Can he just meet up with us later? 

Ryen: No! *opens door and goes outside first* 

Fierdan: Don't worry about me. I'm fine being home by myself. 

Duke: Okay, well, bye. 

[Two minutes later. They left the house. Fierdan is still standing somewhat close to the door. Then Brock, wearing his everyday clothes, opens the door. He's confused upon seeing Fierdan.] 

Brock: *slowly steps inside* I thought no one would be home. 

Fierdan: Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm staying here. 

Brock: *tosses bag onto floor* 

Fierdan: *looks at the bag then back at Brock* Where the hell were you? 

Brock: I was visiting my mom who recently got moved to a rehab center. She still doesn't personally recognize or remember me, but she started complimenting me. *chuckles* It's pretty sweet. 

Fierdan: *thinks of what to say, but just says* Oh. 

Brock: Umm yeah. I've been praying that she gets better real soon. I doubt it's possible, but it would be great if they can get rid of her dementia. 

Fierdan: *just stands there staring at Brock* 

Brock: Heh *picks up his bag* that's where I was. Since you wanted to know and all. *goes to the living room, puts the bag on a shelf, takes out his phone, goes to the kitchen* 

Fierdan: *went into the kitchen while Brock went into the living room* I'm gonna make coffee. Want any? 

Brock: No thanks. *grabs a bag of potato chips from a cupboard* 

Fierdan: *nods, grabs stuff to make coffee* Black coffee it is. *turns on stove to boil pot of water* 

Brock: *staring at the stove* Uh, why do you need to use a stove when you can use fire yourself? 

Fierdan: I don't want to. *twists knob on stove to make the flames below the pot of water become a little bigger; I mean he switched it from "low" to "high" of course I know what I'm talking about* 

[A few minutes later. Fierdan pours himself a cup of black coffee. Brock is sitting at the kitchen table eating chips. Fierdan takes a sip (wow, he's always taking sip babes, huh). Then he nearly gags and spits out the coffee.] 

Fierdan: What the hell is this bitter drink?! 

Brock: You never had black coffee? 

Fierdan: Other types of coffee, yes. Plain black coffee, no. 

Brock: Ah. *eats another chip* 

Fierdan: How does Ryen purposefully drink this stuff? No wonder he's always been dead inside. 

Brock: He probably adds milk, sugar, or whatever else you add to coffee to his. 

Fierdan: I need this bitter hell taste out of my mouth. 

Brock: There's sugar left out on the counter. 

Fierdan: *doesn't even look at the counter* Sugar? That's perfect! *picks up small container which he sees has small white particles from counter* 

Brock: Are you even paying attention? 

Fierdan: Huh? 

Brock: That's not sugar, that's sal--

Fierdan: What did you say? I can't hear you. *pours a lot of the small container into his cup of coffee, stirs the coffee with a spoon* 

Brock: You're an idiot, Fierdan! I said that's not sugar- it's salt! You nearly poured a whole container of salt into your cup of coffee! 

Fierdan: Maybe I wanted to try salty coffee. *takes a sip of his salty black coffee, spits it out much louder this time* 

Brock: So, enjoying it much? 

Fierdan: *sounds like he's in pain* It's great. *takes a bigger sip of coffee, then immediately convulses*

Brock: Dude, get rid of it. *puts the bag of chips back in the cupboard* 

Fierdan: I'm fine! *drinks more of the salty black coffee* 

Brock: Why are you doing that?! You're not fine! 

Fierdan: *is still drinking the coffee* 

Brock: *shouts worriedly* You're so stupid! Just pour the rest of it in the sink. 

Fierdan: *stops drinking the coffee, runs to the garbage can, throws up in it* 

Brock: Tastes great, huh. *easily steals the cup of coffee from Fierdan, pours the coffee left in the cup into the sink, washes it with water from the tap* 

Fierdan: *pulls his head out of the garbage can, looks like a gross total wreck* I'm ready for more coffee. *looks around* Wait, where'd it go? 

Brock: I got rid of it. *looks at Fierdan's face* What else did you have? 

Fierdan: What? 

Brock: That's not just from coffee. Right? 

Fierdan: *grabs a napkin, hastily wipes the lower half of his face, throws the napkin away* 

Brock: *frowns* It looks like you recently woke up. Is that why you didn't go with them? 

Fierdan: *avoids looking at Brock* 

Brock: Were you sleeping? 

Fierdan: No. 

Brock: Then why weren't you awake when I left the house this morning? Why is the look in your eyes, sleepy?

Fierdan: *looks up, grins* My eyes look.. sleepy? 

Brock: Yes. 

Fierdan: I'm going back to sleep. 

Brock: Back to sleep? Is that what I heard? 

Fierdan: *any sign of him grinning a moment ago is gone* Shit. 

Brock: You can suddenly sleep now? Or were you able to for a while now? 

Fierdan: *looks at the floor, speaks quietly* It's only been a few days now. I just took twice the amount last night, that's all. 

Brock: *takes out his phone* Amount of what? 

Fierdan: You're gonna call someone on me? For what? 

Brock: I'm.. I'm just checking the time. It's ten to one. *puts phone away* 

Fierdan: It's only sleeping pills. 

Brock: You never got prescribed sleeping pills yourself? 

Fierdan: *sounds a little panicked* Wh-What do you mean? They're my pills. 

Brock: Really? 

Fierdan: Yes! 

Brock: Okay then. *pauses* How about we sit on the couch? 

Fierdan: Nah, I'm going upstairs. 

Brock: Why? 

Fierdan: I'm tired. *and says under his breath so Brock can't hear him* And I'm weak. No wonder you held yourself together for all those months. Thank you, Duke. 

[Brock turns on the TV. Fierdan goes to Duke's room, takes something, and goes to his own room. He locks the door. He doesn't leave his room.] 

@ Fierdan in this skit: umm??!! 

:•}

Cat Expo

Went to a cat expo. 

Cats <3 

Here are a few pictures of a few cats:

Sphynx cat 

Other sphynx cat

This cat was sleeping with its tongue out. (blep :p)

This cat has two different colored eyes. (one yellow/amber(?); one blue.)

One of the "fashionista cats" there. 

Just another sleepy kitty.. who is actually sleeping in a cat bed. (wow!) 

Beast is a big, fluffy, good boy! 

Cats! :D 

I pet the first two and the last one. They're all very soft, and I love them all. 

Ok that's it, bye. 

~ Cutepups 

guess i survived..?

Hi, I'm back from orientation. 

(Actually, I came back Thursday evening like I said but didn't want to post. Geez, it's like I'm not up to posting absolutely every day anymore.) 

So, uh, that happened. College stuff. I'm actually going to college. Wtf. 

(I can't believe me, this absolute hecking fool, is going to college. Like, again, wtf?!) 

I know people going to the same college now. I know.. people. Yes. Friends? I hope. Yes..? 

Got my class schedule now. As in.. classes. Had to register for them. Yikes. Complicated. Help. 

I'm gonna end this post here before I start cringing at myself all over again. Bye. 

hopefully i'll survive this week

Gonna make this real quick. (Yeah, another short post, I know.) 

My orientation for college starts Tuesday morning. I have to leave my house very early. 

It ends Thursday evening. I don't think I'll make any new posts while I'm there. But who knows, maybe I will..? 

I'm so nervous and stressed about it. Like I know I have been sleeping because I remember dreaming, but it also feels like I haven't gotten any sleep. Which is a weird, bad feeling. 

Hopefully, I can get some sleep before the orientation thing starts. ;;

I'm trying to calm myself down. It's barely working. Heh. 

Hopefully, I won't be dead by this time tomorrow, and hopefully, I'll survive this week. 

I just really hope I won't die. I'm anxious. Been anxious about this for a while now. 

I'll make more detailed posts about my France trip when I come back from orientation- assuming it didn't kill me. 

Wish me luck and confidence! (Heck.)

umm here's a list i guess

Ah yes, hi. I feel terrible and in the mood to self-destruct. But you know what? Nah. I'm gonna make this post instead! 

*cough* Idon'tdeservetoexistandIshouldn'tandmyexistencemakespeopleinmylifehatemeandmychesthurtsandmyanxietysureiselevatedandIwanttodieagainwhichissogreatlikeIknewIcouldn'tdoitandIendedupscrewingmyselfoverohandI'manidiotandthestupidestpersoneverprobablybutyaknowit'sallfinehahahahaaa. 

Ok so anyway... 

Since France won the World Cup today, I feel like I should make a beginning vague post about my trip to France. :-) 

Here's a list of places I went to. I didn't even show my family the pictures I took because none of them are interested. So I bet I'll end up showing you pictures I didn't show them yet. Not in this post though; here's just a list of where I went. 

Umm ok sure. 

Places and stuff (cool lol): 

• Seine River (the trip was a river cruise, so that was the river the ship was on)

• Le Pecq 

• Saint-Germain

• Chatou 

• Paris 

• The Louvre 

• Giverny 

• Monet's gardens and house in Giverny 

• Vernon

• Rouen 

• Upper Normandy (those last two are towns in Upper Normandy) 

• Lower Normandy

• The Normandy Beaches (uhh.. WWII) 

• Notre Dame cathedral in Paris 

• Notre Dame cathedral in Rouen 

• Musée d'Orsay (back in Paris) 

• Palace and Gardens of Versailles 

• US cemetery for those at Omaha Beach

• Specifically, Omaha Beach 

yeah. not really in order. (thanks, phone camera for keeping track of my location when i take pictures.) 

well, bye! 

what who ??

Hi, enjoy this mess of a post! ;D 

----------------- 

I haven't been posting daily because I've been having to do stuff before my college orientation. And so, I've been busy. 

*insert boring ramble about college dorm shopping, filling out online forms, etc.* 

But I'll talk about later on July 12th. 

I went to the beach. It was my sister's birthday that day. Anyway, she's old lol. 

(I'm very tired and have been tired for a few hours now. But then I decided to watch episodes of these new anime that came out, so I stayed awake. And I have to do stuff tomorrow. Darn.) 

-x-x-

What's with the post title? 

Well, you see, I recently had this dream. It was so complex and intense like a story. 

Geez, that dream was quite something. 

There was this one character that stood out to me. It was this little girl. In my dream, she was evil (so like a villain character? idk). I don't know why though. 

She disturbed dream-me. Especially when she --

Oh, let me explain her appearance. At least what I remember of it. I don't even know her name. Maybe she never had one. 

And she wasn't a story character, which makes this even more weird. When I have more time, I might try and draw her. 

She had dark golden (idk, it was yellow like that) straight hair. Her hair was in pigtails. Her hair covered the back of her neck. 

She had pale skin (ghostly?) and bright blue or teal eyes. 

This girl was like the antagonist to protagonist dream-me. But I never really knew her intentions. I think she was being controlled by older men, for some reason. Not sure why either. 

So then dream-me walks into a bedroom. And the girl was standing in the center of the room. I forgot what she was doing there. Oh and I think it was my room.. but without the mess. Which was even more weird. She was facing me, and then she turned around. 

Her hair wasn't covering the back of her neck. 

Why do I keep on bringing it up? There was such a specific scar on the back of her neck. It was disturbing. And the scar was huge. Kinda looked like a burn mark combined with the first two top layers of skin peeled off in a specific way (wait.. never mind, that sounds stupid written out). And the shape was a thin but stretched out diamond. 

Like this?: <----------------> 

Ok, not really like that. 

-x-x- 

I will post about my trip to France, but I wanted to make these dumb posts before going into that. Plus, I'm stressing over orientation. 

I don't have much time left. I'm screwed. 

70 // 76 (it's about what you think. maybe.)

Hi, I'm back. Hopefully, this post is less trashy. ^-^" 

I'm serious when I said I most unlikely won't be making any new posts at this time next week. Why? I'm going to my college orientation. It lasts a few days. I'm not ready for it at all, so I've been nervous and stressed about it lately. 

Yeah, haha. Ah.. 

Hmm, what else? Well this doesn't relate to the main points of this post based on the title, but I've been listening to music and doing nothing else. I appreciate music so much. 

(If you're wondering what I've been listening to while typing this and the last post, it's either (for the most part): songs by sleeping at last, the greatest showman soundtrack, or those two new tøp songs.)

Wonderful! <3 

And now onto the main points of the post! Hooray! 

-------------------

The 70 and 76 are about [Twinkle's Story] Chapter 70 and Chapter 76. 

(Also, just watch me finally post Chapter 76 a full year after I posted Chapter 75. And yes, I know I have grammatical errors in that chapter. I hate them, too.) 

More specifically, I want to talk about the beginning of Chapter 70 and Chapter 76. 

But before that, a proper explanation! 

For a little over a month, I've been coming up with a plan to make Ryen (aka Fierdan's older brother who I don't like as much in the story because he's a *** *cough*) have a longer and more detailed POV in Chapter 76. 

Since I didn't make Fierdan reveal his brother's name until after Chapter 70, I just called Ryen's POV, "Anonymous POV." Now that we all know his name, the next time he'll be in a chapter, I'm using his name. 

click here for ch. 70 (lol)

Well anyway, I have always been planning on beginning Chapter 76 with Ryen's POV. Only recently have I updated my plans for it to be longer and less so painfully short. 

So how does all that relate to Chapter 70? Well, you see, my new plan for Ryen's POV in Chapter 76 is kinda like a part two of the first POV of Chapter 70. 

And it all connects to the F word. ;)

(you guys: omg stop it, cutepups! that's bad! :/)

The F word is Fun. :•) 

(you guys: oh.. phew.)

Just in Chapter 76. I totally wrote Chapter 70 so I'll have a chapter of Fierdan repeating (and yelling), f*ck, because.. I just had to write him shouting swears. :) 

This year, I've come to realize that I don't care about keeping the swear words as their weird censored versions. For example, I've been tempted to change that iconic (and messed up, obviously.. umm...) flashback scene when Fierdan says to Z-the-sh¡tface-father, "I freaking hate you!" to (not censoring it in writing, so *ahem*) "I fucking hate you!" (or however that one sentence actually went, but he fully meant it as saying "fucking".. ok). 

(you guys: o-o) 

Anyway! So now you know the F word involved in Ryen's POV in Ch. 76 is "fun" meanwhile the F word in Ch. 70 is supposed to be Fierdan repeatedly saying "fuck" (like the saint that he is ... get it? he's nothing close to that like he's definitely more of a sinner alright). 

Actually, the "fun" does change to that other word later on in that Ryen POV. So, that'll happen. Fun.. :-) 

Oh and I should also say that Ch. 76 Ryen gets haunted again by that version (idk lol) of Fierdan that was at his bedside in Ch. 70. He didn't really get over that. (Poor dude. :(.) 

But the Ch. 76 flashback: 

- Pre-Fierdan is being so good and nice. Like, he asks Ryen to go do some childish (childhood?) thing with him and Dawn because he wants Ryen to be with them....

- And Ryen is.. well, my feelings are complicated about him. On one hand, I hate him because of how he reacts. But on the other, I have such a deep sadness whenever I think about him because he's just overcome with frustration and just vents it out on his little brother. And how he (Ryen) was working with their father, so he didn't really have the freedoms that his brother and Dawn had. 

(The "fun" is involved in the flashback.) 

I promised a flashback scene in Chapter 76. Well, there it is. 

(Every flashback involving Pre-Fierdan, Ryen, and/or Dawn during their younger days makes my heart hurt. It's so sad and other unpleasant feelings. </3) 

Ryen gets obsessed and paranoid. So yeah, that happens. 

Psst.. I don't think they've ever learned what it's like to be like "normal" brothers. Interactions with each other? That are "normal?" They don't know what that's supposed to be like. Their parents (yes, I'm totally blaming their mother too) caused them to have such a screwed up childhood.. and of course, ruined the rest of their children's lives. 

I'm very tired. And my arm hurts a little. If I'm forgetting something, I'll just include it in another post. 

oops sorry bout that

(About not making any new posts for the past few days.)

. . . . . just kidding, i'm not sorry. 

I've been so unproductive. Then I realized that I have other things I should be doing. Then I didn't make much progress with that stuff. And here I am. 

I'm very nervous, so that's what's going on. Let's just say.. I'm not "happy" anymore (I mean again). 

I have to get a shot later today. Same one I got a month or two ago. (I forgot.) It made my arm hurt. :( 

Oh and good news- my house finally has working ac. :) 

By the way, is anyone actually interested in me posting about my trip to France? I feel like anyone I've talked to hasn't been interested or is only faking whatever interest they may have. 

About my characters, I've been thinking of Ryen and Fierdan some more. Let me just say that they're not very good brothers. Ha, ha.. 

Oh. I won't be posting at this time next week. I can't. 

(I mean days of the week, not just the time, when I say that.) 

----------!----------

Just kidding. I'm sorry. 

Yeah. Sorry. Bye. 

bad, mediocre at best, but bad

About me and my art. ^^ 

Just wanted to say that I (lazily) colored in that faint (kid danny) sketch from that one skit. 

I'm not proud of it at all. I put zero effort into this thing. 

I'm deleting the picture I took from my photo gallery as soon as I publish this post. I don't want it, but I'm posting it just in case any of you are curious to see what changes I made to it. 

sketch version  (ignore the rest of the garbage I included in that post lmao) 

colored version: 

It's the moment after he has fainted. Which in turn means the death of Kid Danny. Also known as Pre-Fierdan. He died in this moment. 

This boy is dead.. yeet! I'm still not over how deep I made that one skit. Yeet! 

Poor boy. Rip. 

----------

Anyway, I'm currently sad and listening to Sleeping At Last. What a feel, what a mood. 

Haha.. wtf. 

I'm tired. Spambots, I don't care what you have to say. You're not taking over my blog because I'm not stopping my terrible postings. Stop trying to comment on my chapter posts especially. Don't advertise for your stuff that's irrelevant to my blog content. 

--------

I hate this post. Bye. 

but for good things

Some good things, I guess (no particular order except what first comes to mind):

• The weather is much cooler today, so being in the house is bearable now. It's not in the 90s. Or even 80s- so far. 

• Not sure about my other pets, but Thelma (my little tuxedo cat) missed me and my room when I was gone. 

• Those new Steven Universe episodes that came out. Omg.. <3 

• I didn't get that much jet lag. 

That's really it for being here (good things at home). I feel empty, and my arms hurt. 

My nose has been bleeding a lot more recently. I don't know why lol. One day on the trip, and for way less time back home. Having the smell of blood stuck in your nose, well, it's not a good smell. 

And spending another day on the trip with either my lower ribs or the front sides of my pelvis hurting and feeling like they were moving in closer to my stomach (bad wording, just roll with it).. yeah, that wasn't that great either. 

And how I got a cough. 

Yeah uh. Other than that and my anxiety skyrocketing on the last day (the day at the airport) and briefly on the day before that (because I'm an idiot), the trip has been "perfect". 

Not to be negative, but.. I freaking hate my anxiety and how easily I'm overwhelmed by it. Like, lol, can it please die? 

I hate being such a fool. I hate being so stupid. I hate messing simple things up. Like, lol, I really can't stand myself. 

*cough* Airports give me anxiety. 

*cough* But (in theory) I would really like to travel to other faraway countries. 

So.. yeah. 

Oh! I still have that drawing I finished that I wanna post. 

Psst, what happened to that cool anon commenter? I started to miss them. :( 

Anyway, I really can't stand this house. Which is selfish of me to say for a lot of reasons. But still. I really dislike this place. 

Maybe I'll show my pictures online first, since they clearly aren't interested in my pictures. Welp, haha. 

I'm going to sleep now. Screw it. Bye. 

back home (sadly)

Hmm, guess I should've said I'm back from my trip to France, sooner. Oh well. 

Hey, I'm back. Sadly. Unfortunately. 

Yeah. My home now.. kinda sucks. 

Yeah uh. 

(By that I mean everything is boring here, my highlight of the year is over now, and I can't escape this (luckily, decreasing temperatures) summer heat because the ac unit of my house is broken and fans and open windows don't help enough.) 

So yeah. Hooray. :] 

Well anyway, I came back home on the 4th. You know.. Independence Day for USA.. that thing. Haha, I didn't think about and care about that at all this year. Which is new. I was too tired to care about going out to see fireworks. I was still like, "omg I actually went to Europe,, France,, aaahhh!!" lol. 

The trip was great. I have so many pictures. Of so many beautiful things. Geez, it's beautiful. 

On an unrelated note, why does my last post have over 40 views but no comments? Like.. hello? 

Oh but I checked. Spambots are back, huh. :/ 

I don't like being home. The only good thing is I can see and pet my pets again. That's really it. 

If it looks like I'm down, it's because I am. I hate feelings lol. 

Life's fun from the end of June is officially over now, huh. Oh.. oh ok. 

~ Cutepups (who is Not Looking Forward To That One Thing TM) 

Ok bye.