It’s August

Yikes. It’s August now. Time sure is flying by.

Hello.

(Why did I make this post? Uh...)

I’m thinking of possibly writing a new skit. Not sure about making it have multiple parts. They’ll be at least one. Well, if I actually go ahead and write it..

I miss writing scenes with Duke being so dramatic and tragic.

... oh hey, that rhymes. (“dramatic and tragic” nice.)

I’m also thinking about writing a post about J___’s past and what his life was like before blahblahblah-events-of-story-1.

Oh hmm...

Well anyway.

I have therapy in the morning.

(Wow, I can actually get to say that for the time being..)

My thoughts have been all over the place this past week. Some days I’m like “I can’t function, why can’t I function” and others I’m like “I’m fine haha everything’s fine” and when you add in my thoughts about therapy and.. well, my brain is metaphorically on fire.

I hate how nowadays I keep getting the train of thought that getting help is pointless, and therapy won’t actually help me. That I’m too beyond saving, or I’m too broken, or I’m just a lazy piece of shit that pretends there’s something wrong with me when there really isn’t.

Like.. the signs are there. But now that I’m in the process of getting help, the doubt kicked into my thoughts. Hard.

idk if therapy’s gonna work, it’s something new, and yeah i’m still scared-

The amount of times my thoughts shift from “I NEED professional help or I’ll Literally Die” to “I don’t need therapy, this is a waste of time” is way, way too many. It’s like my brain flip flops. And I hate it.

It’s like my brain is so convinced on staying its shitty self that it’s afraid of getting better and working properly. So it tells me there’s no point in trying to get better. There’s no point in trying- in general.

And can I just say? I am so tired of this! Logically, I know I needed professional help for so long now, but emotionally, I’m scared and doubtful and afraid nothing will work to “fix me” or some shit like that.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

brain mush..

I feel like I messed something up in the last appointment. Hopefully, I didn’t and it’s just my anxiety being a dick.

hhhhh money $$ ,,, ;;

alright, alright. okay.

I hope it’ll go okay. I hope I’ll be okay.

therapy. ahh-

~*~*~*~ 

PS: I got a manicure the other day, and now this fool (me) has blue nails. 

(bad quality shot. *smh*) 

blue bleu bluey boo