Change, huh? Oh..

Oh.. yeah that. Change, huh?

I changed a lot (for the worst), haven't I?

Definitely.

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I went on AJ today, and I didn't get a diamond in the Daily Spin. *gasp*

I got 100 gems instead.

I was going to take a screenshot, but I wasn't in time to take the screenshot.

AJ was being very slow in the Daily Spin, but when the numbers appeared in those boxes/bubbles it disappeared very fast.

Yeah.

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The time gadget seems to be glitching on my tech devices.

It's annoying me.

I might have to remove it.

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Today has been more "fun" than yesterday.

At least better than a blood and urine test.

Went shopping and got new clothes and sneakers.

I drove there. Haha.

That's all that happened.

My life is boring.

No activity is that much fun to me anymore.

Nowhere irl is fun.

Maybe for an hour or so it is, but not after that.

Then it's back to the same sad, boring life.

Every day is the same. They just seem to blur into each other.

The only thing that differentiates each day is if I go out somewhere or not.

It's just the same old, same old.

Nothing's that interesting, that's all.

What is "fun", anyway?

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Yet I still find certain things funny.

I still laugh.

I still have a good time.

Whatever that means.

But life.. life..

It's a dread.

It's the same old, same old.

Days are the same for the most part. The only difference being the dates.

Years aren't much different. They're just longer.

School for 10 out of those 12 months. Summer break for the remaining 2.

Not enjoying yourself and having fun like you're supposed to during summer break. The limited amount of time for a break. And still feeling bored and all those negative emotions like you did during the school year.

The dread lasts year round. And it's going to going to continue into the next year. And the next.

Will it end? Who knows.

I doubt it.

What's the point?

Is there even a point?

I'm not that sure.

All I know is that I sure feel like I'm wasting my life.

Feelings are.. not good.

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I was reading my posts on August 31st from last year.

A whole lot has changed.

I brought up change.

Things sure did change.

I didn't expect I would've come to where I am now. That's for sure, haha.

Didn't know I would grow to dread life and enjoy it less.

Wow.

My head and legs hurt.

Ugh.

I also made a skit. About school with those characters of mine.

That was nice.

The past is far nicer than now.

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It's hard.

It's hard to be positive and happy, when you're really not.

When nothing in life is much truthfully fun, it's hard to be a fun person.

No activities bring me much enjoyment anymore.

Watching something and listening to music, sure. Guess I like doing those things.

But I want to go do something myself that brings me enjoyment. Something that's fun. Not just another thing to do that doesn't leave much of an effect since every day is mostly the same boring, unhappy cycle.

Nothing I do irl is working.

I hate my art and writings. I'm disgusted by them. I can't even bother to finish them.

I'm not motivated to do much of anything, let alone practice. Practice only to have the same gross results.

I read my skits and embarrass myself over my humor.

I can't help viewing them as stupid and childish/immature now.

I regret a lot of things I've done and been doing.

I keep on regretting things.

But part of me wants to make more skits.

But with who?

But why?

What's the point?

Will anyone even care?

What's the purpose of doing so?

Why bother with me?

I have no ideas that can be entertaining.

I'm not an entertaining blogger anymore.

I can't bother making myself be that way again.

I've let you guys down.

I'm sorry.

It's my fault.

My bad.

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It was a lie.

Wasn't it?

That's not going to really happen.

Isn't it?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Not like doing that would make a change, anyway.

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Happiness is a foreign concept when you're weighted down by other emotions such as:

Fear.

Fear of the future because you're well aware that nothing is going to get easier.

Fear of life in general, basically.

Guilt.

Guilt of things you've said in the past and the ways you worded them.

Guilt of not finishing the huge amount of summer work you have to do for school, and while school is just around the corner. Starting real soon. I have the same math teacher I had freshman year. Don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I hated math class freshman year far more than sophomore year. And great, it's algebra again. Frick.

Apathy.

Not caring much about important things you have to do as much as you used to. Same about people's feelings.

Not being interested in doing any activity yourself.

Tired.

Sleeping for lots of hours at night with the additional afternoon naps, yet still feeling tired.

Tired for being out for too long. Or even staying home and doing just about nothing.

And tired of how you're living your life.

Disappointment, despair, and sadness are the other ones.

The reasons for them relate to the reasons I listed in those other emotions.

It gets difficult to be energetic and happy and !!!!! like I used to be. Especially when I have so much of these emotions.

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Sorry.

I'm so scared.

Life isn't gonna be any easier.

It's only gonna be harder from here.

I'm too sick to even pretend to be happy all day long to type up a post. 

It's my fault.

I made myself come this way.

Sorry.

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