kinda more serious psa

Hi. I'm posting in the afternoon again. Ugh, it is bright and hot. The sun, am I right? Pfft yeah.

I feel like I forgot to put so many songs and albums in my music tag answers. I just put in what first came to my mind.

I'm obsessed with too many songs at once. I'm a disorganized mess. Help.

Anyway, I usually have to leave in the afternoon to go driving. That's why I ended yesterday's post. Because I had to go driving. Yes ok I drive; I'm so old ew gross. So yeah I was driving.

Here's the thing though. Every time I go driving, this one song gets stuck in my head. Kinda sad songs are always stuck in my head. So I'm driving with the song, Car Radio, stuck in my head. Twenty one pilots.. yes. I guess because the title has the word, car, in it? I don't drive with the radio playing.

Wow, I relate so well. So well! *cries*

I'm listening to Car Radio right now lol.

Yes ok ugh. I like the Vessel album slightly more than the Blurryface album. Yeah ok.

Wow, would you look at that. Car Radio is on the Vessel album.

..... *cries ironically again* .....

Blah ugh ok. I really do have serious news.

I doubt anyone will really care. But oh well.

So.. um.. heh. I've been positive (wow, how ironic) these past few days. Yeah, go positivity! It's hard to stay positive though.. ugh. That's why I'm trying to be more funny in my posts. That or art.

Anyway, I went to my doctor the other day. For a regular physical. But this time it was kinda different. Besides the fact the doctor office moved locations. Yeah lol.

So I got this problem. So I had to get this special juice liquid drink. Haha, I drove to the store to get the drink yesterday. So this drink.. wow.

Last year I'm pretty sure I posted about this drink called blueberry soda. Ok it tastes so good (the soda). So this drink I got, it tastes like a combination of blueberry soda and.. um.. bitter liquid medicine.

Yeah, it has a pretty weird taste. It's healthy and different lol.

Now.. I guess this is the psa. ..heck.

So this time I had to fill out this form that was like a mental health form. Never, sometimes, or often were the choices.

So there I was honestly filling out the form. Haha yeah.

Then.. uhm.. I guess I'm doing kinda bad. Then she started asking me about sadness/unhappiness, self-confidence, and aches and pains. And I answered.

So basically, I'm maybe possibly gonna get this help/consult thing in a few weeks. For self-confidence/esteem issues and depression, she said. ..heck.

So.. uhm.. that physical was different. I also got shots. Got some cool superhero bandaids lol.

But ugh ok. Frick. That day (yesterday and so far today too) I actually didn't feel like a piece of crap. Like I felt pretty good? It's like one of those few days when my mood isn't in venting/self-hatred mode.

So yeah. I feel nervous and guilty about it, and like I'm a liar. Ugh thoughts.. frick. I had several bad days in the past few months. I hit rock-bottom quite a few times in July. Haha fun.

Gets sick/reveals too many emotions/gets embarrassed in public with people watching.. brain being all edgy dark overlord like, "*excessive swearing* I hate myself so much and wanna die, pls kms".. like shut up. Just.. just shut up. Having mental breakdowns and heat exhaustion (which is a minor form of heat stroke basically) with people (especially strangers) watching and judging me isn't fun. Mental breakdowns aren't fun ok goddamnit. It's hell.

So I'm trying to be more positive and maybe funny on here. Instead of venting about how much I hate myself (oh my pity) and lowkey want to die. Positivity, yay, good things.

I was such a bad person in the past. Like gosh, past-me, stop. Stop being pitiful. Stop. Just stop. Oh and my god, Twinkle's Story is actually pretty damn ableist in some places. That's gross. What are you doing, 'Pup? Stop. Shut up. Stop being so bad.

The past just makes me cringe. And also haunts me sometimes. Yeah bad stuff.

Now I know better. At least I hope so. How I was talking about mental illness stuff in the past (damn it December) also makes me want to punch past-me in the face.

Past-me disgusts me. Me irl more than online. I feel like I've been more loud and obnoxious online in the past. I know I was. It disgusts me a lot. For irl reasons.. well, that's personal. ..heck.

Hopefully with this chance of help and other stuff, I'll improve. Mood-wise, post-wise, life-wise.

Eh idk. Let's hope for the best. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'll try to spread more love and positivity than hate and negativity.

Hopefully.

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯