oH

Hey. Have this bad post.

By the way, the cd in that skit was from a skit I made in 2015. It's a real cd. I made this new skit where Sparkle returns it because I feel so -well, idk, very bad- about it. Actually no, I don't know what to feel. I just.. don't know. I'm not gonna link to that old skit post. Yeah eh.

I slept so horribly. I woke up so many times in the middle of the night. I feel a little sick. I have my easy classes today, and I don't want to miss school though.

My stomach feels weird. It doesn't exactly hurt. It just.. idk. I don't like this feeling.

My throat started hurting a little on Sunday. It still hurts. Barely.

I can't really breathe through my nose. Again.

I might finally have something worthwhile to look forward to in the future. Might go on this vacation in the summer. Sounds pretty lit.

Oh and by the way.. umm.. just because I've only been posting skits and stuff about those silly things doesn't mean I'm okay now and that everything is fine and dandy.

Because it's not. I'm still doomed. Nothing.. none of this.. is all okay.

December didn't cure me or make me happier or whatever. I'm still tired and stay on my bed whenever I'm home for the most part. I'm still sad, sorry lol.

I have so much freaking guilt and regrets locked inside me. And it hurts.

Unlike the past few years, I didn't make a negative reflective post on December 1st. I mean.. what would be the point of posting that? Based on the last two weeks of November (or maybe the whole month, but especially those two weeks), you guys probably know I'm not doing good at all. Finding genuine coping skills is hard since most of them don't even work. Is distracting myself through thinking about my story and characters a way I cope? Yeah probably. What could I have said? That 2017 has also been a crappy year, and that I can't bother having any high standards for 2018? That I still want to die? That maybe I've been posting happier stuff lately because I want to leave this blog on a good note, and that I take comfort in knowing that if I were to die, it'll be by me on one of these December days? That I can always escape if I really wanted to? I could have said that, I guess, but idk.

11 days late.

Well, I gotta go. School's today.

~Cutepups